Through The Lens (25 page)

The night was chilly,
so no one was outside when we finally made our way to the back.  Josh sat on a
lounge chair, and I snuggled beside him.

“So you guys won
again,” I said.

Smiling, he said, “It
was close, but we pulled through.”

Snatches of
conversations said that scouts were coming to that game. “So, did you see any
college recruiters?”

“I don’t know.  I guess
they were there,” he said, nonchalantly. “Enough about football. I missed you.”

It was thrilling to
know that his words masked the look in his eye.  He was stretched out, and I
was curled on my side facing him.  His head lifted off the chair, and I angled
in to kiss him.  I waited for the fireworks to rain down over us.  But I waited
in vain.  It was nice but it wasn’t like how it was described in stories.

His hand moved and
caught the hem of my dress, pulling it up a bit.  I could tell it was by
accident.  Josh was being super careful, and I appreciated it.  So when his
hand moved to push my dress down and landed on my bare thigh, I didn’t
protest.  I wanted to know.  I wouldn’t lead him on.  I wasn’t ready for the
next step. But there should be a thrill or something about his hand on me. 

Placing my hand on his
chest, I leaned more into him. He groaned, but his hand remained where it was.
“God, you’re killing me Jenna.”

I froze.  Pulling back,
I looked at him.  For a moment, he didn’t realize his mistake.  I got up,
scrambling to get away from him.  He’d called me by my sister’s name.  We
didn’t look that much alike, and this wasn’t an innocent mistake.  He should
know who his girlfriend was.

“Jessa, shit, I’m
sorry,” he called out.  But I was heading for my car before my tears fell. I
slipped through the crowd before he could catch me.  I dash out and got into
the car before he made it out of the house.  I was down the street before he
made it to the sidewalk. 

The drive back home was
blurry.  All my frustrations and insecurities played out at that moment.  He’d
probably never wanted me.  My phone rang a billion times, and I didn’t answer. 
I didn’t even look at it.

Getting home to an
empty house was new.  Mom and Dad were usually here.  But then everyone in the
house had a life except me.  I had no one to turn to.  Madison and Bradley were
getting it on probably.  I wouldn’t disturb them. 

My phone rang again. 
With my whole family out, I thought I should at least look in case there was an
emergency.  Picking up the phone, I saw it was Allie.

“Hello,” I said,
sounding reasonably calm.

“Hey, girly.  How the
hell have you been?” She said, sounding cheerful.

Not wanting to rain on
her parade, I said, “Been better.  How about you?”

Her exhale was
telling.  She was about to lay something heavy on me and in my current state I
wasn’t sure I could handle many more surprises, at least not the bad kind.

“I’m good.  Look, I’m
in town.  I have a run to make, then I’m going to see Ethan,” she said in a
rush of words. “I’ve met someone I really like.  So I’m going to break it off
with him.  And I need you to be there for him,” she said.

Break it off, but Ethan
said they had an arrangement. “Jessa, I need you to look after him.  If I
didn’t know you were going to be there for him, I wouldn’t do this.  I’m just
not sure how he will handle it.  The last time with Carly…”

I remembered the
story.  He’d gotten drunk and nearly killed everyone.  “Okay,” I said. 

“This will be a fast
trip, but I swear we will get together next time,” she said.

The phone bobbed on my
ear as I nodded, but remembered she couldn’t see me.  “Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, I’ve got to go,
love.  Later.”

And she hung up.

Staring at the phone, I
didn’t know how I could be friends with Ethan and help him through when he’d
obviously lied to me.  But, he’d come out of nowhere to help me out with Josh. 
I could do him a favor as well.  Pay it forward, I told myself.

Hot tears brimmed in my
eyes. At the moment, I couldn’t tell you who I was crying more over, Josh or
Ethan.

At some point I fell
asleep, because my phone startled me awake.

“Hello,” I said.  In my
sleep haze, I’d forgotten that I was monitoring my phone calls.

“Jess,” a drunk voice
said.

“Ethan,” I said,
sitting up in bed.  The clock on my bedside table read two thirty in the
morning.

“I’m wasted, Jess,” he
said.

Pausing, I said,
“Why?”  I was pretty sure I knew the answer, but I wanted him to admit it.

“I’m lonely,” he said.
It was heart wrenching to hear his vulnerability in those words.  “Can you come
get me?”

Remembering my promise
to Allie, I asked, “Where are you?”

“Same party,” he
admitted.

“Give me twenty
minutes,” I said.

This was going to be payback enough. 
Josh’s jeep was still parked here.  And I so I didn’t want to see him.  I tried
Ethan’s cell, but he didn’t answer.  Steeling myself, I stood straight and
walked into the party.  I searched for a tall guy with dark hair.

Finally, I went into
the kitchen.  What I found had my heart in my stomach.  There pressed to the
counter was Josh.  And he was in a tongue lock with my sister.

“Jenna,” I said.

They pulled apart. We
all stood frozen.  It was just the three of us in here.

“Jessa,” Josh said,
looking between us.

Holding up a hand, I
said, “Don’t you dare.”  The tears were building, but I didn’t let them fall.

“How could you do this
to me?” I said, speaking to my sister.  Josh could go to hell.  But this was my
sister, my twin.

“Jess, I’m sorry.  I
didn’t mean to.  He told me what happened. And I didn’t know he still liked
me.  And I didn’t know how I felt about him until you and he started dating.”

“So all this time you
were sabotaging our relationship,” I said coldly.

Shaking her head
frantically, she said, “No, I swear.  He told me what happened, and I don’t
know.”

“I can’t believe you
did this to me,” I pleaded.  Josh stepped away from Jenna and started to come
towards me.  “You got what you wanted, huh.  I was just a poor substitute for
her.”

“No,” he said, looking
like he meant it. “I think I love you, Jessa.”

Startled, my sister
cried out. I didn’t even bother to look her way. “You’re full of shit, Josh. 
If you loved me, you wouldn’t have called me by her name.  You wouldn’t have
kissed her.”

Closing his eyes, he
said, “I just need to know for sure.  And it’s you, Jessa.  I swear it’s you.”

He’d almost closed the
distance when from somewhere behind me a blur of movement caught Josh in the
face, and he went down.  Jenna screamed.  Billy came rushing in.  He was
looking at the damage.  A few other people came in as well, with Kyle coming in
behind them.

Billy looked at Ethan. 
“What the hell, man,” Billy said.

“Talk to Jenna about
how she was kissing Josh,” Ethan revealed.

Jenna looked
wide-eyed.  Someone said, “Oh, shit.”  Ethan pulled me out of the room.  Kyle
caught me at the door. “Are you okay?”

When I nodded, he said,
“I’m sorry, Jess. I’m so sorry.”

Ethan said, “I’m taking
her home.”

Nodding, Kyle said,
“Thanks man.”

Outside, I realized
that even though Ethan appeared sober or sober enough, he was piss-ass drunk. 
He swayed with every step as he leaned on me to get to the car.  He’d done a
good job of hiding it while we were in the house.  Before I opened the door, he
doubled over and puked.  Splatter hit the side of my car and both of our shoes.

Getting him in the
front seat was interesting as well.  For as long as it took, Josh hadn’t come
after me.  Kyle could be behind that one.  I drove with the windows down a bit,
hoping not to have the vomit smell fill my car.  Ethan was out like a light in
the car.  When I pulled into his driveway, it took a bit to wake him.

“My keys are in my
pocket,” he said, still unable to walk on his own.  I reached my hands in there.
“Just a little to the right,” he said.

He was full of shit
because that would lead me other places.  Finding his keys, I opened the door. 
He gave me the alarm codes, and I keyed them in.  I had to help him upstairs. 
At the top, he rushed away from me with surprising speed.  “I’m going to be
sick,” he said.

Not in a hurry to see
that, I walked at normal speed.  When I reached the open bathroom door, he
stood looking confused.  “Are you okay?” I said, stepping over to him.

“I thought…” he began
before spewing all his guts between us.  It wasn’t directly on me, but I got my
fair share on my shirt and yoga pants. “Shit, Jess, I’m sorry.”

I held my shirt in
front of me.  He pulled off his clothes without fear of abandonment. Then Ethan
stood in front of me in boxer briefs.  Walking over to me, he pulled the hem
shirt over my head. Then picking me up, he walked me over to the shower. 
Kneeling down, he peeled off my pants and I let him. Turning on the shower, he
pulled me in still wearing my bra and panties.

 We stood in the water
in our underwear.  “Jess, do you know how beautiful you are?” he asked,
breaking the silence.

“You’re drunk,” I said,
confused and shattered from earlier events.

Looking at me with his
piercing eyes, he said, “Maybe, but I can’t get you out of my head.”

“You’re just upset
about Allie breaking up with you?”

The place on his
forehead where his brows should meet crinkled. “What, she did what?”

“Did you talk to her?”
I asked.

“No,” he said. “She
called you?”

“Yes, she said she was
in town to see you.  That she was going to break up with you,” I said, feeling
anger rise over the embarrassment of being wet and nearly naked in the shower
with him.

“She isn’t my
girlfriend, Jess. She knows I like you. I told her that night I kissed you.”

“What?” I asked.

Pushing wet hair back
from his face, he said, “Allie and I are just friends.  I didn’t want a
girlfriend after Carly, and she knew it.  Before I dated Carly, Allie let me
know that she liked me.” Pausing, he seemed to gather his words, swaying a
little on his feet.  “I told her it was Carly who I was interested in.  She was
fine with that.”  He paused again. I didn’t dare interrupt.  This was the most
information I had gotten out of him about this ever. Continuing he said, “After
the whole thing with Carly missing, and everyone thinking it was me,  Allie was
there for me, you know.  She was the only one.”  He didn’t have to mention his
absentee mother.  I filled in that blank. “One drunken mistake, and I was with
her in a way I’d promised not to be. I never wanted to hurt her. And it was
nice, I guess. I wasn’t sure of my feelings for her. I knew that I liked
hanging out with her, but I didn’t know if it was just Carly being gone that
spurred my feelings.  And she said she was okay with that. Then I met you. I
waited too long, and Josh came and took my shot.”

With his heart on his
sleeve, it was hard to deny the sincerity in his words.  “I want to kiss you
right now.”

I found myself saying,
“And why don’t you?”

Astonishment crossed
his face.  In one move, he scooped me up.  Carrying me out of the disgusting
bathroom, he laid me on his bed covering me with a blanket.  “Stay here,” he
said.  Closing the door to the bath, he left the room.  When he came back, I
could smell the mint.  He’d brushed his teeth, probably gargled too. Spewing
must have cleared his system some. 

Lying next to me, he
leaned over and hesitated.  I responded by angling my neck to give him access. 
His lips met mine and the world rocked on its axis.  My body lit up on the
inside like a bonfire.  When his hand met my damp skin, it burned.  My hand
reached around him at their own accord after I shoved the blanket away.  I
pulled him closer and he took a clue and spread himself on top of me.  But we
weren’t close enough.  I was eager to shed my few remaining clothes.  His kiss
and his hands on me kept me in place.  When he pressed his firm muscled body
against my body, I thought I would just die.

Moaning, he created
friction, in the most amazing way.  Who knew it would be like this?  We weren’t
even having sex.  “I want you, princess,” he said, his voice deep and
husky-like.

In my frenzied state,
my brain wasn’t working.  It couldn’t be because I heard myself saying, “You
can have me.”

Moving his lips to my
ear and gently biting, he groaned. “I can’t do this to you.  Not like this,” he
said.

“Why the hell not?” I
complained.

Chuckling a bit, he
said, “I’m still kind of drunk.  And tonight has really been a bad night.”

“Don’t stop,” I begged
as he continued to talk and move against me at the same time.