Three Round Towers (16 page)

Cecilia and Farmer Elwood have been invited to the wedding of His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales to Princess Caroline and afterwards Cecilia will go to her family home for the remainder of her confinement. They have asked me to stay until Farmer Elwood returns from Hadgwick Hall and I have agreed. Dr Grieve seems well pleased that I am taking up his offer and has offered to show me the accommodation that Beth and I will share in his home. Mrs Jenkins has been very friendly and her kitchen is large so I can prepare some of my receipts without interfering in her domain. I am beginning to relish the thought of earning my own money and being of value in the town. There are a number of physicians in Lewes and I am not aware that any of them have a resident nurse. I am rather nervous that my skills are limited to general work. I have no idea what I can offer in terms of birthing but hope to learn from the doctor. I do believe that most birthing takes place under the care of local women and that physicians' skills are limited to the wealthy. I understand that Dr Grieve has great experience and training in this most common of practices. It is an area of medicine that I am keen to learn.

The sun was shining when Beth and I arrived at the doctor's house to view our rooms. I felt quite nervous and I think he saw my unease and called Mrs Jenkins in to accompany us. The house was large and well furnished but not with delicate feminine pieces. The heavy oak dressers and bureaus were highly polished and dust free. Beth liked the shiny wood as she could see her face. She had a habit of licking anything she couldn't actually put in her mouth and I apologised to Mrs Jenkins for all the tongue prints as I gathered her up. We were shown into a sitting room on the second floor: it was large, airy and bright and my heart lifted. A bedroom with space for the two of us adjoined the sitting room. There was a good single bed and a little truckle bed for Beth. A little dresser with a mirror and four drawers for our bits and bobs stood against a wall. It was perfect.

Dr Grieve and I discussed the terms of my employment, my wages and when I would start. I explained about Cecilia and he agreed that I could start once she had left. I breathed a sigh of relief which I am afraid he accurately interpreted because he said ‘Esther, this arrangement is important for both of us and if for some reason it is not acceptable then we will terminate it with no hard feelings. If, however, you enjoy your work with me then I hope we can move on to a permanent footing that will be satisfying for both of us.

I agreed wholeheartedly but as always when I was talking to him I had the feeling that I wasn't entirely sure I was interpreting his words accurately. I tried to tell myself that I, as a young and naive woman couldn't be expected to understand nuances of behaviour and language and if I made mistakes it wasn't my fault. I would go over his sentences in minute detail and couldn't fault what was said but always I felt I was missing something.

Both Mrs Makepiece and Miss Wardle seemed quite excited that I was moving and I do believe they were planning introductions and little entertainments that would include me. I pointed out that much as I would like to socialise with them and their friends I did not know when I would find time because of the work I would be expected to do.

Billy-alone was by now quite recovered from his terrible adventure; the only real effect was to make him more wary of life. Every now and again I would see him pretending to be mazed for the benefit of strangers. He spent his days with the shepherds and his evenings with Sally the pig and Miss Wardle. He benefited from the outdoor work and was looking much healthier. Being at the farm so often he would bump into Wilf and I would ask after him as discretely as I could. Then one fine day Beth and I were walking up to the mill above the farm and there he was. I felt a little shy as I approached him but Beth had no such worries and she trotted on her little legs right up to him holding her arms out wide expecting to be picked up. He didn't disappoint and swung her high in the air as she squealed her delight.

‘'Gain, 'gain' she demanded.

‘Only if you tell me your name.'

‘Beth I's Beth!'

‘Are you sure?' he smiled down at her.

‘I's Beth, I am!'

‘Oh well, if you say so – here we go then – up, up and up again.'

We were all laughing and I forgot my shyness as I settled myself on one of the great stones near the mill door.

‘How are you Wilf?'

‘Grand, an' you? It's good to see you Esther.'

Suddenly I became aware of what a beautiful day it was and how pleasant it was to be high above the town with the skylarks singing above us. ‘Yes, I am fine and you have just met Beth who has her own way of introducing herself. She'll be wanting more of the same every time she sees you,' I warned him, laughing.

‘Billy tells me you are moving into town with the local quack.'

‘He's not a quack, he's a physician and I'm only moving in there to work.' For some reason I thought it important to make that clear and I became all tongue-tied as I realised how could anyone think any different. I could feel myself reddening so I grabbed hold of Beth and started to tickle her.

‘Will you be having days off then?'

‘Aye, I am not expecting to be wanted all the time, the doctor has many calls on him that don't require a nurse.' I had just told Miss Wardle the opposite, shame on me.

‘Well, then I will call round and invite you and trouble here to take a breath of air with me when I am in the area, like.'

‘Oh that will be lovely, I am quite nervous about being there and it will be great to meet with someone I know so…' I hesitated.

‘…well?' he offered.

I laughed, ‘Yes, that is what I meant though I have promised Billy that I would go downriver a little ways with him soon, as I do believe I have family in one of the villages. He wants to help me find my mother's family.'

‘Where do you think they live?'

‘I think it maybe Southease, do you know it?'

A shadow had crossed his face as I named the village. ‘Aye, I know it.' he said shortly.

‘Is there a problem there?' I was curious as to what had caused his smile to fade.

‘Some of the people there are wrong-uns. Make sure Billy is with you and go in the morning light. You don't want to be there at dusk. And don't take the little-un.'

‘You sound very cautionary, in what way wrong-uns?'

He jumped up and shook his head before running and scooping Beth up in the air again causing her to shriek with pleasure. Once her giggles had subsided we carried on talking just as we had when rescuing Billy and we did not return to the subject of Southease and its inhabitants.

‘Well I must be getting on otherwise Farmer Elwood will wonder why I am not back with the flour. Do you want a ride on the back o' the cart?'

I nodded, yes and he picked me up and then put Beth on my lap on the backboard and off we went down the hill by a more winding indirect route. He dropped us off by the stables and as I thanked him for the ride I said, ‘Next time you are here, why don't you come in the kitchen and say hello – we can always offer a cold drink for those in need.' I was amazed at my forwardness but he replied with a smile, ‘Aye, I will that, see you soon.'

Cecilia was still struggling with her early pregnancy and was in two minds as to whether she would be able to attend the Prince's wedding.

‘You'll be fine, as long as it is not a dawn wedding and Farmer Elwood will take care of you in the crowds. You must try not to stand too long. What about your dress, what are you going to wear?'

‘I don't know, that is a problem – what if I can't get into anything?'

‘One month will make no difference to your shape and you are so small any gain would be tiny anyway,' I said confidently, knowing I had no basis of knowledge for thinking that. ‘Let's go and look through your chests and see what is suitable and if anything needs altering, we still have time.'

‘I have to look fashionable, I can't possibly go looking as if I am in last season's design.'

‘We can choose something and then get it remade.'

‘Oh, I don't know, my mother would die if she thought I was attending this wedding in old clothes that have been altered.'

‘Is your mother going?'

‘No. She is not invited, she is not part of the Prince's set.'

‘Why don't we go and look and we can send into Lewes for your dressmaker to come and advise.'

‘Yes, let's. I'll see if anyone is going in this morning. I'll write a note.'

We spent all morning rummaging through chests and eventually pulled two beautiful dresses out for trying on and perhaps an alteration to update. I had no idea what was fashionable but I could admire the materials, the workmanship and how beautiful Cecilia looked in both of them. They were both very grand and I can't imagine she had an occasion to wear them in Lewes so I think they must have come with her on her wedding.

Miss Simpson, Cecilia's dressmaker promised to call in during the afternoon and we were delighted to parade our two choices but she wasn't impressed and spent a lot of time tutting and sighing. She had brought some sketches of current styles with her and we pored over them before agreeing that one of the dresses was suitable for alteration. We decided that Cecilia would need a matching cloak and headpiece and Miss Simpson produced some sample materials in a range of colours. The design was settled as being empire line from under the bust, which would hide any development of pregnancy. We were all very pleased with ourselves and asked Mrs Fisher to bring some tea and dainties into Cecilia's sitting room. I presided over the brewing of the tea and having allowed the requisite brew time of five minutes I poured the hot amber liquid into three eggshell thin cups. Mrs Fisher had excelled herself with some delicious little fancy cakes. Cecilia declared that we were copying one of her mother's ‘at home' occasions. I couldn't help thinking that her mother wouldn't be taking tea with a companion and a dressmaker but we all enjoyed ourselves and looked forward to the first fitting.

Later in the day I asked Cilla if Billy was likely to visit soon. She thought he would call in shortly, before going back to Miss Wardle's for the night and I asked her if she would call me when he arrived.

I wanted to talk to Billy about going to Southease so I could ask him what Wilf meant when he said there were wrong-uns there.

It was a lovely evening so I walked with Billy towards Lewes.

‘What do you know about Southease Billy?'

‘Nowt really – there's not much to it. A church, a few cottages, farms. Folk be a bit secretive down there, they don't welcome outsiders. The river floods a lot and you needs to know your way through the reeds as it be mighty wet. Some folks use the farm tracks rather than boats as finding your way through the marshes is a mite dangerous.'

‘Wilf told me not to go there in the afternoon or evening and to be careful but he didn't say why.'

‘Reckon that's 'cos of the smugglers – they're livin' all down the river and Southease and nearby Telscombe are known bases for they. But I'll come with you so there'll be no need to fret; we'll pitch up at the church and see if anyone knows about your ma.'

‘When can we go then? I'll have to make arrangements for Beth.'

‘I'll let thee know. I can get half a day, mayhaps next week, say Tuesday.'

We parted and I retraced my steps pondering what I knew about my mother's family, sadly concluding that it was not much. I was sure that her name, before she married, was Kempe but how I knew that I don't recall. She could not read or write until my father taught her but she was highly skilled with herbs and receipts, the knowledge of which was gleaned from her grandmother. I had a vague idea that she left her home when her grandmother died which seemed a bit strange but it was not unusual for whole families to be wiped out by disease or even hunger but my mother hadn't said that her family was dead. She had only said that they were no longer known to her and would purse her lips whenever I tried to open the subject. The memories were painful. I had a younger brother who had died first despite both my parents' care. My father went next and my dear mother within hours of him. At the time I wished I had died too. Now, with good friends and Beth I had much to be thankful for but it was always with me and I knew how Billy felt to be alone. If Billy was able to make next Tuesday then I would do my best to resolve any issues that had caused my mother to leave her family. My father's family were also closed to me – he had been, in some way, loosely related to the Coads, which was why I had been sent to them as a servant. Other than that connection I knew nothing and frankly I had no wish to locate any other Coads. Life for me and Billy had been bruising.

Tuesday arrived and Billy and I set off early to walk to Southease. We followed the track that Wilf had taken in the cart and no one else was about. It was a still day with curls of vapour rising from the damp ground and after a while a strong sun pierced its way through the mist and our spirits rose with the warmth. Wilf's comments were at the back of my mind and I had been rather anxious. I wished he had not said anything because I felt his opinion of Southease would colour my first impressions. I had been thinking about this visit all week and knew it was important to discover who I came from and if they knew about me or that my mother was dead.

We came to where we thought the village was and went off the track way, down towards the river and came upon a church. Another church with a round tower, my travels seemed to be punctuated by them. It sat low in the grasses and trees and its tower looked like it was sitting on shoulders. The proportions were unusual to my mind and I sensed that the building was ancient beyond any that Lewes had.

There was a small burial ground and I thought to walk round the stones and see if there were any Kempes. Billy had disappeared and I explored. There were a few stones with inscriptions but none that was of interest to me. I ventured towards the door and twisted the round ring handle. It was dark and damp inside but just as I thought to find the candles a streak of light came through the highest window and pierced the gloom but even with the ladder of sunshine it did not warm the interior or indicate a welcome. I heard a rustling and a movement in the shadows sent prickles of fear racing up my back. I fled.

There was a bench seat outside and I sank onto it waiting for my heart to stop pounding. I expect it was only a mouse but the inside of the church felt too ancient and eerie for me. I was relieved to hear voices and was truly thankful to see Billy's cheerful face, he was accompanied by a small bent figure in clerical garb. The old man, for he was very old, peered up at me from under heavily-hooded eyes. ‘Aye, I see the likeness. You be a Kempe girl. Come, I will point you in the right direction, may you be happy with what ye find.' He cackled in amusement. We were ‘pointed' as he put it further down the hill toward the river where there was a row of low dwellings. I put a hand on Billy's arm and whispered ‘perhaps we should go Billy, I have a bad feeling about this place.'

‘Don't be daft, Esther, you shouldn't get afeared by now't. Come on, I'll go first.'

The dwellings were uncared for with rubbish strewn all around. A sullen dog, with his hackles rising, growled at our approach and broke into a high-pitched bark. The door was flung aside.

‘Gor, love us, it be Sarah. No, hold on. Who are you, what do you want?' The woman kicked the dog into a whimpering silence.

Billy said, ‘Are you the Kempes?'

‘What's it to you?'

Billy looked at me.

‘I am Esther, I d'believe my mother was Sarah Kempe.'

‘You think, do you?'

‘Yes… I do.'

‘And what do you want with we, Esther'

‘I am looking for my mother's family and I want to know if they live here.'

She sneered again. ‘An' what if you find your mother's family, what do you want with they?'

‘Nothing, I want nothing. I just want to know who they are and why she left them.'

‘Well, Esther, daughter of Sarah Kempe, you had better come in and meet your family then.'

Her laugh was harsh as she stood aside and motioned us into the house.

My initial thought was not relief at finding I had a family but apprehension. We entered the kitchen; my eyes took seconds to focus and there was silence as I looked around me. There was a range with a cheerful fire burning which provided the warmth and light as not much was coming through the small dirty window. An elderly man sat in a rocking chair mumbling to himself. Another man, a young man, looked at us inquisitively and the woman who had opened the door spoke to him.

‘Sam, meet yer cousin Esther.' He looked surprised before nodding to me.

‘Hello.' My voice didn't seem like my own.

She continued. ‘And this old fella will be your grandfather – your mother's father.

Me, I'm your Aunt Tilly, your mother were me sister. Yes, Sarah was me sister – the sister who left us. Left her mother and father, left me to care for they. Left us all in the lurch in fact.'

‘Why?' I whispered. ‘Why did she leave you?'

‘She thought she were better than we and once she met that man, we didna stand a chance. He turned her aginst us.'

‘My father?'

‘Aye, him.'

‘Ma,' said Sam with a warning note in his voice, ‘Leave her be, t'were not the lassie's fault.'

I looked at him gratefully saying ‘My name is Esther, Esther Coad.'

‘Sh'm dead then?' my aunt asked with a curious note of satisfaction.

‘They are all dead, my father, mother and younger brother, all taken by the great sickness.'

‘So you be alone an' you thought you would come and look us up, maybe live with us, or would that be off of us?'

‘No, not at all, I wanted to know if I still had a family, what you were like and why did she leave you. I want to be part of a family; I do not like to be all alone. Nothing more.'

Sam spoke again, ‘Ma, leave the girl be. Will you take a drink Esther, you've walked aways?'

I nodded gratefully and at that moment the door swung open and a tall man strode in. He looked surprised and not a little grim. His hair was black and long and his face was pocked. He smiled but it looked more like a scowl as a deep scar distorted his mouth. ‘Company, eh? And who be you?'

My aunt explained our presence but her tone of voice was altered, softened.

‘Well, a cousin indeed, and one who wants to claim us as her own, now there's a surprise. Perhaps we should celebrate this, hey, Dad, what do you think?' he kicked the old man's chair.

I looked at him, wondering who he was.

He spoke to me with a mocking smile. So, Esther you've met my brother Sam and my father old Bill over there and my mother Tilly. Now, you've met me, Jeremiah and you be wondering be I a cousin or an uncle, eh?'

‘No,' I denied, embarrassed to have been caught out. ‘Jeremiah, I am pleased to meet you.'

‘Well, Esther, that is a very pretty sentiment and we welcome you with open arms.' He laughed loudly. ‘Fetch the jug, ma, we must drink on this.'

My aunt went to an inner room and returned with a jug and some little mugs. She poured a drop into each before handing them round.

Jeremiah raised his saying ‘To the return of our dear cousin Esther and long may she be with us.'

We all tupped our mugs and downed the drink. Billy coughed and I choked on the fiery liquid. Jeremiah laughed loudly. ‘So you weren't weaned on best brandy girl, not like your ma, she would have known how to down the grog without choking.'

Sam butted in, before I had a chance to interpret what it was he was saying.

‘Tell us what happened to your ma and pa Esther and how you found us.' His voice was gentle and friendly and I warmed to him – unlike his brother.

Some stools were produced and I told them a little of my tale omitting the detail about the Coads. I explained that I was the adoptive mother of a little girl and that she and I resided at a farm near Lewes. I didn't go into any detail so my story took but a matter of minutes. For some reason I felt unable to talk about my friends and how I had come by them.

‘And who is this young fellow who came with you today?'

‘This is Billy-alone. He has been a good friend to me in all sorts of adventures.'

‘Well, we look forward to hearing about those stories another time, Can we offer you some food, I am sure our ma could rustle up some cheese?'

I felt we had spent enough time with my newly-discovered family and I politely declined.

We all rose, except the man who was my grandfather who looked at me with a flicker of interest in his vacant eyes before saying, ‘Be you my Sarah?'

‘No, but I am her daughter, my name is Esther.'

He lost interest and returned his weak gaze to the fire in the range.

We made our way out and it was an awkward moment as we took our leave. I looked back at the house: they were all standing in different attitudes. Sam waved, Aunt Tilly stood with her hands on her hips and Jeremiah doffed his cap, sweeping it to the ground.

Billy and I made our way up through the hamlet and past the brooding church with the round tower sitting on its shoulders, up until we found the Lewes track way and made our way home.

‘Billy, did you understand the relationships between them?'

‘Nah, but you don't need to know do you? It's not your concern. Now you have found them what do it mean to you?'

‘I think it is just that I am no longer alone. I don't want anything from them and I have nothing that they would value but family is family. Their blood runs in me and we have common ancestors. I am happy to have found them.'

He looked at me strangely. ‘Well if you be happy, how come you look so fearful?'

I searched my heart for an answer but could find none.