Thrust (24 page)

I STARE AT MY PHONE, swallowing the thick lump in my throat. It’s been three days since I dropped Calla off at her door and I haven’t stopped thinking about her since. It’s fucking eating at me not being next to her. Touching her and kissing her has given me a peace that I haven’t felt in years. I’m missing that feeling and I want nothing more than to have it back, but the more I think about her and the way she makes me feel . . . the more I think about my brother having her in the same way that I have. He’s been between those beautiful legs of hers, sucking, licking and tasting just as I have.

Whenever I close my eyes images of him fucking her torment me, driving me mad; him holding her legs open, thrusting between them, and making her scream as she comes. I fucking hate it. It makes me hate myself, because it’s my fault that it happened in the first place. I was too much of a pussy to allow myself to take her completely, because I knew there was a huge chance of me falling.

“What the fuck.” Tossing my phone aside, I grip my hair and hang my head between my legs. Hunter was supposed to be the solution not the fucking problem.

I should be able to give her everything she deserves. I should be able to sleep next to her every night, holding her and making her feel beautiful. The hardest part is that I know she wants it just as badly as I do. One look into her eyes and you can see that. I may be stupid sometimes, but I’m not blind.

Not even to my own broken heart . . .

TORI AND I ARE IN the middle of editing pictures from my sister’s wedding, but all I can think about is Kyan. I told myself that I would give him time and I was hoping that he would contact me, say hi, or ask me to come to a training session . . . anything, but he hasn’t. The thought kills me.

I haven’t spoken to Hunter either. I figured it was better to not see him for a while. Even if it is just to let him know that we can’t do
this
anymore. Whatever
this
is that we’ve been doing. The truth is that I won’t feel right seeing Hunter before seeing Kyan again. It somehow feels so wrong now.

Tori pulls up a picture of Kyan holding my face and looking into my eyes during my sister’s wedding. I hear her let out a little “awe” while placing her hand to her heart.

“This man cares for you, Calla. Look at the way he’s holding you. That’s not something that can be faked.”

Swallowing back my emotions, I take a close look at the picture, feeling my heart swell. He looks so loving holding me, that I get a little choked up.

“Next picture,” I say softly. “I need to focus on getting these done.”

Tori closes out of the folder and turns to look at me. “No, you don’t. What you need to focus on is letting that fine piece of man meat know how you feel. You and I both know that you won’t be able to function right until you do.”

I laugh, unable to help myself. “I so love your insanely, crazy ass.”

Tori shrugs and pulls the folder back up. “Yeah, I know. Get out of here so I can pleasure myself to this sexy man on the screen. Ryan has nothing on Kyan.” She winks and I pinch her. “Ouch.” She grabs her arm. “Now go. Get. I can’t take you anymore until you talk to him.”

Taking a long, deep breath, I stand up and mentally prepare myself. I’m not sure I can ever really be prepared for this conversation, but it has to be done. It’s killing me not to know. I need to know if he has feelings for me. Even just a little bit, will be better than none.

“Crap! Here goes nothing.”

Please don’t break my heart . . .

I’M JUST WRAPPING THE TOWEL around my waist when someone starts knocking at the door. It’s got to be at least past ten, so automatically I expect it to be Hunter at the door.

“Dammit, Hunter.” Pulling the towel tighter around my waist, I unlock the door and walk away, expecting him to shove it open and barge in. He doesn’t. His ass must be sick or some shit.

I pull the door open and walk away without bothering to look behind me. Part of me wishes that I didn’t even bother unlocking the door in the first place. Seeing him does nothing but stir emotions in me that I don’t like.

“What the hell do you want?” I ask, while walking to the kitchen and opening the fridge.

I hear the door lightly shut before I hear the voice of the woman that has been haunting me day and night—Calla.

“Sorry. I should have called first,” she says softly, her voice laced with pain.

Shit.
The last thing I want to do is hurt her. I hate knowing that pain in her voice came from me.

Turning around, I quickly walk over to her and rub my thumb over her pouty bottom lip. I stare at it a few seconds too long, imagining me pulling it between my lips and sucking it. “I thought you were Hunter,” I say gently. “I would never talk to you that way, Calla.”

Her eyebrows pull together and I see the slight tremble of her bottom lip as she takes me in, taking time to remember every single feature as if she won’t be seeing me again. “I can’t do this, Kyan. I can’t do this anymore.”

She turns away from my touch, pushing my hand away from her face. Taking a few steps back, she sucks in a deep breath, before mumbling something under her breath.

Seeing her walking away from me only makes me want to come to her. Her pushing me away just now fucking killed me. “Can’t do what? Talk to me.” My jaw clenches as I stop in front of her and touch her again. I don’t want her ever backing away from my touch. It stings like a bitch. “I hate you backing away from me. Don’t do it, Calla.”

Her eyes turn up to meet mine and my heart sinks. She looks so damn tortured that all I want to do is pull her into my bedroom and comfort her. I want to keep her there until she knows how much I care. I’m fighting so damn hard not to do that.

“With you,” she breathes. “I can’t pretend that I don’t want more with us when the opposite is true. I want to be with you and I can’t deny it anymore. I’ve tried so damn hard. Trust me. I know you said you didn’t want anything more and I thought I could handle that, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”

My chest aches as I realize what she’s saying. If I want her in my life then I need to give her all of me . . . including my heart. The one thing that I didn’t want to give when this all started in the first place. I don’t know if I can do that. It hurts too damn much to think of her with Hunter. I fucked that up. I let that happen and now we’re both paying for it.

“Calla . . .” I let out a small breath and flex my jaw. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to fucking hurt her. “I can’t.” I pull her face up, making her look me in the eyes. “Every time I fucking close my eyes I see you . . . I see you with myself and then I see you with Hunter. Every time I picture you with Hunter it makes me want to rip his throat out. My own fucking brother, Calla.” I shake my head, pushing my thoughts aside. “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine, watering as she allows my words to sink in. I see the smallest hint of a tear about to fall and it rips my heart out. “Then I should go.” She pulls my hands away from her face. “I need to go. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I came here. I didn’t mean to complicate things, but I can’t do this with you anymore. I’ll cancel my personal training and . . .” She reaches for the handle. “I’ll keep my distance when I see you.”

Opening the door as she gets ready to walk out, I grip her arm, pulling her back. I can’t let her walk out that fucking door without kissing her. I just need to feel her lips one last time.

Slamming her against my wall, I slam my lips to hers and kiss her harder and deeper than I’ve
ever
kissed anyone in my life. With each caress of our lips, my heart aches more and more.

Coming to her senses, Calla places her hands to my chest and pushes me away, turning her head away from my reach. “Don’t . . .” She fights to catch her breath, her eyes heated. “Do that again. Goodbye, Kyan.”

I stand here, hands in my hair as I watch her walk out my door and out my life. With the slam of my door anger bursts through me that makes me want to break everything in sight.

The worst part is that I know I only have myself to blame. I’m a stupid fucking dick and now because of that I’ve hurt the one person that I can’t stop thinking about.

I punch the wall and growl out at the thought of her possibly being with Hunter now. There’s nothing standing in her way. She could be at his door right now and he could be opening it and taking her to his bed to console her by fucking her. The thought makes me feel sick.

I stand here with my hands against the wall, just staring for the longest time. It takes me repeatedly reminding myself that this is it, for it to really begin to sink in.

Finally pulling my shit together, I reach in the fridge for my twelve pack and carry it into the bedroom, before tossing my towel aside and drinking my ass into a sleep induced coma.

So much for no one fucking getting hurt . . .