To Be a Family (Harlequin Superromance) (4 page)

Belinda took Tuti’s hand, fussy and full of self-importance.
“We have to get a chair and go sit in a circle. You can sit beside me.” Then she
added in a whisper, “Don’t cry. It’ll be all right.”

The children got up and moved to the story circle at the back
of the class, the girls talking, the boys pushing. Tuti followed Belinda,
holding tightly to the other girl’s hand.

John ran a hand through his hair and blew out a heartfelt sigh.
“Thanks. I appreciate this.”

“I’m doing it for Tuti.” Katie fixed him with a stern glance.
“We’ll need to talk about how best to integrate her into the school community.
Please see me this afternoon after class.”

John’s mouth twitched. “Yes, ma’am.”

“This isn’t a joking matter.” She didn’t like being put on the
spot. She didn’t like how John had taken advantage of their history. And she
didn’t like that he’d had a child with another woman so soon after he’d left
her. It didn’t take a math whiz to calculate that Tuti had been conceived within
a few months of his departure. When she was still sick with cancer. He and
Tuti’s mother must have been making love while she was lying in her hospital
bed.

“Yes, I’ll do anything for my kids. But get one thing straight.
You
don’t
know me.”

John’s lips flattened. “Whatever. As long as we’re on the same
page with regards to Tuti. I’ll see you at three-thirty.”

He left and Katie turned back to her class. Belinda was
chatting away seemingly oblivious to the fact that Tuti hadn’t said a word. Tuti
glanced up at Katie, and across the room something tugged at Katie’s heart. Oh,
no. No, no, no. She wasn’t going to fall for John’s little girl. She would do
her best for Tuti as a teacher but that’s where it had to end. For seven years
she’d avoided contact with him. The last thing she wanted was a reason to spend
time with John Forster.

* * *

T
HE
HALLS
WERE
empty when John
returned to Katie’s classroom door that afternoon. Was she going to make him
write out lines on the blackboard?
I must not bring home
foreign children
.

Frankly, he wondered if he’d made a mistake in doing so. It was
one thing to feel a familial connection to Tuti and another thing for a bachelor
to make a home for a little girl he barely knew and couldn’t communicate
with.

Last night she’d cried herself to sleep. He’d put it down to
tiredness, homesickness and unfamiliar surroundings. He’d tucked her into bed
with the doll his mother had brought, but when he’d checked on her in the night,
again he’d found her rolled in a blanket on the floor. He’d carried her back to
bed. In the morning she’d been back on the floor.

Breakfast this morning was another disaster. He couldn’t comb
her hair into a proper pigtail to save his soul. He’d run out of cereal and she
didn’t like toast with Vegemite, or bacon and eggs. In the end he’d found a
mango in the back of the fridge.

She had been excited about going to school. Until, that is,
she’d seen the huge building and the hordes of children in the playground. He
couldn’t blame her for being shy—the population of the school was larger than
her village—but he didn’t know how to deal with it. All his nieces and nephews
were outgoing, gregarious kids.

He knocked on Katie’s classroom door. She was a quiet person.
She must be able to relate to Tuti.

“Come in.” Seated at her desk, Katie was placing big tick marks
in a notebook filled with printing practice. “Sit down.”

John glanced around for Tuti. She was curled up in a beanbag
chair at the back of the room, her nose buried in a picture book. She glanced
up, but he motioned for her to stay there while he spoke with her teacher.
Gingerly, he lowered himself onto a chair made for a six-year-old, not a grown
man, a tall one at that. Feeling ridiculous and at a distinct disadvantage, he
waited while Katie finished the notebook she was marking.

She took her time, writing an encouraging note and adding a
parrot sticker. Finally she put down her red pencil, closed the notebook and
placed it atop the stack on her right. She folded her hands on her desk.
“So.”

John could still recall his grade-one teacher. Mrs. Renwich had
frizzy orange hair, wore glasses on a long chain that sat on her ample bosom and
smelled like corned beef. Katie was the complete opposite. Silky dark hair that
waved softly around her shoulders, a sweet floral scent, a ready smile and the
kindest eyes he’d ever known. Right now she made him more nervous than Mrs.
Renwich ever had.

He was still chafing over the way she had said he didn’t know
her. True, it had been a long time since they’d been together, and she’d
undoubtedly changed some. But how was he supposed to know her if she kept
refusing to talk to him?

“How did Tuti do today?”

“There are issues. Before we get to those I’m interested in
knowing what type of environment she’s come from. It will help me deal with her
individual needs.” Katie lowered her voice. “Have you always known you had a
child?”

Since he wanted her help with Tuti, he guessed she had a right
to ask. John looked her in the eye. “Yes. I met Nena, that’s Tuti’s mother, a
month into my stay in Bali back in—”

“I know what year you were there.”

He cleared his throat. Of course she did. Tuti’s birth date was
on her enrollment form. Katie would have figured out her conception to the day.
“Nena was a lovely person. We had a good time together, while it lasted. The
baby wasn’t planned, but once Nena found out she was pregnant she wanted the
child. What she hadn’t wanted was an Australian husband.”

He stopped, aware he was giving too much information,
justifying himself, explaining more than necessary because of his and Katie’s
past.

“
Was
a lovely person?” Katie
said.

“Nena died in a motorcycle accident. That’s why I went to Bali,
for her funeral. The women there sometimes ride sidesaddle—in sarongs. Often not
wearing a helmet. Half the time hanging on to a kid or a basket of fruit or
chickens. It’s—” He shook his head. “Never mind. It’s the way they do things
there. It’s just lucky Tuti wasn’t with her at the time.”

Katie stared at her hands turning the red pen over and over.
“You’re sure she’s yours?”

“Positive.” This had to be hard for Katie. They’d talked about
having children together many times. Even got around to picking out names. Or
he’d tried to. She could never agree with him on when they should start a
family. Or even choose a wedding date.

“What made you decide to bring her home with you?”

“I had to.” John shifted position on the small chair with a
grimace. The edge was digging into his butt. “When I went to Bali I fully
intended to pay my respects, make sure she was provided for, and scram.”

“But?” Katie’s dark eyebrows rose.

“It wasn’t that simple. The day after the funeral she showed me
where she went to school. It was little more than a shack, with no facilities. I
asked her uncle, Wayan, to send her to school in a bigger town and I would pay.
He told me she wouldn’t be going back to school. She was needed at home to look
after her younger cousin.”

Katie frowned. “Aren’t there laws that say children have to
attend school?”

“Yes, but they’re not always enforced. School is pretty
hit-and-miss for some Balinese. Ex-pats and rich locals attend school regularly.
The poor, not so much.”

“And is her family poor?”

“They weren’t too badly off when Nena was alive and
contributing her paycheck. Wayan is a fisherman, but he barely catches enough to
feed the family. Nena supported not only herself and Tuti, but helped support
Wayan and his family. It’s not their fault. The old way of life based on farming
and livestock has broken down, fish stocks are depleted and the people are
dependent on tourism. But tourism has been down in recent years.”

“That’s rough.” Katie rubbed her thumb over her knuckles. “But
do the monetary concerns outweigh the advantages of her living with a family
she’s grown up with? Surely you could afford to plug the gap that Nena left and
let Tuti stay there.”

“I’m keeping up payments to the family.” John blew out sharply
through his nostrils. Katie didn’t want to know him, yet she thought she could
tell him how to run his life. “I’ve made my decision. Which, I may add, is
my
decision to make.”

Katie tapped her pencil on the desk. “Decisions can be reversed
if a mistake has been made.”

“I’m not going to chop and change the poor kid. She’s staying
and that’s final.” John stopped himself from showing his frustration. Regardless
of his feelings, he needed Katie on his side, for Tuti’s sake. “I hadn’t planned
on bringing her back. But when I saw her—” If Katie didn’t want to know him
anymore he wasn’t going to tell how Tuti had reminded him of himself as a child
and of his mother. “I couldn’t leave her. She might not realize it now or for a
few years, but someday she would think back and realize I’d just walked away
from her. She would think she didn’t matter to me.”

Katie went still, her dark eyes simmering. “And now, after
seven years, her existence does matter?”

Suddenly the air was charged with the memory of how he’d walked
away from
her
. Didn’t Katie know that she’d been
everything to him? Couldn’t she understand that he never would have left if she
hadn’t pushed him away? They’d gone to the mat over her refusal to get a
mastectomy, which he’d been told was the best option to ensure her long-term
survival. Instead, she’d tried all sorts of crazy herbal treatments, hours of
meditation, eating only raw organic food—he didn’t know what all—before finally
accepting chemotherapy followed by a lumpectomy and radiation treatment.

Remembering Tuti was in the room, he glanced over his shoulder.
She’d left the picture book and was playing with the class guinea pig, poking a
sliver of carrot through the bars of the cage. He still didn’t know how much she
understood and how much of her silence was due to her being overwhelmed by her
new life. She seemed oblivious to the conversation.

“Seeing her in person tipped the scales,” he went on. “Until a
few weeks ago she’s been…abstract. Nena had convinced me Tuti was better off if
I wasn’t in her life at all rather than be a stranger who dropped in every once
in a while.”

“Personally, I would agree with that.”

Katie sat there judging him when she had no idea. No idea.
“Maybe it was better, maybe not. But once I’d met her, staying away wasn’t
better for
me
. She’s—” He searched for the words.
“She’s flesh of my flesh.”

Katie made a huffing sound.

His hands fisted on his thighs. “You wouldn’t understand, not
having a child of your own.” Immediately he regretted that low blow.

Her eyes widened. White creases appeared at the sides of her
mouth. “Oh, and you’ve been a parent for all of five minutes.”

“Don’t take that personally. I didn’t understand, either. I
still don’t, not really.” He met Katie’s gaze. “All I know is, Tuti and I are
connected. I couldn’t walk away and leave her.”

Katie dropped her gaze to the pencil in her hands. “And does
Tuti feel that connection?”

“I don’t know. As I said, she doesn’t talk.”

“Which brings me to the issues I referred to earlier. Today
she’s spoken not a word, not in English or Balinese. Her mother’s death must
have traumatized her. Developmentally she’s taken a step backward.”

John shook his head. “No, I don’t think it’s that.” He
explained the Balinese attitude to death. “You should have seen her at the
funeral. She wasn’t happy but she wasn’t overcome with grief either.”

“And are you an expert in a child’s way of dealing with grief?
Her mother’s death might not sink in right away. She may need time to process.
You should get her counseling.”

“How is that going to work if she won’t speak English?”

“Psychologists have ways of dealing with children who are
pre-language,” Katie said.

“Isn’t that a specific set of parameters for sexual abuse
situations?”

“Maybe that’s the side of child counseling you see in police
work but there’s more to it than that. I’ll give you a name of someone.” She
paused. “You do realize I hope that you can’t carry on with your life the way
you always have. Kids need a parent to be there for them, especially when
they’re coping with major life transitions. I recommend you take some leave from
work, spend time getting to know Tuti, let her feel safe with you.”

“I have work commitments. A major drug investigation is
underway—”

“What’s more important, police work or Tuti?”

If he said police work, all the arguments he’d just made for
bringing Tuti home would be meaningless. But he couldn’t afford to take time off
right now. Besides, he wasn’t going to let Katie dictate how he should handle
his own daughter.

“I’ll think about it.” He rose. “Tuti, time to go home. Come.”
John knew she understood the word. He tried to make it sound friendly, not an
order. She left the guinea pig and started toward her locker at the back of the
classroom. “I’ll touch base with you tomorrow,” he added to Katie.

He and Katie waited in awkward silence while Tuti gathered her
lunch box and backpack. All these years he’d wanted an excuse to talk to her.
He’d flirted and teased, partly because she wouldn’t have a conversation, partly
because it was less painful than acknowledging they were finished, that there
was nothing left, not even friendship. Now they had a real reason to talk to
each other but it was fraught with tension.

No doubt Katie resented the fact that he’d had a child with
someone else so soon after they’d broken up. Had she ever stopped to think how
she’d made him suffer by making the choices she had? She’d been the one to throw
away their future, not him.