Theirs To Claim (Predatory Desires Book 1) (20 page)

“Don’t look at me to contradict him,” Noah warned. “I am solidly in his court on this. You
are not
going home.”

“Well then tell me how you all go about trapping the predators you take down. You spend time building an online relationship, don’t you? You build their trust in you, and then you send in an agent who can pose as a decoy. Well, make me the decoy. You can be close enough to snag whoever this is,” Emily pressed.

“And I know how to use a gun,” she added. “Granddad and you guys taught me, so I can have a weapon on my person and defend myself if it comes down to it.”

“What part of no, is not clear to you?” Gabe asked, his voice growing much colder now. Almost frigid. “We will not risk you. Not for any reason!”

Emily suddenly felt completely and utterly out of her depth. As if she’d just been doused in ice cold water from one of the nearby streams. She’d tried to hold on to what little control she’d had in her life over the last two months, as her trust and faith in her fellow man slowly eroded. Like the tides that wash upon the shore and carry some of the sands away, the insidious assault had taken away the very foundations she relied on to give her a sense of security within her own home. And within her day to day life.

And even here, where she’d fled, she still had no voice, no chance to make it all stop. She was just as much a prisoner here as she had been in Whitford Falls, Emily admitted to herself. She’d been a fool to leave.

She felt fresh tears hit her eyes, but she was determined not to let them fall. Emily clenched her teeth and looked away from Gabriel, focusing instead on the screen. But she didn’t want to see the photos anymore either, and the silence all around her was deafening.

She moved off of Gabriel’s lap before he could stop her and stood at the end of the table.

“Guys, I thank you all for everything you’re doing to solve this case. Please accept my apology for butting into your plans and trying to tell you how to do your job. I think I need to turn in for the night, so I’ll talk to everyone later. Lawton, give Tara my love.”

Without another word, Emily left the living area and headed for the bathroom. The taste of sickness lingered in her mouth and she wanted to wash it away. After she brushed her teeth, she considered her options. She could crawl into bed, knowing sleep was not going to come, or she could go out onto the porch. She could sit for a while or just soak in the hot tub.

But nothing sounded enticing, when her internal walls were crumbling. What had happened, she asked herself? She’d been so happy that evening, even telling Noah not to worry. That they could get through this together. But they weren’t in this together. They couldn’t be, because she
was
their case. And they would have to keep her at arm’s length to maintain any kind of objectivity. They couldn’t really let her help them. And that placed her on the outside, alone, yet again.

She looked around and realized her feet had made the choice for her. She was on the back porch, the night air crisp and cool around her. Emily trudged over to a swing that hung there at the end of the porch and dropped down on it. She wrapped her fingers around the chain that held it up on one end and then pushed herself off with her feet. And as she slowly began to rock, she tried to figure out where she could go from there.

Another state? Another town? Another cabin? Somewhere tucked away from where Gabriel and Noah were.

CHAPTER 21

“Well, that went over like a lead balloon,” Ross murmured. His usual chipper demeanor non-evident in his voice.

“I’ll say,” Kaden sighed. “Gabe, do you and Noah need to go check on her?”

“No.” Gabriel blew out a heavy sigh of his own and looked over at Noah. Noah looked as though he’d just swallowed razor blades, and was having a hard time breathing. “We’ll let her calm down and then we’ll talk to her. In private.”

“Shit,” Garrett muttered. “I wish she’d just yelled at us instead of being so polite.”

“I second that,” Braden said heavily.

“Listen,” Ethan spoke up, “Lawton and I need to go back over to Emily’s house. We need to dust and catalog that cedar chest. If someone took photos from the albums and scrapbooks stored in that thing, then I’m hoping they did it early on and weren’t careful enough to wear gloves. Once things settle there, ask Emily if she had any parties or get-togethers in the months leading up to the first envelope coming to her doorstep.”

“We will,” Gabriel said.

Noah still wasn’t speaking, and Gabe couldn’t blame him. He was having a difficult time forming a complete sentence too. He’d lost his temper and Emily was the last one he had meant to lash out at. She hadn’t needed that heavy-handed approach from him, tearing her down when she was just beginning to build herself back up again after weeks of torment.

She had been smiling all evening, but she wasn’t when she left them minutes ago. No, Emily had looked crushed. Just as she had when they’d arrived. Beaten down, and he had his own mouth to thank for that. Yeah, he’d fucked up, and now he had to make it right.

“Guys, let us get off of here and talk with Em. We’ll call you again tomorrow. But Lawton and Ethan, you both be damn careful going back in that house. Call Strauss and let him know you’re going in a second time. I don’t want either of you shot because our problem within the department wants to eliminate Emily’s protectors. For all we know, her stalker is one of those deputies.”

“Will do, Gabriel,” Lawton said quietly.

Gabe reached out and settled his hand on Noah’s shoulder when he finished what he had to say. He held on as the others said their good-byes until finally the line went dead. Then he turned his eyes in Noah’s direction and took a deep breath.

“What in the hell just happened?” Noah asked in a hoarse whisper.

“We lost our tempers,” Gabriel said heavily. “Me, most especially.”

“Did you see her face?”

“I did, Noah. And we need to go and address this now before it festers. Emily doesn’t normally hold a grudge, but she does internalize things and keep them bottled up. So come on, and let’s apologize for snapping at her when we should have talked it through.”

“I feel sick to my stomach,” Noah admitted.

“I know. So do I.” Gabriel drew in another deep breath and pushed away from the table. He waited for Noah to rise and then they walked down the short hallway, looking for her.

They found both bedrooms and the bathroom empty, so they headed for the hot tub. The Jacuzzi and the lights surrounding it were all off. Gabriel hoped to hell Emily hadn’t truly fled. He didn’t think he could take another desperate search for her that went on for days. But he heard a creaking sound to his left and he pushed through the screen door that separated the hot tub from the rest of the back porch.

And there, in the pale moonlight, sat Emily. Her head was down, her chin almost touching her chest as she rocked slowly back and forth. He glanced at Noah and nodded. Together, they made their way over to her, hoping like hell she’d accept their apology.

Emily looked up when the slats of the wood floor creaked under the weight of the two men walking towards her. She did not want this confrontation now. In fact, it was the very last thing she wanted while her heart was still in her throat. So she looked away and stared out at the woods that surrounded them.

“Emily,” Gabriel called her name softly.

So softly it sounded like a caress. Like a touch between lovers, but she didn’t want that gentleness now. Not after he’d bitten her head off. Emily shook her head and continued to look away from him.

“Not now, Gabe,” she managed to say. “Please… just not now.”

“Yes, honey. Now,” he said solemnly.

Gabriel moved forward until his legs brushed against her knees and she was forced to stop swinging. Emily looked down and stared at the place where their bodies touched. And then she closed her eyes again as pain swamped her heart.

God, when would this feeling of desolation within her come to an end, she railed?! She was just sick of heart and tired of it all. So bone weary that she didn’t have it in her at the moment to mentally or verbally spar with them. They’d push and she’d cave. And then what would be left?

“I cannot do this with either of you right now. I’m out of reserves tonight. Please respect that and just go back inside,” Emily pleaded, and then buried her face in her hands. Damn it, she did not want to cry again, but the tears were there anyway. Ruining her attempt to be strong.

Gabe lifted her gently off of the swing and then sat with Emily held against his heart. Noah sat beside them and let her feet drape over his lap. The swing groaned and protested under their combined weight, but it held steady, so Gabriel put it from his mind.

Noah slid a little closer, until his leg touched Gabriel’s, and then he reached out and pried Emily’s hands from her face. He pursed his lips when he beheld her grief-stricken face, trying not to let himself break down with her. He’d never meant to cause this, but he had, and now he felt as if his future depended on what they said to one another in the next few minutes.

“Emily, we need to talk,” Noah tried to say. He coughed and cleared the lump that had firmly settled in his throat. “It’s important. So important, baby, and we can’t let it lie. Not when you’re hurting like this and not when everything’s on the line.”

She looked away and shook her head. Noah and Gabe watched her bottom lip quiver and then her teeth pull it in to stop its telling motion. Gabriel lifted his hand and gently cupped Emily’s chin. He turned her towards them and waited patiently until she looked up into his eyes.

“Noah’s right. There’s a lot we need to say, so let me begin.”

Emily held her breath. They were about to launch into a lecture that listed all the reasons why her idea had been moronic, and she steeled herself for the blast.

“I am sorry, Emily, for being a complete and utter ass in there,” Gabriel said and watched her eyes widen in surprise. He nodded sadly in answer. “I was, and we all know it. I bit at you, when I should have talked it all out. You didn’t need that from me, and you should have felt as if you could say anything to me or in front of me without my temper flaring at you.”

“And all I can say in my defense is the thought of someone hurting you tears me to shreds inside. Makes me want to hunt them down and rip them limb from limb. I overreacted, and for that I’m sorry. Please, accept my apology and forgive a stubborn, bull-headed man.”

“And forgive me too, Em,” Noah said as he took her hands in his. “I was just as short and curt with you, and that was wrong of me. I handled it all wrong. You were actually right on the mark when you detailed how we often go about catching a predator. And we should have discussed your idea, not shut you down so quickly.”

“By that, I mean there might be another agent in the bureau we could call on who matches your physical description, and she could be our decoy. Gabe and I don’t want to see you come to harm, in any way. Our first instinct will always be to protect and shelter you. It’s what you do for the one you love, and we do love you, Emily. Above all others. So please, know that we love you and we’re sorry we hurt you in there.”

“And let me add this before you say anything,” Gabriel said, as he caressed her chin with his fingers and thumb. “You told me and Noah how things had changed for you when we were all lying in bed together. How you’ve changed from all the stress this nightmare has brought on. And if I’d really taken that to heart, then I would have been able to stand back in awe of you in there, instead of putting my own need to shelter you ahead of your logic.”

“You were still fighting when you began to detail that idea. You want your life back, and you were telling us that you were ready to fight like hell to have it. And I didn’t see that in the moment, Em,” Gabriel sighed. “All I could see was you in danger.”

“Had we listened and thought it through, we might have looked for a decoy, as Noah said. But instead, we shut down the very thing we’ve been telling you to do since we got here. We stopped you from fighting back. So, don’t take our outburst to heart. You keep fighting, and keep clawing your way out of this pit. Keep being brave, Emily, because I swear you take my breath away, honey.”

Emily’s shoulders began to shake again and she closed her eyes as Gabriel drew her head down against his shoulder. Noah caressed her hands still held in his, and they waited for whatever she could or would say to them. Though it felt like hell to wait, they knew they couldn’t push her any further than they already had. She was at her limit. Now, it was all up to Emily and they’d let her decide if she could accept their words or not.

Emily felt Gabriel’s large palm gently stroking her head and hair, while Noah held onto her hands for dear life. How could she tell them everything that was swirling in her heart and mind? There was just so much she needed to say, and her emotions had her so befuddled that she didn’t know where to begin.

Maybe, Emily thought, she should begin with what was foremost on her heart after their impassioned words, and the rest would somehow follow.

“I love you both,” she began softly and lifted her head from Gabriel’s chest so she could face them.

“And we love you,” Gabriel replied sincerely.

“Yes, we do,” Noah nodded and heaved a heavy sigh. “I love you, Em. So much.”

“I know. And I know your personalities as well as my own, so I know you get surly and grouchy when things have you tied in knots. But I’ve never been on the receiving end of that ire, until tonight… And… Well, it didn’t feel good, let me leave it at that.”

Gabriel tensed against her and Noah grimaced. But Emily shook her head, willing them to let her get it all out.

“Before I left home, I was barely hanging on by a thread. I was exhausted, terrified, and so very tired of being afraid. Of living in that constant state of apprehension and fear. Of not trusting anyone anymore, not even myself. But when that last envelope came, I sat there at Gram’s table and I thought to myself that I still had one choice. To stay and wait to be a victim, or leave and protect those I cared about most. I chose to leave, because I still had that freedom at least.”

“Now I’m here and you are too. After all these years, you’re
really
here with me. I’ve been drawing strength from you both, trying to infuse this new found love you’ve professed into my heart and soul, so I had something more than my own depleted reserves to draw from. And tonight, I finally felt like it was working. Like
we
were working as a team.”

“But when you slammed the door in my face, so to speak, it was a hard wake-up call,” Emily said heavily. “Like it or not, in this,
I am
another case to you. I’m the one you’ve got to defend and protect, not the woman you love. And so you can’t include me, you can’t plan with me, and that means I’m on the outside of this, just like I was at home. I’m still running and I’m still hiding, just waiting while others control my life. A life that I no longer have any say in.”

“Does that mean I love you any less because things are the way they are? No. I’ve always loved you. Loved you both. And I accept your apologies. I need you to know that I understand why it has to be this way, why you have to exclude me. Logically, I do.”

“But my heart…” Emily broke off as a sob escaped her lips. The sob she’d been trying so desperately to hold in. “My heart
is done
. I don’t know how to give up any more than I already have. My life as I knew it, my freedom, my home – they’re all gone. And in that one moment in there, I felt so alone, like the stalker had taken you too. Ripped that partnership right away. I’m at my end here, guys. The very end.”

“Emily, my God, look at me,” Gabriel rasped. “You are not on the outside of us! Never that! Never, honey! You are at the
very center
of us. Without you, there is no us! Do not let our tempers and our fears tear you down to the point that we undo all we’ve been building here over the last two days. We’ve known and loved one another for too many years to stop now.”

“I didn’t say that I didn’t love you, Gabe,” she breathed. “I said I cannot live like this anymore. With no voice, no control, nor any hope. I miss those things. A lot.”

“And we will help you reclaim your life and every precious ounce of freedom that has been wrested from you,” Gabriel pledged ardently. “But it will be the three of us, Em, fighting the good fight. Do not give up now, Emily. Please don’t, honey.”

“Emily, come here,” Noah called and held open his arms to her. He couldn’t bear the distance any longer. Not while she was slipping away. And she was. He could feel it just as surely as he could the air which was traveling into his lungs in ragged bursts.