Three More Wishes: Be Kind To Your Genie (32 page)

When Paula got inside the motel room, she discovered Sheila reading a porn-site story on her computer, “Tiffany the Robot.” Sheila’s cheeks were flushed, and she was rubbing herself.

Paula said, “I don’t mind you having fun, Sheila, so long as you did what I told you to do. What have you found out?”

Sheila replied, “I discovered that his house has three alarm systems. The first covers the security gate, the doors and windows of the garage, and does motion-detection of the grounds. The second alarm circuit is for the house: It covers the house’s windows and doors. The third alarm is for one door and two windows, which I’m guessing belong to the master bedroom.”

“So what did you find out?”

“The outer two alarm systems come back on when dropped, but the alarm system for Marvin’s bedroom stays off.”

“What do you mean, the systems ‘come back’? Make them go off and stay off, instead of you reading porn!”

Mousy Sheila was trembling, which she did every time she had to contradict Paula. Panting from hyperventilation, Sheila said, “Don’t you think I’ve tried, ‘Tina’? I’ve done everything short of walk into that house with a soldering iron, but no cigar. I turn off a circuit, I blink my eyes, and the circuit turns back on. I suspect that the house has battery-operated duplicate circuits.”

Paula thought,
Or maybe Fatima did something magical. After all, somehow Marvin and Fatima knew I was coming.

Aloud, Paula told Sheila, “Turn off your computer, then come lick me till I say ‘Stop.’ I need to sleep well tonight—”

“I obey, Senator,” Sheila said with downcast gaze (and a throaty voice).

“—because tomorrow will be a busy day for me. Tomorrow I go to Marvin’s house.”

WEDNESDAY
Wednesday, 6:15 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

Ten minutes before my alarm went off, I woke up with ideas in my head. I shut off the alarm, kissed Sherry on the cheek (we’d had sex three hours earlier), jumped out of bed, jammed on my pants, and rushed through the mansion to the monster kitchen.

I had to find Fatima
now
.

I had figured correctly: Fatima was in the monster kitchen. I grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her into the dishwashing room, saying, “I need to talk to you!” Unfortunately, we weren’t alone there: Matsuko and Tiffani were working at the deep-sink.

As soon as Fatima and I got to the computer room, I requested that she create a soundproofing box. Fatima made the box, while giving me a raised eyebrow and an amused smile. Then when nobody could possibly hear us, I asked Fatima to summon her scrying ball.

As soon as the scrying ball was afloat in front of her face, I said, “I have either two or three questions to ask you. I know that these questions are requests, and you can refuse to answer, but I really,
really
hope that you’ll answer me. I need to know.”

Her eyebrow, which had come down, went up again. “What are your questions?”

With great anxiousness I asked my first question. Three minutes later, Fatima gave me her answer.

That answer made us both smile.

Then I asked my second question. Fifteen seconds later, Fatima answered.

This time, both our smiles were
bigger
, and it immediately led to my asking my third question. Fatima instantly answered.

In response to her words, we both grinned.

I was still grinning when I said, “Everything you’ve told me, it simplifies things. I was worried that I’d need to make the girls move out of the mansion, when they’d just moved in. Now I can let them stay.”

Fatima frowned. “Master, just because—”

“It’s decided, Fatima. Nobody’s evacuating, nobody leaves. For one thing, Gregory’s Girls have no place to go.”

Fatima frowned again, then said, “Your choice might be unwise.” It was the closest that she’d ever come to saying
Master, you’re a fucking idiot.

Then I changed the subject, asking her about magical defenses against an attack by Paula Sarin. I learned that if I was attacked directly, Fatima would defend me (if I were unable to defend myself). I also learned that the house and grounds had three security-alarm circuits, and that Fatima already had magically strengthened two of them.

My eyebrow went up. “Just two? Why not the third one?”

Fatima shrugged. “You don’t keep anything valuable in your bedroom, Master, except for my Vessel. And by King Solomon’s rule, I’m not allowed to magically hamper theft of the lamp.”

I said, “Semi off-topic: How did Paula Sarin get here from Lawissa? Can she teleport? Can she foom around like you can?”

Fatima said, “She can’t ‘foom around.’ As for how she got here...”

Fatima hit her scrying ball. Soon she told me, “Paula came here in a Cessna jet that is registered to Charles Cassidy of Anchorage, Alaska.”

I clapped my hands. “Then there’s no problem! She can’t teleport, right? So the only way for her to get from the curb to my bedroom is by moving her feet, right? If she tries anything during the day, people here see her and stop her. If she tries anything at night, alarms go off that she can’t silence. She can’t get close to the lamp! Which means, the safest place for the lamp is still my bedroom.”

Fatima’s look said again,
Master, you’re a fucking idiot.

****

Wednesday, 9:34 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

The pawnshop owner brought a cardboard box from the back room. By a quick glance, Paula spotted twenty cel phones in the box. Each of the phones was prepaid and ready to use.

The pawn-shop man had three days’ growth of beard, and looked like he’d slit Paula’s throat for five bucks. But looks were deceiving—for Paula, the guy was a pussycat.

“Sell me two phones for what you paid for ’em,” Paula ordered.

“Yes, Tina,” the man replied. He put a yellow phone and a black phone on the counter. “That’ll be six bucks.”

“One of ’em needs a charger.”

“That’s five bucks more.” The man walked out onto the sales floor, grabbed a phone charger off a shelf, and put it on the counter next to the phones.

Paula paid cash. As she was putting the cel phones and charger in her purse, she said, “Wait five minutes before you turn the security cameras back on.”

“I obey, Tina.”

At the door, Paula stopped and turned around. “And if you’re questioned by cops or feds, don’t mention this little sale at all. You’ve never seen me before, you don’t recognize my picture, and ‘Tina’ doesn’t ring a bell. Got me? Even if keeping quiet means you get more jail time, keep your mouth shut.”

The man swallowed. “I obey, Tina.”

Paula drove back to the motel, gave the yellow prepaid phone and phone charger to Sheila, and then Paula and Sheila set course for Marvin’s house.

****

Wednesday, 10:06 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time

Paula Sarin was
near
Marvin’s house. But Paula wasn’t
in
Marvin’s house; she was balked by a large wrought-iron gate.

“May I help you?” Paula heard a young woman’s voice say. That young woman sounded bored to death.

Paula leaned against the car door to get her face closer to the intercom speaker. “My name is Tina Le Fey, and I got a package for ... let’s see, ‘Marvin Harper.’ ”

“Sure, whatever,” the voice replied. A second later, the front gate opened.

Paula drove in, and stopped the car in front of a truly impressive mansion. She popped the trunk. But instead of shutting off the engine, Paula stepped out of the car and gestured for Sheila to get behind the wheel.

“When you see me ring the doorbell, drive off,” Paula said. Sheila nodded. Paula continued, “Then go back to the motel and keep your phone on.” Then Paula gave Sheila further instructions.

Paula grabbed the heavy satchel out of the trunk, and struggled to carry it to the front door. Just before Paula rang the doorbell, she unzipped the satchel long enough to remove the Gideon Bible she’d taken from the motel room.

With Gideon Bible in her left hand, Paula rang the doorbell; she heard the rental car drive away.

The door was opened by a blue-eyed brunette with a truly impressive chest, and it made perfect sense that Marvin had her wearing a French Maid costume. White embroidered script revealed the woman’s name as Elvira.

“Yeah, whattaya got?” Elvira said. She gave only a glance to Paula’s face and red wig before turning her eyes to the book in Paula’s hand.

Paula’s right hand shot out, snake-quick, and she laid her hand on Elvira’s arm. “Elvira, you trust me, you want to—”

Elvira jerked her arm away. “
What the fuck?
”

This shocked Paula, because she’d never met anyone immune to Suggestion before.

“Who the fuck
are
you?” Elvira demanded. “What’s going on?”

Paula pasted on an
I’m harmless
smile. “I’m Tina Le Fey, and I’m supposed to deliver this book to Marvin.” Meanwhile, Paula reached out again and touched Elvira’s hand.

Elvira didn’t go blank-eyed this time either. Instead, she glared. “Touch me again, lezzie, and I’ll break bones.” Then the sullen French Maid
looked
at Paula.

“Shit, I was sure he was crazy,” Elvira breathed. Then her own hand shot out, grabbing a handful of Paula’s wig-hair. Elvira
yanked
.

While holding Paula’s red wig in one hand, Elvira sneered, “I think you’re lost, Senator. Alaska is a ways from here.”

Paula felt like someone had stuck her own semiautomatic pistol in her face.

****

A second later, Elvira, while still clutching Paula’s wig, looked Paula up and down. The French Maid held the high cards here and, since Paula couldn’t Suggestion Elvira, there wasn’t a damn thing that Paula could do about anything.

Clearly, Elvira was thinking hard. Eventually she said, “Normally I’d kick the decision upstairs to Fatima the housekeeper, even though I can’t stand the green-eyed bitch. She’s Marvin’s toady.”

Paula felt raw panic then. No good could come from Jerngert’s killer being at the mercy of another genie.

Paula choked out the words: “You said ‘normally’ you’d ask Fatima. What’s different now?”

“Oh, she’s out of the house. Something about buying a rug. So you’re
my
decision, lucky you.” Paula recognized Elvira’s evil smile.

Then Elvira continued her evil smile. “So Paula—mind if I call you ‘Paula,’ like we’re good friends? What’s in this house that you want so bad?”

Paula said imperiously, “I don’t have to answer that.”

Elvira’s look was scornful. “And I don’t have to let you in.”

Paula glared at Elvira. Elvira glared at Paula. Neither broke eye contact—

—until Elvira burst out laughing. “Shit, if we’d met any other way than this, we’d be buds. We aren’t neither of us goody-two-shoes types.” Then Elvira eyed Paula and said, “Okay, you won’t tell me what you want? Here’s a question you
gotta
answer: How bad do you want it?”

“Bad. I want it bad, you bet.”

Elvira replied with a frown and crossed arms, and she moved to block the door.

Well, the joke was worth a try.
Paula unzipped the satchel. Besides the hardware, 9-mm Chekhov pistol, moose jerky, bottled water, and Gideon Bible, inside the satchel were wads of twenty-dollar bills. Paula filled her voice with reluctance: “I can spare you five hundred bucks.”

“Triple it. Fifteen hundred,” Elvira said in a bored voice.

“There’s no fifteen hundred dollars in here. I can’t give you what I don’t—”

“Fifteen hundred in my hand, or you dump out the bag and we both count the cash, or you turn around, walk out the gate, and call a cab. Or maybe a police car could give you a ride? I can arrange that.”

Walking away was not an option for Paula. Neither was letting a woman whom she couldn’t Suggestion, see the Chekhov and the bolt cutters. That left only one option.

Seconds later, and fifteen hundred dollars poorer, Paula Sarin and her satchel were climbing the attic stairs. Just before Elvira shut the attic door, she muttered, “Fuck Marvin, and the chastity belt he rode in on.” Paula had no idea what Elvira meant by that.

Now to hunt for Fatima’s lamp. It’s in an Army footlocker, and that footlocker has to be in the attic. It MUST be
, Paula thought.

****

Wednesday, 3:44 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time

I was in the computer room when Fatima walked in. “Master, I’m back. I brought the hallway rug that I promised you at the pool party.” Oddly, Fatima looked sad. This morning she’d been happy—what had changed?

I tried to joke her into smiling: “Okay, so tell me about this rug. Is it magic? Can I fly on it?”

She briefly smiled. “Sorry, it’s made by a computer and human-made machines.”

I asked, “But it’s 6 feet wide and 209 feet long, right?” She nodded. I continued, “If
djinn
didn’t make it, how did you make something so big, so fast? Surely the place had other customers.”

“I paid the owner with a sack full of authentic Roman gold coins.” Her hands described a
big
sack. “Five minutes later, my design was loaded into one of the floor computers.”

I realized that I was hearing noises coming from the staircase. I went out to investigate.

The hallway rug was rolled up into a cylinder six feet wide and six feet in diameter. The cylinder kept its shape due to tight ropes. Two workmen were trying to roll the rug-cylinder up the stairs.

Both workmen had brown skin and black hair, and they wore matching green coveralls.

I called up the stairs, “Need some help?”

One of the workmen turned around—he was Ashnadim. “Certainly, sir. Can you take my place, holding up the rug?”

As soon as I put my shoulders to the rug, Ashnadim dashed down the stairs and out the front door. Minutes later, he’d brought in two chain pulleys and an eight-foot-long four-by-four of wood. The wood went into the “donut hole” in the center of the rug roll.

Fifteen minutes later, Ashnadim and his green-eyed assistant had moved to the top of the stairs and had pulled the rug up, while I pushed it up from underneath.

As soon as we’d gotten the rug-roll up off the stairs, I remarked to Ashnadim, “Whew, that was
work
.”

Ashnadim pointed with his nose to the bottom of the stairs. “Sorry for doing it the hard way,” he said in a low voice, “but you have an audience.” Gathered at the bottom of the stairs were Fatima, Almira, and five other of my women, who clearly had enjoyed the all-male show.

We three males pushed the rug-roll to the end of the hallway, then Fatima walked up with a big kitchen knife to cut the ropes. She was back to looking sad.

I said to Fatima, “I’m sure this is a very nice rug, Fatima, but you didn’t have to bust your ass on it. You promised me this—what, only three days ago?”

Sad Fatima shared meaningful looks with Ashnadim; I couldn’t read their faces. Then Fatima asked me, “Master, may we talk in your room?”

Seconds later, I was shutting my bedroom door and was walking up to the three Green Tribe
djinn
, who were standing by my bed. Fatima immediately conjured a Silence Box to surround us.

The mournfulness of the three
djinn
was creeping me out. If Fatima hadn’t already told me that I’d live at least ten more years, I’d be convinced now that I was about to die.

The other “workman”
djinni
, who’d spoken not a word to me till now, asked me, “Fatima’s Vessel is in this room?”

I pointed to the footlocker. “In that box.”

Ashnadim asked me, “May we see it? Her Vessel?”

“Sure, no problem,” I said.

Fatima expanded the Silence Box to include the footlocker. Seconds later, I was walking up to Ashnadim and the other
djinni
, brass lamp in my left hand.