There Is No Light in Darkness (8 page)

I danced with Justin, but after he stepped on my toes for the tenth time, I told him that I wanted to sit down. Justin agreed and apologized for torturing me with his moves. I laughed along with him, but I didn’t correct him because dancing with him really was torture. A couple of times he asked me if I wanted a drink. He had snuck in a flask and had been spiking his drinks the entire night. I declined because I didn’t think I liked the taste of alcohol. I’d never tried it, but if it tasted as bad as it smelled, I knew I would hate it.

At some point, Justin leaned over and whispered that he was bored. He pulled me up from my chair, and I cringed, thinking he was taking me back to the dance floor. When he pushed through the gym doors that led out to the hallway, my heart started to race.

“Where are we going?” I asked when we reached the end of the hall by the locker rooms.

“I just wanted to get you alone for a while,” he slurred as he swayed into me, pushing my back gently into the lockers. He lifted my chin, and I found myself meeting his intense deep blue eyes. “You look so beautiful tonight, Blake,” he said, making my stomach do somersaults.

I smelled the repulsive stench of vodka on him as he inched closer to my face and squeezed my eyes shut right before his lips touched mine. I’d never been kissed before, unless you count the pop kiss I shared with Aubry when we played spin the bottle that time. I wasn’t sure what to expect from a real kiss, though. His lips felt rough against my own, and I gasped when he slipped his tongue between my lips. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with it once it invaded my mouth. It felt slimy and bumpy and gross against my own. I pushed it with mine a couple of times, following his lead. Suddenly, I felt his hands cup my breasts, and I jerked away from him, breaking the kiss. The hard look in his eyes made a sudden coldness wash through my core. He barked out a laugh at the look on my face and roughly pulled my face back to his as he slammed me into the lockers behind me, giving me no room to move.

I felt my breathing become heavier, and for a moment, I couldn’t breathe. I tried to push him off, but he wouldn’t budge. He started walking sideways, dragging me tightly against him, his lips painfully planted on mine. I started to panic when I realized that we were now in the guy’s locker room. He let go of me—just slightly—but continued to tell me how much he wanted me and how he was dying to know what I felt like. My eyes darted around the room as I searched for something I could grab to use as a weapon.

“Justin,” I said in a shaky voice. “Let’s go back to the dance.”

“You’re such a cock tease, Blake,” he spewed, disgust dripping in his voice. “Nobody will ever know.”

He pushed me against the wall, and I cringed at the impact. He pressed himself against me and slid his hand up my thigh.

“Please, Justin,” I begged. “Please don’t do this to me.”

He laughed and forced his hands into my panties in one swift move, making me whimper. I clamped my legs tighter together so that his drunken fingers couldn’t open them. His mouth took mine again, and I bit down on his tongue—hard. A growl escaped him, and he grabbed both of my shoulders and threw me down to the ground. I yelped when I landed awkwardly on my side—my panties not letting me take control of my legs. He pushed me down hard and grabbed me by the neck.

“You like to play rough? I’m going to show you what that feels like,” he said harshly. He bit down on my lip so hard that I instantly tasted the blood in my mouth. I screamed for help. “Shut up,” he ordered as he jammed his finger inside me.

A painful screech escaped me as he continued to violently push his fingers inside of me.

“Please ... Please stop ...” I wailed below him, but it just made him push harder and faster. I stilled when I felt him get off of me slightly—and then heard him unzip his pants.

“No! Please no! Please, oh God, please ...” I begged in between sobs.

I heard the door open with a bang and felt Justin’s body lift off of mine. I scrambled my legs together and pushed myself to the wall. I tightly wrapped my arms around my legs, trying to soothe the excruciatingly raw pain I felt between my legs. Through tears, I watched Cole punch Justin repeatedly in the face. The door opened again, and I saw Aubry run up to Cole.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Aubry yelled loudly.

“He was fucking raping her!” Cole yelled back, slamming his fist in Justin’s face.

“What?” Aubry screamed as he looked around for me.

When he saw me huddled in the corner, he ran up to me.

“She liked it, Cole,” Justin shouted. “She was begging for me to put my dick inside her.”

I whimpered loudly through my sobs and shook my head. I couldn’t say anything.

“Shut the fuck up,” Cole screamed loudly. I could see his nostrils flaring as his body shook. I’d never seen him that angry.

Greg also appeared, and before I knew it, Becky was beside me, holding my face to her chest. Aubry carried me out of the school and sat me down in the car. Nobody said a word on the way home. All I could do was cry. I cried more than I’d cried in eleven years. I cried because the only thing I had left that was mine was almost taken from me. I cried because I couldn’t believe I was stupid enough to trust a random guy. I cried because I believed that Justin was good, and I cried because I didn’t know what else to do.

Becky stood outside of the shower as I washed off, still weeping. By the time I turned off the water, I was done crying. I dried, dressed myself, and somberly walked to my bed. At some point in the night, I was startled awake when I felt my bed sink beneath me. I sat up in a panic and almost screamed, but then I noticed it was Cole.

“What are you doing?” I asked wearily as I fiddled with my ivory comforter.

“I just want to make sure you’re okay,” he whispered.

“I’m fine. Can you please get out of my bed?” I whispered back, meeting his eyes.

He sighed and shook his head. “Okay.”

A mix of disappointment and relief spread through me when he left the room. Before I could contemplate asking him to come back, he walked back in carrying his pillow and a couple of blankets.

“What are you doing?” I shrieked a little too loudly as I sat up.

“Keep it down,” he hissed as he set up a makeshift bed with the blankets and tossed his pillow on the floor. “Gonna sleep on the floor.”

“Why?” I asked in a whisper.

“Because you won’t let me sleep in your bed, and I need to make sure you’re okay,” he said, taking a deep breath.

“I already told you that I am,” I replied with sheer annoyance.

His sad green eyes searched my face for a couple of seconds.

“Maybe I’m the one that’s not okay. I’m staying here. Just deal with it and go to sleep,” he said angrily as he lay down.

“Why?” I asked equally as angry. I hated having extra people in my room. I learned to deal with Becky when she stayed over, but that was it. Besides, he didn’t even lock the door. Ugh.

“Because if I go to my room, then I won’t sleep at all. I’ll be too busy thinking about you,” he huffed.

“Why don’t you sleep in Becky’s bed?” I asked a little nicer.

“Because. Just go to sleep.”

“Just sleep in Becky’s bed,” I repeated. “She won’t mind!”

He groaned. “Blake, just shut up and go to sleep.”

I shuffled out of my blankets and stood over him with my arms crossed. He looked up at me with a raised eyebrow and a devilish smirk.

“Are you really going to stay here the whole night?” I asked.

“Yes!” he shouted as he dragged his hand through his hair and plopped down on his pillow.

I walked over to the door and locked it before walking back to where he was. I snatched up his blankets and threw them on Becky’s bed before I climbed back into my own.

“You’re such a fucking pain in the ass, Blake,” he spat irritably as he got up to get his blankets and lay back down on the floor.

“I just think you’d be more comfortable on a mattress,” I said quietly.

“Yeah—maybe I would be—but maybe I’d rather be closer to you,” he replied grumpily.

I was thankful the room was dark and he couldn’t see my shocked smile from where he was lying. I’d never tell him, but Cole made me feel safe.

Justin didn’t go back to school the following week. Because of his broken arm, he was replaced by Cole as starting quarterback. I inwardly smiled at all of this, thinking that my friend karma was a real bitch and she got Justin good.

The guys made me swear that I would tell them if Justin ever spoke to me again. He did speak to me again—he apologized for what he almost did to me. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes as he spoke. For a while, the only male eyes I looked into were Greg’s, Aubry’s, and Cole’s. I trusted them. I loved them. And that scared me more than almost getting raped ever could.

Chapter Seven

Present

Aubry skipped out on his date and comforted me with ice cream. He watched Home Alone with me before he made me watch the Cubs game. He insisted on sleeping on the floor next to my bed. When I woke up, I called Russell and asked him to come over. The first thing I need to do is break up with him. I hate doing this but knowing that I’ve been watched my entire life—and that those around me could be in potential danger—freaks me out. I know that I’m stuck with Cole, Becky, Greg, and Aubry, so I don’t even try to isolate myself from them. Russell has nothing to do with this, though. Besides, as nice as he is, our relationship is going nowhere fast. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about—

“Hey, beautiful,” Russell says interrupting my thoughts before giving me a sweet kiss on the lips.

“Hey, Russ, do you want some tea?”

I hate tea, but Russell loves it, so I bought a kettle shortly after we started dating.

“Sure. How are you feeling today?” he asks as he runs the back of his hand down my face softly.

“Fine, I guess,” I reply with a shrug.

We sit on the barstools around my kitchen island, and I can feel his eyes on me as he sips his tea. I’m chipping my nail polish, trying to figure out how to start this conversation. My previous breakups were easy. Boyfriends start getting possessive or too opinionated, and I cut them off. Russell is sweet though. He’s laid back, he’s honest, and he’s nice. Too nice for me.

I take a deep breath and turn in my seat to face him. “Russ, I think we should take a break.”

He sets his mug down and blinks at me rapidly. “What are you talking about? A break between us? Aren’t you happy?”

The mix of confusion and hurt in his voice makes me cringe. I should’ve never gotten involved with this one—he’s too ... nice.

I smile sadly. “I am, Russell. It’s not you—”

“Oh, don’t give me that rubbish,” he snaps. “It’s not you; it’s me. I don’t want that. Tell me what’s going on.”

I bite down on my lip to keep from smiling because angry Russell is kind of hot and very funny. “Really, Russ, I know it sounds cliché, but it’s not you. It is me. I need to be alone right now. I’m lost, and I need time to myself.”

He takes a deep breath and stands in front of me. He holds both of my hands in his and presses them to his lips while he looks at me intently with his hazel eyes. “I can help you find yourself. Let me help you, babe. I can make you happy.”

I close my eyes because I can’t stand to see the hope in his. “Russell—”

He takes my mouth with a possession he’s never used before. He explores my mouth with his tongue as if he’s searching for the part of me he thinks he has lost. He doesn’t realize he never had it to begin with. When he breaks the kiss, he looks at me again. His eyes are desperate.

“Take a week. We’ll take a short break. I’ll call you next week, and we’ll talk about this again.”

“Russell, I can’t. There’s no point,” I say slowly.

“Please, Blake,” he says as he walks to the door. “Just think about it.”

“Russell—” I say, but he walks out before I can finish my sentence.

That did not just happen.

I take a minute to process what just went down before calling Becky.

“Oh my God, and he just left? Just like that?” she asks amused.

“Yeah, crazy, right?” I say with a nervous laugh.

“That is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while. I guess it’s nice that he doesn’t want to give up on you, though. Who knows? Maybe he’s the one,” she says quietly as she contemplates the idea.

I laugh at that. “He’s too nice for me. He’s such a great guy, though. It wasn’t fair for me to use him like that to begin with.”

“Well, you didn’t need him anymore anyway. You already knew that his stepfather wouldn’t be able to help you crack your attorney,” she replies.

I groan. “Becky! I didn’t stay with him because of his stepfather. I really do like him!”

“Sure, Blakey. Keep telling yourself that. You like him so much that you broke up with him. Was the idea that he might actually help you forget a certain someone scaring you?” she presses.

I frown. I’d never considered that. “No ... I never felt anything like that for Russell, but I did like him.”