Through The Lens (24 page)

“Mr. Miller,” he said.

“Wow, that’s crazy.  So
that’s where he ended up?”

Ethan shrugged.  She
said, “I’ll have to check him out.  He took such great pictures of Allie and …”

She looked sheepish.  “It’s
okay,” Ethan said to her.

Kissing him on the
cheek, she said, “I’m so sorry.”  And she was off.

Wanting to change the
subject from the blank this Shelly left that spelled Carly, I asked, “Who was
that?”as the storm that was Shelly blew away.

“Oh, just a friend from
the past.  She used to go to our school until there was a nasty divorce between
her parents.  She ended up going to public school where her boyfriend went. So
it wasn’t all bad.”

Shelly’s visit hadn’t
only pissed off her boyfriend.  Lucy was seething from the sidelines in her
cheerleading uniform.

With a cheer, the crowd
stood and was yelling.  Apparently, there was some last-minute magic play that
let us win.  I barely saw Josh before he was herded off the field surrounded by
his teammates.  But he’d seen me.  I’d done my girlfriend duty.

Except one more thing,
pulling up in front of Brandon’s house, I parked, readying myself for the
after-party.

Ethan didn’t seem eager
to get out of my car either.  I found myself asking the question that troubled
me. “So what’s up with you and Lucy?”

 Frowning, he said, “If
it’s Allie you are worried about, don’t.  She and I have an understanding.”

“What understanding?” I
replied because I didn’t get it.

“Not that this is your
business, but you are her friend.  So I understand your needs to protect her. 
But Allie knows about Lucy,” he said, dismissing me.

“She knows that you and
Lucy are screwing around?’ I accused.

Anger was building in
his gaze, as he opened the car door. “Maybe you should worry about your
relationship with Josh and not my relationships.  And don’t worry about me. 
I’ll find a ride home.”  Many cars had followed us here for the party.  So when
he leaped out and nearly slammed the door, he was swallowed by the crowd,
making its way up to the house.

Anger, confusion,
indignation, and all in between clouded my thoughts and grounded me in place. 
Parts of me wanted to cry in frustration.  Others wanted me to wring Ethan’s
neck.  How could he be so cruel?

Sometime later when
there was a tap at my window, I almost thought that Ethan had come to
apologize.  I was wrong.

“Hey,” Josh said. “What
are you doing out here?” he asked when I extricated myself from my car.

Not wanting to get into
my conversation with Ethan, I said, “Waiting for you.”

My response lit up his
face.  And I truly felt cared for with his gaze on me.  It was the kind of look
I’m sure every girl dreams of getting from a boy they’ve crushed on for years.

 With earnest, he asked
so sincerely, “Do you mind if I kiss you?”

His penance paid for in
full, I nodded.  He leaned in and pressed the softest sweetest kiss ever on my
lips.  I wanted butterflies, explosions of light, and a feeling of being utterly
lost, but I got none of that.  And why was that.  He’d been all I dreamed of. 
The earth should have shook and should have fallen down the rabbit hole onto a
love cloud.  And it was nothing like that.  My brows creased, and Josh said,
“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just a
little tired,” I lied.  Maybe I was just letting Ethan get to me.  He was
ruining this moment for me and he wasn’t even here.

“Do you want to go
home?” he asked.  But I could tell he was hoping I’d stay.  He’d just won the
game for our team.  I could support my boyfriend.

“No, let’s go in,” I
said, taking his hand.  His smile turned back on, and we went inside. 

The place was
wall-to-wall packed.  Brandon’s house wasn’t that big, and it felt like the
whole school was here.  Someone was passing around drinks in clear plastic
cups, but I refused.  I’d been warned by my parents on too many occasions about
not accepting drinks that I didn’t personally see poured out of an unopened
container.

Dancing and milling
about with Josh for what seemed like forever, even in this small house, I
hadn’t seen Ethan once.  I’d wondered if he’d gone home until the chanting
began.  “GO FOR IT, MAN,” half of the crowd cheered. “GET A ROOM,” the other
half of the crowd yelled.  A half moat formed around a pair plastered so close
to the wall they might as well be it.  The only thing jutting out from there
was a pair of stilettos wrapped around the guy’s waist.  I recognized those
jeans.  They had a worn hole in the pocket, probably purposefully to be there
by the fancy designer.  That along with the dark mop of hair I’d recognize
anywhere and the fact that he was wearing a dark colored shirt clued me to
Ethan. 

Finally, he stepped
away, allowing the girl to stand on her feet.  Turning, I saw the red dress
that Lucy was not wearing.  That was a different girl.  Looking back at Ethan,
I saw his eyes glaze over with that I’m drunk as hell look.

The girl in red toe
walked through a parted wall of people and led Ethan upstairs.  I felt sick,
and I should care, but I did.  Glancing at my watch, I said, “I have to get
home to make curfew.”  It didn’t matter that my parents weren’t home.  Besides
the fact they trusted me, I just needed to get out of here.

“But Jenna and Kyle are
here,” Josh said.

“They are?” I asked.  I
hadn’t seen them.  But Josh was quite a bit taller than me and would have seen
more while we were closed in on all sides while dancing.

“Jenna’s out back, and
Kyle, I saw him go upstairs.”

Upstairs only meant one
thing.  I flew into the path that was still pretty clear and made it upstairs. 
My brother was walking out of a room, buttoning his pants with a brunette on
his heels, smoothing down her shirt and sporting a serious case of bed head. 
Kyle passed a waiting Ethan and bumped fists with him before Ethan disappeared
in the room Kyle had vacated.

“Kyle Shelby,” I said
with my hands on my hips.  My voice sounded bizarrely like Mom’s.

Kyle looked up. “Who is
that?” The girl with him asked.

“That’s my sister.” 
Half swiveling, he kissed the girl and said, “Gotta go.”

Kyle strode past me,
and when he did, he said, “Don’t get your panties in a bunch.  Where’s Jenna?”

“Out back,” I said and
followed him there.

Was everyone on the
planet horn dogs?  My sister was straddling Billy. “Jenna,” I said, chastising
her.  Scaring her, she fell back on the ground landing on her ass and laughing.

“Shit, Jess, you scared
the crap out of me.”

“Let’s go,” I said.

“Why?” she asked. “I’m
not ready to go.”  She was drunk.

Kyle was helping her
up, when I said, “Jenna, we’re leaving now.”

Billy stood and kissed
her, “Later, babe. I’ll call you.”

“Why are you being such
a party poop,” she asked as I dragged her around the side of the house.  No
reason to try to break through the masses in the house.

“Stop acting like a
slut,” I said.

“Just because you’re
still a virgin doesn’t mean you should rain on our parade,” she complained.

Stopping, I whirled on
her. “And you’re not?”

Kyle spoke, sounding
surprisingly sober. “Let’s talk in the car.”

Stopping off, I got to
the car to find Josh there. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes,” I said, still
seething.  I’d unlocked the car and Kyle managed to get my sister in the
backseat.

Taking my hand, Josh
said, “Drive safe.”  Then he kissed me tenderly like he did at the start of the
party.  At this very moment, I didn’t deserve him, I thought for a second.

“Night,” I said, before
getting in the car.

Holding on to the
steering wheel as if it were my lifeline, Kyle said, “Chill, Jess, before you
have a stroke.”

“I can’t believe you,
Kyle.  Who was that girl?” I asked.

Shrugging, he said, “I
met her at the party.”

“And you just bagged
her?” I asked.  He shrugged again. I shook my head.

“You ruined everything,
Jess,” my sister called from the back. 

“You’ll be grateful in
the morning when you realize that you didn’t lose your virginity in a stupid
drunk move.”

She ignored me.  She
practically leaped out of the car when we made it home.  Thankfully neither
paid attention that a car was missing from our garage.

Sitting in Madison’s room the next day
with Bradley, I gave them the whole story.

“What’s going on with
you and Ethan?” Bradley asked.

Lying back, I picked at
the ribbons of one of the woven pillows in Madison’s very pink and blue room. 
More navy blue than pink, but still. “Nothing,” I sighed.

Madison plucked the
pillow out of my hand and said, “He’s right. You sound like you have it bad.”

Covering my eyes with
my hands, I said, “It’s so wrong.  I mean why now?  I finally have Josh, and I
can’t stop thinking about Ethan.  And Ethan isn’t available, and he’s a
cheater.”

“That’s not true,”
Bradley said.  “He said, they had an understanding. In guy speak they are
friends with benefits.”

“That’s just so wrong,”
I said again. “Allie’s not the type of girl to agree with that.”

Bradley looked at
Madison.  She looked back at him, and they came to some sort of conclusion.
“How well do you really know her or either of them for that matter?” she said
in a calm voice.

“So what are you
saying?” I said, sitting up.

“Well, if he’s lying
about it, he’s not the kind of guy you want to be with.  And if he’s not, is
that the type of relationship you are looking for?” she asked.

Blowing out a gush of
air, I said, “No and no.”  It felt so final.  But this is what I needed.

“So what about Josh?” I
asked.

Looking at Bradley
again, I wondered if they’d talked about this, and this was some sort of
intervention. “Don’t break up with Josh to be with Ethan.  Break up with Josh
because you don’t want him.”

Driving home, I didn’t
have answers.  I liked Josh.  So I didn’t feel like I thought I would after
crushing on him so long.  Maybe it took time to develop feelings for someone. 
And maybe the things I felt for Ethan were nothing more than crushing on him
from afar.  Madison was right.  Ethan was totally off limits for so many
reasons.  I wouldn’t drop him as a friend, but I would continue with the
mindset that he wasn’t available whether he was or wasn’t.

Ethan wasn’t at school
on Monday, so I didn’t bother with Yearbook Club.  It was raining so hard, I
also figured, I didn’t want to wait out in the rain for Jenna.  So I went home
with Bradley.  Although Ethan finally showed up on Wednesday, we barely spoke. 
But I understood his pattern.  When he was mad, he ignored me.

Friday after school at
my locker, Madison stopped me. “I can’t meet you tonight at the party,” she
said.

Pouting, I said, “Why?”

“I’m ready to do it,”
she said, with an expression of pure delight.

“Do what?” I asked,
confused.

“It,” she said,
expressing the word like it should mean something.  Then it did.

“Oh my gosh, are you
serious?” I asked.

Nodding, she said, “I’m
ready.”

Wow, it felt like the
world was ready.  What was wrong with me?  Was I that lame?

After leaving school, sitting
in the back seat of the car with my best friends, I was alone.  Not because
they excluded me.  I just thought about Ethan and the girl in red, my brother
and a nameless female, my sister and her longtime boyfriend, and now my best
friends.  They were all part of some secret society I knew nothing about. 
Should I want to do it?  I should have asked how Madison knew.  Did she test
the waters, or did she wake up one day and just know.  We were friends, but
Bradley was my friend, too.  Maybe she felt like she couldn’t discuss these
things with me until she was sure.

They dropped me off,
and I gave them both a half smile.  I hadn’t asked her if Bradley knew, so I
could hardly wish them good luck, and was that in poor taste to do so? 

Josh had an away game. 
So I didn’t go.  It was early enough in the day that we’d made plans for the
evening.  We were meeting up at an after party assuming they won.

I wore a dress that
could pass for casual and work for a party, too.  It was a summer dress so I
wore a cardigan with it.  My wedge heel shoes should be comfortable enough for the
whole evening, at least I hoped.

When I walked into the
party, I realized it was a more exclusive party than last week.  There were
still a lot of people, but it wasn’t standing room only.  Josh found me right
away and led me outside.  On the way, I passed by Ethan who barely glanced at
me.  Lucy was with him.  She must not be mad about the party last week.