Till There Was You (25 page)

“H
oly shit, what happened to your face? I mean, what are you doing here?” Lily demanded when she opened her front door and found herself looking at Linc. She’d been in the middle of cleaning and was wearing an old pair of sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt, and after the silent treatment she’d been getting from him and the way he reacted upon seeing her in town, finding him standing at her door with his face battered and bruised was the last thing she expected.

“Ah, I can leave if that’s what you’d prefer?” Looking like a deer caught in headlights, he took a step back, as if he was going to run away—again.

“No,” she said quickly. “Stay. I just...I wasn't expecting you. I thought you were Matt.”

“Are you expecting him?” Linc frowned. This wasn’t going too well.

“No,” Lily shook her head, “I wasn’t expecting him either, but he drops around unannounced, and...” she waved her hand to dismiss her comment. “None of that matters right now. What happened to your face?”

“A fist fight with an old friend.”

She folded her arms across her chest, her mouth setting in a straight line. “He said you weren’t in trouble.”

“I wasn’t. The fight was...personal, I suppose. You see, I have this habit of running when things get hard and it kind of pisses people off.”

“So I hear.”

“Do you think we could talk?” he asked, looking hopeful as he stepped toward the door.

Lily placed her hand on his chest to halt his movement, not unlike the first time they actually spoke to each other outside the police station. That day felt so long ago to her now.

“Not before you apologize, Linc. What you did and how you acted really hurt me. I didn’t deserve any of that.” Her voice wavered as she choked up. Ever since Linc had walked out, the usually stoic Lily was never far from tears. It made her feel weak when she normally felt strong. She needed to feel strong now and clamped down on her emotions.

“You’re right. You do deserve an apology. You deserve an apology and an explanation. You also deserve the truth. You deserve to know what’s been holding me back. And you deserve to be let in. I’m sorry for reacting the way I did that night. I made a snap judgment and I didn’t give you a chance to explain. To be honest, I was scared. And it wasn’t because you told me you loved me, it was because I was scared of my reaction, scared I could feel the same way, and petrified it might mean the love I have for those who came before could somehow lessen because of it.” Linc ran his hand over his thick beard and sighed. “I’m scared, Lily. I’m scared of what being with you means.”

Looking into his eyes swirling with confusing emotions, Lily found herself wanting nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and tell him everything was going to be okay. He looked so broken, standing there with his face all bruised and pleading with her to somehow understand what he was going through—what he had already been through.

Opening her mouth to speak, she chose her words carefully. “When you threw the file back at me that night, I learned something. I learned you not only lost your wife, but you also lost your daughter. Before you ask, I still haven’t read the file. I just found their picture in it when I was picking it all up. But it made me realize your pain extends much further than I initially thought. I can’t even imagine what that kind of loss would be like, and my heart breaks knowing you had to go through it. I lost both my parents and it felt like part of my soul had been torn away, and I know it’s different. I know it probably doesn’t compare. But I at least understand something of grief, Linc. And you don’t have to go through it alone. Finding happiness and feeling something for me isn’t going to replace what you felt for them. It’s not going to erase your memories. I’m not interested in replacing your loss, Linc. I’m simply interested in finding happiness—my own happiness—
with you.
And I hoped you could somehow find your future happiness in me.”

Linc’s brow creased tightly down the center, the veins in the side of his head stressing as he nodded and swallowed hard. “I...I’d like to try that. I...I’ve missed you so much, Lily. I want to be happy with you. I want to love you. I mean, I do l-love you.” He swallowed again, blowing out his breath as he raked his fingers through his dark hair. “I love you, Lily. I just want to find a way to love you without feeling so damn guilty about it.”

Losing the battle with her tears, Lily wiped at her cheek then reached out and took Linc by the hand. A beautiful warmth traveled up her arm as his thumb moved across her skin. “How about you come inside and tell me everything. Are you ready to do that?”

Linc wiped his other hand over his eyes, drying his tears as he nodded. “Yeah. It’s time,” he said, following her inside and taking a seat on her couch. There, he sat forward and blew out his breath. “I suppose I should start from the beginning...”

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T
he hours stretched by as Linc told Lily all about his time in the Army—the fighting, the horror of human depravity. He told her about his breakdown, his inability to cope and the effects his alcoholism had had on those around him. He told her about the day he almost killed himself, and how his friend showing up had been the only reason he hadn’t gone through with it. Then, he told her about that friend’s demise and his final descent into darkness—a loss of control that caused the death of his family...

Adam’s funeral had been military style, and as the guns went off, all Linc could think of was getting away from yet another gravesite and losing himself at the bottom of a bottle. His promise to quit drinking had ended the day Ruth had called him in tears and told him Adam was killed by a thief who broke into his house to steal his TV. It was such a waste of a life.

Inside, Linc felt like he was constantly screaming, and the only way to stop those screams from materializing was to drown them, so he broke his promise to his wife and drank himself into oblivion.

“You’ve had a week,” Rachel said, her hands on her hips as she stood over his disheveled form. His head was pounding. He seemed to either be drunk or hung over, there was no in between. “I didn’t say anything because you were hurting. But now, you’re hurting me—you’re hurting your daughter. This has to stop. We need you, Linc. We need you to be here for us. We can’t go back to the way things were. Please, I’m begging you, no more drinking.”

“Don’t, Rachel,” he grunted. “I need it. It helps me.”

“No, it doesn’t. You need help, Linc, but that help doesn’t come in a bottle, it comes from a counselor.”

“I don’t want a fucking counselor.”

“Don’t be like this, Linc. Please. If you won’t think about yourself, then at least think about me, think about Alana. She can’t grow up like this.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying if you won’t quit and get some real help, then we aren’t going to stay here and watch you self-destruct.”

It had been the ultimatum he needed. He loved them too much to keep hurting them, and after a long, emotional conversation, they’d made him an appointment with the Army base’s counselor and thrown out every bottle of alcohol he had access to.

For a couple weeks, everything was fine. His focus changed as he strove to be the man he was before—the man Rachel had fallen in love with. But he was cracked, and the counselor was booked solid and had yet to see him. The darkness inside him was already seeping out.

“Are you sure you’re okay with going tonight?” Rachel asked. Linc buttoned up his shirt as they got ready to go to her father’s birthday party. He was turning sixty and almost everyone he’d ever met from the moment he was born was invited to attend.

“I’ll be fine. It’s a big deal, we should be there,” he assured her, knowing her worry stemmed from the fact that Linc and her father rarely saw eye to eye on anything. Rachel’s father was a general in the Air Force and had little time for Army grunts like Linc. He disliked him instantly.

Linc caught the worried look on his wife’s face and pressed a reassuring kiss to her cheek. “Stop worrying. We’ll go, we’ll have a good time. It’ll be fun.”

“Okay. I’m just worried about you reacting to him if he says something.”

Linc guffawed. “He always says something, Rach. I’m used to it. Relax, he’ll be so busy with his guests, he’ll hardly have the chance to belittle me.”

“All right,” she said with a sigh, running her hand down the front of his shirt and smoothing it over his chest as she checked out his appearance. “You need a tie.”

“What?” he groaned and took the one she handed him.

“Are we going soon?” Alana asked, bouncing into their room dressed in her fanciest party dress while she dragged a ratty old doll on the floor behind her.

“You can’t take that, sweetheart,” Linc said, kneeling on the floor in front of her as he finished with his tie.

Alana hugged the doll to her chest, her big eyes looking up at her father. “But she’s my favorite,” she whined.

“It might get lost at the party,” he tried to reason with her, but at four, she wasn’t exactly the most reasonable person in the room.

“But I want it. Please, Daddy.”

Linc looked at Rachel for support. “Perhaps just take her in the car? Then she can wait for us there while you enjoy the party with your cousins.”

That seemed to work for Alana, and before long, they were on their way. Unfortunately, it also wasn’t long before Rachel’s father started in on Linc. At first, he ignored it—it wasn’t that bad, just little things that put him down like the amount of money he earned, the fact that he wasn’t climbing the ranks fast enough, as well as jibes about the Army only taking the “dumb ones” because the Air Force wouldn’t have them. Slowly, he grew more agitated, which was when he told himself one drink to calm his nerves wouldn’t hurt.

The insults were said with a smile in front of friends where Linc was the butt of the joke. He tried to laugh along. He didn’t want to cause a scene when he’d promised Rachel he’d be fine. So, he had another drink to keep smiling. Then another, and another.

Before he knew it, things turned ugly. Rachel’s father made a comment about Army men not even being trained well enough to go up against a home invader. Linc took it as a direct insult to his recently departed friend and saw red.

“I can’t believe you punched my father,” Rachel hissed as she stomped toward the car.

“He was out of line,” Linc growled, although his words came out slightly slurred. He’d drunk way too much.

“Then you should have told me what was going on and I would have dealt with him myself.”

“Yeah. Get my wife to fight my battles for me, that’ll stop the guy from busting my balls.”

“There are better ways, Linc.”

She carried Alana in her arms and in her hurry to leave, almost tripped in her high heels.

“Let me take her,” Linc said, reaching out to help Rachel with their daughter.

“No, Linc. You’re drunk,” she whispered, her tone harsh. “You know, that’s what I’m most angry about. You broke your promise—again. This needs to stop.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, immediately feeling bad.

“So am I. Just...just get in the car, Linc. We’ll talk about this when we get home. I’m too angry to think right now.”

Getting in the front seat as Rachel strapped a sleeping Alana in, he waited until Rachel got in the car and started the drive home in silence. Anger radiated off her in waves, and eventually, he couldn’t stay silent any longer.

“I fucked up. I know that. But it doesn’t change the fact that your father is a prick.”

Turning to him, Rachel took her eyes off the road to flash him an angry look. “Don’t you think I know that? I grew up with the man, Linc. He wanted sons and he got a daughter. So, I know. I know he’s a prick. But he wasn’t the one who got you drunk tonight, that’s all on you.”

“I don’t understand why I even have to come to these stupid things,” he yelled back, pulling his tie from his neck and throwing it on the floor of the car.

“I gave you the choice!” she yelled incredulously. “You could have stayed home.”

“That’s exactly what he wants. He wants me out of the way. He’s never liked me and I’m sick of fucking playing nice with him.”

“Where’s my doll,” a little voice mumbled from the back seat, reminding them their argument was close to little ears.

Taking a deep breath, Rachel reached blindly for the doll. “We’ll find it for you, baby,” she cooed.

“Keep your eyes on the damn road,” Linc grumbled, turning around to look for the doll in the darkened back seat.

“What the hell are you doing?” Rachel snapped as he undid his seatbelt and twisted in his seat.

“Looking for the doll. What do you think I’m doing?”

“Sit down, Linc. You’re in the way!” Rachel yelled, hitting him on the back. But he didn’t listen. His hand grasped the doll and he sat back in triumph.

“Got it!” he cheered.

Linc didn’t see the other car, just its headlights as they illuminated the inside moments before a horrifying crunch filled the air, accompanied by his wife’s screams.

“Linc!”

The impact threw him forward. The lack of a seatbelt sent him sailing through the windshield.

Time seemed to slow down for Linc as he flew through the air. The glittering shards of glass tumbled around him, twinkling like small stars before time snapped back to its proper flow as he hit the ground hard. The sound of bones breaking was the only thing he could hear while he skidded across the asphalt then came to a jarring stop against a nearby tree.

He remembered trying to move, only to have blinding pain shoot through his broken bones. In the distance, he could hear the high-pitched screams of Alana calling out for him. She was awake and in pain, a primal cry of fear cutting through to his very core as she begged for help. Using all the strength he had left, Linc had dragged himself toward the sound of his daughter’s pleas, shards of glass opening up a multitude of cuts along his bare arms and chest as he tried to reach his family.

“I’m coming,” he grunted. “I’m coming.”

But the worst was still yet to come. As smoke billowed out from beneath both hoods, Linc could see flames licking, higher and higher, creeping around the car.