There Is No Light in Darkness (20 page)

“So … you’re ... oh God. I’m ...” he says, breathing heavily and wiping tears from his own face. “Your nightmares?”

I nod. “They’re about that night. Do you remember now?”

“No. I remember it was awful, but I don’t remember it. I do remember you, though,” he says, caressing my face with the back of his hand. “My princess.”

I smile through my tears. “Your princess?”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I always thought you were a princess, but I never wanted to tell you that. I wanted you to act like a G.I. Joe with me.”

“I know,” I whisper, nodding my head. “I remember.”

“How’d you get this?” he asks, lifting up the doll.

“I went to your parents’ house.”

His mouth pops open. “How? Did you know who they were?”

“No,” I shake my head. “I think I had some suspicions for a while. Well, sort of ... You know my friend, Aimee?” I wait until he nods, but he looks horrified. “She does these things that remind me of you sometimes, but I just figured it was a coincidence. Anyway, she’s ... your sister.”

He gasps as if I’ve punched him in the stomach. “What?”

“I know. It’s a lot to take in. Trust me, when I was at her house today, I thought I would leave in a gurney.”

“Does she know?” he asks, still horrified.

“No,” I shake my head rapidly. “I didn’t want to tell her. I wanted to tell you first. I don’t even know how I would tell her.”

He raises his eyebrows and nods. “So my parents think I’m missing?”

“They think you’re dead,” I whisper.

“Oh, God,” he says hoarsely as tears stream down his face. I hold his face to my chest and stroke his hair as he weeps quietly, the same way he’s comforted me so often in the past.

We spend the rest of the night talking about what we remember and looking through my pictures.

“Do you think that’s the same place you took me to that time?” I ask him as we look at a picture of us in the farm.

He looks at me as he contemplates the possibility. “It might be. It’s completely destroyed now, so we would have never linked the two together. Let’s go tomorrow.”

“Okay, if you’re up for it.”

“I just don’t understand why they would put it under my name. And if my parents are alive ... I don’t know. This is so confusing.” he says, shaking his head slowly.

“I know,” I reply, idly twirling a strand of hair around my finger. “Do you want to meet Aimee?”

He lets out a breath and shrugs. “I guess.”

“I can talk to her about it and explain what I remember. I know it’s going to be hard for her to believe, but she’s great and I know you’ll love her.”

“I just don’t understand how I don’t remember. I remember going to the farm. I remember wanting to play with you. I remember that stupid doll you used to bring along with you all the time. How can I not remember my own family?” he says in a wavering voice.

I give him a sad smile and hold him tighter, thankful that, as crazy as this is, we have each other to lean on.

“How old is she?” he whispers later on when we’re lying in bed.

“She’s your twin,” I whisper back. He squeezes me tighter and buries his face in my neck.

I feel sunlight on my face and blink my eyes open slowly. I can’t even remember falling asleep last night. I look over and find Cole looking through the pictures again. My heart hurts for him, but there isn’t much I can do, other than help him and Aimee get to know each other again.

“Good morning,” I say huskily.

He turns his face and smiles at me. “Hey, baby.”

“How’d you sleep?”

“Good, actually. I always sleep well when you’re beside me,” he says as he lies down next to me and kisses my forehead. “I’m starting to remember things.”

“Really?” I ask surprised.

“Yeah, I remember Aimee and my mom. They used to go to Aimee’s piano lessons while I went with my dad to the farm. I guess that’s why she never went with us. I remember the night they took me; she had a cold and was sleeping with my parents.” I caress his face and feel my heart flutter as I look into his beautiful green eyes.

When Cole is in the shower, I hear Aubry get home and go to the living room. I see him and Aimee standing in the kitchen making themselves coffee and take a deep breath before greeting them. I ask them to sit down and start to tell them everything. Aubry already knew my story for the most part, so I’m mainly filling Aimee in on it, until I get to the part about Cole. I tell her how I got kidnapped as a child and there was a boy named Nathan with me. I tell her how I met Cole at Maggie’s. She already knows a lot about our relationship because I’ve told her about him in the past. I told her that my freak out and throwing up at her house wasn’t because of the tuna I ate—but because I figured out that Nathan was Cole.

“What are you talking about, Blake?” Aimee asks horrified as Aubry sits there with his mouth hanging open.

“Your brother, Nathan, is alive. It’s ...” I take a deep breath. “It’s Cole,” I say softly and wait for the news to sink in.

A plethora of emotions pass her face as she looks at me while she fidgets with the napkin she has in her hand until she tears it in little pieces. “No,” she sobs. “No. He’s dead. He’s dead. He was never found. Those people killed him.”

I sigh and take her hand in mine, looking into her brown eyes with a sad smile. “No, babe, he’s not dead. He’s alive and he’s here, and if you don’t want to meet him today, it’s totally fine. We just found out yesterday; he’s still having a hard time with it himself.”

“No,” she says, shaking her head. “I want to meet him. I have to. Oh my God,” she weeps as she launches herself into me for a hug. We hold each other tightly and Aubry gets up and holds us both in his arms. The three of us snap our heads up when we hear Cole approach us and Aubry lets us go and goes to him and goes him tightly.

“I’m so sorry, bro,” Aubry cries as he hugs Cole. Their chests both heave as they talk quietly to each other. I smile through the flow of tears that fall down my face as I watch them together: the two boys that have known each other since they were children and were raised brothers. My heart doesn’t hurt as I watch them, though. I know Aubry is glad that Cole is getting the answers he’s been searching for his whole life. Cole separates himself from Aubry and winks at me as he walks over to dry my tears before he looks at Aimee.

“Hi, I’m Cole,” he says, extending his hand. Aimee, who’s not one for handshakes, wraps her arms around him and begins to sob loudly again. I try to stifle my own sobs with my hands as I look on. My heart swells for them because they found each other after living apart for so long, but I feel sad because I know I’ll never have this with my own family. I feel Aubry’s arms wrap around me and his head rest on my shoulder and the thought evaporates. I have the family I need right here.

“Aimee,” she says when she lets go. “And I missed you so fucking much,” she continues as she wipes the tears from her face again. Cole laughs but has tears running down his face. I crack a smile because I’ve never seen him this emotional and it makes me feel so good that these are happy tears. We all spend the rest of the night together, drinking wine and catching up. Cole asks Aimee not to tell their parents anything yet.

“Cole, really, do you think they’d believe me if I told them?” Aimee asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Good point,” he says, scrunching his eyebrows together. “Do you think they’ll ever believe it—when we decide to tell them?”

She puts her hand over his. “Honey, if I can believe it, they’ll definitely believe it, with time. Especially Mom. She’s been dreaming of this since that night. Trust me,” she says sadly, and I can see the years of hurt that she’s been put through over something that she had no control over.

Chapter Fifteen

Present

Our trip to the farm is a quiet one since we’re both still processing this new information. Cole went from elated to pissed off for not remembering. Then he was sad for his family and for himself—until he settled on being relieved that we were both okay. He’s been sneaking looks of wonder at me when he thinks I’m not watching. I don’t blame him—I feel the same way. The man that I love and hope to spend the rest of my life with is the same boy who used to chase me around the farm and secretly thought of me as his princess. I smile at the thought and squeeze his hand a little tighter.

As we drive through the tall grass, Cole curses for not thinking to bring a mower. We spot a clear area, where the grass looks as if it has been burned, and we park there. We get out and stand on the bed of the truck for a better view. Now that we remember, this place is starting to look familiar, but it’s still different from my dreams. Things looked more colorful as a child—I guess that’s one of the many truths of life, though. We sit down next to each other with our legs crossed, and face the deserted plain.

“Do you remember why we used to come here?” he asks as he looks around.

“No, I just remember always looking forward to seeing you,” I reply as a slow smile creeps up on my face.

He smiles and pulls me close to him. “I remember that, too.”

“You used to come with your dad,” I say.

“Yeah, and you used to come with yours.”

I nod. “I think I used to call it my grandfather’s farm, but that wouldn’t make sense. If it were, why would it be under your name?”

He scratches his head. “I have no idea.”

I sigh. “I’m going to go see Mark this week-again. I need him to give me more information. He must know more than he’s telling me.”

“I’ll go with you,” he suggests.

I purse my lips and think about it. I guess it would be okay. Mark hinted that he knew about Cole.

“Sure, why not?” I shrug.

Cole’s first day of work in Chicago is Monday. He brought all his stuff with him on this trip and is moving in with Aubry and me. Aimee had asked—before this ordeal—if I thought it was too sudden. I replied, “I’ve lived with him all my life, how could it be too sudden?”

We know each other better than we know ourselves; there’s no point in doing the whole “You get your own place, and I’ll keep mine” thing. Besides, I live with Aubry. How weird would it be to tell Cole he can’t move in with me? I snort at the thought—as if he’d be okay with that.

We stay on the farm for the better part of our afternoon before heading to see Maggie. We had promised her that we would have dinner at the house and stay the night if it got too late. I guess we were staying the night after all. We walk up the creaky porch steps, and Cole mumbles something about fixing it in the morning. I knock on the door when we reach it. We all still have a key, but I feel weird using it. Cole jams his key into the hole and turns it before I stop his hand and glare at him.

“What?” he shrugs.

“We don’t live here anymore, Cole.”

Maggie opens the door as we are about to argue and shakes her head at us.

“Blake, this will always be your house. Let the boy use his key.”

I smile at Maggie. Her hair has gotten whiter and her face has creased with age, but her brown eyes still glow with gentle wisdom. She hugs me, and I put my arms around her wide hips. She and I are about the same height. Greg used to always call us “shorties”—but then again, he used to call anybody who had a vagina that. I follow her to the kitchen while Cole takes our bags upstairs. I wonder if he’s going to put them in my room or his. This is the first time we’ve been back here as a couple. I know he’s not even going to pretend that we’re sleeping in separate rooms, though.

“So you and Cole finally getting along again?” Maggie asks, stirring the pot.

I smile. “You can say that.”

“Hmmm,” she badgers with a knowing smile. “Does that mean you’ll be making babies soon?”

“Umm ... no, that’s not what it means at all,” I reply, resisting an eye roll. “We’re taking it slow.”

“Slow?” she laughs. “Since when have you known Cole to take anything slow?”

I laugh. “Okay, fine. He just moved in with me and Aubry.”

She throws her head back in laughter. “That boy has been crazy about you since the minute you stepped foot in this house.”

“Still am, Mags. Still am,” Cole booms as he walks into the conversation. Our eyes lock, and he gives me his wide smile, showcasing the dimple on his right cheek.

“Boy, you better take care of her heart. That’s all I’ll tell you. She was so hurt all those years. I could hear her heart breaking from across the table during Christmas dinners,” Maggie chides.

“Her own fault,” Cole replies, sticking a piece of bread in his mouth. “She broke up with me, remember? And she never wanted to give me another chance.”

I roll my eyes at his statement.

“Cole, stop talking with your mouth full. It’s disgusting,” I groan. “And please let’s get off the topic of how I broke up with you and how you took advantage of that to sleep with every girl that acknowledged you. Let’s drop it.” I sigh. “Maggie, I have some things I need to ask you. Important things. Actually, we both do.”

Maggie takes a deep breath. “I always knew you’d come back asking questions that I don’t have answers to,” she says sadly.