They Don't Teach Corporate in College (40 page)

Don't be overcontrolling.
You don't have official authority, so don't get caught up in acting as though you do. Use your expertise to guide and support your colleagues, but release the need to micromanage
every aspect of a project. If you share your ideas and then allow your coworkers to take partial ownership of their implementation, they will gradually put more trust in you and the approach.

So many of the senior executives in my agency treat underlings like dirt. We are expected to bend over backwards for them without so much as a “thank you.” One manager, however, is noticeably different. This person doesn't take for granted that we'll do whatever he says because he has the power to fire us. He's great about complimenting us for a job well done, which, in turn, motivates us to do even better for him in the future. I observed this exec for a while and noticed that no one ever seemed to praise him for being such a good manager. So, one day, I did. I told him that I didn't want him to think I was kissing up, but that I thought he deserved to know that I appreciated his efforts. You should have seen him light up. It was like my comment was the best thing that happened to him all week.

Sabrinath, 23, New Mexico

Imagine the look on a colleague's face when you hand over a tasty piece of candy, unsolicited. Appreciation is the same way. You only need a little bit to make a coworker's day and encourage her to view you in a positive light from that point on. Did someone help you out? Thank her. Was it a big deal, did she go out of her way, or did it take a lot of time? Send her a card or take her to lunch. If she really went above and beyond the call of duty, make sure her boss knows about it. And by the way, I don't subscribe to the theory that you shouldn't have to thank someone for doing her job. When a colleague does her job well and it helps you, what harm does it do to thank her? The answer is none, it just makes her like you more.

Eighteenth-century author Samuel Johnson wrote, “Gratitude is a fruit of great cultivation; you do not find it among gross people.” Well, folks, times haven't changed. Most people still take good deeds and favors for granted, and you're bound to be disappointed if you do something nice and expect appreciation in return. Instead of demanding gratitude, give freely. Exhibit kindness, and go out of your way to show courtesy and consideration to each person you come in contact with. Answer your phone ready and willing to accommodate
the person on the other end. Ask how you can help, listen to the answer, and then follow up quickly and cheerfully.

As we've talked about, it doesn't make sense to reserve your best behavior for your customers and your boss, because when it comes to your reputation, everyone is equally influential. Remember that people have big mouths that get even bigger when they're unhappy. All it takes is one person to complain that you were rude or uncooperative, and, next thing you know, everyone in the office will have the scoop.

People hunger for recognition. In fact, their happiness, self-esteem, and motivation depend on it. Be generous with your compliments, but make sure they're sincere. Empty flattery is, in many ways, worse than criticism. Don't praise every move someone makes, and when you do give a compliment, put substance behind the statement so it's meaningful to the person. The most effective compliments focus on specific actions or facts rather than vague generalities or assumptions. Here are a few examples:

Weak Compliment:
“You did a great job on that presentation.”

Strong Compliment:
“The analogies you made in your presentation really engaged the audience members because they could relate what you were saying to their own lives.”

Weak Compliment:
“You're so organized.”

Strong Compliment:
“You were so prepared in that customer meeting. I appreciated the way you had supporting information to back up each of our claims.”

When you receive a compliment, don't downplay or dismiss it. This makes you look insecure, and it makes the other person feel uncomfortable and stupid. You don't always have to return the compliment either. A smile and a simple “thank you” will do. If you're concerned about modesty, share the credit with someone else.

While we're on the subject of credit, always acknowledge people's achievements, both large and small. You don't appreciate when your own success is met with silence, and others don't either. And in case this wasn't obvious already, make a point of calling attention to the things people do right, not
just what they do wrong. Your colleagues will be more receptive to your ideas when they don't have to brace themselves for criticism every time you open your mouth.

Sharing appreciation and praise helps those of us who lean naturally toward the “glass half empty” mentality to focus on the finer aspects of other people and their behavior. Not only does this behavior strengthen our relationships and encourage cooperation, but it also positively impacts the way we think about ourselves and the world.

My expectations for myself are pretty high, and the biggest mistake I made during my first year as a manager was imposing those same expectations on the person who worked for me. This girl was very different from me. Although she still managed to get her work done on time, she was not nearly as organized or efficient about it as I am. I was frustrated with her and showed it pretty often. I even held back her promotion because she hadn't mastered, overnight, skills that come naturally to me. Nearly in tears, she told me she felt like she could never please me. Looking back, I realize she was probably right.

Marissa, 26, Ottawa

When it comes to relationship building, the professional world diverges sharply from the educational experiences of childhood and adolescence. As I've already discussed, achievement is an individual endeavor in grade school through college. Even if you didn't have a good teacher or friends to help you with your homework, you could still master the material on your own and get an A. Like it or not, the business world is a different animal. You need other people to get ahead, and each interpersonal relationship you create has the potential to do more for your career than reading 100 articles about your trade.

Most of us develop relationships every day without even thinking about it. Sometimes we select the people we want to associate with based on common interests, lifestyles, and personality traits. Other times we fall into relationships because they are convenient at a particular point in time (for example, neighbor-to-neighbor). Work relationships are similar to family relationships.
We don't necessarily choose them and we might prefer not to have them, but, for our sanity's sake, we have to make them work as best we can.

Because they don't come as naturally, work relationships can be difficult to care for and maintain if you're not paying attention. In his book
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
, Stephen Covey introduces the concept of the “emotional bank account” to help us consciously manage our most constant relationships. In every emotional bank account, we save trust and goodwill through deposits of kindness, honesty, and keeping our word. When the reserve of trust in an account is high, communication is instant, easy, and effective. On the other hand, if we continually show another person disrespect, the trust account diminishes, and the slightest provocation can turn into a relationship “incident.” In other words, having an ongoing positive rapport with someone means that he will give you a break when you make a mistake.

Here's an example of the emotional bank account in action. I had a strong, mutually beneficial relationship with my colleague Michelle. One morning, I had to meet with a client even though I wasn't feeling well. During the meeting, Michelle justifiably asked me a question, and I bit her head off. If Michelle and I hadn't had such a good relationship, she might have been offended by my rudeness. However, when I apologized to her later, I found that she had already forgotten it. “I didn't take it personally,” Michelle said. “I knew it wasn't like you and that something must be going on.” Fortunately, Michelle and I had enough trust built up to cover the withdrawal to our emotional bank account. I also made an additional deposit when I apologized for my bad behavior.

Whether you make a withdrawal or not, your account reserves need constant replenishing. Old deposits evaporate with time, so a person isn't necessarily going to remember a favor you did for him months ago if the two of you haven't had another positive interaction since then. As I mentioned in the previous section, showing appreciation, praising superior work, and complimenting when appropriate are great techniques for keeping your relationships healthy and productive. Here are a few more ways you can make routine deposits to your emotional bank accounts.

Take a sincere interest in the other person and what's meaningful to him.

Attend to the little things, such as returning a phone call or acknowledging his birthday.

Deliver on anything and everything you promise.

Make a concerted effort to keep the lines of communication open.