This Regret (15 page)

He snickers and steps back. “Not on the Converse shoes, girl. These are new,” he teases, “You ruined my favorite pair. Don’t think I forgot about that.”

I laugh at the memory. I remember it like it was yesterday. Kellan and Adric talked me into going on the stupid Ferris wheel at the carnival and I got so nervous that I puked all over Kellan’s pant legs and his favorite pair of black Converse shoes. It was humiliating. Adric teased me for weeks.

“Oh, get over it, big guy.” I squeeze his hand as he pulls me next to him and points down at a house across the street.

“See that?”

It takes a few minutes and a lot of deep breathing before my eyes can focus.

When they finally do, I see an old man pacing back and forth in a pair of old, loose whitey tighties and a pair of cowboy boots. It looks like he’s arguing with himself while holding a golf club in his hand.

“What is he doing?” I'm trying really hard to hold back my laughter.

“He's playing golf." He laughs, letting go of my hand. He leans closer over the edge, in a crouching position. I
grab his shirt to be sure he’s safe. “He’s free to do what he wants. No one ever bothers him. He does this like twice a week. He comes out here with his golf clubs and hits imaginary balls. Sometimes, I wonder if he thinks he’s talking to some of his old golfing buddies. I catch him arguing with himself and one time it almost looked as if he were proposing to someone. Most of the time." He pauses to think. “He looks happy. He doesn’t need anyone.” He turns to face me, stands up and brushes a loose strand of hair off my face, his fingertips lightly brushing my heated face. “Can you imagine what it would be like to not need anyone? To be able to be happy and content by yourself. I mean yeah, he might be crazy, but all of his friends are in here.” He points to his head. “They’re there whenever he wants them to be. He’s in control of his own happiness. He’s never alone Phoenix." He nods his head toward the ground. “Look now.”

I bring my eyes down to see the old man with his hands behind his back, smiling as if he’s flirting with a woman. He runs his hands through his white hair, kicks his foot in the dirt and then laughs. Somehow, it makes me both happy and sad at the same time.

“I can’t imagine it.” I say truthfully. “I mean, do you honestly think he’s happy? Does he not have anyone at all in real life?”

He rubs his hands over his face and steps away from the edge, finally letting me br
eathe again. “I don’t think he does. Sometimes when I need fresh air during the workday, I stand outside against the building and just watch everything around me. I’ve never once seen anyone pull into that driveway.”

My heart breaks for the old man. I can imagine my life being like that and I hate it. No one deserves to be alone.

“So . . . now that you’ve shown me what you wanted to show me, are we done up here? I would really like to breathe again before I pass out or puke. ”I look down at his shoes. “We wouldn’t want that now would we?”

Grabbing my arm, he laughs and pulls me into his arms for a hug. Catching me off guard, my body trembles from his strong touch. “I’ve missed you, Phoenix.” He squeezes me while rocking us back and forth. "You’ve always had a way of making me laugh.” He pulls back and walks away. “Let’s get you back to your car.”

He's missed me?
The thought almost causes my heart to burst with happiness. So many years I have spent wondering if our friendship had meant anything at all to him. I guess he really did mean what he said all those years ago, when he said I meant just as much to him as I did to Adric. So, the question is . . . why would he leave?

He steps down onto the ladder first before helping me down so that I’m trapped between him and the ladder. The smell of his cologne is intoxicating, causing me to close my eyes and inhale deeply. I hear him laughing as soon as we reach the bottom and he helps me to the ground.

“What?” I turn to face him, nervously, while eying him up. “What are you laughing at?”

He nudges me in the side before messing up my hair. Something he used to always do to me in the past. “Were you sniffing my cologne?” he asks happily as if it made his day.

I huff before slapping him on the chest. “Don’t laugh at me. I can’t help it that you smell so . . . good.” My voice comes out soft and full of want. Again, I just couldn’t stop it.

I look up at him and his eyes go dark. Then, without warning, he turns around and heads to his motorcycle. “We should hurry up and get you back. I have an early morning.” He reaches for the helmet, hands it to me and grabs my waist helping me onto the back. His eyes linger down to my le
gs and that’s when I notice my dress is riding so high that my thong is practically on display. He tightens his lips and jumps onto the bike. “You might want to hold that down on the ride back.”

“Yeah, thanks.” I grab my dress and hold it down while slipping one arm around his waist.

He starts the bike and reaches back to grab my other arm. “Hold on tight. I told you I wouldn’t let you fall and I meant it.”

Squeezing his body tight, I lean into him and close my eyes as he drives off.

I keep them closed until we pull back up into the parking lot of the park.

The sight before me causes my heart to go crazy. Kade is standing there, his arms crossed over his chest while leaning against my car. This can’t be good. I forgot all about meeting him.

When his eyes meet mine, he looks extremely pissed. He just looks at me, but doesn’t say a word.

Kellan stays on the bike, but grabs my arm to help me off and to my feet. Then he reaches over and slides the helmet off my head. He looks me in the eye and his lip twitches. “You two have fun.” He nods his head at Kade before turning back to his bike. “See ya, bro.”

Kade doesn’t say anything at all. He just stands there, staring as if he’s about to rip his head off.

Kellan revs the engine and takes off.

We’re both silent until Kellan is completely out of sight.

Then Kade turns to me and lowers his head, looking me in the eye. “So, you were with Kellan of all people?”

I reach out to touch his arm, feeling guilty. It’s not like anything happened with Kellan and it’s not like Kade and I are even dating. Somehow, I still feel like crap. We’re supposed to be friends.

“I’m sorry. I lost track of time.”

It was an honest answer, at least. Being with Kellan had made me forget everything. Almost.

He pushes away from my car and looks down at his phone. “Well, I was hoping to hang out tonight and maybe watch a movie like old times, but . . . “He holds his phone
up. “Now, I have somewhere I have to be.”

He turns to walk away, but then stops. “Maybe we can continue this tomorrow. I’ve wanted to get you alone. It just seems like something or someone always seems to come up. ”

Leaning against my car, I reach for my purse to realize it isn’t there and that Kellan still has my keys. “Dammit!”

Kade stop
s and turns around. “What's wrong?”

I place my hand to my head and laugh, embarrassed. “Kellan has my keys. I left my purse hanging on his bike.”

Kade laughs before reaching into his pocket. “It’s a good thing I have another copy of your house key.” He holds a set of keys out and nods his head for me to join him. “I’ll take you home. We’ll work on getting your keys and purse back tomorrow, since no one seems to have Kellan’s number.”

“You sneaky dick," I grumble. “Just how many keys do you have?” He doesn’t answer so I fol
low him to his truck and hop in. “I ’m sorry, I really didn't mean to forget.”

He brushes his hand over my thigh and bites his bottom lip. Even though it still confuses me, I get butterflies from his touch. “I
know. It’s hard to believe you would ditch me on purpose. You’re too good for
that
.”

“Right,” I say, not knowing if he means for blowing him off or for Kellan.

“Thanks again.” He closes the door and I lean into the seat just wanting to disappear. I feel horrible.

Chapter Nine

Phoenix

After Kade interrogated me, then dropped me off last night, I spent the whole night tossing and turning, not able to get Kellan off my mind. There are so many things I don’t understand and as much as I want to know the answers, I can’t bring myself to ask the questions. That will always be a problem when it comes to Kellan. He’s the only one that has ever made me nervous when it comes to feeling someone out to see what's on their mind. That’s exactly why I never told him years ago that I had the biggest crush on him. Also being the reason why I spent most of my time following him and Adric around. I was a love-struck teenager hoping to be swept away by my prince charming, even if he was too old and always had girlfriends that looked like Barbie. He’s always been gorgeous, so of course, why would he settle for less?

It still breaks my heart to think about those days, but I refuse to get stuck in the past again. That point, is exactly why I must move on and
try to forget about the way being around him makes me feel. It’s amazing the way he can still take my breath away, with one look into those eyes and a flash of that dimpled smile. It scares me, though. That’s exactly the reason that as soon as I get my purse, phone and keys back, I’m going to stay as far away from him as possible. He obviously has a new life, and well, so do I.

I spent the whole afternoon pacing around my apartment, pretending to listen to my mother talk about her problems, but to be honest, I was thinking of all of the different ways to show up at the tattoo shop to retrieve my things. I had so many different scenarios in my head and different conversations planned out, that in the end, I decided to just let Kade deal with
it. He said he would, but I have yet to hear from him.

It was a struggle to not just show up and demand for answers along with my things, so I put up a huge fight, until finally, it was time to leave for work. Th
e good thing about that is, I’m stuck here now. Stuck working and stuck without my car. So, as far as I’m concerned, I’ve managed to make it through the day and keep my sanity as well. Now, it’s just a matter of making it through my shift.

“Excuse me.”

“Ma’am.”

“Ma’am.”

“I’m sorry, excuse me?” Looking up from the bar, I realize I’ve spent the last twenty minutes scrubbing the same spot and ignoring everything else around me. Maybe I didn’t manage to keep my sanity, after all.

A good looking guy in about his mid-twenties, short blond hair and a brown plaid shirt stares back at me from the other side of the bar. A smile pulls up on his thin lips as he leans over the bar and pulls out a stack of money. “If you’re done daydreaming, then I would like another drink please.”

Shaking myself back to reality, I quickly drop the towel and scurry over to grab a fresh glass. “Yeah sure, sorry.” Placing it down beside me, I scoop it full with ice and grab for our top shelf Whiskey. This guy has been spending tons of money on himself and his friends tonight. If I want to make enough tips to pay my rent on time, then I need to get my head in the game.

Pouring a little extra Whiskey into the glass to make up for my absence, I top it off with coke and place it down in front of him. “Sorry about that,” I apologize again, this time with a smile. “Next time just throw something at me.
I’m a little off my game tonight.” We both laugh as I set his dirty glass into the sink.

His eyes look me over, stopping on my breasts, while he stirs his drink with his straw. Somehow, that makes me regret wearing this tiny white tank top. Men like this is exactly why we need company t-shirts made. The look in his eye does nothing but make me feel dirty. “I don’t see how your game can ever be off, sweetheart.” He opens his wad of money and pulls out a twenty-dollar bill. He holds it out in front of me, waving it in my face, before slapping it down onto the bar top. “Keep the change, babe. I’ve been enjoying the view.”

Reaching for the money, I look up to see his friends looking my direction, laughing as he slowly backs away, staring at my breasts. For some reason, this pisses me off. Hasn’t this moron ever seen boobs before? I don’t really see anything funny. Damn rich pricks just wanting to cause a scene.

About thirty minutes later, the business picks up, kicking my ass. I’m running around like crazy, barely even getting a minute to breathe. That’s when I realize Saline is over twenty minutes late for her shift. I should have known that tonight of all nights, she would be a pain and not show up.

“Gosh, freakin’, dammit.”

I grab the cordless phone and punch in Saline’s number. I’m not surprised when it goes straight to voice mail. At this point, I could rip this girl
’s head off. She always does this because she only thinks of herself. I should have fired her at the meeting. She's never going to change.

Feeling pissed off and annoyed, I dial Dale’s number to see if maybe she called in. He informs me that he hasn’t heard from her, but he will call the others to save me time from being on the phone.

Ten minutes later, I receive a phone call saying Jen has Jax so she can’t come in. Luna is at her second job and neither Kade nor Saline will pick up their phones. It’s absolutely ridiculous and Saline will no longer have a job here. I’ve had enough of her petty games.