Three Hearts One Soul (The Soul Series #1) (2 page)

“Jase?” I whisper.

The large form rolls and I am met with the most beautiful brown eyes I ever did see. Darker than milk chocolate and so deep, they swallow me in. I loved those eyes, for such a long time, they were my safe place. Looking at Jase always made things better. He just had that kind of sunshine about him, he’s was so utterly perfect. Now he’s sitting in a hospital, staring up at me from his bed with pure confusion in his brown depths.

“Nevaeh? Is that you?” he whispers, his voice hoarse.

My heart clenches as I stare down at the man I once loved so dearly.
The man who became my world so quickly. I cover my mouth with my hand and make a strangled, choking sound. I haven’t seen Jase for five years, I haven’t seen him since he and Whiskey left me with no contact. I stopped looking for them after a few months, when I realized they weren’t coming back. It broke me, I lost not only one, but two of my best friends. I was young, alone and forced to deal with the backlash of their leaving on my own.

“It’s me…Jase…is it really you? Oh god, Jase. Tell me this isn’t real?” I manage, clutching my chest.

His brown eyes widen and he sits up, running his hand over his bald head. Then it hits me hard. I remember what Tanya said about the man in this bed. Cancer. Sick. Cancer. Jase has Cancer? Jase? Jase the nicest man I’ve ever met? Jase the sweetheart who never let me cry alone? No, it can’t be. This is just a dream. Maybe I’ve got the wrong bed. Maybe he just cut his hair. Jase isn’t sick. He can’t be. He’s too good. He’s too perfect. Jase is one of the good ones, this can’t happen to him.

“Nevaeh, oh god, it’s really you.”

Unable to contain my emotions, I turn and run out of the room. I hear my own shoes clatter on the floor as I rush towards the toilets. When I reach the wooden doors, I shove them open and barrel into a stall. Then, I drop to my knees and I throw up. Jase is in the hospital and he has cancer. It can’t be happening. It can’t be. It’s a dream. I’ll wake up soon. My hands tremble and tears stream down my face as I grip the toilet and dry reach until I can’t breathe. I hear a knock at the door a moment later.

“Nevaeh?
Honey? Are you ok?”

It’s Tanya.

“I…I…”

“Open the door, come on,” she encourages.

I manage to turn and flick the lock on the door. I flush the toilet and turn so my back presses against the wall, I bring my knees up to my chest and tremble as reality washes over me. Jase is here. He’s in the hospital and he’s sick. He’s my patient. I have to be his nurse, to take care of him, to help him. Jase is sick. Oh god, he’s sick. I can’t…I can’t seem to push that from my mind. How could this be happening? Maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe it’s something mild and he’s just in for treatment. Maybe I’m over reacting.

“Hey, what happened?” Tanya asks, kneeling and staring down at me with those deep blue eyes.

“Remember when I told you about Jase and Whiskey?” I whisper hoarsely.

“Yeah, of course.”

Swallowing the painful lump in my throat, I rasp, “The man in bed nine…that’s Jase.”

Tanya’s mouth
drops open and she slumps down beside me. “Jase is our cancer patient?”

“I…oh…I…”

“Hey, shhh, it’s going to be ok,” she soothes, gripping my hand and stroking her fingers over my skin.

“I haven’t seen Jase for five years. I didn’t even know he lived so close. I didn’t know he was sick.”

“He got transferred and you couldn’t have known he was sick honey.”

I turn to her, I know my eyes are wide and frightened. “I can’t do this Tanya, I can’t look after him. I can’t after…”

“You don’t get a choice honey, Jase is in your section and you know we’re too short staffed to swap around right now. It’s only for a few days, after that he’ll be moved.”

“How can I face him
, Tanya? After so many painful years?” I say in a small, desperate voice.

“You just have to treat him as a patient
hon, you don’t get a choice.”

“Tan…is he…dying?”

She shakes her head, letting me know she doesn’t know. “I haven’t read his chart honey, but I don’t think it’s good.”

My stomach clenches again and I turn back towards the toilet, losing my stomach once more. Tanya strokes my hair and soothes me as I cry and throw up until there’s nothing left. When she finally gets me to my feet, she takes me out into the washing up area and soaks a towel, pressing it against my face. I hold the cool cloth against my cheeks, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths to try and calm myself. Regardless of the past, your best friend could quite possibly be dying. You have to be here, you have to suck it up.

“I have to get back to work babe, are you ok?” Tanya asks, tucking a stray hand of hair behind my ear.

“I’m ok,” I croak. “Thanks Tan.”

“Call me if you need, ok?”

I nod. “Ok.”

When she’s gone, I stare at myself in the mirror. My usually grey eyes are bloodshot. I dab my face with the cool cloth again, trying to reduce the blotchy, red marks all over my cheeks and forehead. I let my hair down, covering the ones on my neck and then I take a deep breath and head back out. As I walk down the halls, I have to force my legs to move. All I want to do is run, but I can’t, I have to face this, I have to. It’s Jase, regardless of anything, it’s Jase.

When I get back into his room, he’s sitting on the side of the bed staring at the floor. I clear my throat and he snaps his head up. I get a good look at him now. His once flawless porcelain skin now has a grey
tinge to it. He has no flush in his cheeks, and his eyes look a little sunken. His once thick blonde hair is completely gone, but I can see his lashes and eyebrows are still there, for the moment. Our eyes meet and so much passes between us, I don’t know what to say, so I’m thankful when he speaks first.

“I’ve thought about you every day for five years, this isn’t how I expected us to meet again.”

“You’re sick,” I whisper.

It’s not a question, it’s a fact. He looks away a moment and I see him flinch. His broad shoulders hunch as he meets my gaze again.

“Yes.”

“What is it?” My voice comes out as an empty squeak.

“Lung cancer.”

Lung cancer?
Lung cancer? No, that can’t be right. They have it wrong. He’s too young. He’s never smoked a day in his life. He’s always taken care of his body. It can’t be right.

“How?
I don’t understand.”

He shrugs lightly. “I don’t know. It’s just there and I can’t change it.”

“How bad?” I rasp, swallowing my anxiety down as I prepare myself for his answer.

He doesn’t move his eyes from mine. “Three to six months with treatment, about a month without.”

My legs give way and I crumble to the floor in a heap. Tears thunder down my cheeks as his words sink in. Three to six months. Three to six months is all he has left. I feel a set of arms go around me and as soon as I breathe in that musky, minty scent, I know it’s Jase. He shouldn’t be comforting me, this isn’t how we should be reuniting. We should be screaming at each other, I should be slapping him and then we should be making up with tears and beers, not crumpled on the floor sobbing because he’s…no…I can’t say it. I won’t.

“Hey,
shhh, it’s ok,” he soothes. Why is he soothing me? It’s not me who’s…no...god…no.

“Jase, please tell me it’s not real. This isn’t how it’s meant to go.”

“I’m ok with it Nevaeh, I’m ok, I’ve learned to...deal,” he says in a gruff voice so full of emotion it burns every part of my soul.

“Five years, and this is how we meet again? It’s not fair.”

He doesn’t answer, he just holds me. What is there to say anyway? Him leaving in comparison to this is like comparing a horse to a cat, there’s just no comparison. Him leaving is no more than a faded memory that really doesn’t hold a candle to this. I wonder how I even thought it was the worst feeling in my life, it’s definitely not. It’s so far from it, I feel childish even thinking it was. 

“I’m so sorry Nevaeh,” he murmurs, rocking me slightly.
“So sorry for running. So sorry for never coming back. I’ve regret it every day. I regret that I didn’t keep you for just a little longer, I left it until it was too late and my time was running out.”

“Jase no, don’t say that. We’re going to get you better, we’ll find a way,” I croak, my voice desperate.

Neither of us speak, we just sit on the floor wrapped in each other until a throat clearing behind us has us finally pulling apart. Jase stands, pulling me up with him. I see Doctor Wilson standing at the door, his dark eyes concerned as he rakes his gaze over us. Doctor Wilson is a very good Doctor and he’s the best in his field. He gives us a warm smile, and from this angle, his chocolate skin looks even darker. He’s a lovely man and very caring towards his patients, people come from miles away to be on his services. He’s just one of those Doctors you don’t see often. He cares.

“Mr
Levanox, is everything ok?” he asks in his soft, velvety voice.

Jase nods, meeting my gaze. Seeing his eyes, seeing how sick he truly is, has my heart clenching so badly I have to pat my chest a few times, sure it’s going to just stop.

“Yeah Doc, Nevaeh here is a very old, dear friend. She didn’t know about the…Cancer.”

The Cancer.
It doesn’t sound like anything serious, it’s just a word. Yet, it’s so extremely powerful. It’s one of those words you hear and it has you stopping what you’re doing. It’s a word that digs deep into your heart, making you realize what life is all about. It’s something you never want to be faced with.

“I’m so sorry,” Doctor Wilson says gently. “I just wanted to discuss your treatment plan with you.”

Jase stiffens and I swipe the tears drying on my cheeks away. Maybe there’s a way to save him, maybe there’s a chance. People recover from cancer all the time. They do. I’ve seen it. Sucking in a deep breath, I reach out and take Jase’s hand.

“Let’s see what he has to say.”

Shock washes over his beautiful features, as though he expected I would never stay after what he and Whiskey did all those years ago. I won’t leave Jase, though, because I know he’d never leave me, no matter what happened in the past. I’ll be here for him, because above all else he’s still my friend and that’s what he needs me to be for him right now.

“You’re staying?” he whispers.

I squeeze his hand. “I can’t believe you even have to ask.”

“After everything I did?”

I nod, feeling my heart break once more, but I squelch it. “I’m here, Jase, because you’re my friend and I won’t let you do this alone. I don’t care that we’ve been reunited for a whole of ten minutes. The past means nothing to me right now. Nothing.”

“Ok, so, if you want to lie down we’ll begin.” Doctor Wilson says, indicating the bed.

I help Jase to the bed and when he lies down, I stand beside the bed, putting a blood pressure monitor on his arm and taking his pressure as Doctor Wilson begins to speak.

“Ok Jase, we both
know where you’re at with treatment, but now you’re here we’re going to try a few different things.”

“It won’t matter though, will it, I’m going to die anyway,” Jase says in a voice so void of emotion it scares me.

My hands stiffen and I struggle to inhale my next breath. Doctor Wilson smiles, he’s so professional, so calm, so in control.

“We’ll do everything we can.”

A stock answer. It’s not a yes or a no, it doesn’t give you hope or crush your faith, it basically just leaves you feeling exactly the same as you did a moment earlier. It leaves you wondering. It leaves you hoping. It leaves you believing there might be a way, that Doctors might just be the miracle you’ve asked for in your prayers. That there will be a new treatment. That something will come along and make this better.

“Now, you’ve had two surgeries to remove sections of your lungs. This is your second round of Chemotherapy, am I correct?”

Jase nods, his eyes never leaving mine. I can see how afraid he is, I know this is killing him but he’s keeping a brave face. He’s keeping a brave face when he should be breaking down. He’s so beautifully strong and it breaks my heart. It literally throbs so angrily I’m sure it’ll leap out of my chest and land on the floor.

“What I would like to try, is a little radiotherapy too, to try and increase the likeliness of removing more cells. I’m also researching more clinical trials we might be able to try.”

“What are my chances, with all these treatments? Be straight with me Doc?”

Doctor Wilson sits beside the bed and looks Jase right in the eyes. “You know the cancer has spread from your lungs Jase, you’re at stage four now, which makes the process a lot more difficult. With treatment, and good care, I believe your chances of beating this are less than 15%. I’m sorry Jase.”

I swallow down the lump in my throat. I grip Jase’s hand. “It’s still a chance, we can fight this.”

Jase smiles at me, but I can already see he’s given up. He can’t give up. He can’t. I have to make him believe he can do this, that he can fight this. With odds like that though, I know why he wants to give up.