Three Way (33 page)

‘How was work?’ she asks, finding a glass and pouring the juice.

‘Boring,’ I reply. She hands me the glass and puts the juice back in the fridge. ‘You not having any?’

‘No.’

‘All ready to go?’

‘No. But it’ll have to do. Hate when everything is such short notice,’ she says. I take a glug of my juice. ‘So…you gonna miss me?’ she asks. I nod and swallow the juice.

‘Sure,’ I reply, trying to play it cool.

‘Yeah you really sound it,’ she says. I sigh.

‘I don’t…forget it.’

‘What?’

‘I don’t want you to go. I know that’s selfish and I shouldn’t think like that but that’s how I feel,’ I say.

‘Look I don’t want to go either. But I have to.’

‘I know,’ I say. She walks over and kisses me then we hug. I close my eyes, savouring the moment. ‘This sucks.’

‘Yeah. But too much of this and I’ll be bawling my eyes out before we’ve even got to the airport. Come on, you can help me choose what to wear.’

Lauren and I barely speak on the drive to the airport. There’s so much more I want to say. I want her to know how much she means to me, that I don’t want her to go at all. I can’t stop her though, unless I cause a scene at the airport? Could I do that? Could I pretend to have a bomb strapped to me or some other weapon of mass destruction? I watch the scene play out in my head and whichever way I look at it, it doesn’t end well. I therefore decide against a terrorist attack.

This is a nice taxi. The driver wears a hat, I mean…right? I glance down at my hand holding hers, then up to her face. She’s staring out of the window, in another world. I mirror her, looking out of my window. Could I actually have met the girl that gets me over Svelta? Could she be this close and yet soon be so far away. I rub her fingers slowly. She responds by rubbing back, glancing at me and giving me a sad smile. Her eyes return to the window.

I spot a plane taking off ahead, not far to go now. I breathe in. This is going to be horrible. I know it’s only for two weeks but it’s just foreshadowing what’s ahead. Like a dress rehearsal before the main event.

We drive to the set down area of Terminal five at Heathrow and pull over. The driver gets out and starts unloading her bags. She sniffs and opens the door. I follow her lead, getting out my side (without sniffing or showing any visible sign of upset.) The noise and wind are intense as is the smell of aviation fuel which hangs in the air. The driver, having unloaded the bags slams the boot shut. She hands him a ten pound tip. Bloody hell, ten pounds! For doing the job he gets paid to do. Man, if he gets ten pounds just for driving her to the airport, I wonder how much…you know what, I’m not going to finish that thought.

We walk into the terminal. It’s a bright and spacious area with glass everywhere and plenty of room for checking in. We walk up to the First Class section and she hands over her passport.

‘Are you travelling as well, sir?’ the brunette check-in girl asks.

‘No. Just seeing her off,’ I say, wondering if I sound mildly pathetic. The check-in girl smiles and carries on processing the ticket. She hands Lauren her boarding pass and tells her the lounge is on the second level then wishes Lauren a pleasant flight, which is nice.

We head to Carluccio’s and sit down. A skinny-looking girl comes over and takes our order. Lauren asks for an espresso, I go for a latte.

‘So, here we are,’ Lauren says.

‘Here we are,’ I reply. We stare into each other’s eyes, she looks away first.

‘I’m not going to cry. I told myself I’m not going to cry and I’m not. I never cry. I’m not one of those sorts of girls,’ she says. I nod slowly. ‘Don’t look at me like that,’ she adds. I frown.

‘Like what?’ I ask. She sighs.

‘I feel…awful.’

‘Don’t. You have to do this. It’s important.’

‘Is it? More important than being with you?’ she asks. I consider her words and shrug. I don’t know. It’s not for me to tell her what’s more important in her life, is it? Should I be playing it better, making her feel bad for going? I can’t. It’s a decision she has to make on her own. She runs her finger around her espresso cup and then glances over at a tall guy with a small wife walking past. Looks weird, but I bet they’re in love and happy.

‘Does Parker know I’m going?’ she asks. I nod.

‘Yeah,’ I reply.

‘What does he think about it?’

‘Not really his business.’

‘I know. Just wondered what he thought.’

‘He thinks you have to do what’s right for you. I do too.’

‘That’s such a loaded comment.’

‘No. It’s true,’ I reply. More awkwardness.

‘Well, I think I’m going to go through. I don’t want to drag this out, I’ll be enough of a wreck as it is.’

‘Yeah. Sure,’ I reply, getting out my wallet. I put down ten pounds for the coffees.

‘I’ll pay,’ she says.

‘I got it,’ I reply. We stand and walk slowly towards security. We stop when we get as far as we can go. There are guys dishing out plastic bags and asking people if they have any liquids in their luggage. Lauren turns to me.

‘Right well. See you in two weeks, thanks for coming to see me off,’ she says.

‘No worries,’ I reply. I see the beginnings of a tear start its journey down her cheek. I hug her, pulling her in close to me. I feel myself start to go as well and breathe it back. I try to remember her smell as I nuzzle her neck, imprinting it in my memory. Slowly, we release each other. Her makeup has run a little, she must see my reaction because she says,

‘I know, how stupid am I not wearing waterproof mascara?’ We both chuckle and sniff back our tears. Yes, I’m a little emotional as well. What? Guys cry too, you know. ‘I’ll sort it out in the bathroom,’ she says. I nod.

‘Give me a ring when you get there,’ I reply. She nods slowly with big puppy eyes.

‘God, okay. Sorry. Right, come on Bates, get it together. See you later,’ she says, leaning in and giving me a final peck on the cheek. She grabs her bag and walks away. I watch her go, the aching in my heart getting progressively worse. She shows her boarding pass to the official, he waves her through. I wait for her to look back. She does, so briefly that if I’d been blinking at that moment I would have missed it. I wave, but by the time my hand is raised, she’s gone. I stand there, watching the space where she used to be. It’s not forever. Just two weeks. I breathe in slowly. Goodbye Lauren. I turn and head towards the Heathrow Express wondering where exactly my life is headed now.

As I ride the train back towards London my mind wanders. That last image of Lauren looking back at me. Two weeks feels like a year. Then I think of Ashley. She probably feels like shit. I need to call her as soon as I get back. Make sure she’s okay. I get a picture message from Lauren, it’s a photo of her return ticket. I smile.

The train pulls into Paddington Station just after twelve. I dial Ashley’s number and walk towards the exit. It rings, once , twice…

‘Hello?’ Ashley says.

‘Ash, it’s Ollie,’ I reply.

‘Hey,’ her tone changes.

‘You okay?’

‘Sure. Great.’

‘Where are you? Are you coming back?’

‘I dunno, Ollie. Maybe things are a bit too complicated,’ she says. I breathe out, thinking of what to say next.

‘Doesn’t have to be. I’m cool with it if you are.’

‘That’s the thing. I don’t know if I am.’

‘Well, if you don’t want to come back to the flat, at least meet me somewhere so we can talk.’

‘What’s the point?’

‘Ash, how long have we known each other?’

‘I dunno, long time. Maybe too long.’

‘We should have a talk,’ I say. She says nothing for a moment then,

‘Okay, where?’

‘Where are you, I can come to you?’ I say.

‘I’m at Norman’s.’

‘Norman’s?’

‘Don’t, okay. Just-’ she says.

‘I didn’t say anything. You want to talk at the pub?’

‘God, no. Just meet me at Julio’s in, what, an hour?’

‘Sure.’

‘Bye,’ she says and hangs up. I jump on the tube and head back towards home.

When I get to Clapham I head over to Julio’s, an Italian café halfway up Northcote Road. I’m twenty minutes early so I take a seat by the window. Julio comes over, a fat Italian man in dire need of a shave and a Stairmaster.

‘Hey mister Ollie, how you doing?’

‘Good thanks Julio, how are you?’

‘Ah, you know. So, so. You want coffee?’

‘Uh yeah, a latte please.’

‘No problem, good to see you.’

‘You too,’ I say. He waddles off and I resume staring out of the window. I think about Lauren and wonder if she’s thinking of me. Probably sitting watching some Hollywood in-flight movie. Could she have forgotten me already? Easily done I guess. Stop it Ollie, stop feeling sorry for yourself.

‘Here you go mister Ollie.’

‘Thanks Julio.’

‘No pretty blonde lady today?’ My heart leaps to my throat. He means Svetla. I swallow.

‘No…we uh, split up.’

‘Oh, sorry to hear that.’

‘Yeah.’

‘She was a nice girl.’

‘She was.’

‘You find someone new, don’t worry.’

‘I have. But she’s gone too.’

‘Oh. You no have much luck,’ says Julio.

‘No,’ I reply. The door opens and Ashley walks in. She scans the café for me. She’s wearing a jean jacket and black leggings. I give her a little wave. Julio winks at me. Ashley walks over, hands in pockets and sits down opposite me.

‘What you like, miss?’ Julio asks.

‘Just a coffee please. White,’ she replies. He nods and walks back to the counter.

‘So, how you doing?’ I ask. She sighs.

‘Brilliant,’ she replies. I tilt my head. ‘What? What do you want me to say? Life’s great? I’m happier than I’ve ever been? I’m with yet another drop out guy, with no prospects for anything. I’m still living with school friends and my life is going nowhere.’

‘Just because you live with school friends, doesn’t mean your life isn’t going anywhere,’ I reply.

‘Look I appreciate it, Ollie, but I think I need to move out. Can’t handle being a fuck up and in love with someone I can’t have,’ she says. I go to interject but she carries on. ‘I know, I know. It’s my fault. Just…need to get my shit together is all.’

‘What about your music?’

‘What music?’

‘Ashley, I’m serious when I said you should go pro with that. It’s really, really good.’

‘Yeah, then why did the Guildhall turn me down then?’

‘I…didn’t know they did. I didn’t know you’d even applied for it. That was quick.’

‘Yeah well. They did.’

‘Doesn’t mean anything.Find another music school. I said I’d help you-’

‘I don’t want your help-’

‘Here you go,’ Julio says, placing the coffee down in front of her. She glances at me then down to her coffee. Julio walks away.

‘I’m not sure why I came to stay with you. I just remembered I could always be myself with you. And yes, there was always the other stuff but, I dunno...I trusted you. Still do.’

‘Listen to me. I get that this isn’t easy for you and I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to but look, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like. If it’s too hard then I totally understand and I promise I won’t hold any bad feelings if you want to move out but…we could try.’ She takes a sip of her coffee. I sit back and do the same.

‘How’s Lauren?’ she asks.

‘Gone.’

‘Gone where?’

‘New York. She’s there for a couple of weeks, then she comes back for a couple of months. Then, she moves out there for a couple of years.’

‘Oh dear,’ she whispers.

‘Yeah well…’

‘What a pair we are,’ she says. I nod slowly. ‘What about you going out there?’

‘I’ve thought about it. Maybe I could, just…I don’t want to. I like her. A lot. But moving countries, pretty hardcore.’