To Say I Love You (14 page)

“You feel so fucking hot,” I murmured against the side of his neck. “I love being inside you. I love fucking you.”

His soft whimpers told me he was close, so when he grabbed my arm and told me, “Wait,” I was surprised.

“Can I turn over?” Will asked in a small voice.

“Of course,” I said, already moving, knowing his preference.

Will needed intimacy when he bottomed. He could fuck me into the ground when he topped, and we had some incredibly filthy sex. For him, though, bottoming was different. It was a matter of trust.

When he settled back, I smiled, wondering once again how I’d managed to find someone so beautiful to love. He wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and drew me into slow, easy kisses, and I eased into him again while our lips worked each other over.

“Jesse,” he said with his lips against mine. His eyes shut, and I felt him come around me. Normally, I liked to come with him, watching him get lost in pleasure like that, pleasure I was giving him. This time, though, I was a little behind him.

When his shudders finally subsided, I moved to pull out of him, prepared to finish some other way. He stopped me, though.

“Keep going.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yeah. I… I wanna know what it feels like.”

I bit my lip as a throb of pleasure traveled through my dick. “Okay.”

It would have been easy to lose myself in him again, but this time I had to be more careful. Will kissed my neck, his lips slack and tongue warm. I was hesitant, but he lifted his hips, drawing me deeper into his body.

He’d done this to me before, fucked me even after I’d come, so I knew what he was feeling. I was right on the edge, ready to spill inside him, so it only took the smallest of movements: a few hard thrusts, his fingertips trailing down my spine, the feel of his kisses over my chest, and I cried out as my orgasm exploded out of me.

Will held me as we came down from something more intense than we were used to. Since I knew he was sleepy, I left him in bed while I found a towel, cleaned him off, then pulled the blankets up to his waist. His pheromones had set me off, so I needed to shower and wind down before I could even think of falling asleep.

W
HILE
W
ILL
was busy working in his office, I looked into the job he’d shown me in the newspaper. It would have been a really good opportunity, but the grocery store experience had spooked me, and I didn’t want to face that kind of abuse in a school setting. I could handle myself against anyone, whether that be a grown man who should know better or stupid kids who didn’t. I knew in my heart that if I applied for a job in a school, I’d tell them about Will. He was such a big part of my life, there was no way I could hide him. And as my recent experiences had taught me, I couldn’t expect anything when it came to other people’s reactions to my relationship.

For someone who had worked all of their adult life, being out of work here was strange. The days felt longer without challenges to occupy my mind, and even though I took the responsibility of taking care of my family seriously, they were adults too and not in need of constant help. They didn’t want me around all day, and time with my father was better spent doing something rather than sitting around the house.

Will was in a position to support us both. Maybe because of that, the thought of becoming a stay-at-home husband and father had crossed my mind a few times, especially after recent events. I knew that was where our lives were heading, and family was always going to be important to us. As fulfilling as parenthood was sure to be, though, I wanted more from my life. I wanted the satisfaction from my career that Will had, knowing that he was doing something worthwhile for a living.

Even though I had decided against the teaching job, I looked up different courses online to figure out how difficult it would be to top up my degree into a teaching qualification. The good news was I had all of the prerequisite modules. It would be a year of commitment to become a teacher if I wanted that.

That morning, I’d kissed Will good-bye at the door, knowing it would be the next night before he’d be home with me again. That meant his office was free, and I sent an e-mail to my supervisor at the museum asking if she’d teleconference with me.

I missed my job at the museum. I missed being out of the loop on the exhibitions and the gossip. It was a small community, and one I relished my part in, and all of a sudden I missed it. All of it. We were so very far from home.

She e-mailed me back almost immediately, asking for my details so we could video chat. I smiled, sent her the information, then set up the webcam and sat back.

“Hi, Serena,” I said when she appeared on the screen.

“Jesse. You look good.”

“Thanks.” I smiled.

“How’s it going down there? How’s Will?”

Serena had always been more than a boss to me. She took a personal interest in my life, and those of my colleagues too, and was just amazing when I’d said I needed to take time off. There weren’t a lot of employers who would have done that.

I caught her up on things, not avoiding the topic of Mama but not wanting to linger on it before I got to the main reason for contacting her.

“Is there any way I can do some work for you?” I asked. “I know there’s not a lot unless I’m actually there, but I’m not sure how much longer we’re going to be here, and I want to start getting back into it all.”

“Yes,” she said immediately. “Oh God, yes. I’ve got piles of things that need to be done. It’s not the most glamorous work, Jess, but we’re busy at the moment, and it’s just not getting looked at.”

I nodded. “That would be great.”

“I’ll e-mail you,” she said.

Leaning back in the chair, I navigated to my e-mails, reading through and deleting things I didn’t need until Serena’s message came through.

She was right on one thing—it wasn’t glamorous. I had piles of numbers and statistics and figures to go through and transfer into spreadsheets. The fact that the figures went back a few months told me no one had had time to look at it since I’d gone.

The chance to look at it all was a surprising opportunity to catch up; I could interpret the visitor numbers to figure out how well we were doing and how successful certain pieces of work had been. I quickly fell into the task and found a scrap of paper to make notes on as I worked. Serena hadn’t asked for any analysis, probably not wanting to trouble me with it. I’d always liked doing this, though, and found myself pulling that information together as I worked.

That night, I went for dinner with Jennifer. Dad had gone out with some of his hunting friends and her boyfriend was working, so it was a good opportunity for the two of us to hang out. Even if we did only go to Taco Bell.

The next morning, I took Baby out for a run, pushing us both hard and covering several miles before I reached home. The puppy had grown and she was strong, but well-behaved. I was confident in taking her off the leash these days, knowing she wouldn’t run off.

Chores around the house were piling up, and I ignored them in favor of getting back into the work Serena had sent me. Stretching my mind was as satisfying as stretching my body, and I reveled in the opportunity to do some real work again. It all came back surprisingly quickly.

By the end of the afternoon, I’d finished typing up my analysis, proofreading it, and sending my spreadsheets back to Serena. For the first time in ages, I felt satisfied, accomplished, like I was achieving something.

As I shut down the computer, I heard Will’s car pull up outside. I took my dirty plate to the kitchen, wincing when I noticed the dishes I hadn’t gotten round to doing—a few days’ worth.

“Honey, I’m home,” Will called from the front door. I laughed and walked through to kiss him.

“Hi,” I said, my lips pressed against his, distorting the sound.

“You okay?”

“Mm.”

He ran his hand down my back and pressed another kiss to my cheek, then wandered off to the bedroom to dump his bag. I followed him and noticed there were piles of laundry on the floor. I’d sorted them, but forgot to put them through the machine while I was working.

Will let out the tiniest sigh. It was almost inaudible, but I knew him too well. I huffed.

“What?” I demanded.

“Nothing.”

“No, say it.”

“Fine. Would it kill you to clean up around here?”

I narrowed my eyes at him and was about to snap when he turned on his heel and stalked off to his office, muttering under his breath as he went. His dismissal made me see red.

“I’m not your housewife,” I said, taking long strides to follow him. “I know I’m not working at the moment, but that doesn’t mean I exist to cater to your every whim!”

“I don’t think that.” He stood with arms folded across his chest, a picture of challenging defiance.

“Maybe not consciously you don’t. But when I leave this place a mess, you get home from work and think, ‘What the fuck has he been doing all day? Surely he doesn’t have anything better to do with his time.’”

That’s all I wanted. For him to ask about my day. To tell me about his. We didn’t often fight about stuff like this, but when we rubbed each other up the wrong way, the results were usually explosive.

“You’re wrong,” he said stubbornly. “I don’t expect anything. If the place is a mess, I’ll tidy up, so what?”

“You don’t get it!” I shouted. “This isn’t about who does what chores. It’s you expecting me to do it, like I’m your slave. I’m not your slave, Will.”

“And I don’t want you to be!” he yelled back. “Do what the fuck you want, Jess. I don’t care.”

“No,” I said acidly. “I didn’t think so.”

He cursed at me under his breath but I was beyond caring. His keys were on the side table next to the door, only a few feet away from where we were yelling. I grabbed them and my flip-flops, which were by the door, and stalked out, making sure to slam the door behind me.

It was only when I got a few hundred yards away from the house I realized I didn’t have anywhere to go. I had no friends here beyond Will and my sister, and there wasn’t much to do unless I wanted to catch a movie or eat something, which I didn’t. The mall had too many people.

I drove around for a while, passing a drive-through and getting fries and a Coke because I knew Will hated when I ate in the car.

Eventually, I rounded back to my dad’s. He was on the front porch with a pitcher of tea and a newspaper.

“Will called,” he said as I approached, swinging the keys around my index finger.

I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t think you can give me that look and get away with it. I don’t care how old you are, I’ll still tan your ass.”

“Dad,” I said on a whine.

“Sit down. Have some tea.”

There was a spare glass next to him, almost like he’d been expecting me. The tea was sharp and sweet, as I liked it, and I sat down in one of the rockers.

“I swear, I’ve learned more about your relationship in these past few weeks than I ever knew before.”

“Sorry about that.”

“What are you apologizing for? You already know it don’t make no difference to me, Jesse.”

“I know,” I said, not without a little affection. “You said.”

“What happened?”

“Just a stupid fight,” I said with a sigh. “Will works really hard, but I don’t like that he still expects me to do all the work around the house.”

Dad hummed. “Does he? Or is that just what you think he thinks?”

“He doesn’t actually bitch at me about it. He just… sort of expects those things to be done. Like fixing his damn lunch and making the bed. If it’s not done, he gets this funny look, like he’s wondering what the hell I’ve been doing with my day if I haven’t been cleaning up after him.”

“What are you doing at the moment, though? The house is all fixed up now….”

“Don’t you start,” I said, only partly joking. “I spoke to my supervisor at the museum a couple days ago. Said I wanted to help out with stuff if I could. She sent me some reports… it’s not a lot, but it’s a way into things again. I’m reading up on what’s been going on and doing some data analysis for them.”

“Sounds great. What does Will think?”

I was silent.

“So you haven’t told him?”

“I don’t need his approval for every damn thing,” I said, knowing I sounded like a petulant child. “I have a life outside him, you know. Or I used to, at least.”

“No, you don’t need his approval, but you might maybe need his support,” Dad said easily. “You might even need his help with things around the house, since you don’t have the time to spend doing that anymore.”

I looked over at him, where he was wearing a serene expression. He sipped his tea.

“Go on,” he said, shooing me away. “Go make up.”

I drained my tea, then stood. “You said he called?”

“He was worried about you,” Dad said. “Apparently you don’t storm off much these days, and he can’t exactly follow you.”

I nodded. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Go on,” he repeated on a mumble. “Git.”

It only took a few minutes to drive home, and I made sure to pick up my empty food wrappers before heading inside. I let myself in, went to the kitchen to dump them in the trash, rolled my eyes because it was full, and took the bag out.