This Regret (25 page)

As I start the song, the fireworks begin, bursting with colors, causing Phoenix to look up toward the sky. She almost looks as if she wants to make a mad dash for it and go inside to hide, but as her eyes meet mine, she suddenly relaxes. Something in her eyes tells me she’s been just as fucked up as I have over the years on account of this day, so seeing her relax, allows me to breathe again. I was afraid she would want to leave right away and at the moment, I just want to be here, with this guitar in my hands and her beside me.

I haven’t told her this, but I haven’t watched fireworks in over eight years. The memory of that night haunts me too greatly to want to remember this day. I will always feel responsible for his death. I should have made it to him sooner. I should have been able to stop him, but I couldn’t. I was too late and the events that followed will always consume my soul and be too much to put on anyone else. It’s my burden to carry and no matter how heavy it is, I w
ill continue to carry it alone.

I can tell it took her by surprise to hear Adric's song coming from me. I've worked on it for years in hopes one day I could give a small piece of him back to her, to keep him alive. He should be remembered for the amazing person he was. Those girls were everything to him. He practically raised them for the crappy parents he had. He never really had a childhood. He would have given up any dream he had to give them theirs.

I see a small smile form on Phoenix’s lips as her eyes close and her hands go up to meet the top of her hair. She pauses for a moment before running her hands through the silkiness of her hair and pulling it out of its bun, shaking her head. Her hair falls around her in beautiful brown waves and I can see her lips part as she takes a deep breath and exhales. In this moment, she is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on and all I can think about is pulling her into my arms and breathing in the scent of her sweet perfume. The thought fucks with me, making me mad. I shouldn’t want her like this. I’m not the romantic type and never want to be. I have nothing to give her, but physical pleasure. That’s all I’m good for. I’m broken and hollow, nothing left but a shell of a man. The day Adric took his last breath, a part of me died with the mistakes that I’ve made. A part I can never get back because it was buried right along with him.

I will never be what she wants or needs, but I love how me playing the guitar can make her look so at peace. Adric used to play the guitar for her before he died and I will always remember the smile it brought to her face. No matter how upset she was, it always made her happy. I sucked back then at playing, and she would always laugh at me and tell me I should find a different hobby, because playing the guitar was doing nothing for my image. It’s a good thing I’ve had a lot of free time on my hands over the years because playing has helped bring a little peace to my life over the years when I was alone and pissed off at every living, breathing being.

I find myself staring at her, unable to turn away. She draws me in with little or no effort. Her chest is moving up
and down and the black bra she’s wearing underneath her shirt becomes visible every time she inhales, pressing against the thin fabric of her shirt. My eyes trail over to her tan shoulder that is hanging out of her shirt and I get an urge to run my lips over the little freckles that run down her skin, getting lost under the sleeve. My fingers speed up as I take in the sight of her slightly parted legs, getting a glimpse of her dark laced panties. All I can imagine is what she tastes like and suddenly, my whole rhythm is off and the song turns to crap. She’s got me all kinds of fucked up right now.

She opens her eyes and looks as if she’s about to speak, until I lay my guitar down beside me. This guitar is my most prized possession. I'll guard it with my life. The day I found Adric, it was by his side. He always said if something happened to me to take it because it was his grandfathers and it should be appreciated like he appreciated it. I took it and had it completely restored.

I focus my attention on her, zoning in on what I want. She stares at me silently as I steady my weight on my knees and reach over, pulling her up by her hand. Placing my hand behind her neck and pulling her body closer so she’s face to face with me, our bodies are flush on our knees.

I look deep into her eyes and I can feel her breath quicken against my face, making me want her even more. I want to feel her breath, ragged and calling out my name, as I push deep inside her, touching her places I shouldn’t. The want is clear on my face. I know it and so does she.

She looks a little lost as she struggles to find words and I find it to be so damn cute. “When did you learn to play like that, it was beautiful. Why did you stop?”

I don’t know. Maybe because she stuns me and makes me feel things I have been fighting for so long not to feel or maybe she’s just too beautiful. I can't seem to concentrate on anything else but her and that damn scent that comes from her every time she moves. Whatever the reason, it sucks and I’m losing my will power and everything I’ve stood for. I'm tired of fighting it.

Biting my bottom lip and sucking in my ring, I yank her body closer to mine with so much desperation that she must think I’m crazy because there wasn't but a sliver of space to begin with, but I don’t care. I have to taste her, to feel her against my skin. I press my lips against the smooth skin of her exposed shoulder and take a deep breath before running my lips up her neck, stopping just under her ear.
Holy shit, she smells delicious.

She gasps and her body stiffens under my touch. I almost think she’s going to get up and make a run for it, but she doesn’t. Instead, she reminds me of how stupid I am being and I instantly hate myself for doing this to her. “I thought you said this was a mistake,” she breathes.

Fuck my life!
This is a mistake because by doing this, I might be hurting us both, but I can’t think rational when I’m around her. I find my eyes retreating to her legs again, and the way they tremble turns me on like I’ve never been turned on before. My cock is throbbing so hard it almost hurts and I feel like my zipper is about to burst at the seam. The only way to make this go away is by burying myself to the hilt in between those thighs and fucking her hard, until she comes all over my dick.

Yanking my shirt over my head, I throw it down beside me and grip her thighs, pulling her as close as I can get her. “I don’t give a shit if this is a mistake anymore. What the fuck do I know?” Breathing heavily, I run my hands up the length of her legs, spreading them wider, causing her whole body to shake. "I have to be inside you, Phoenix. I can’t take this torture anymore but there is one thing I need to know. Have you slept with my brother?”

Her eyes slowly trail down my body, landing on the defined muscles that lead down to my jeans. I can tell just by the look in her eye how much she wants me inside her. I don’t even need her to say anything, I just need to know my brother’s never gotten a taste.

When she shakes her head, giving me the confirmation that my brother is a lying dick, an excitement courses through me and I can hardly even keep from nutting right here and now. I know by doing this I’m probably fucking us both, especially after kissing her. Whenever I kiss a girl, they always seem to fall in love with me. I basically stopped allowing girls to kiss me, omitting that form of intimacy altogether. Why I slipped up with her, I have no idea. Probably because all the rules go out the window when it comes to her. “That’s all I need to hear.”

Before she can process my words, I push her skirt up her legs and yank her panties to the side, exposing her beautiful body. I can see her chest rise and fall with every breath she takes, letting me know she doesn’t dislike what I’m about to do to her. Hell, she probably wants it just as much as I do. I want her so badly right now, I’m almost tempted to skip any foreplay and slip inside her, but I feel as if she deserves better. That and I can’t help but to want a taste what I do to her.

I'm so wound up, I tear her panties from her body. Laying her back, I bend over and allow my tongue to trail up the inside of her thigh. I can already see her juices dripping and all I want to do is lick her clean. She smells of cupc
akes and I can only imagine her pussy tastes even sweeter. Tossing her panties down beside us, I look her in the eye and my words make her whole body jerk. “I need to taste you and I won’t stop until I’ve had enough. I fucking love cupcakes.”

Grabbing her thighs, I push her legs towards her breasts. I slowly trail my tongue up the wetness of her pussy, torturing her clit with the tip of my barbell, before slipping my tongue deep inside, getting a better taste. She moans and her whole body shakes with pleasure as I spread her moistness to her clit and slip a finger into her tightness. I swirl my tongue around before sucking her clit
into my mouth. I am right, she tastes so fucking sweet and the thought of any other man tasting her angers me. Grabbing her hips, I rotate completely, leaving her straddling my face. I suck and lick while moving my finger in and out in a slow, consistent motion, never losing rhythm. I know how much rhythm means to a woman’s sexual needs and I will be fucked if I don’t give her the greatest pleasure she’s ever known. It doesn’t take long before I feel her already starting to clamp down around my finger. It doesn’t surprise me though. If I’m good at one thing, it’s definitely using my tongue. I slowly run my tongue in between her lips before sucking her lips into my mouth and then her clit. When I feel her starting to clamp again, I run my tongue over her thigh before softly biting down on it.

Her body jerks as she clamps around my finger and screams. It’s so fucking tight, it feels as if it’s going to break my finger. Right before she
comes, I pull my finger out replacing it with my tongue. I want to taste her when she comes. “Oh fuck me!” Her breathing comes out in heavy bursts as she continues to scream and moan above me. “Oh shit, Kellan!” I can feel her juices on my tongue. I swallow leaving nothing behind. She runs her hands through her hair before biting her bottom lip.

Her screams make my cock hurt and I need to release it before it busts the zipper of my jeans. I snake my arm around her waist before laying her down on the blanket with my body pressed between her wet thighs. I kiss her, wanting her to taste herself on my lips. I place my lips to her ear and whisper. “You like the way my tongue feels, tasting you? Does it make you want more?”

She moans and leans her head back, pressing it into the blanket. Watching her shake while running her hand up the length of her thigh makes me want another taste. I sit up on my knees and grab her hips, bringing her hips up to meet my face. I run my tongue along her thighs and over her wetness, licking up the juices. “You taste so fucking good, Phoenix. Now I want to bury my cock deep inside you while you scream my name,” I say, running my tongue over my lips and trying to catch my breath. “Do you think you can handle it, because once I start, I won’t be able to stop.”

I have never felt this desperate to be inside a woman and waiting for her to answer is killing me. I want her to touch me, to give me a sign it’s okay to take her. When she reaches out and pulls my jeans down my thighs, her eyes desperately searching mine, I take that as her answer.

Her hands tremble as she reaches for my cock and pulls it free from my boxers. “Holy shit, Kellan.” Her eyes widen as she takes in the sight of my rock hard dick. I can’t remember ever being this hard for someone and the feeling of her hand around my cock makes me even harder.

She slowly runs her hand up the length of my dick, stroking it before playing with the head of it in her tiny fingers and looking me in the eye. “You have the sexiest dick I’ve ever seen. Is everything on your body so damn perfect?”

I think of the scar through my eyebrow that haunts me every time I look in the mirror, reminding me of that fucked up day and my blood boils. Anger courses through me and suddenly, I want to fuck her harder than I’ve ever fucked a woman before. My anger always gets the best of me and that’s another reason I’m so damaged.

Without warning, I grab her hips and flip her over, causing a small moan to escape her lips. “Not as perfect as you are.” Running my hands up the roundness of her ass, I grip her cheeks, spreading them apart as I slide into the wetness of her tightness and push as deep as it will allow me.

“Oh fuck!” She screams and I can feel the wetness between her legs thicken. “Kellan,” she whimpers.

I place my hands back on her hips and grip tightly as I start out slow and deep, getting a feel for her pussy. My cock has been known to hurt, so I want to see what she can handle before I give her my all. “Oh shit, it feels so good being inside you.” I push into he
r, rolling my hips in and out. I cup her breasts in my hands and I pull her body up to meet mine. With her back pressed against my chest, I grab the bottom of her shirt, pulling it up and over her head. “I’m about to fuck you deep and hard so don’t be afraid to scream.” I lean in and run my tongue up the side of her neck before sucking in her earlobe. “I love it loud.”

Pushing her back down on the palm of her hands, I slam into her, burying myself deep before bending over her, yanking her head to the side and running my tongue across her mouth. She moans against my lips, causing me to go harder and deeper. “Yeah, you fucking like me inside you?” I suck in her bottom lip while reaching around with my other hand and playing with her clit. “Tell me how much you like it, Phoenix. I want to hear you say it.”

Her body trembles from my touch and I have to catch her from collapsing. “I like it so fucking much, Kellan.” I pull her face closer to mine and rub my lip ring over her bottom lip. She lets out a cry of pleasure before opening her mouth and licking my bottom lip then sucking the ring into her mouth.