They Don't Teach Corporate in College (16 page)

Have you met your friend's significant other? What about her friends outside the office?

If your friend received the promotion you were banking on, would you be genuinely happy for her?

If you ran into your friend in the grocery store, would you be able to talk to her for 10 minutes without mentioning work?

Have you seen where your friend lives?

Do you and your friend have anything in common besides your age and your job?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, you might have found yourself a real friend at work. Take care of this relationship by making a concerted effort to spend time with your friend outside the office. You and your friend should also avoid working together too closely. Similar to living with close friends, being in business with them can sometimes be disastrous. Whether we like it or not, people can behave differently when money, power, and careers are at stake. For example, suppose you and your friend pair up for a high-profile new business project. Your friend could be the kindest, most generous person in the world after quitting time, but she might take all the credit and do none of the work. You don't want to put yourself in a situation in which you must choose between your friendship and your career.

If you're lucky, someone you meet at work could turn into a friend for life. It happened to me. My friend Kathryn and I started our PR careers in the same department many moons ago, and she later was the maid of honor in my wedding!

A few years ago, I was working for a dot-com. My younger coworkers smoked pot a lot, and I knew they thought I had a pole up the you-know-what for always turning them down. I really wanted to get along with them, so one night while we were away at a conference, I got high with them in a hotel room. I thought there was no way our boss would find out, but somehow she did. She told me she expected more of me as a senior manager. I was lucky I didn't get fired.

Kim, 29, Washington

Happy hour, team lunches, holiday parties, you name it—there are plenty of opportunities to socialize in the corporate world. Partaking in these outings gets you out of sterile “Cube City” and allows you to pretend you actually have a life. The thought of free food alone is enough to put you in a good mood. So by all means, go to these events and have a blast. Just keep a couple of things in the back of your mind.

It's tempting to let loose with your colleagues, especially when you're out of the office. However, you should never let alcohol (or drugs) get the best of you. Remember how your college roommate said you were the biggest blabbermouth on campus after you'd had a few? Just think of what you might have to say about your job, your boss, and your coworkers if you get smashed with them. When your boss waves his corporate credit card, it's easy to get caught up in the excitement of free rounds on the company, so you should prepare for this situation in advance.

A few hours before you go out to the restaurant or bar, eat a hefty meal and drink plenty of water. Once you're there, do not get drunk. It's tough enough to maintain your professional persona when you're perfectly sober, but when alcohol steals your inhibition, you might find yourself saying and doing things you'd ordinarily consider big no-no's. I'm not going to say you can't consume alcohol, because we're all adults. In fact, if you repeatedly shun drinking in your colleagues' company, you might be perceived as weird or a loser. The key is to find the middle ground. No matter how much peer pressure comes your way, you should stick to one drink (two if you have a high tolerance). Pretend it's Pepto-Bismol, sip it super slow, and it will last the whole evening. Take heart—you can still party with the best of them; just save it for your best friend's tapas party or your Friday night poker game.

The good news is that drinking is not typically the focus when the boss takes the team out for lunch. The bad news is that you have to watch more closely what you say and do, because people are actually paying attention. When the group arrives at the restaurant, don't sit next to your manager at the big table. You'll look like a brown-noser to your coworkers. Plus, if conversations split off, guess who you'll be stuck talking to? Also, don't be the first one to order. Note the price of your colleagues' entrées and whether they are ordering drinks, and then follow suit with a selection that is perfectly in line with what everyone else is having. And, roll your eyes if you must, but I have to put it out there: Watch the table manners. Remember the dating rules your mother told you when you were getting dressed for your prom? Avoid talking while you're chewing, don't fix your hair at the table, and don't order anything
you have to eat with your hands or is a stain waiting to happen. If the group is sharing dishes, don't hog, and put your smartphone away even if everyone else has theirs out. Eating out with the team is different from eating out with your friends. Relax, tell jokes, have fun—but don't forget that business is business, and you're still on the clock.

And finally, there comes a time each year when the professional world becomes a symbol of cheesy sentiment and material excess. Yes, it's the holiday season. And while your coworkers are turning your floor into a red and green monstrosity, and the mailroom guys are lugging a 10-foot-tall menorah into the lobby, you are probably deciding whether to go to the company's annual holiday party. For the sake of your career, you should make an appearance. And because your company is going to spend your raise on a dancing Christmas tree whether you enjoy it or not, you might as well make the best of the situation. Mind your professional persona, and dress appropriately for the occasion. If you're allowed to bring a date, treat someone you love (or someone you owe a favor) to a catered meal. If not, use the opportunity to get some face time with higher-ups you wouldn't get to meet otherwise.

Your department might also have its own party. Relax—these are fun! Spare yourself stress by finding out in advance about the company policy on giving gifts. Hopefully, your department favors the grab bag—a convention in which each person in the group puts one small wrapped gift in the pool, and then leaves with someone else's even smaller wrapped gift. If you're supposed to shop for your entire group, however, keep your gifts thoughtful but slightly impersonal. You're not required to give your boss anything, but it is a nice gesture. You should always buy the group admin something as a token of your appreciation for all of her help during the year. Departmental holiday parties often have a potluck component as well. Don't panic while your coworkers are competing to see who can cook the best holiday fare. Go to the grocery store and buy a $2 package of Duncan Hines chocolate chip cookie mix, spend 10 minutes baking the stuff, and pass the goodies off as homemade at the party. I guarantee your colleagues will say your cookies are the best they've ever tasted.

When we're in our 20s, it's natural to think that the world revolves around us. In the business world, this attitude can lead to paranoia. Suddenly, you're afraid to talk to anyone lest he stab you in the back or underhandedly take credit for your ideas. Understand, though, that your colleagues are too busy
with their own agendas most of the time to worry about getting you in trouble. So instead of staying up all night worrying whether or not your cagey workmate is going to spread rumors about you, follow these simple work conversation rules and rest easy.

1. Don't spread gossip.
This one is first because it's the toughest to avoid. Dishing the dirt at work is fun, especially if you're bored. Listen all you want, but refrain from contributing to conversations that could compromise someone's reputation. Damaging stories spread like a conflagration, and being nailed as the source can be a career killer.

2. Don't swear.
Nothing taints your professional persona as much as foul language. There are people all over the business world who spew curse words, and maybe your boss is one of them. If you're tempted to join in, remember where the phrase “potty mouth” came from. In the professional world, you don't want to look or smell like you were anywhere near the potty, so don't sound like it either.

3. Don't be politically incorrect.
Just because we all crack up when Jon Stewart makes fun of PC in the workplace doesn't mean we shouldn't take it seriously on Monday morning. Realize that people are ultrasensitive about issues of political correctness and that, as far as work is concerned, you should have no opinions. If you've noticed certain stereotypes to be true, keep your observations to yourself, and make sure to steer clear of racist or sexist jokes.

4. Don't talk about sex, drugs, or politics.
I don't care how liberal your office is or how convinced you are that your colleagues will understand your point of view, if you wouldn't discuss it with your grandmother or your religious leader, mum's the word at work.

5. Mind cultural sensitivities.
If you know you're going to be working in a foreign country or interacting regularly with people of varying nationalities, read up on the business customs and social etiquette in those regions so that you behave appropriately. For example, countries have different practices regarding giving gifts, asking personal questions, and standing in close physical proximity. Don't assume that people understand slang just because they speak English, and never badmouth a country you're working in or the culture or practices of foreign colleagues.