Toothless Wonder (4 page)

She smiled. “I remember when I was a little girl. I couldn't
wait
to wake up in the morning and find out how much money the tooth fairy had left me.”

My skin got prickly at that name again.

Also, sweaty came on my head.

I thought and thought about what to do.

Then finally, I stood on my tiptoes. And I whispered in Mother's ear.

“Yeah, only I know stuff about the fairy, Mother,” I said. “I know the
truth.'”

Mother looked shocked at me.

“The truth?” she said. “You know the truth?”

“Yes,” I whispered again. “I know the
exact
truth, Mother. ’Cause last year Paulie Allen Puffer told me the whole entire story.”

I took another big breath. Then I cupped
my hands around her ear. And I talked even quieter.

“The fairy isn't
real,”
I said. “The tooth fairy is just
pretend”

Mother's eyes got big and wide at me.

“No!” she said.

“Yes,”
I whispered back. “Paulie Allen learned it from his big brother. The tooth
fairy isn't a fairy at all. She's actually a teensy little tooth witch.”

Mother's mouth came all the way open. “A tooth
witch?”

“Shh!” I said. “We have to talk soft, Mother. If the tooth witch hears anyone telling her secret, she flies into their room at night. And she pinches their cheeks.”

Mother covered her face with her hands.

She was in shock, I believe.

“Paulie Allen's brother even
saw
the tooth witch,” I said. “’Cause one night he put a tooth under his pillow. And then he stayed awake all night. And he saw the tooth witch fly into his room on a teensy little toothbrush.”

“Oh, my,” said Mother.

“I know it is
oh, my,”
I said. “And that is not even the worstest part. ’Cause the
witch walked right under his pillow. And she carried out his tooth. And then she chomped a big bite out of it. Just like it was a little tooth apple.”

Mother made a noise behind her hands.

I patted her very nice. “I know how you feel,” I said. “This is very hard to hear.”

Finally, Mother took her hands away.

“But it doesn't really make sense, Junie B.,” she said. “I mean, why would a mean little witch leave
money
under the pillow? A witch would never do something that nice, would she?”

I rolled my eyes way up to the ceiling. ’Cause sometimes I have to explain
everything
to that woman.

“Of
course
she would, Mother. Don't you get it? The witch leaves money so that children think she's really a fairy. ’Cause if
children don't think there's a fairy, they won't leave their teeth. Right? And if they don't leave their teeth, the witch won't get any tooth apples.”

Mother closed her eyes very tight.

Then, all of a sudden, she opened up the bathroom door.

And she ran right out of the room.

She was taking it harder than I thought.

That night, Daddy tucked me into bed.

He said that Paulie Allen Puffer's brother is full of soup.

“There's no such thing as a tooth witch, Junie B.,” he said. “I promise you there isn't. Paulie Allen Puffer's brother just made that up to scare Paulie Allen. And then Paulie Allen said it to scare you, too.”

I shook my head. “No, Daddy. No. It's not made up. I know it isn't. ’Cause the tooth witch makes
sense
, that's why,” I said. “She makes
way
more sense than a fairy.”

Daddy raised his eyebrows.

“Why?” he asked. “Why does a witch make more sense than a fairy?”

“Because,”
I said. “Because the tooth witch likes to
chomp
the teeth. But the tooth fairy doesn't do anything with the teeth at all, right? And so why would she even pay money for them?”

Daddy did a little frown.

“Well, I don't know, exactly,” he said. “But I'm sure that she must do
something
with the teeth, Junie B. There are other things to do with teeth besides just chomping them, you know.”

“Like what?” I asked.

Daddy put his head in his hands. Then he thought and thought and thought.

After he got done thinking, he went to get Mother.

She came into my room carrying fussy Ollie.

She handed him to Daddy and sat down on my bed.

“Daddy said you have another problem about the tooth fairy,” she said.

I nodded.

“Yes,” I said. “’Cause if there's really a fairy, then she has to have a reason to want the teeth. Right, Mother? She wouldn't just
throw them in the garbage. ’Cause that doesn't make any sense. Plus also, it would hurt my feelings.”

Mother hugged me.

“No, Junie B. Of
course
she doesn't throw them in the garbage,” she said. “I'm sure the fairy does something very special with the teeth.”

“Like what?” I said.

Mother ran her tired fingers through her
hair. She stood up and walked back and forth on my rug.

Then, all of a sudden, her face got brighter.

“I know. I bet the fairy uses the teeth to make
jewelry
,” she said.

At first, Daddy and I didn't say any words. We just stared and stared at that woman.

“Jewelry?” I said finally.

Mother smiled. “Yes, of
course,”
she said. “She probably uses the teeth to make little tooth necklaces and bracelets and cute little toe rings. How does that sound?”

I made a sick face.

“It sounds repulsive,” said Daddy.

Mother stopped smiling.

She quick took Ollie back from Daddy. And she hurried out of my room.

After she left, Daddy finished tucking me in bed.

“I'm sorry about that, Junie B.,” he said. “I'm afraid Ollie has your mother worn to a frazzle these days. But I'm sure she's not right about that jewelry thing.”

He did a little shiver.

“No. Certainly she's not,” he said.

Then—before I could ask any more questions about the fairy—he kissed me good night. And he rushed out of my room as fast as Mother.

That night, I did not put my tooth under my pillow.

Also, I did not put it under there the night after that. Or the night after that.

Because what do you know …

The fairy still did not make sense.

The next morning was school.

I put my spit cup into my backpack. And I took it to my bus stop. ’Cause Mother said I couldn't take my tooth. But the spit cup was Grampa's idea.

I saved Herb a seat. Then I bounced up and down real excited. ’Cause I couldn't wait for him to see me, of course!

Finally, we got to his bus stop.

I waved to him from the window.

Then, ha! I leaned my face real close to the glass. And I smiled my biggest smile!

Herb's eyeballs popped out of his head!

He ran on the bus zippedy quick.

“It came out, Herb! It came out!” I said. “My tooth came out on Friday! And it's been out ever since!”

I smiled for him again.

“See me, Herb? See how I look? I look fascinating, right? I don't look like Uncle Lou, hardly.”

Herb's eyeballs kept popping out at me.

“Whoa!” he said. “Wow!”

I laughed at that nice comment.

I smiled and pointed.

“See my tooth hole, Herb? Huh? I look cute, right? I don't even look like Uncle Lou! Correct?”

Herb said
Wow
again.

After that, I quick got my backpack. And I unzipped the zipper.

“Yeah, only wait till you see
this
, Herbert!” I said. “I brought something special for you to see!”

After that, I pulled out the cup. And I put it right on his lap.

“Ta-daaa! It's my
spit
cup, Herb! I used this cup to rinse my actual spit!”

I showed him the edges. “See the pink color right there? That pink is from the bleeding.”

Herbert's face did not look delighted.

“Okay. Thank you,” he said. “Please get it off of me now.”

I got it off.

“But I thought you would like this,” I said very disappointed.

Herb patted me. “Live and learn,” he said.

Pretty soon, his face got normal again.

“So how much money did you get from the fairy, Junie B.?” he asked. “Did you get a lot of cash?”

My stomach did a flip-flop at that question.

’Cause I didn't want to discuss that matter, of course.

I squirmed in my seat kind of worried. Then I looked out the window. And I didn't talk.

Herb tapped on me.

“What's wrong, Junie B.?” he said. “How come you're not answering me? The fairy did come, right? She didn't forget you, did she?”

I looked all around. Then I scooted next to him very close. And I quieted my voice to a whisper.

“Yeah, only I can't even discuss that matter, Herb,” I said. “’Cause I know stuff about that fairy.”

“Stuff? What kind of stuff?” he asked.

I whispered even softer.

“Sorry,” I said. “But I have to keep it a secret. And so please don't ask me any more questions. And I mean it.”

After that, I pretended to lock my lips. And I threw away the key.

I saw that on TV once.