To Be a Family (Harlequin Superromance) (5 page)

“Did she like my book?” Katie asked at length.

“She loves it so much she takes it to bed with her.”

Katie’s face lit. “I’m glad.”

Once upon a time her smile had been like sunshine in his life.
Now he looked away.

A small hand crept into his. Tuti gazed up at him, questioning.
No matter how she’d struggled against wearing the school uniform, no matter how
she’d refused to sleep in a bed, no matter that he had no idea how to deal with
a six-year-old girl, not once had she rejected
him
.
From the minute he’d hoisted her onto his shoulders at Nena’s funeral she’d
trusted him. It was humbling. Yes, he was pretty certain she felt the
connection, too.

He cleared his throat. “Tuti, can you say goodbye to Miss
Henning?
Selamat tingall
.”

Tuti ducked her head.

“Goodbye for now.” Katie leaned down and hugged the girl. Tuti
clasped her around the waist. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“We’re going to Springvale,” John said. “To pick up foods she’s
familiar with from the Asian market.” Seeing Tuti and Katie embracing so
affectionately, he added on impulse, “We’ll have dinner while we’re there. Would
you like to come?”

Katie hesitated. For a moment he thought she might say yes.
Then she shook her head. “I have work to do.”

“Okay, fine.” It was a dumb idea, anyway.

“You’re going to have to get used to being with her.”

“It’s not that…” He trailed away. It was, partly. He adored his
daughter but he was floundering. Not that he was going to let Katie know that.
“Come on, Tuti. Let’s go.”

Tuti smiled at Katie and gestured to her.

Katie smiled back and waved. “Goodbye.”

Tuti shook her head and motioned with her hand to her mouth as
if eating.

“She must have understood what I said about dinner,” John
said.

“And that you invited me. That’s good. The more English she
understands the easier it’ll be when she starts to speak.”

Tuti put her hands together in the universal gesture of prayer
or pleading. Above her steepled fingertips, her dark eyes danced merrily.

“She knows how to charm,” Katie said drily. “Must have got that
from you.”

“Tuti, Katie is busy. You’ll see her tomorrow.” He tugged
gently on her hand. Her shoulders slumped, but she allowed him to lead her out
the door.

“Wait,” Katie said.

CHAPTER FOUR

“I’
LL
COME
WITH
you after all,” Katie
said. By his own admission John knew nothing about children, much less little
girls. “I’m an expert at buying the healthiest fresh ingredients. When cooking
for kids, it’s important to have a balanced diet.”

John bristled at her comment. “I cook, too. A healthy meal
isn’t all about googly berries and wheat grass extracts. Tuti won’t eat that
crap.”

“Goji berries.” Katie, reaching for her cardigan and purse,
stiffened. He had a blind spot when it came to her health choices. “I was only
trying to help. By all means, go by yourself.”

Tuti’s gaze swiveled from Katie to John. Oh, dear. She might
not understand every word but she could surely pick up on the tension. John had
invited impulsively, and she’d accepted equally impulsively. They’d both made a
mistake. But Tuti would be the one to pay.

John noticed Tuti tracking their exchange, too. “No, you’re
welcome to come along,” he said grudgingly. “I’m sure between us we can get what
she needs.”

Katie hesitated, then nodded. It was too late to back out now.
She walked slightly ahead of John down the school corridor. This was her turf.
Plus, she needed to maintain some distance. She’d vowed years ago never to go
out with him again.

Yet here she was, helping him shop for his daughter. And
joining him for dinner. She’d forgotten that part when she’d agreed to help buy
groceries.

It was okay. She would handle it—for Tuti’s sake. The little
girl ran up to her and took her hand. Katie took it with a smile. Her budding
affection for Tuti was bittersweet. John hadn’t stuck with her to have the
family they’d planned. She’d thought he loved her, believed he would be loyal,
the way her father had been loyal to her mother when
she’d
had breast cancer. But no, John couldn’t handle her illness.
He’d gone off and had a kid with someone else.

The fact that Tuti was unplanned didn’t make it better. Her
mere existence hurt more than Katie could have imagined, almost as if she was
being taunted by her own dream. Here she’d beaten cancer, made a great life for
herself, written a book even. Yet the husband and children she longed for
remained elusive. That husband should have been John. And Tuti should have been
their child. But he wasn’t, and Tuti wasn’t. So much for her dream.

She went in John’s car since Springvale was thirty minutes away
and it made no sense to go separately. The open area food hall was a maze of
fruit and vegetable stalls, seafood, butchers and poultry. Most shoppers were
Vietnamese, speaking in their own language. Tuti clung tightly to Katie’s
hand.

John tried to take her hand, too. She let him but wouldn’t
relinquish Katie’s hand so the three of them wound their way awkwardly through
the crowded marketplace. Finally John gave up and let go.

Katie met his gaze. “Don’t take it personally. I’m her
teacher.”

“But I’m her father.”

Katie wasn’t likely to forget. She could see traces of John in
the girl. Not appearance necessarily, but his energy and humor, elements of his
personality John seemed to have buried. He’d always been the wild one, an
adventurer, blowing where the wind took him, with no clear pathway for the
future. After high school he’d drifted in and out of various jobs. Surfing and
Katie herself were the only constants in his life.

Then she’d gotten sick and he’d abandoned her to disappear for
a yearlong surfing safari. When he came home he’d gone straight into police
academy. Now he lived by rules, enforcing the law, demanding strict discipline
of himself and his officers. Only his relationships with women were
transient.

Since becoming a cop he’d had to become less spontaneous and
more by-the-book. At least she’d gleaned as much from things Riley said. It was
too bad. John’s zest for life was what had attracted her to him as a young
teenager. How many days and nights had she spent mooning over her older
brother’s hot friend?

She watched him move ahead, his shoulders broad and straight,
hips lean and butt tight in navy uniform pants. She stifled a sigh. He was still
hot. That hadn’t changed.

“This place looks good.” John stopped at a fruit stall and
picked up a basket. “Just get a variety of produce.”

Katie got her own basket and as she put items in, she told Tuti
the English name and got her to repeat the word. “You can do this wherever you
go,” she said to John. “Also, let her watch kids’ TV programs like
Sesame Street
where they teach the letters and
numbers.”

“Maybe I should hire a private tutor.” John inspected a papaya,
sniffing it for ripeness. “Are you interested?”

“Me?” Katie gave Tuti a plastic bag and pointed to a display of
apples. “Apples. Can you get me six apples?” She held up six fingers. “Six
apples.”

Tuti carefully placed an apple in her bag without repeating the
words. Hopefully she just needed time to adjust and then she would speak.

Katie turned back to John. “I have a job. In fact, I have two
jobs, teaching and writing. I’ve just been offered a new contract for three more
books.”

John whistled. “Did you accept?”

“Subject to negotiations between my agent and publisher, but
yes, I’ve committed to doing the books. So I won’t have a lot of spare
time.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s wonderful that your writing
is taking off. But don’t you think you’re taking on an awful lot considering
you’re also teaching full-time? You’re not going to have much of a life.”

What did he know? How dare he make comments on the way she
conducted herself. He was no model of appropriate behavior. “I have a good
life,” she said, glaring at him. “It will only be better now that I have a
chance of fulfilling my dream to be a writer.”

John faced off with her across the mangoes. “Do you go out?
Riley says you don’t. When was the last time you had a boyfriend?”

“When was the last time you had a girlfriend that lasted for
more than a month or two?” she shot back. He had no right to be chastising her
about her social life. If she went out too little, he went out too much.

“Leave my girlfriends out of this. We’re talking about you, not
me. Anyway, I’m not with anyone at present.”

“I’m sure that won’t last—” Katie glanced around, suddenly
remembering the reason for this conversation. “Where’s Tuti?”

“She’s with you. Isn’t she?” John swiveled on his heels,
looking behind him. “Tuti?”

“You’re her father. You’re supposed to keep an eye on her.”
Neither of them were used to watching out for a child. “Tuti! Where are
you?”

“She can’t have gone far. We only looked away for a few
seconds.” He pushed through the milling shoppers, moving past the tall fruit
bins toward the section of the store that shelved canned goods. “Tuti!”

A flutter of panic ran through her. A few seconds. Was it?
Katie hadn’t really been paying that close attention. She was used to dealing
with children in the controlled environment of a classroom.

She headed in the opposite direction to John, her gaze raking
the shop. Small dark-haired children accompanying their parents were plentiful.
But no little girl in a blue-and-white gingham dress with pigtails that stuck
straight out from the sides of her head. No little girl with a dimpled smile and
sparkling eyes.

“Katie!” John waved at her from the fruit and veggie section.
“She’s here.”

Katie hurried to join him. “How did we miss her?”

Tuti was squatting on the floor, her knees up around her
pigtails, industriously filling a plastic bag with onions. Beside her were two
more bags filled with a mixture of apples, oranges and lemons. Seeing John and
Katie standing over her, she smiled proudly and held up her bag to show
them.

Katie breathed out, relieved to have found the girl. But her
heart sank seeing the bags of mixed fruit and vegetables instead of the six
apples she’d asked Tuti for. The girl definitely needed her help.

The question was, at what cost to her, given that she would
have less time to spend on her writing? More importantly, how would she cope
emotionally with regular contact with John? She couldn’t spend an afternoon in
his company without getting either annoyed or feeling attracted, despite their
many issues. She wasn’t sure which emotion bothered her the most.

* * *

J
OHN
CHASED
THE
last few grains of
fried rice around his plate with chopsticks. Katie was gamely making her way
through a huge bowl of Vietnamese noodle soup. Tuti had finished her meal and
was dangling a toy cat for a baby in a high chair at a neighboring table.

His flare-up with Katie earlier bothered him. For the past half
hour they’d been too busy eating to speak. Now that the meal was over the
atmosphere had become stifling. But Tuti looked so happy he didn’t have the
heart to drag her away.

He poured more Chinese green tea into their tiny cups, nodding
to Tuti and the baby. “She must miss her niece in Bali. She used to carry that
kid around on her hip wherever she went.”

Katie took a sip of tea, holding the hot cup by the rim. “Maybe
you should go back to Bali and father another child to give her a brother or a
sister.”

He gave her a hard stare. “That’s unworthy of you.”

Katie blushed and grimaced. “Sorry. That was uncalled-for. But
you have to admit, the timing of Tuti’s conception sucks.”

“Trust me, I won’t be having another kid in a hurry. It’s hard
enough looking after one kid let alone two.”

Katie’s eyebrows went up. He clamped his mouth shut, wishing he
hadn’t let slip he was having trouble being an instant dad. When Riley had
fallen in love with Paula and found a son in Paula’s boy, Jamie, he’d been
frankly envious of his friend’s happiness and new family. Now he wondered how
Riley played his role as father to Jamie with such ease. Then again, Jamie was
born Australian and Paula was responsible for most of Jamie’s care.

“I guess kids cluttering up your bachelor pad will cramp your
style with the ladies.”

Where did she get this impression he was some kind of lothario?
Was it Riley? He was going to have to speak to his mate. “Can you stop with the
cracks about my so-called bachelor pad? It’s just a modest town house.”

“From what I hear it’s got a revolving bedroom door. You can’t
bring a stream of women through with Tuti there.”

“I’ve had
one
girlfriend, Trudy, in
the past six months. I’m not with her anymore.” Probably a good thing. He had a
hard time visualizing the party girl in a maternal light. “I did go out with
another woman, Deborah, once or twice but I haven’t seen her since I came back
from Bali and don’t intend to. Although, frankly, it’s none of your damn
business.”

“You asked for my help with Tuti. I’m simply giving you my
expert opinion.”

“Did I ask for your opinion on my lifestyle? I’ve already
figured out it will have to change.” He leaned in to give her a wolfish grin.
“Unless your interest in my love life means you’re angling to become the next
woman in the revolving door.”

She rolled her eyes. “While we’re having this heart-to-heart,
you can stop flirting with me at every opportunity. It makes me
uncomfortable.”

“Every opportunity? That would be once every three months when
I run into you by accident at the pharmacy or something.”

“That’s four times a year too many.” She frowned, tapping her
chopsticks on the table. “I can’t help Tuti on an ongoing basis if I feel
uncomfortable around you.”

Did that mean she was considering tutoring his daughter? John
smartened up and got serious. “I didn’t realize my innocent, lighthearted
comments were so offensive.”

“They’re cheap, throwaway passes. Superficial, the way you are
now.” A flash of pain crossed her face. “Talk like that diminishes what we used
to have.” Then she sat back and pushed her empty bowl away. “Not that I care
anymore.”

Superficial—him? Well, that was news. He had interests, as much
as anyone else. Okay, it had been a while since he’d been surfing. He didn’t
have time what with keeping Summerside safe from criminals and all. If she was
talking about the women he went out with, well, they weren’t into settling down.
That’s why he chose them.

“I had no idea I upset you so much,” he said stiffly. “I don’t
know how else to communicate with you. You refuse all overtures. You won’t be
friends and talk naturally—”

“Friends?” she cut in. “How can we be friends after what you
did?”

“After what I did? How about what you did?” He leaned forward.
“Or should I say, didn’t do?”

“You wanted me to cut off both my breasts,” she hissed. “I was
right not to, as it turned out.”

“That’s still a matter of opinion. Yes, you survived and beat
the cancer but what evidence do you have that your natural remedies actually
worked?”

She spread her arms wide, indicating her fit, healthy body.
“The evidence is sitting before you.”

She looked good, no question. She always looked good to him,
even when she was bloated and her hair had fallen out.

“What if you were to have a recurrence?” She turned her gaze
away. He pushed harder. “Would you do anything different?” Still she didn’t say
anything. “What makes you think you’d be lucky a second time?”

“You don’t understand anything.” She glanced back, her voice
trembling. “If I’d had my breasts removed I wouldn’t have been able to nurse our
children.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to say, they wouldn’t even have
children if she wasn’t alive. He stopped himself. She would never admit she was
wrong. If he kept pressing her for an acknowledgment that her choice of
treatments hadn’t been the safest, or reacted to her accusations about how he’d
hurt her, they would keep on fighting.