Till There Was You (24 page)

“Spending time alone.”

“Becoming a hermit, more likely. You need to forgive yourself, man. No one blames you for anything except you. Let it all go and move forward. The dead are dead and don’t give a shit anymore, it’s the living who have it tough. We owe it to the ones who aren’t here anymore to live life for them, not waste it feeling sorry for ourselves. Fuck, man, do you really think Rachel would want you shutting yourself off from the world? You think Alana would want her dad to give up? I mean, what is that over there, a greenhouse?” he asked, pointing toward the structure in the distance. “And I’ll bet this steak is fucking deer you shot yourself.” He leaned forward and sniffed the meat, confirming it was exactly that. Linc’s ears burned. “Looks to me like you’ve got yourself set up out here for the loneliest existence in the world. What’s the fucking point, Linc? If you’re going to waste your life and piss away any chance of happiness because you blame yourself, then what’s the fucking point? You might as well end it, right now. Put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger, because this tortured soul gig you’ve got going on isn’t helping anyone. What you need to do is suck it up, be a man, grow a set, and stop acting like you’re all powerful and everything happens because you let it.”

“You finished, Doctor Phil?”

“Not even close.”

Brushing the steaks with oil, Linc set them on the grill, the sizzle from the raw meat fizzing in the air and causing smoke to rise up from the coals. “It’s not that easy.”

“Why? Do you want to sulk in the corner for the rest of your life?”

Linc sighed and moved the steaks around on the heat. “I’m not sulking.”

“Well, brooding, moping—whatever the fuck you wanna call it.”

“Fuck you, Jonny. It’s not like that. I can’t just snap my fingers and erase all the shit that’s gone down.”

“See, that’s the issue. You’ve got it in your head that you need it all gone. It’ll never be gone, mate, but you’ve gotta make a decision to move on or you never will.”

“Just like that? I just decide to move on and I’ll be cured?”

“Yep. And maybe that sweet little thing back in town will take your moping arse back.”

“I doubt that,” Linc mumbled, flipping the steaks to cook on the other side.

“How do you know unless you try?”

Meeting his eyes, Linc took in a deep breath and watched as Jonny disappeared into the house and returned with another beer and a can of Coke for Linc.

“Do you think we can quit the counseling session now? The steaks are almost done.”

“Sure. We can eat and then you can fix that door. I’m staying here tonight and since I see you don’t have a spare bedroom, I imagine leaving it off the hinges will let in a bit of a draft.”

“You going to help?”

“Nah, they say it’s dangerous to use tools and drink.” He held up his beer and smiled. “I’ll supervise, though.”

“Just like old times, huh?” Linc asked with a laugh as he pulled the meat from the burner and set it on a plate, taking it inside where he threw together a couple sandwiches with the steak, some salad, and fresh bread.

“You fucking made that bread from scratch too, didn’t you?” Jonny asked, leaning against the counter as he watched Linc put their meals together.

“So what if I did?” Linc replied, causing Jonny to laugh.

“Mate, when the hell did you get a vagina?”

Reaching out, Linc tapped him on the face where a bruise was already blossoming along his jaw. “Stole it from your mum when I was fucking her with my enormous cock, mate.”

Jonny laughed. “He’s still in there somewhere,” he crowed, taking a seat as Linc transferred their food to the table, his tone turning somber. “But seriously, don’t joke about my mum like that. That shit is just wrong.”

Even though it hurt his lip, Linc chuckled. “Well, quit mocking me. There’s nothing wrong with a man who can cook, mate. Maybe you should try it, you’d stop being perpetually single.”

“Maybe.” He shrugged, shoving his sandwich in his mouth and looking around the room. “What are those?” he asked, pointing to the stack of journals Linc had left on the counter. They’d been there since the day he got them. He hadn’t opened them yet, and wasn't really sure he would. His own pain was enough; he didn’t think he could handle Tim’s, too.

“Something an old veteran left me in his will, his private journals.”

“You going to read them?”

“Don’t know.” Leaving the topic at that, the two men turned their attention to devouring their sandwiches before Linc signed the paperwork that officially released him from the Army. Toasting with their drinks in hand, they settled in and talked about times gone past; catching up on each other’s lives and the lives of others they’d served with during their fifteen-year stretch in the Army. They’d both seen it as a career, but in the end, Linc couldn’t do it anymore. There were only so many deaths a man could have on his hands—and his wife and daughter’s were the final ones. He couldn’t stand to bury anymore.

––––––––

U
p early the next morning, Linc left his friend sleeping off his hangover on the couch as he took Shade out for a run. Spring was well and truly in full bloom as his feet pounded over the fragrant grass. Overhead, the tree canopy was thick as new leaves stretched out to receive the warming light of the sun. Birds sang. Critters did their crittery thing. Everything seemed to be living and thriving. It was a freaking Disney movie.

With his mind clouding over, Linc pushed himself a little harder, thinking about the conversation with Jonny the night before. He wasn’t a hermit. Being a hermit would imply he’d completely rejected society, and he hadn’t. He still went into town. Sure, he called ahead to order supplies and spent as little time as he could there, but he still went. He wasn’t completely devoid of human contact.

And that whole being alone part, he wasn’t completely alone—he had Shade, and huskies were very colorful dogs. Linc could have entire conversations with Shade and get enough howls in return to create a to and fro...

“Shit.” Linc stopped dead in his tracks as the stark realization of how sad his life had become dawned on him. The truth was, he missed Lily. He missed her so much that some days, she was the only thought in his mind. Sometimes, when he closed his eyes and breathed in, he could swear he still smelled her. It would give him a moment’s comfort before the guilt set in and he remembered he was recalling the wrong woman’s smell. He was supposed to remember them always. He couldn’t let them go. Not for Lily, not for anyone.

By the time he reached home, his limbs were so sore, their tiredness took over his thoughts. The sun was high up in the sky, letting him know it was almost lunchtime. As he approached the house, the sounds of hammering and some colorful swearing greeted him, caused by what he could only guess was Jonny trying to fix the door.

Bang. Bang.
“Ah shit.”
Bang.
“Goddamn motherfucker!”
Bang. Bang. Bang.

Grabbing a glass of water, Linc listened to Jonny’s tirade, laughing quietly at each frustrated yowl. Jonny was always better at breaking things than he was at fixing them.

Walking out to see just how badly Jonny was butchering the repairs, Linc snuck up, scaring the shit out of him as he sucked on an injured finger, no doubt the cause of the most recent bout of swearing.

“Fuck, mate, I could have smashed your skull in,” Jonny said, brandishing the hammer in front of him as proof.

“Something tells me you’d miss me,” Linc laughed, pointing to the sheer amount of bent nails sticking out from the still broken doorframe.

“Hey, at least I tried, sleeping beauty.”

“I wasn’t sleeping. I was out taking the dog for a run,” he informed him, shaking his head at the mangled repairs on the doorframe. Why Jonny thought hammering a hundred crooked nails into something would fix it was beyond Linc. “Leave this. I’ll fix it later. Want some food?”

“Yeah, I wanted eggs for breakfast, but I had a look and you don’t have a chicken house, so I reckoned I was shit out of luck on that front. I just had coffee.”

“I buy eggs from the store like everyone else.”

“You buy them, seriously? Well, you’re failing at this hermit thing, my friend. Chickens are very versatile little creatures.”

“I’m sure my husky would think they’re a lot of fun, too—to eat.”

“That’s true. Plus, they probably wouldn’t lay anyway. That dog of yours has the scariest looking eyes I’ve ever seen.”

“He’s harmless,” Linc said with a laugh as he walked past the fridge and opened the door. “The eggs are in the egg carton, mate.”

Jonny leaned down to inspect the fridge’s contents. “Hmmm, so they are.” He stood upright and shut the door. “Either way, it’s almost time for lunch. How about we head into town and grab a bite at that diner? It smelled pretty sweet yesterday when I walked by.”

“You happy going into town with your face looking like that?” Linc indicated the bruising on Jonny’s jaw and the swelling beneath his eye.

Jonny shrugged. “As long as you don’t mind going in looking like that. You might have won the battle, mate, but your face lost the war.” Jonny chuckled as he gathered his things.

Glancing at his face in the side of the toaster, Linc could see almost double the amount of bruising on his face, as well as a swollen and cut lip.

“I don’t really give a shit. I’ve looked worse than this before.”

“Great. Then it’s settled. Lunch is on me. After that, I’ve got to hit the road.”

“Thought you said you were staying for two days?”

“I did. Yesterday and today.”

Not being able to fault his logic, Linc shrugged, then headed off to change out of his running gear and have a quick shower. When he returned, Jonny was sitting at the table, Tim’s journals spread out around him as he flicked through one of them, a piece of yellow paper in his hand.

“Hey, this old guy had quite a life. Gets a little sentimental toward the end, but you’d like that I reckon.”

“These aren’t yours to read,” Linc said, collecting them up and setting them back on the counter where they belonged.

“I know,” Jonny replied. “They’re yours. Says so right here on the note. Seems Lily and me aren’t the only ones who think you should be getting on with things.”

Jonny handed him the paper he held in his hand. Looking down, Linc recognized the writing as Tim’s.

Lincoln,

I am older and smarter than you are, so you have to take my advice—

Do not live a half-life full of regrets.

That’s it.

‘The old man’

A small chuckle escaped Linc after reading the note. Even though he’d only known Tim a short time, he’d managed to grow quite fond of the grouchy old man.

“Pretty good suggestion, if you ask me, mate,” Jonny added, breaking into Linc’s concentration.

Linc could only nod as his eyes stayed on the old man’s words. “Yeah, I suppose it’s not bad at all.”

“You gonna talk to her?” he prompted.

Linc frowned. “What good is it going to do?”

“Just talk to her. Tell her your whole story. After that, I guess you’ll find out.”

L
ugging bags of groceries to her car, Lily stopped suddenly as the small hairs on her body all stood on end. It didn't take a lot of deducing to know who was near, and after scanning the area, she spotted Linc sitting in the diner.

It was hard to see due to the reflections of the outside world on the glass, but she was fairly sure he was sitting with that Jonny guy from the bar. And he was...smiling.

Glad I meant so much to him...

As her stomach twisted and her eyes burned, she forced her feet forward, telling herself she was better off without him—her house had never been cleaner, her work never more organized. With all the extra time she had without him in her life, she was able to focus on those little things a girl could easily ignore otherwise.

It just sucked that seeing him hurt so much. She missed him, and she’d hoped he missed her too. Instead, he was having lunch and laughing with some guy from his past. He didn’t seem to be missing her at all.

Throwing the bags into the trunk of the car, Lily swore when her new cleaning products broke free and rolled about the vacant space. She just wanted to get out of there before her emotions got the better of her. She didn’t have time for this.

Fixing the mess, she slammed the trunk shut and stomped to the driver’s side, risking one last look back at Linc before she drove away. She wished she hadn’t. He must have sensed her the way she had him, and at the same time, he turned his smiling face toward hers. Her heart stopped as their eyes locked, then it ached when the smile dropped from his face.

“Asshole,” she muttered, swiping at an errant tear that ran down her cheek as she slammed the car in gear then drove away. For the first time in her life, she was seriously contemplating packing up and moving out of town. She wasn’t sure she could ever get used to seeing him without it hurting.