Three Round Towers (14 page)

Beth and I were so happy at South Farm, even when she was fractious with teething, and one of the nicest things for me was that I was included in the household. I wasn't treated as a servant but as Cecilia's friend and companion.

Having said that, I usually ate with the servants and Beth in the kitchen but occasionally, when there were friends visiting, I left Beth with Cilla and joined in the informal suppers. Farmer Elwood regularly invited other farmers to share his table and Cecilia and I would join them to make sure they didn't discuss work all of the time. After supper when the port was being handed round we would leave them to it and disappear into Cecilia's own little sitting room – a haven of femininity and comfort.

I was happiest when we all sat around discussing the local news and the doings of the farm and locality, in particular Lewes. Dr Grieve was often present and though I sat in awe of his skills and intelligence I felt myself to be of consequence. He often sought my comments when we were discussing general health issues and many times I was aware of him watching me. I did not imagine that he had a personal interest in me as a woman but I think he grew to respect what he called my good sense. Whatever it was he sought I felt valued by the household, and him. His visits to South Farm were regular and according to Cecilia more frequent than in the past.

When we were alone Cecilia giggled and said she thought Dr Grieve was coming to the farm to see me rather than them. I felt rather uncomfortable about this but couldn't resist asking if she really thought so. Later, when alone in my room with Beth I peered at myself in the mirror and wondered if a man, let alone an educated man, might find me attractive in character because I certainly wasn't in looks.

Cecilia was beside herself with excitement waiting for her brother. She was up and down all morning running to the windows, checking the kitchen and Mrs Fisher's arrangements for the family supper to be held that evening. It would be an intimate meal for just the three of them before an outing to Brighton tomorrow and the races on the following day. When he finally came he was riding a horse that filled me with awe as I watched from the window. It was a magnificent creature and looked the part to carry such a noble man. Two servants and a groomsman made up the group and there was much scurrying about as they clattered into the stable yard.

Cecilia and Farmer Elwood rushed out to meet their relative in the yard rather than wait for him in the house. I could hear the laughing as he kissed his sister and slapped his friend on the back. I hung back behind the curtains as I watched this family reunion between brother and sister. For a brief moment I felt bereft having no family to call my own but I did have Beth I reminded myself and she was all the family I needed.

I hurried along to the scullery to check that everything was as Cecilia would wish and didn't venture back until it was time for me to retire. As I mounted the stairs Cecilia came out of the dining room. Her face glowed with happiness as she pulled her brother with her. ‘Esther, Esther, come down and meet my brother, I have told him all about you and Beth. Come and meet him.'

Reluctantly I retraced my steps feeling very conscious of my shabby clothing and awkward gait. Lord Percival was tall and elegant and looked down at my prim little bob as I mumbled a greeting.

‘Ah, Esther, is it? My sister sings your praises in all her letters – I can tell you that our mama is quite jealous of the amount of time you spend with Cecy.' He turned away and I was left there at the bottom of the stairs. I fled up to my room feeling very insignificant.

Lord Percy stayed for a week and he and Cecilia were taken up with visiting friends and enjoying the hospitality of the Prince Regent. Most evenings they were all invited out and I became aware of what a different life Cecilia had led before marrying Farmer Elwood. I wondered that she was content to live so quietly when her brother was not there but after he left she very quickly dropped back into her role as a gentleman farmer's wife. I had not taken supper with the family at all whilst he was staying but the night after he left Cecilia begged me to join them and discuss all the gossip she had enjoyed. I listened to her chatting and saw the sparkle in her eyes as she related a tale of intrigue at the Prince's court in nearby Brighton.

‘You must miss your family so much Cecilia, how can you bear not to see them from one month to the next?'

She seemed surprised at my comment and said, ‘It was good to see my brother but I do not want that kind of life as a matter of course – I will tell you that in my mother's household I had no time to myself, I was always to accompany her to this ball or that dinner with people who bored me. In marrying John I have my own household and I do not hanker for society. What I have here is everything I need to be happy. Another child would be a blessing and I hope that will occur in due course.

Oh, how she has matured I thought.

‘Why don't we go and find the shrine to St Anne and see if she will intercede on your behalf? Mrs Makepiece was quite insistent that her church up on the hill is where the young women go to find a husband, and all that goes with that.'

‘Oh, yes let's do that soon and we will also seek a husband for you Esther if that is her particular calling.'

‘Oh Cecilia I don't think I'll find a husband but I think we should go.'

‘Well, don't tell John – he would be quite put out.' We giggled conspiratorially.

We went into supper and enjoyed a pleasant evening together and I was glad that all had returned to normal.

We made our visit to St Anne's the following week and stood in awe at the majesty of the ancient church. I was surprised that such an important church stood outside the walls of the town but according to the old man who showed us around this was because St Anne's was once a stopping point on the road to the old Cluniac Priory. I enquired about the anchoress reputed to be walled into the building, another of Mrs Makepiece's tales, but he was not inclined to tell me much, other than that she had existed and was thought to be buried there. Try as I might I could find no indication of where she had dwelled within the church. The old man accepted a small coin from Cecilia and left us to our own devices; we tiptoed towards the shrine where there were small offerings in the form of candles, ribbons and posies and both of us were quite overcome with the feeling that surrounded us as we prayed for our cause. I offered my prayer in thanks for the safe deliverance of Beth to me and for the wellbeing of her true mother who was hopefully united with her God in Heaven. I also prayed for a child to be born safely to Cecilia and her husband John. I told St Anne, in my prayers, what good people they were and how a child would bless their union.

As Cecilia rose from her knees she left her own token – a dried white rose. I had nothing to give but my thoughts. I hoped they were enough.

I had been much frightened recently by Dr Grieve's insistence that Beth should be treated with what is called an inoculation against smallpox. I, who have suffered with the pox and survived might have given her immunity if I were her natural mother but, as I wasn't, Beth was in urgent need of this treatment as the disease was rife in the district. Some Lewes families from a very poor area had obstinately refused to go to the pest house and had consequently been imprisoned in their own homes with guards put at either end of their street to try to prevent the spread of the disease to the rest of us in the town.

I had recently seen notices in the local broadsheet advertising a visit from a physician who would undertake the treatment for a fee, a large one. But it was only when Cecilia told me that the Duchess of Devonshire – a friend of her brother and a confidant of the Prince Regent – was arranging for all her children to be treated that I decided to take Dr Grieve's advice. However, it was with great nervousness that I called at his house for him to make the scratch on Beth's tender little arm. I thought it risky to go to the man who advertised as he boasted about his 2,400 successes and did not mention the 49 or so who had died as a result.

We were admitted by the housekeeper, Mrs Jenkins, and as we sat and waited I was in two minds whether to run out and forget all about it. My heart fluttered with fear as I weighed up the balance of decision: death, or the scars of a terrible disease on my beautiful baby or the possibility of immunity or, again, death. At that time it didn't seem to be much of a choice but it was one I made only after the heated persuasion of the good doctor. Poor Beth cried bitterly at his ministrations.

‘There there, little one, it's not so bad is it?' He offered her a tiny spoonful of strawberry jam to distract her before saying to me, ‘Keep this clean Esther and don't fret if she has a slight fever: there is nothing to fear. It should be no worse than if she were teething.'

I mopped my own tears and clutched the hot and now sticky child to me.

‘Esther, would you like to join me for a cup of tea? I have seen to all my patients and I know Mrs Jenkins has made a cake.'

‘Oh,' I said, surprised. ‘Yes, of course, I would like that.'

‘Good, I will go and inform Mrs Jenkins, please go through into the parlour and I will be with you in a few minutes.'

I had never been into the doctor's private rooms and was very curious to see how he lived.

The room I entered overlooked a small garden that was being carefully attended by an elderly man. I looked for somewhere to sit and after moving a pile of papers to the desk I sat gingerly on a small spindly chair. The desk I faced was very untidy but after a few minutes I could see that the piles of papers were in some fashion quite organised and the pile I had just put on top did not belong. I leaned forward to move them before he came back and saw I had been interfering with his system.

Mrs Jenkins, the housekeeper arrived just in time to tell me to put them on the floor before asking, ‘Shall I take the little one with me into the garden?'

‘Thank you, yes, if it will not upset your gardener – he looks very busy.'

‘Don't you worry about him none, that be my husband and he will enjoy seeing the child we have all heard so much about.'

I was quite taken aback when she said that but realised we had probably been the subject of discussion in most households in Lewes. Mrs Jenkins gathered Beth into her arms and left the room for the garden.

Dr Grieve reappeared a few minutes later rolling his shirtsleeves down and looking a little scrubbed.

‘Well, Esther, I am glad we have a few minutes alone, there is something I wanted to discuss with you.'

I waited, nervously. I had thought there must be a reason that he would ask me to stay for tea.

‘I have been very impressed with your manner, my dear. Clearly you have skills that would make you a sensible nurse. Would you like some cake?'

I was surprised by his words but I nodded to the offer of cake and balanced a tiny plate on my knee whilst a cup of tea wobbled precariously in my hand.

‘Is the tea to your taste? Personally, I prefer some sweetener – a little honey perhaps?'

‘No, no thank you. I like it without.'

‘Good. Well, as I was saying. Mr and Mrs Jenkins have been with me a long time and I feel it is time that I had someone about the house to help me with my work. My patients would benefit if I were to train up a nurse to help me with day-to-day practical medicine: dressings, and preparation of my creams and medicaments. Mrs Jenkins used to help when I needed an extra pair of hands but she is getting on and I would like to prepare for the future. I wonder, Esther, if you would like to be part of that future?'

His eyes were fixed on me and I felt rather unsure what he meant. His offer of employment was a solution to my predicament of eventually finding a home for Beth and me but talk of being part of a future did not seem entirely relating to employment.

I stuttered my thanks for his interest and decided to buy myself some time by eating the cake.

‘I can see, my dear, you are a little surprised by my offer, perhaps it would be a good idea to go back to South Farm and think it through. By all means discuss it with Cecilia and John. Let me just say that I would be very glad to welcome you and Beth into my home as a valued employee and friend.'

I breathed a sigh of relief at not having to make an immediate decision saying, ‘Yes, I do need time to think, so will do as you suggest. Thank you for the tea and for looking after Beth so kindly.' I searched in my reticule for some payment for the treatment but it was waved away. I glanced out to the garden and saw Beth clutching at Mr Jenkins' leg as he led her in faltering steps from one clump of flowers to another. ‘I am obliged for your confidence in me Dr Grieve, I just need a little time to absorb the implications.'

‘I would expect nothing less from you Esther. Go back to the farm, keep Beth warm and clean and if a high fever develops then send for me immediately. I am sure that all will be well though.'

He was holding my hand as he reassured me and we seemed to be locked together. He only let go when I felt myself blushing – I pulled myself free and rushed to the waiting gig to make my way home.