They Don't Teach Corporate in College (35 page)

Maintaining a positive attitude when faced with demotivating situations is not easy, but it is under your control. I'm not suggesting that you suppress your bad feelings and walk around smiling when you think something is wrong. In fact, if you pay close attention to the suggestions in this chapter, you won't have to fake it at all. By learning to adjust your thoughts, let go of irrational expectations, and manage your emotions to banish anger, worry, stress, and frustration, you will genuinely become a happier and more peaceful person.

Three neighbors were standing in the road, talking about their possessions.

“I own a huge villa!” one said proudly.

“Oh yeah?” scoffed the second. “Well, I own a successful farm!”

“I don't have a villa or a big farm,” the third said quietly. “But I do have optimism.”

His two neighbors laughed at him. Optimism was hardly something to boast about, for what good is a possession that can't be seen or touched? Late that evening, the neighborhood experienced a violent storm. The rain destroyed the first neighbor's house. “What am I to do?” he cried, wringing his hands.

The wind ruined the second neighbor's crops. “I am finished!” he lamented.

The storm also destroyed the third neighbor's home and crops. “Well then, what should I do first?” he asked himself. After only a few minutes of consideration, he began rebuilding his home and replanting his crops. The next day, he whistled to himself as he went into his yard with some tomato seeds. His neighbors were still standing in the road feeling sorry for themselves. “We don't understand why you walk with a spring in your step,” said the first neighbor. “All of your possessions have been destroyed.”

“Yes,” said the second. “What is your secret?”

“It is no secret,” the man said. “The only thing I own is what I think.”

If you take away one thing from this chapter, let it be that your thoughts control your feelings and make you who you are. As a human being, you are responsible for your own life, and you have the ability to choose your response to your environment. Have you ever stayed late at work and noticed that at least half of the janitors are smiling and whistling as they go about their cleaning? Now, objectively, these folks might not have the most stimulating job in the world, but some of them make the decision to begin each day with a positive outlook. Fulfillment, my friend, is not about the job itself—it's about one's attitude toward the job. Nothing—and no one—controls your attitude but you.

You can change your attitude for the better by recognizing that you create your feelings with the thoughts you choose to concentrate on. Let's look
at a few examples of how a person might react differently in a given situation, depending on whether they choose to be negative or positive and productive.

Situation #1:
A less competent coworker receives a promotion over you.

Negative Reaction:
“My boss is such a jerk. He doesn't know good work when he sees it.”

Positive Reaction:
“I need to find out what I can do to receive the promotion next time.”

Situation #2:
It's 5 p.m. on Friday, and you were just given a difficult assignment that's due Monday morning.

Negative Reaction:
“There's no way I can do this. I can't believe they didn't give me more notice.”

Positive Reaction:
“Let me think about what resources I can call on to get this done tonight, so that I can still enjoy my weekend.”

Situation #3:
You're given a task that doesn't exactly fit your job description.

Negative Reaction:
“I didn't sign up for this. I'm totally over-qualified, and they're not paying me enough.”

Positive Reaction:
“Maybe I can learn something new, and impress my boss in the process.”

Situation #4:
You just found out that your company is only giving 2 percent raises this year.

Negative Reaction:
“This is how they repay all of my hard work? They can afford an expensive holiday party, but they can't reward their best employees? This company sucks.”

Positive Reaction:
“The economy is still recovering. At least I have a job I enjoy.”

Notice that in all of these hypothetical situations, the negative reactions have some truth to them. Every situation has pluses and minuses. However, it's hazardous to your well-being to focus only on the minuses, even though they may be first to pop into your mind. Now don't get me wrong: short-lived negative reactions such as concern, regret, disappointment, annoyance, and frustration are normal and often understandable. Rather, it's the negative reactions we hold on to—rage, panic, depression, self-pity—that wreak havoc over time, and eventually result in a bad attitude. To maintain a positive attitude, you have to make a conscious effort to throw constructive thoughts into the mix.

Similar to negative thoughts, irrational expectations can be an attitude-buster—not just in business, but also in life in general. When we hold on to a belief that something should or must happen, we set ourselves up for inevitable disappointment. According to prominent psychologists Marvin Goldfried and Gerald Davison, much of our emotional turmoil is, in fact, self-produced when we tell ourselves that our lives will be awful if a certain expectation is not fulfilled. Recognize any of the following?

I should be able to do A…

B should not happen to me…

My company should do C…

He should understand D…

Everyone in this place should E…

This project/campaign/event should be planned like F…

…or all hell will break loose!

If you catch yourself thinking or saying the word
should
, go directly to jail and do not collect $200!
Should
often signals that you're harboring an irrational expectation. As we've talked about, life does not always play out in a logical or fair way, and you do yourself a grave disservice when you hold on to a fantasy of what work or people should be like. A case of the
shoulds
can be downright dangerous if it leads you to freak out trying to correct a maddening situation that is beyond your control. You'll appear negative and panicky to your colleagues, and the situation won't turn out any better than it would have if you'd just stayed calm and dealt with the circumstances as best as you could.

Got a bad case of negativity? Remember that all hell breaking loose is in the eye of the beholder, and ask yourself if the world is really going to come to an end if things don't go exactly as you planned. Instead of thinking that something
should
happen, reframe it as something
you would like
to happen. You're still acknowledging your own opinions and preferences, but the element of expectation is gone, so you can't be disappointed.

Make a commitment to be more tolerant and flexible, and recognize that everyone has a different point of view. Instead of creating a whole bunch of rules and judgments based on your own ideals, walk into your office each day with an open mind. Whenever you can, think about how lucky you are to be educated, to be employed, and to most likely have a standard of living that is better than 97 percent of the world's population. You'll notice an improvement in your attitude overnight, without any changes in your work situation whatsoever!

Most of us spend a great deal of time obsessing about the past, the future, and how we're going to use the people and things in our lives to get what we want. What if we recognized that every moment is potentially satisfying and inspiring in and of itself? After all, the most important moment in our lives is the one we're experiencing right now, for all others are either just a memory or don't yet exist. What if we could shut out negativity by becoming deeply involved in everything we do, every day?

Even if you start off the day in a positive frame of mind, your sense of well-being can fade as the hours wear on. Should you feel yourself slipping into unproductive modes of thinking, try the following:

Consider how what you're doing relates to your big-picture goals.

Get up from your desk and walk around or stretch.

Think about ways to make a positive difference right now.