There But For The Grace (30 page)

“Is he..?”

“Sleeping, healing… I should like to think he will for some time,” Raphael murmured, and he opened the door wider. I don’t think he expected me to hug him, but I did, going up on tiptoe and twining my arms around his neck; squeezing him tight.

“Thank you,” I breathed, and my breath stirred his long hair, which tickled my lips and nose. He patted me awkwardly on my back, his other hand still wrapped around the door knob.

“Of course, dear child,” he murmured, and I let myself back down. Fresh tears tracked down my cheeks, and I didn’t care. I simply wiped them away with my fingers and let the relief set in the rest of the way. Muscles I’d held tense loosened, including a bunch I hadn’t even realized were knotted in the first place.

Raphael let me into the room, and I froze. Azrael was still present and standing on the other side of the great big bed, the side that Tab was laying on. He had the sheets and blankets pulled up to his chest. The snow white of bandages nearly lost against the paleness of his skin above where the burgundy sheet lay folded down. The first thing I noticed was that he had both of his hands. More tears of relief slipped free, and I didn’t even bother to hold them back.

“What are you doing here?” I asked Azrael. “I thought you’d gone.”

“Sleep is a close cousin to Death, is it not?” he asked.

“So, what? You’re providing sort of a magic anesthesia?” I asked.

He chuckled before answering me, “Something like that.” He came around the bed, his dark robes whispering against the carpet, to stop in front of me. I looked up and he smiled down at me.

“Enjoy your time with him Adelaide,” he murmured and bent, placing a kiss on my forehead. I felt more tears well up, hot and fresh and slide down my face. I bit my lips together to keep from sobbing and fought down the urge to mourn my limited time left. For that is what I took his words to mean. If I had a limited amount of time left with Tab, I wanted two things…

One, to not spend it regretting how short that time was, and two, to really
talk
with Tab before whatever was going to happen to me happened. It’s not like I was going to go down without a fight. I had no intention of doing
that
but sometimes, just sometimes, you didn’t really get a choice in the matter. I sniffed and nodded as Azrael straightened from the comforting gesture, and it
was
a comfort.

“I appreciate it,” I said, and he smiled at me with the ghost of sadness on his lips. He nodded to Gabriel, who gave me a brave little smile and a salute.

“I’ll walk you out, Azzy. As for
you,”
he pointed a finger at me, “Don’t forget this time, k?”

“I think I have a better chance of remembering now that I’m not
running for my life.
Jesus, you fucking taskmaster.”

Gabriel scrunched his nose, and it was cute. “You know it, Cupcake.” Azrael walked out of the room, and Gabriel waggled his fingers over his shoulder at me. “Toodles! See you in a little bit,” he promised, and then followed Azrael out the door, shutting it tightly behind them.

Raphael sighed harshly and I turned to find the Archangel of Healing pinching the bridge of his nose, one hand on a hip. His eyes were closed, and it seemed like all the hours he’d toiled came down on him all at once, exacerbating his aggravation at our antics.

“You know we know the gravity of the situation right? That the being flippant is because it’s the only way we know how to deal with emotions that run deep or are too complex for us to be comfortable with.”

He looked at me and blinked, surprised, and I gave him the strongest smile I could muster, which felt little better than a wan, watered down version of what it really should be.

“How very insightful of you,” he murmured.

“Yeah, the just generally being a pain in the ass, it’s a defense mechanism. Maybe I’m just tired, maybe it’s because it’s getting pretty close to the end of the line… I don’t know. I just don’t feel like hiding from you. So can you level with me a little bit and tell me if he’s really okay?”

“Oh, Child, don’t cry.” His voice was so gentle and soothing, but I was pretty sure that was just his nature.

“Sorry, it’s like my switch has been flipped, and now I can’t get the waterworks to stop.”

“Come, sit. Have some tea, something to eat. Tabbris will sleep a while yet, and yes, he will be fine. The hand was a challenge, but I couldn’t leave such a warrior without it. It just didn’t seem right.” He smiled, and I went over to the seat he proffered in front of the fireplace. A cheery blaze was going in it that warmed the room but not to stifling.

I turned the chair so I could see Tab, and Raphael didn’t comment. He simply turned the other chair’s wingback to the blaze—so he, too, could watch his patient—and poured me a cup of tea. A plate of sandwiches sat between the two cups, and he nudged the plate towards me. I shook my head, but sipped the tea. He tsked at me disapprovingly, and I huffed out a breath and took a sandwich.

“What of you, Adelaide? Have you any injuries or complaints?”

I chewed my bite of sandwich and swallowed before answering, “I’m not hurt, if that’s what you’re asking. You bet your ass that I have plenty to complain about.” I forced a smile, which quickly slipped off my face as I stared at Tab… “But all of it seems stupid and pretty insignificant in the face of just how grateful I am.” Raphael looked at me like he simply knew that wasn’t true, and I sighed, “Look, I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to do what Azrael said and enjoy what time I have.”

I let my eyes stray from Raphael back to Tab’s prone form. I’d never seen him sleep before. It scared me, to be honest. I always counted on him to be my lookout so
I
could sleep. It was a measure of how broken down he’d been that he slept at all. Raphael eyed me speculatively at the edge of my vision, and I turned back to him.

“I’ve never seen him sleep before,” I muttered, and Raphael nodded.

“Often times we don’t need much if any, but even we have our limits,” he said kindly.

“I never wanted to see his limits,” I shifted slightly in my seat and looked dejectedly at my sandwich. I didn’t want to finish it. I had no appetite at all, but I forced another bite anyways.

“And what of yours?” he asked softly, and it got my attention.

“I’m fine,” I intoned around a mouthful, and he arched a brow as if to say I should go ahead and lie to him again. I ate my sandwich, and he patiently waited me out. I changed the subject back to Tab instead.

“How bad was he when he got brought in?”

“You mean when
you
brought him in, Adelaide.”

“Semantics,” I shrugged.

“I think not. Heaven as well as humanity owes you a great debt for what you have done.”

“Couldn’t have done it without the Horsemen. Their gifts allowed me to do it, which reminds me. I should give those back.”

Raphael shook his head. “They were gifts. You don’t give gifts back; it is a mark of the ungrateful.”

I huffed a fucked-up, half-assed laugh. “That’s great. I mean, do you honestly think I should be running around with this stuff?”

“My opinion does not matter. They wouldn’t have given them to you if they did not deem you worthy to carry them.”

It was a stupid, petty argument. It didn’t especially matter anyways—especially when I ended up dead. I didn’t want to say it out loud. My eyes wandered back to where Tab lay, chest gently rising and falling rhythmically in deepest sleep. I almost half wanted to believe that he wasn’t asleep and that he might be listening, just waiting for Raphael to go away… Tab had always been super mistrustful of the Archangels, even Gabriel, whom he counted as a friend. At least I think Tab did... he was always so damned hard to read. His crystalline gray eyes gave nothing away. It was like one of his gifts as an Angel was an inscrutable poker face.

“Eat, drink… he’s safe enough, Adelaide. So are you.”

“Where are the keys?” I thought to ask, startled that they’d slipped my mind with everything that had been happening.

“He has them still. Azrael saw to that. Michael isn’t happy, but Azrael is right. They must remain with a neutral party for now, and for now, even in such a state, that is Tabbris.”

I polished off the sandwich and sucked down the rest of the tea now that it was cool enough to do so. Raphael looked on as I got up and went to the side of the bed Tab wasn’t on.

“You should lie down and sleep yourself, Child.” I startled and looked at him.

“What, here?”

He nodded, “I believe both of you could benefit from each other’s proximity, and I will remain to keep watch.

I chuckled, “We don’t need a chaperone. I have absolutely zero desire to molest your patient.” Okay, so once upon a time that wasn’t
precisely
true, but now there was just so much frightening and unresolved shit that I couldn’t even… not without knowing the truth about how Tab felt. Talk about mixed signals. Then again, Tab always did keep ‘em guessing. I mean, that’s how he’d kept us alive while on the run from
both
sides for so long.

“You would prefer a different room?” Raphael asked, surprised, and I shook my head quickly.

“No, I’m not leaving him.”

“Precisely as I thought.”

I nodded and lifted my canteen and messenger bag off from over my head. I lay them gently on the bedside table and un-holstered the forty-fives. I stared at them in my hands for a long time before Raphael’s gentle voice interrupted my non-thoughts.

“You’re both safe for now, Addy. You can put them down and rest.”

I didn’t like how he spoke to me, low and soothing like I was some kind of frightened animal. I liked even less that he wasn’t far off the mark. I wanted to believe him, but I had a tough time of it. I split the difference and laid them on the bed beside Tab. I kept my clothes on, including my boots and sat on the side of the bed, easing myself onto my side so I could look at him, edging closer so that the guns rested on the comforter between us but there was still a pretty healthy distance. It was easier, now that his wings had gone to wherever they disappear to when he wasn’t using them or whatever. I was glad for that, because it meant I could be close to him.

I tucked my hand closest to the mattress beneath my cheek and stared at him. This close, I could see the thin chain, almost like a piece of very thin wire, around his neck. Above the bandages around his ribs, the top of the key to Hell peeked out from beneath the covers, and I relaxed marginally, knowing that where one was, so too was the other. I still lifted the sheet just to make sure.

“And here I thought you said a chaperone wasn’t required,” Raphael said dryly.

I quirked a half smile. “Did you just make a joke?” I asked, and his smile grew bigger.

“You have seen fit to teach me something about you. I pride myself on being a most excellent pupil.”

I laughed lightly, “You had it for a second there, but then you had to go and ruin it,” I said.

“Oh? Then why are you laughing?”

I smiled full on at that. “Touché,” I murmured, and the satisfied grin Raphael gave me made me decide that when he wasn’t around Michael or so intent on fulfilling orders, Raphael wasn’t a half-bad guy.

Satisfied both keys were in attendance, I settled in next to Tab. My free hand drifted down his arm in a light touch until I could align my hand with the back of his. I let my fingers find the spaces between his, and my vision blurred with more, grateful tears. I sniffed and tried to get it together, closing my eyes and breathing slow and easy, the way meditation had taught me to do.

He looked so frail, and I hated that. His skin was far too pale, the veins standing out against it in high relief. A bruise reached from his temple, along the high, chiseled cheekbone most men and women alike would kill for, and ran in a swath along his strong jawline. It painted his face in shades of eggplant and plum, with angry vermillion sub-hues. A cut straddled the bridge of his nose and split his bottom lip at the corner.

The hand I held had a swath of white bandage around the wrist and was the one he’d lost. I squeezed it gently with my fingers, and it felt as solid and warm as it ever had. He was clean, which I was grateful for, and I was not, which I wasn’t so much happy about, but I’d been a lot filthier, and a lot more uncomfortable than this right here, and I would be damned if anyone would part me from him now. Not after all that. Not after all that we’d been through. I could clean up later,
after
he was awake.
After we’ve had time to talk…

“You should try to sleep, Adelaide,” Raphael remarked from his place by the fire.

“In a minute,” I said quietly, not wanting to disturb Tab. He just looked so… tired. Indescribably tired...

“You need rest as much as he…”

“I said in a minute, Raphael. Please, don’t rush me.” I could feel his silent disapproval from across the room. I thought my mother had patented that for herself, but she had nothing on Raphael. I sniffed and tried to relax, but it was hard.

I kept roaming over Tab with my eyes, picking out new injuries, growing silently more upset with myself by the minute. Frustrated that I couldn’t get to him, frustrated I couldn’t be of more help.

“Stop,” Raphael said, and I closed my eyes.

“I can’t.”

“Not you, Adelaide…” I flicked my gaze to where the Archangel sat.

“She’s creeping up on me. It’s getting harder.”

“She has grown stronger; it’s true…” Raphael frowned. “But you are strong too.”

“Thanks,” I murmured.

“I am not saying it to be glib. I speak the truth. You are stronger than you know.”

I swallowed hard and squeezed Tab’s hand gently, adjusting my position, attempting to get comfortable.

“May I help you?” Raphael asked suddenly.

“Help me how?”

“To sleep, a gentle touch… nothing more.”

I thought about it for a long time and finally nodded, “Okay.”