Three Way (39 page)

At three o’clock, Julie pops the Champagne and shares it with the newsdesk. We stand chatting, enjoying the shared good fortune of Julie, Paul and myself. For once, everyone is happy. My mind still races with what I’m going to say to Lauren. I don’t have too much Champagne, need to be focused. My landline rings. I walk over and answer it.

‘Newsdesk,’ I say.

‘Hello, is Ollie Hayward there?’ asks the male voice on the other end.

‘Yep, this is Ollie Hayward.’

‘It’s main reception here, I have a Lauren Bates here to see you.’ Holy shit. She came here. I momentarily freeze and everything shuts down. What am I supposed to say? I can’t do it here. I mean…shit.

‘Uh, okay. I’ll come down,’ I say, replacing the phone. Julie notices my face because she says,

‘You okay?’

‘Lauren’s in reception.’ Julie’s mouth opens.

‘Oh my God, she’s here? That’s hilarious. You’ve actually got a stalker.’

‘No I…I think she just wants to talk.’

‘Shall I go get her?’ Julie asks. Even Paul watches events unfold with interest.

‘No. God,’ I say. I breathe out and head towards the door.

‘Hey Ollie?’ Paul says. I turn. ‘Good luck.’ I nod, appreciating the sentiment.

‘Thanks,’ I say.

Okay. Come on. I open the door and walk out of the newsroom towards main reception. I scan the people waiting as I walk towards the desk, none of them look like…then I see her. She’s wearing a tight-fitting grey skirt suit and dark high heels. Her hair is down and she’s looking around keenly. Then she spots me walking towards her and her body language shifts to nervous. I press the button to start the glass turnstile and walk out.

‘Hi,’ I say.

‘Hi,’ she replies, staring at me. An awkward moment of silence between us before she says, ‘I just…wanted to explain some things. Sorry to turn up like this but…I couldn’t get you on the phone.’ Little dig there, I opt to ignore it.

‘Okay. This way,’ I say. The security guard swipes her in and I follow. We walk silently, the tension real and palpable. I go to say something then think better of it.

‘Is that the newsroom?’ she asks, staring through the glass wall to the monitors and desks inside.

‘Yeah. Would you…like a tour?’ I ask.

‘I don’t know. I mean, maybe it’s not…I don’t know.’

‘I’ll show you,’ I say, swiping my ID to let us into the newsroom. I clock Paul and Julie watching us. ‘This is where the bulletins sit, so over there is the morning segment, on air until eleven. Then the lunchtime news team take over and over there are the afternoon and late bulletins. We walk over to the newsdesk and the general hub bub of people drinking and chatting. Julie looks like she’s going to explode. ‘This is the newsdesk, where I work. We’re having a little mini celebration because Julie here is getting married. Chaps, this is Lauren.’ Julie is off her seat and shaking Lauren’s hand before I can do anything.

‘Oh. Congratulations,’ Lauren says.

‘Thanks,’ says Julie, smiling. ‘Sorry about answering the phone the other day but we all care a lot about our Ollie.’ I glance at Lauren who meets my eyes.

‘Don’t worry, I get protective of my friends as well,’ Lauren says. Paul stands up and shakes Lauren’s hand.

‘It’s an honour. Heard so much about you and I must say Ollie’s descriptions of your beauty are greatly underplayed.’

‘Thank you,’ she replies, an appreciative smile forming.

‘So yeah, this is where we decide what stories we’re going to do, which reporters are going to do them, and all the logistics. Cameras, sat vehicles etc,’ I say. Lauren nods. I clear my throat. ‘So…anyway. Let’s head to the canteen?’ I look at Paul who nods.

‘If I need you, I’ll call you on the mobile,’ Paul says, winking. I nod.

‘Okay. So, this way,’ I say.

‘Nice to meet you both,’ Lauren says as we walk away. The newsroom chatter has suddenly become very quiet. I feel everyone’s eyes on us. Or maybe I should say on her.

We walk to the exit, I hit the switch to open the door and press the button to call the lift. The doors open and we step inside. I hit six and we travel upwards. It’s awkward as the floors tick by. I look at her, she glances at me. I look back to the floor display. The doors open to reveal the TBN canteen, the place where good food goes to die, as most of us say. As I said before, the one good thing about the canteen is the view.

‘This is pretty cool,’ Lauren says.

‘Yeah,’ I reply, unable to comment further. I buy us some coffees and we sit down next to the window. Lauren plops two sweeteners into hers and stirs carefully looking at me.

‘So,’ she says.

‘So.’

‘I just wanted to explain or…tell you that what you saw was a one off. I’ve…I was a bit of a mess and Johnny was…well he -’

‘I know about your parent’s and the anniversary,’ I say. She looks surprised and leans back in her chair. ‘James Kennedy came over to my flat and told me what happened.’ She frowns, as if not understanding what I’ve just said.

‘What was James doing at your flat?’ she asks, still frowning.

‘He was worried about you and he wanted to put what you did into some sort of context. Which he did,’ I say. She leans forward, a worried expression on her face.

‘What exactly did he say?’

‘He said five years ago your mum died of cancer and that a couple of weeks after, your dad committed suicide,’ I reply. She shakes her head.

‘He had no right to tell you that.’

‘I think he was trying to help,’ I say. She doesn’t say anything for a bit, so I carry on. ‘Look, when I saw you…I was just so…surprised and hurt…I couldn’t understand why you would do that? I mean, I know we haven’t seen each other properly for a bit but I still sort of thought we were together-’

‘We were…we are. I was drunk. I was more than drunk, I was paralytic. And Johnny was just…ugh…he was just being Johnny. I just felt so…sad about my parents. And he just did what he does and I didn’t stop him. I’m sorry Ollie.’

‘Yeah,’ I say, my eyes dart around as I consider my response. What to do? All this time and effort, trying to build something with her. She’s given up her job, given up everything. Except Johnny Dougan. The image hits me again like a freight train, that night in the club. Lauren’s drunken eyes as she looked at me, her mouth still on his. Can I be the adult here? Can I put this behind me? Start afresh? I know this isn’t the first time she’s been unfaithful to someone. Even if we did patch things up now, wouldn’t Johnny always be there lurking in the background. I look at her, this beautiful girl, waiting for my response. She looks deep into my eyes with expectant worry. I break her stare and shake my head. ‘The thing is Lauren…something broke when I saw you there that night. Something that hadn’t been right for a while. I know how busy you’ve been in New York and I realise you’ve come back here to try and get us sorted out but…I just don’t think I can. I’m sorry.’ I watch my words translate into surprise on Lauren’s face.

‘Oh,’ she says. The look on her face immediately tells me this wasn’t the answer she was expecting. Her mouth is open as she tries to process what I’ve just said.

‘Listen, you’re a great girl. And what we had was, great…for a time. But we haven’t spoken for almost three weeks. And before that, who knows how long? Like I said, I know how busy you are but-’

‘Which is exactly why I came back. That’s what I was doing. I came back here to be with you.’ she says.

‘I know. I’m sorry,’ I reply. ‘But I didn’t know you were coming back and I found out by seeing you snog another guy.’ She frowns, still seemingly unable to take in these words. A tear trickles down her face, she brushes it away.

‘I gave it all up, Ollie. For you,’ she says. I swallow. Guilt suddenly rises through me, I want to say something to reassure her. That she will be okay, in the end. I open my mouth but nothing comes out. She beats me to it by saying, ‘so…that’s it?’

‘I don’t know what else there is to say,’ I reply. She nods slowly, looking down.

‘Can’t believe I’ve fucked up another relationship…’ she says. I’m lost on how to make her feel better. ‘Okay well, I’d better go.’ She stands, I stand. She sniffs and pushes her chair under the table. I do the same. I follow her to the lift. ‘It’s okay, I can see myself out.’

‘I’m sorry, I have to go with you. Security,’ I reply, almost chuckling at the absurdity of my words. She nods, presses the button for the lift and we wait for one to come. To say it’s awkward would be a massive understatement. I look at her, that beautiful face as she staring at the floor and realise this is the last time I will probably see Lauren Bates. I feel strangely empty about it all. DING! The lift doors open and we step inside. I feel the tension between us and hear her quietly sniff. A part of me wants to make her feel better, say I made a mistake. But the truth, in my heart of hearts, is I know this is the right thing to do. Things haven’t been right for a long time and I guess I’ve just been blinkered by it. By her.

The lift doors open and she walks out into main reception, I follow her. She hands her temporary security pass back to the desk and turns to face me.

‘Well, thanks for the tour,’ she says.

‘Lauren-’

‘Don’t,’ she says, holding up her hand, ‘I’ll be fine. I’ve been here enough times to know how it goes.’

‘I wish…I wish it could have been different between us,’ I say.

‘Me too,’ she replies. We stand, staring at each other. I see the sadness in her face then her expression hardens. Back to Lauren Bates, tough trading manager. She leans in and kisses me on the cheek. ‘Take care of yourself, Ollie.’ And with that, she turns and walks out of my building and out of my life.

When I return to the newsdesk, Paul and Julie stare at me, scanning my face for any giveaway. I admit it, I’m not acting, I feel sad. Not because I wanted to be with Lauren, but because it didn’t work out.

‘So?’ Julie asks. I look at her, pulled from my thoughts and shake my head. ‘Oh Ollie, come here.’ She walks over and puts her arms around me, hugging me tight. Sometimes life just sucks. I know I can’t complain, this is, afterall, my decision but I’m still sad. Sad for Lauren as well, I hope she’s going to be okay. She’s always had a thing about how her relationships end up failing for one reason or another. To be fair, she did have quite a big hand in this.

‘I’m fine,’ I say. Paul stands behind her, a sympathetic expression on his face.

‘I would say you’re better off without her,’ he says, ‘but that would be churlish and insensitive.’ I force a smile. Julie stands back and stares at me with a concerned face.

‘I’m fine guys, really. It was my choice,’ I say. Paul frowns.

‘Wait a minute…you ended it with her?’ he asks. I nod. He glances at Julie and raises an eyebrow. ‘Are you impaired in some way?’

‘Paul,’ Julie says.

‘No, I just…I don’t understand,’ he says.

‘You don’t have to understand. It’s no one else’s business but mine,’ I say. Paul nods.

The remaining hours of my shift move achingly slowly. I can’t snap out of my daydream, if that’s what this is. Am I wallowing? Maybe. My mind keeps playing tricks on me, showing me all the best memories of Lauren. The trip to the Cotswolds, James Kennedy’s barbeque. Then I remember my promotion and suddenly feel a wave of happiness. This is so weird. Fuck.