Through The Lens (11 page)

Even though my brief friendship with
Allie felt real, cowardly I didn’t call Ethan. After a run on Wednesday
morning, I found a large envelope hanging out of my mailbox.  Inside were all
the pictures he’d developed for me.  All of them.  For a second, I thought
maybe he’d been following me. I mean, he had to know that I’d come from my run
and find them.  But then coming to my senses, it wouldn’t have mattered who
gotten them.  My family would have known it was for me.  The outside of the
envelope said in beautiful script, Jess.

My last day at the
museum went without mention by any of my co-workers  Even with my parents
strict no-working policy while in school, I did offer to fill in if need be,
assuming I was available. 

The Monday morning
after my last day of Summer, I woke to my alarm and the pangs that this was the
first day of school.  Getting dressed was nerve-racking.   It wasn’t so much
that this was my senior year as it was all the looks I’d be getting.  Most of
my classmates hadn’t seen my transformation from slightly overweight to the new
me.  Bathroom checks showed that Jenna was wearing her hair down. 

Standing next to her, I
couldn’t help but notice with my weight loss we looked more alike again.  So I
pulled my hair back in a low ponytail. As cool as it was to be a twin, I liked
looking like my own person.  Adding just some lip gloss and wearing opposite
colors than my sister, we were on our way. 

It was strange that
Kyle was riding with us, a Freshman this year  But  he sat in the back, earbuds
wailing from his ears, not wanting to be seen riding with his sisters. Jenna
drove of course, which was fine with me.  She’d had more experience than all of
us, and I was way too nervous to pay even half my attention to the road.   

“Later, Kyle,” Jenna
crooned loudly as he exited the parked car in a rush.

Feeling like getting my
brother back for leaving the seat up in the bathroom this morning, I got out
and said, “You forgot your booster seat!”

He turned around and
flicked me off before catching up with his friends.

“Nice,” Jenna said
before hitting the locked button on the key fob.  She didn’t stay and wait for
me. Instead, spying her own friends, she headed in that direction, without so
much of a backward glance. But my lips turn up in a ruthful grin, that was
Jenna. Her friends came first.

Not two feet towards
the school, Madison snuck behind me with Bradley on her heels. Jumping on my
back before quickly hopping off, I turned around and said, “God, you’re heavy.”

Slapping me playfully
looking at me scornfully, she said, “So you’re going with fat jokes now?”

Yeah, that was wrong
considering I had been the only
fat
friend. “No, I guess not,” I said,
soberly, before pulling out a huge grin. “But the look you gave me was
priceless.” It felt like forever since I’d hung out with them and gave them
each a big hug.  When I got to Bradley, I whispered in his ear. “Have you told
her yet?” Pulling back, I caught the quick pained expression on his face.  He
hadn’t.

Taking her hand in his
before Madison could figure out she wasn’t in on a secret, we made our way to
the front of the school.  With their fingers intertwined, I wasn’t sure if the
looks we received were because people were shocked at their change of status or
my appearance.  Nevertheless, we headed inside to our lockers based on the
schedule and locker assignments we received last week.  None of our lockers
were nearby.  I didn’t have much in my bag and opted to follow Bradley
instead.  Madison said she’d catch up with us.

I gave him my stern
look, and he sighed, saying, “There just never seemed to be the right moment.”

“That’s no excuse,” I
chastised. "The time will never be 'just right'." I said using air
quotes.

“Look, not telling her
isn’t going to hurt her.  I’m faithful to her.  Isn’t that all that matters?”

Thinking about it for a
second, I said, “Honestly, if you had just met her, maybe.  But we’ve been
friends forever.  It’s a lie not telling her.”

“Fine, you’re right. 
But let me do it this weekend.  School’s just starting.” He said throwing a
look over his shoulder, no doubt itching to get away.

Agreeing, I let him be
and ambled my way to my first class.  It seemed like summer never happened. 
Classes just breezed on like it wasn’t my final year.  By third period, I
waited for class to start and expected the teacher to tell us about a major
project due in the next few days.  That’s what it felt like.  None of the
teachers were holding back on getting right down to business.  This class was
Law.  It seemed interesting enough and filled an elective spot. 

Writing in my notebook
the title Law on the first line, I waited for class to begin.  When the bell
rang, I looked up at the teacher who was now facing the class as Ethan
scrambled in and sat at a desk in the back row. Catatonic, I sat trying to make
sense of his appearance.  Yes, he lived close enough to me for us to go to the
same school.  But he hadn’t before. And I didn’t know what the school boundary
lines were.  Still with him coming from money, I assumed he went to private
school away.  And maybe he did and with everything that happened to him, he somehow
ended up here?  I was dying to know the answer to that question.  However with
the way he let his gaze bounce off me when he walked in, I knew he was still
pissed off at me.

Our teacher, Mrs.
Dunnmore, made quite the impression.  “Law means a lot of different things. 
This semester we will be learning more about the judicial branch.  The one
whose motto is ‘Innocent until proven Guilty.’”

There was no need to
see Ethan.  I could feel the burn of his stare on my back well enough.  Or
maybe that was my own guilt that brought that sensation on.

When class ended, Ethan
was just getting up when I walked over to his desk.  Enough was enough.  I
turned to meet his gaze.  I found myself speaking before I thought. “You didn’t
tell me you’d be going here.” That obviously had been the wrong opening line.

His voice was flat when
he said, “You didn’t ask.”  He walked away, and I felt like I was slapped by
his statement.  I also felt like I deserved it. I watched him exit the
classroom at a loss for words.

After fourth period, I
got a break with lunch. I met up with Bradley and Madison and staked a claim on
the table we sat at last year.  My Mom had made my lunch, like she always did, so
I sat and waited for my friends to return with theirs.

Of course, I filled
them in on Ethan showing up. “So he’s the hottie everyone’s talking about,”
Madison said wide-eyed.

Bradley cocked his head
to one side to give Madison a pointed look. “Boyfriend, here.”

Madison rolled her eyes
at him but took his hand in hers.  “Give him time, Jess.  You can’t blame him.”

I didn’t. That was the
problem.  Eating my no hormones-fed turkey on multigrain bread, I kept taking
glances at the lunch room doors, waiting for Ethan to show up.  It was possible
he didn’t have this lunch period, but normally juniors and seniors had A lunch
and freshman and sophomores had B lunch but it didn’t always work out that way.

When a hand found my
shoulder, I nearly jumped out of my skin.  Madison’s eyes were wide. For a
second, I thought it might have been Ethan.  Shifting my head back, tilted
slightly, I found a familiar pair of eyes.  Josh Macon.  “Hey, Jessa.”

A lump formed in my
throat. I couldn’t speak.  He was like a dream come true with thick brown hair
and big brown eyes with a face in perfect alignment.  To add to it, his smile
boasted two perfect dimples.

He didn’t stay.  He
walked away with a wink.  I think my heart stopped.  I had a crush on him for
like forever.  But he was always following after my sister.  She’d mentioned
he’d asked about me earlier, but I figured she was just trying to be nice or
something.

Madison just looked at
me.  I couldn’t blame her.  Bradley seemed unfazed by the incident.  But then
he was a guy.  Finding her words, Madison said, “Did you see the new teacher?”

“No,” I said.

“Mr. Miller.  I hear
he’s kind of cute.  And they say he’s really cool,” she said, filling me in on
all the gossip.

Thinking, I said, “I
think I have him last period for Art.”  Those pesky electives crept up on you
when reviewing your transcript for graduation requirements.  At first I was
nervous about taking it.  But after this summer and coming into possession of the
camera, I was kind of excited.

After the lunch bell,
we exited into the main hallway where Ethan stood.  Josh had just clapped him
on the shoulder. “Hart, man, what you doing slumming.”

Ethan spoke, but his
words weren’t as boisterous as Josh.  I didn’t what he said.  Watching his lips
move proved I wasn’t adept in reading them, only noticing how perfect they
were.

“You’ve got to play
ball with us,” Josh said.

Madison tapped my hand,
noticing Ethan.  I didn’t look because at that moment, he looked my way.  A
smile touched his lips.  My heart leaped until Lucy stepped around us, and his
eyes followed her all the way into his hug.

Josh said, “Later,
man.” He too looked my way.  This time, I didn’t get my hopes up.  Some girl
was most likely the target of his attention. “Jessa,” he said just as loudly. 
Surprised, I met his eyes after I caught Ethan’s frown still hugging Lucy a
little too tightly for a guy with a girlfriend.

“Jessa, I asked your
sister about you this summer hoping I’d get a chance to see you.”

“Hey, we’ll see you
later,” Madison said, tugging a protective Bradley away.  Bradley wasn’t a Josh
fan.  He thought the guy was a moron.

“She told me,” I said,
when he still looked at me. His face fell a little and I realized how my
response sounded like I wasn’t interested. Getting bumped a few times, I
couldn’t think how to fix it or what to say.  I felt silly standing in the
middle of the halls while people made their way around us.  No one said
anything about it because it was Josh that was causing the traffic jam.

“Well, I was –,” he
said, right before his pals came up and surrounded him.

“Dude, did you see Trix
in that skirt,” one of his friends said.  They hadn’t even noticed me.  Then
again, I would have been shocked otherwise.  They were all talking at once. 
Turning, I manage to catch his eye when I walked off.

The rest of my day went
without seeing Ethan.  It almost felt like a dream until he, of course, showed
up in my last class of Art.  He was late and forced to sit in the only
available seat, which happened to be at my table of four. Great. Giving me a
quick glance, we both turned to listen to Mr. Miller.  In this exploratory class,
we would explore many mediums of art such as pencil sketching, charcoal, clay
sculpting, and even photography.  Ethan stole a glance my way when the teacher
spoke.  The fact that he thought about me made me blush.

After Mr. Miller’s
speech, we were to use the class to begin a pencil sketch of anything of our
choosing.  I wasn’t an artist, at least not in this venue.  But I began the
predictable choice of a vase with a flower in it.  It seemed the easiest, and I
wouldn’t look like a total fool.

Mr. Miller was going
table to table talking, and I guess meeting the students when he landed at
ours.  “Good job, Ethan.”  I looked up to see that Ethan was drawing a face. 
He was working on an eye, so I really couldn’t tell who he was drawing at this
point.  But by the little that I’d seen, it should look amazing when done at
the rate he was going.  “Nice, Miss…” he began. “Jessa Shelby,” I said.  He
hadn’t asked Ethan’s name.  I didn’t have time to think. After he spoke to each
one of us, he said, “After class, we are having our first meeting for the
yearbook club.  I’d love for you all to join.  There are so many ways to help.”

When Ethan spoke, he
looked at me. “Some of us are real naturals with a camera.”

Mr. Miller followed his
gaze.  Feeling the heat, I tried to look away. “Well, I hope you will join us.”

Ethan didn’t speak to
me the rest of the class, and I didn’t look at him.  I was confused at his
response to me from this morning until now.  I didn’t know what I would do
next.

Ethan got back to work
on his sketch, so I did the same.  Nearing the end of class, my picture looked
like a first grader had done it.  “Nothing to be done with it,” I muttered to
myself.  When I looked over at Ethan, he closed his sketchbook.  Sketchbook. 
I’d gotten drawing paper from the supply cabinet as did most of the students. 
Ethan had his own pad.  I hadn’t noticed it before.

Weary eyes raised and
met mine.  I had to make this right. “Ethan,” I began in a whisper.  He looked
away, and I knew I was going to lose this opportunity. And I had to say it. It
didn't matter if he'd heard so many times before, I owed him this, “I’m
sorry.”  Other table mates briefly looked up, curious about what was going on.

Snapping his head up,
he said, “Really,” in a tone that clearly meant he didn’t believe me.

Forgetting about our
audience, I said, “Yes, I judged you unfairly, and I’m truly sorry.”