Time for Grace (10 page)

“Oh, Sarah, but it
is.
I see the way he looks at you.”

“Are you sure that isn’t wishful thinking on your part?”

Miriam shook her head. “I also see the way he looks at my sisters and me when we’re with our husbands. He looks sad and lonely. He fills his empty hours with any and all activities so he doesn’t have to be alone. He needs the exact thing he’s avoiding—a wife and children of his own. I’m so afraid he’ll get to a place in his life where it’s too late and he realizes he’s made a mistake.”

“It’s his mistake to make. He’s made it perfectly plain that regardless of any feelings I have for him, he’s not interested. I hope I’ve managed to convince him that I never thought of him as more than a friend. Leave me a little pride. Please, just leave me out of your dreams for your brother. Those are
your
dreams—not his.”

Miriam nodded. “I
am
sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I’m sure Kip never did either.”

“Look, I’m sorry I exploded like that.”

“It’s okay. Your emotions are in a tangle with Grace so ill. I understand. I just wish I could stay with you tonight but, as I said, Gary leaves again in the morning. I have to get home.”

Sarah shook her head. “You have a family to take care of. I’ll be fine on my own,” she repeated for yet another audience, knowing she’d just have to get used to going it alone all over again.

K
ip landed the King Air 440 on the slick runway and brought the plane to a careful stop. He breathed a sigh of relief and yanked off his headset.

What a flight!

Yawning, he squeezed the back of his neck and started his post-flight check by rote. Minutes later when he pushed open the hatch, cold rain and ice pellets slashed his face. He ducked his head and ran for the door to Agape Air’s hanger.

Once inside he stopped and leaned against the wall, inhaling the smell of fuel, oil and steel. He was tempted to tinker with the engine on the WWII fighter he and Joy had been rebuilding for air shows but he knew he was too tired.

Besides, he had to deal with the knowledge that he should have canceled the flight earlier that afternoon or at least stayed the night in Maryland. It just wasn’t like him to take off with an iffy weather report. Safety always came first.

But then a lot of things he’d been doing lately weren’t like him. He just couldn’t seem to stop himself from pushing ahead with a dogged determination bordering on irrationality toward any and all activities. And he knew if he didn’t deal with the demons driving him, someone was going to get hurt. He’d prayed endlessly for peace but none came his way. The only time he was able to get Sarah out of his head was while flying. When he was at the school, he couldn’t seem to stay away from her. He sought her out for news of Grace just so he could look at her and with his coaching obligations he had to be at the school as often as he could arrange it around his schedule.

He stood and yawned. There was an old sofa in his office that had his name on it. There was nothing he could do about the situation with Sarah so he pushed onward as he had been, promising himself that next time he’d think twice before acting on any ideas that included hundreds of gallons of fuel and being thousands of feet in the air.

Once inside Agape Air’s public space, Kip noticed light pouring into the hall from Joy’s office. It was very unusual that late at night for Joy to be anywhere but home with her doctor husband. At the open door of her office, Kip tapped his knuckle on the door frame. “Burning the midnight oil?” he asked as he poked his head into his partner’s office.

“There was a pileup on I-95. Brian’s still in surgery patching up the damage a skidding tractor trailer did to three kids. I decided until he was ready to head home, I’d try catching up on paperwork and rearrange the flight schedule for the next few days. I had to cancel three flights after you took off. It should have been four,” she said pointedly with a raised eyebrow.

Kip leaned a shoulder against the doorjamb. She could wait all night for an explanation because he wasn’t volunteering one. He held up his hand. “I hear you. And, for what it’s worth, I know you’re right.”

She stared at him for a long moment then sighed. “So stand down tomorrow.”

“We’ll see.” And that was all the concession he would give. “You complaining about the profit the extra flights have brought in?”

Joy leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. “You’re going to make me ask, aren’t you? What’s up with you? You’re hiding in your work and have been for a couple of weeks.”

Kip just stared and crossed his arms, too.

“Fine,” Joy huffed out. “Just please, whatever the problem is,” she said with a smile in her voice. “Don’t take it out on our new five point three million-dollar aircraft again. It plays merry havoc with our insurance premiums when someone bends the equipment.”

“Your precious King Air is all in one piece. And for the record, you’re the only one in the room who’s ever bent the equipment.”

Still defensive about the crash she’d been in while on a search-and-rescue mission, Joy rolled her eyes at his tease. “Lightning bent the equipment—not me. But fine, we’ll change the subject. You have a few messages on your desk you can handle when you get in tomorrow but there’s one from your sister, Miriam, I wouldn’t put off. You’re supposed to call her.”

Kip yawned and looked at his watch. “I’ll get to her in the morning, too.”

Joy shook her head. “She said no matter what time you got in. She sounded pretty adamant.”

He sighed and squeezed the muscle knot in his neck again. “As only Miriam can. Okay, I’ll call her from my office so you don’t get on her wrong side.”

“Good boy,” Joy said and grinned.

“Are you as big a pain in the neck for your brother as she is for me?”

She laughed. “Worse. I’m something you don’t have. I’m a dreaded
younger
sister.”

“Oh please. Younger cousins were enough torture,” he told her and chuckled. Then he waved and strode into his office. After turning on his desk lamp he stripped out of his WWII bomber jacket and tossed it on the old sofa. He looked longingly at the sofa. He just might sleep there considering how tired he was and what road conditions must be like. He punched in Miriam’s number as he sank into his chair. She surprised him by answering on the first ring.

“Were you sitting on top of the phone?” he asked as he put his feet on the desk and propped the phone on his shoulder.

“Actually, I was. Don’t you answer your cell phone anymore?” she demanded sounding completely out of patience.

Kip chuckled. “The kids must have been in rare form for you to sound this cranky. Forgot to charge my cell. I was in a plane. My charger’s in my car and—”

“Kip! Tell me you didn’t just land in this!”

Enough with everyone telling him what he already knew. “I didn’t have much choice other than running out of gas in the air,” he snapped.

He heard her take a deep breath as if she was reaching for patience. That made two of them.

“I’ve been trying to reach you for a good reason,” she told him.

So fine, he’d give her his complete itinerary for the last two days. That ought to get her off his back. “Hey, sis, I have a company to help run, remember? I’ve been busy. I didn’t get home last night till after three, slept till noon, took off at three and just got back.”

“You should still take time to listen to your personal messages when you’re home.”

He sighed. What was her problem? “Like which one?” he asked and knew he sounded exasperated.

“The one from
Sarah.
”

Kip closed his eyes. He’d heard it all right. And he’d erased it when he’d caught himself listening to it for the third time just to hear the sound of her voice. He’d managed to avoid her for the last two days by staying away from the school and having Jim handle his practices. But he missed her so much that a casual message had thrown him into a state where he’d taken a flight that afternoon that he should have refused.

“I got her message. She said she needed a lift. It must have been earlier in the afternoon when I was in Pittsburgh waiting for a customer. I told you, I got home at three-fifteen or three-thirty in the morning. I could hardly call her then.”

“She didn’t leave the message at three
P.M.
It was three in the morning when she called. She must have barely missed you. She needed to get to the hospital because the NICU called to tell her Grace is sick.”

His heart fell. “Sick?”

“Oh, Kip.” Miriam sniffled. “They aren’t even sure that sweet baby’s going to make it through the night.”

Kip dropped his feet to the floor, stunned. The blood drained from his head.
“What?”

“She has pneumonia.”

Kip closed his eyes. Sarah couldn’t lose Grace now.
Please, Lord, no,
he prayed silently but only because he couldn’t seem to make an intelligible sound.

“I went to CHOP to find out what was going on because no one at school had heard from her. And then I came home to a house full of sick kids otherwise I’d have gone back once they were all settled in bed,” Miriam went on. “Gary took them to a buffet while I tracked Sarah down. Something they all ate, including Gary, has had them sick as dogs. Things are quieting down but I still can’t leave them. I feel terrible about Sarah. We befriended her and now we’ve left her to go through this alone. I know you’ve had a long day but, sweetie, is there any way you can get to the hospital?”

“I’m on my way,” he managed to say. “Pray, Mir. If Sarah loses that baby now, she’s never going to get over it.”

Emotionally or spiritually.

Kip asked for Joy’s prayers, too, before hot-footing it into the city. The slick roads made the trip nearly as treacherous as his landing had been but he couldn’t have stayed away. He did the same thing now he’d done when his wings had started picking up ice.

He prayed.

But not for a safe landing this time. He prayed for Grace. He prayed for Sarah.

Sarah.

Sweet. Gentle. Brave, Sarah.

He wasn’t even sure she’d want to see him. She’d put on a good act that day he’d kissed her but he’d seen through the bravado to the hurt he knew he’d inflicted. If only that spontaneous kiss hadn’t been so amazingly frightening. He just hadn’t been ready to feel all those emotions, especially not that soul-deep yearning to have her in his arms forever.

He’d been completely unprepared because he hadn’t even suspected it could happen to him. After all, it never had before.

And because of that, he’d hurt Sarah even though he hadn’t meant to. He’d actually been trying to
keep
from hurting her. He hoped she realized that. He thought she did considering how friendly she was whenever they saw each other since that day.

He only hoped his going to the hospital tonight didn’t open her up to more hurt. It might not be fair to encourage her to lean on him again after what had happened. But, as Miriam said, it wasn’t right to let her sit alone to possibly watch her child die, either. There was no perfect answer to his dilemma but erring on the side of compassion instead of caution felt right.

Kip shook his head as he pulled into the underground parking garage. He couldn’t even wrap his head around Amazing Gracie not making it. She’d fought so hard. Overcome so much.

She had to keep fighting, he thought as he pushed open the door to the hospital. And he’d tell her that if he got to see her.

In the lobby the guard knew him and so he waved him toward the bank of elevators after he’d scribbled his name on the sign-in sheet and explained why he was there. A few pushed buttons later, he exited the elevator car and saw Sarah. She sat alone on a bench outside the NICU hugging herself.

She looked up when he got close, her face a frozen mask. “She shouldn’t have bothered you. I told her to leave you out of this.”

Kip sat next to her, leaned his elbows on his thighs and clasped his hands. “Since when does Miriam listen to anyone? And in this case, I’m glad she didn’t. I want to be here. For Grace and for you. This is another wait you shouldn’t have to do alone. The kids and Gary are down with some sort of food poisoning or she’d be here with me. That’s what friends do for each other.”

They sat in tense silence for several minutes. “Are you allowed in with Grace?”

She sighed lightly and nodded. “A little. Doctor Kelly and some new lung doctor are in with her now. I can go in again when they’re done. We had to put her back on the respirator instead of the c-pap that she’d graduated to after surgery. She was doing so well.”

“And she’ll do just as good again. It’s just a little set back.”

Sarah sat back and leaned against the wall but he could see her out of the corner of his eye. The more relaxed posture meant nothing. “You must get a lot of practice at lying? You’re pretty good at it.”

He should have been insulted because he’d always tried not to lie but he supposed leading everyone to believe he
preferred
a life alone was a lie in many ways. In truth, he’d become discontented with his life over the last couple of years and more so since meeting Sarah. In her, he saw the true depth of what he was missing.

The discontent had begun because in those last two years he’d helped straighten out a few boys in partnership with Jim Dillon. One was bitter and acting out against teachers and his mother because he’d lost his father through divorce and a long distance move.

Another lost his dad through death as Kip had lost his own father. He’d been taking on too much responsibility for his younger brothers and sisters and household chores and his grades were failing. His father had inadvertently set up the reaction because he’d told him he’d be the man of the family when he was gone.

The third kid had a complete set of very nice blue-collar parents who were bewildered by a superintelligent child they had nothing in common with. To make matters worse, his IQ set him apart in school because most kids saw him as different.

Once the boys were on the right track, Kip’s interaction with them always lessened as it was supposed to. Moving on, though, had left him knowing more about what he was missing by not having his own kids. The life he’d chosen left him feeling like a kid himself—one with his nose pressed to the window of a store he couldn’t afford to enter even though inside was his heart’s desire.

Even with his own family, Kip was always on the outside looking in at them. A guest. Well loved but still just a guest.

But it was Sarah who’d shown him that what he was really missing was completion. She would complete him. Sitting right next to her, feeling her fear and pain yet knowing he could do only just so much to help was torture.