This Christmas (14 page)

More than anything, she wanted to believe they could be a family, that there was a chance for them to be happy beyond their physical attraction to each other.

“You’re quiet.” His voice was soothing, deep and steady. So many things about him had faded from her memory over the years, but she always heard him. Jake’s words, his voice, lingered in her head. She would never forget the way he said ‘I love you’ or ‘I need you’ or how her name sounded when he whispered it in her ear.

“I guess I was thinking. You and Charlie have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Yeah, but I think she’s pretty easy to get to know. Kind of an open book.” He glanced over when he pulled in front of the house. “Like you.”

“Open book? Me?”

He grinned, reaching out to stroke her cheek. “Yeah. You put it all out there. You always did. It’s one of the things I loved most about you.”

Bree felt her heart break.

“Jake,” she said in a broken whisper. Should she tell him how much those words stung? Thinking about how he loved her—and then left her—hurt like nothing else. “Please don’t talk like that.”

“Why?” Jake ran the pad of his thumb across her lips and Bree prayed hard to force herself not to sigh audibly.

“This is a bad idea.”

“What’s a bad idea?”

“Us. It’s been too long. I know you think we should try, and part of me wants to, but I don’t know if I can.”

“I understand why you’d want to keep me at arm’s length.”

He took her hand loosely in his, and the rightness of him, of his touch, wasn’t lost on her. “Don’t. You were always so brave, Sabrina. Braver than I ever was. You aren’t alone anymore. I’m right here.”

And although she wanted to say yes, she was terrified of what he represented. He had the power to turn her life upside down, cause changes that would affect her and Charlie forever. As much as she cared for Jake, as much as part of her loved having him back in her life, the thought of giving herself up to him again frightened her. But then Jake smiled, grasped her hand more firmly, and nothing else seemed to matter.

“It’s just not fair, you know?” Bree looked at their clasped hands and took a deep breath. “I should be smarter. Be able to call the shots, but with you, I don’t know...”

Silence settled between them, because at that point, what was left to say? Her own fear was the thing that would keep them apart, and as a result she’d never really be happy. She’d realized long ago she’d never be able to feel with anyone else what she felt with Jake. But, she didn’t trust him. Talk about a Catch-22.

“Can I come in and say goodnight to Charlie?” Her first instinct was to say no and run. But it was a reasonable request, and other than wanting to put some distance between herself and the man who pushed her libido into overdrive, there was no good reason to send him home.

Charlie was probably asleep, but again that wasn’t really a reason. He wanted to see his daughter, and that was enough for Sabrina to agree. “Come on. I’ll take you upstairs.”

Walking up the front steps, Jake looked around at the porch, which was draped with pine garland that was tied up with red bows. “Your parents go all out for the holidays.”

“They do. It’s their favorite time of year.” She slid her key into the lock and kept talking. Conversation was her friend. If they were talking about some benign subject their relationship wouldn’t come up. “They kicked the holidays into high gear when Charlie was born. Things went over the top. Toys everywhere, my dad playing Santa—you should have seen it.”

Turning to him once she’d unlocked and opened the door, Jake’s expression stopped her cold. It only took a split second for Bree to realize how insensitive she’d been. “Jake, I’m sorry. That was awful of me. I know that... I shouldn’t have said...” She reached out and touched his arm, almost recoiling at the contact. The warmth, the spark went right through her.

“It’s okay. I hate that I missed it, but it wasn’t just your fault, was it?”

“Still. I feel horrible.”

He took her hand and Sabrina didn’t resist. They were both hurting, and even though she didn’t want to acknowledge it, his being there helped. She felt better, calmer, knowing Charlie had two parents who loved her, even if they couldn’t be together.

“Is everyone in bed already?” He looked around the foyer and except for a lamp on the table and the lights from outside, the place was dark.

“The house turns in early. Don’t you remember? How do you think I was able to sneak out so easily?”’

He chuckled warmly and Bree noticed he wasn’t letting go of her hand, even when she gave a little tug. Barely able to put down her bag and keys, Jake pulled her toward the stairs.

He didn’t have to ask where they were going, remembering where Charlie’s room was, they stopped at the door and gazed at their little girl. “I can’t get over how much she looks like you,” he whispered.

Stepping into the room, they stood by the bed admiring their baby.

Baby
. Charlie wasn’t a baby anymore. She was nine, almost ten, and full of questions. Soon, Bree would be able to answer her honestly. Reaching out, she stroked a lock of hair away from her girl’s face. Charlie did look like her, possessing the same eyes and hair, but her competitiveness, her gracefulness came from her father. Her daughter might not have resembled her father, but she was very much like him, and a constant reminder.

Sabrina’s mind drifted back to the day Jake walked into her life. She had just turned seventeen, was a senior in high school, and Cass had come out for the weekend. They bounced down the stairs on a Friday night, ready to head out with friends, when her brother Ryan walked inside the house with his new buddy from the team. They had an off night and decided to take her mom up on the offer of dinner.

Bree froze on the bottom step when she locked eyes with Jake Killen for the first time. He was big and movie-star gorgeous, but it was his easy smile, and the spark in his eyes, that finished it for Sabrina.

The only other time Sabrina felt that same rush of emotion was the day when their newborn baby was placed in her arms.

When they’d met, she was just his friend’s kid sister, and Jake was already involved with Sydney, the rich, sophisticated New York City girl he’d met within minutes of having moved into his apartment. From that point on, he and Sydney were pretty much inseparable, and eventually Jake slipped a diamond ring on the pretty redhead’s finger.

Sabrina never thought she had a chance with Jake, but she was pretty sure Sydney Talbot wasn’t the right woman for him, either.

But circumstances threw Bree and Jake together.

Then they became friends.

And then he broke it off with Sydney. Bree never knew why. Not that she asked, all she cared about was that Jake was free. He was free and it appeared, by some miracle, he wanted her. It spun out of control from there, and Sabrina’s life hadn’t been the same since.

Sabrina turned to leave but then heard the rustling of the sheets.

“Mommy? Daddy?”

She rarely heard that name anymore. It was the sleep that made Charlie say it. She sat up and rubbed her eyes with clenched fists, squinting at the light from the hallway.

“Hi, sweetie,” she said. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she patted her leg under the covers. “Did you have fun with Poppy tonight?”

Jake went around to the other side of the bed, sitting opposite Bree and their daughter’s face washed with happiness. This is what she’d missed.

“Yeah.” She smiled. “We watched a movie and ate a whole tin of cookies.”

“A whole tin? Nona must be livid.” she said. “I’m surprised you fell asleep. I’m sure you’re loaded with sugar.”

Jake chuckled. “Didn’t save any for me?”

Charlie shrugged in a way that basically told Jake he was out of luck.

“Nona said Poppy is corrupting me.”

“He is, but that’s his job. It’s my job to be mean and heartless.”

Charlie grinned at Sabrina’s stock phrase.

“Did you have fun skating?” she asked.

How did she answer that? She had fun part of the evening, but skating wasn’t what she was doing. “I’m still pretty hopeless on skates.”

Charlie looked at Jake. “Bad?”

Jake nodded. “Awful. It’s a good thing she has, ah, other talents.”

Sabrina nailed him with a look.
Other talents
. It wasn’t what he said, but how he said it. How he looked at her when he did. He was a dirty tease. That was what
he
was.

“Poppy and me...”

“Excuse me?” she said quietly.

Charlie looked at her sheepishly. “Poppy and
I
are going to the hockey game Friday night.”

She smiled after she made the correction. “Great. More sugar?”

“Yup,” she said on a yawn. “It’s his job.”

Sabrina held her daughter’s shoulders and eased her onto the pillows, cupping her cheek as she yawned again.

“Well, you’d better get some sleep. You have school tomorrow.”

“Okay, night, Mom. Night, Daddy,” she said.

Charlie’s soft skin melted into Bree’s palm as their daughter curled on her side, and Sabrina kissed her on the forehead. Jake leaned in and did the same.

“Night, baby,” Bree whispered.

Her baby. Jake’s baby.

T
aking Charlie to the hockey game the other day was probably one of the best things he’d done in his life. He loved having her there, and showing her off. It was a statement. But sitting with Bree while their little girl drifted off to sleep, got him right in the heart. That was what he was missing. Not the big, grand events. Jake realized he was missing the little things. The kisses goodnight, the movies, the barbecues. He missed reading her stories. Looking at Bree as she made her way toward the stairs, he also realized he needed her as well. She was the woman who could make everything in his world make sense.

They walked down the steps silently, Bree’s arms folded, her position guarded. “She likes seeing you,” Bree said.

He liked seeing Charlie, too, but right then he was focused on Sabrina, on the way her breasts filled out the soft white sweater she was wearing and the way her hips swayed when she moved. She was beautiful in so many ways and he had to figure out a way to show her how much she still meant to him. He got that she was skittish. It didn’t matter. It was time for action.

In one movement, Jake grabbed Bree’s hand and tugged her close, not giving her a second to object. Realizing he had to make this count, he spun her and pressed her back into the wall before he brought his mouth down on hers and stole the breath right out of her.

Sabrina’s resistance, if there was any, gave way to complete surrender. Jake didn’t hold back, but neither did she. Twining his fingers with hers, he slid her arm up the wall and pinned it over her head.

There was nothing gentle between them this time, nothing soft and romantic, this kiss was desperate—it was hot, deep—and he was sure she could feel his hard-on right through his jeans. Bree would know, in no uncertain terms, he wanted her, and he only hoped moving on her like this didn’t backfire. When she reached around and pressed him closer, Jake relaxed into the kiss, because the need was on both sides and he couldn’t have been more relieved. He reminded himself they were taking small steps back to each other, but feeling the friction of her lips against his, the sweet invasion of her tongue in his mouth, was testing his restraint, pure and simple.

When Sabrina’s hand slid just slightly into his jeans, she sent him a clear message she didn’t want the kiss to end any more than he did. He ran his free hand down the length of her body, sliding it around her back and up under her sweater. Bree moaned at the contact and just about set Jake off. She was beautiful, responsive, and if he pushed it, she would be his again.

She would always be his.

Releasing her arm, it dropped gently on his shoulder and Bree’s eyes fluttered open. She examined his face and for a moment he thought maybe they’d made a little progress, that she wouldn’t fight what was growing between them.

“I should probably go,” he said smiling down at her. “Before your father comes down and kicks my ass.”

She chuckled nervously and looked away.
Uh oh,
he thought.

“I’ll, ahh, I’ll call you. Okay?” Her body tensed like a drawn bow.

“Bree?” What the hell? She was trembling, scared. He didn’t know what was going on, but he didn’t want her to start figuring out ways to put the brakes on a relationship before they’d even had a chance to talk about it. “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.”

“Right,” she said. “Okay.”

Jake held her hands and forced her chin up, focusing his gaze on her eyes. “Sabrina, don’t shut me out. We’re finally fixing what went wrong—”

“You should go, Jake.”

“Bree—”

“Really, you should. I’ll call you. Goodnight.”

She practically shoved him out the door, closing it firmly behind him.

Jake uttered an oath under his breath and resisted the urge to hit something. He could still taste her on his lips, still feel her pressed against him like she might die if she couldn’t be close. It made no sense that in a matter of a minute everything changed between them.