This Regret (26 page)

I’m so fucking hot right now that all I want to do is make her scream again, to feel her pussy clamp tight around my dick. I push her down flat on her stomach before placing my body weight above her with my left leg bent at the knee, pressed against her side. I pump into her slow and deep being sure to give her intense pleasure. She moans beneath me as I move in and out while running my tongue up her back, to her neck, teasing her with my barbell. She seems to like the feel of it against her skin and it’s so fucking hot.

“Kellan,” she moans, making my heart jump. “You feel so good inside me. I want you deeper. Please,” she begs.

Hearing her sound so desperate to have me in her makes me lose it. Placing my hands on her hips, with my toes digging into the blanket, I thrust into her hard and fast while breathing into her ear. “You want me deep, baby?” I thrust deep inside her, filling her completely and stop. “Is that deep enough, huh?” I pull out and t
hrust again, pushing as deep as I can go while wrapping her hair in my hand and kissing her neck.

She screams and I have to stop myself from
coming. I refuse to get off before she does. This is about giving her the only thing I know how. I never want her to forget me. Even when I’m gone.

Without pulling out, I bring myself to my knees, then rest on my heels, while bringing her body with mine so she’s riding me. I run my hands along her hips, then up her sides, admiring her body. She’s so beautiful. I want this moment forever. I want to feel myself inside her while I take in her fucking beauty.

She starts moving up and down on my cock as I reach up and undo her bra. She stops to let me slide her bra off before she slowly and teasingly moves up, sliding my dick all the way out of her pussy before slowly riding her way back down. “I love your pussy. It feels so damn good. It’s the best I’ve ever had.”

I reach around her, cupping her left breast in my hand, teasing her nipple with my fingers. “Kellan,” she s
ays breathless. “I’m about to come. I’m about to explode with you buried deep inside me. I always imagined you feeling this good.”

Oh shit! She’s imagined me fucking her?
I can’t hold in much longer. It’s so hot me thinking about her imagining my dick pounding into her.
Fuck it!
I need this moment just as much as she does.

I pick her up off my dick and place my hand on her chin so she’ll turn around and face me. “I w
ant to look at you while you come.” I look into her eyes as I guide her down to my lap so her legs are wrapped around my waist. “Look at me while I pleasure you, Phoenix. I want to see how I make you feel. I want to taste it on your lips.”

She wraps her arms around my neck and places her forehead to mine, looking deep into my eyes. I grab her hips and lift her, bringing her down to meet the head of my dick. I rub the head along her wetness before burying it deep inside her, making her moan against my lips.

“I’m going to make you come now,” I whisper.

I thrust in and out slowly, playing with her clit from the tip of my thumb, my other hand wrapped around the back of her head, holding her close to me. It feels so good having her in my arms and a part of me wants this moment to last. She feels so warm and safe, like home. Looking into her eyes, we both moan and I can feel her tightening around me as her body trembles under my touch in an orgasm.

She breaths heavily against my lips and I take her bottom lip in my mouth as I thrust back into her causing her body to shake in pleasure. “Mmm . . . you love my dick, don’t you?” She nods and I am so hot right now, that I’m doing things I would never do. First, I’m having sex without a damn condom and second, I’m about to . . . “Are you on birth control?”

She nods while looking me in the eye and biting her bott
om lip. “Fuck! I’m about to come deep inside of you.” I rub my hand over her face while rolling my hips in and out of her. “I’ve never done this before but I can’t imagine not feeling this pleasure to its fullest. I want you to feel all of me.”

I crush my lips against hers, pulling her bottom lip into my mouth and sucking as I bust my load as deep inside her as I can. Holy shit it feels amazing, being deep inside her and letting go. I almost feel free as if I can have more of these moments, but it’s all just bullshit that will never happen.
The thought of my load inside her is enough to have me temporary high. I never imagined it would feel so damn good.

She sits on me panting and rubbing her hands though her hair, as she stays zoned in on my eyes like she’s admiring the sight of them and wants to memorize them. I love that, because I’m doing the same to her. A moment like this can never happen again. I messed up big by letting my desire get the best of me.

We sit like that for a few minutes, neither one of us attempting to make the first move to separate our bodies. Feeling the heated skin of her breasts against my chest is almost enough to make me come again. She’s so sexy and tastes so damn good. She’s everything I’d want if I was good enough to deserve happiness, but I’m not, so I’ll have to be more careful with her for now on.

The sky is dark and silent now. Somewhere in the middle of our own show, the fireworks stopped and either one of us paid attention enough to know. She’s looking around the sky as if she’s afraid they’ll start again or as if they never stopped. When I said I wanted to change this
day for her, I didn’t mean this way. I might have just fucked her up even more.

“I’m sorry, Phoenix.” I brush a strand of hair behind her ear and then lift her up so I can pull out of her. “I didn’t mean to let things get this far. I should have been more careful with you and what you needed today, but I’m fucked up. Doing things right, just isn’t my thing.”

Her eyes search mine before she cups my face and brings her lips down and just before touching mine she stops and exhales. I thought maybe she was going to kiss me again, but she doesn't and I find myself wishing she would. “It’s not your fault. I wanted it just as bad as you did. I’ve wanted you for as long as I’ve known you, Kellan. I couldn’t stop myself either.”

Her words linger in the air and guilt takes over, making me feel like total shit. I had no idea she liked me over the years. Back then, she was just too young to even think about being attracted to. Yes, she was always pretty and I worried about guys going after her and hurting her, but that’s it. Being Adric’s best friend, it was part of my responsibility to take care of her and to worry, so it came naturally to be pissed when she went on dates. She was fifteen and I was twenty the last time we saw each other. She was starting to grow up and the guys were all over her, but for some reason, she always pushed them
away. Now, it all makes sense. It was because of me.

“As much as I don’t want to,” I look into her eyes and hate myself for what I just did. But I can’t deny that it was the best moment of my miserable existence. “I should get you home before I lose all control again and take you right here again,” I say stiffly, suddenly not knowing how to act. Do I let her know how much I still want her, or do I push her away so she doesn’t get hurt? Either way, it hurts to not be able to give her what she wants or needs because I'm fucked up in the head. So what if she liked me back then. I’m a different person now and once she gets to know me again, she’ll only hate me. Who could love me after what I did?

I reach for her bra and shirt and help her get dressed. Once we reach the edge of the roof, I help her down the ladder and over to my truck. I place my hand under her ass to give her a boost. Upon touch, I feel skin on skin contact and I remember her torn underwear now reside in my pocket. Just a little something for me to always remember one piece of heaven in my own personal hell. My fingers brush against her bareness, making us both stop and take a deep breath. I’m not ready to let her go just yet and feeling her this way makes me want to prolong it. “Where do you live?” She sits in the passenger seat and closes her legs together before handing me my keys.

“My car's at the Ranch,” she says confused. “You don’t need to take me home, Kellan. You can drop me off there.”

Like hell I will.
I can’t do that. My protective instinct won’t let me drop her off to Kade, just waiting for his chance to have her the way I did earlier. I refuse to place her in his hands. Even though I know I can’t have her, as selfish as it may be, I don’t want him to have her either. Pondering, I think of an excuse to take her home instead.

“People are probably still at the party and I know you don’t want to get sucked into that again. Let me take you home and I will be sure you get wherever you need to be tomorrow. I promise.”

She’s quiet for a second as if she’s thinking things over before she finally responds. “1349 Rodeo Drive. My mom and sister are staying with me for a bit so don’t be surprised if you see two nut jobs running around.”

“Is everything okay?” I ask, curious as to why Phoenix has this responsibility now and hoping it’s not too much for her to take on. It's about time her mother learns to grow up and rely on herself instead of her kids.

Elaine and Ethan should have been over years ago. That’s why Adric was always stressed out. He constantly worried about what he would have to do to take care of his family after his dad quit talking shit and actually left them behind. Ethan never gave a crap about his family and I tried my hardest to protect Phoenix from the truth so she wouldn’t hurt as much as Adric did. Adric had dreams of opening his own tattoo shop one day and forming a band to share his love for music with the world. Music for him wasn't just something to pass the time like most people, it was his escape. He poured his heart and soul into his lyrics. I still have that old worn out notebook packed full of songs he carried everywhere. I always said if I got good enough, I was going to record them and make a tribute to him. He never would get excited, as if that dream would come crashing down if he were left to take on all of the responsibility. It had him on edge and now Phoenix might be stuck carrying that same weight.

She looks up from playing with her hair and forces a smile. “I guess. It’s nothing I can’t handle and it’s only temporary.”

“Okay, but if you need anything you let me know.” I place my hand on her chin and look into her eyes. “I mean that. You don’t have to handle everything by yourself.”

She pushes my hand away and pokes at my nipple. “Just get in the truck, you worry too much. You’re just like Adric, you know that?” She flicks my nipple and I look down at her hand and grin.

“I knew you always liked my nipples.”

“Oh, shut up!” She smiles and this time it isn’t forced. I love seeing her smile. It makes me smile and for once, I see shades of color in this fucked up life of black and gray.

When we pull up in front of her tiny apartment building, there’s a tall, slender girl with wild, red curls sitting on the porch of what I assume is her apartment. She has her legs propped up on a chair that is tipped over sitting across from her and she’s looking down into her lap as if she’s trying to concentrate on something.

“Holy shit, is that Zoe? She is almost grown up now.”

Phoenix laughs as she reaches for the door and pushes it open. “You have no idea. This girl is a handful. Just ask . . . never mind.” She smiles and her eyes land on my lips. I want to kiss her so bad, but I don’t know if I should. “Thanks for the ride, Kellan. Both of them,” she teases, while pulling her eyes away from my lips.

Fuck it!
I’m just one big mistake after another so why stop now? I tangle my fingers into the back of her hair and crush my lips against hers, opening her mouth with my tongue. I feel my arousal as soon as her tongue collides with mine and I have the urge to pull her into my lap and slide into her right here. Just as I’m about to grab her hip and pull her to me, I open my eyes to see a little red spitfire with her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes focused dead on me. “Well well, look what the cat drug in and who’s this? Have you finally told Kade to take a hike? If he’s replacing him, then I’ll let him stay.”

Phoenix pulls away, wiping her hand over her wet lips. “Shit, Zoe!” She runs her hands through her hair while trying to catch her breath. “It’s a long story, Zoe,” she says, “And I’m tired so go inside and I’ll be inside in a minute.”

A set of big hazel eyes set on me again and I can’t help but to smile. I remember those eyes and that wild crazy hair and it reminds me of happier times. Zoe was only six the last time I saw her, but she was always following me around the house. I just can’t get over how much she’s grown.

“Little Zoe,” I say teasingly, as Phoenix steps out of the truck and adjusts her little skirt. “My little tail has grown up.”

Her lip curls up and she gives me a confused look, dropping her notebook into the seat of my truck. “Excuse me, weirdo,” she mumbles. “I’m no one’s little tail, whatever the hell that means?”

She’s damn adorable and feisty, standing there looking like she wants to hit me. She didn't get Adric's laid back nature, that's for sure but she definitely takes after Adric's take crap off no one attitude and the thought makes me laugh. I miss my bro so much and being here with his family makes me feel closer to him “It’s been a long time. Trust me. Eight years to be exact, but you used to follow me around everywhere like I had a tail.”

She looks even more confused as she focuses her attention on Phoenix. “Okay, who is this cute weirdo? If he wasn’t cute and I didn’t like those awesome tattoos, I would kick him where it counts.”