Torn (Torn Heart) (10 page)

I sit up, mirroring his position, our knees touching. “I’m thinking, for once, I’m not afraid.” I wait, while his eyes scan my face, as if he’s memorizing every line, curve or imperfection. “Of being honest, I mean.” I lean into him, “And
honestly
, I don’t know why things are changing between us, but I can feel it.”

He swallows, his face pinched in seriousness. “Wow, that’s deep.”

I nod, “You asked what I was thinking, so there you go.”

“What else are you thinking?”

I keep my shaking hands in my lap, “I’m thinking that I really wanna kiss you right now.” His eyebrows rise in surprise. “But I won’t. Not now.”

“Why not?”
He stares at my lips, before his eyes travel back to mine.

“For one thing, you have a girlfriend, who I can’t stand by the way.” I get up and jump off the merry-go-round. “And for another,” I walk backwards; his eyes follow me the whole way. “I really
wanna swing.” I sit down, grab the chains and push myself.

He laughs, finally getting off, walking toward me. He takes hold of the chains and leans down close to
my ear when it comes to a stop, “Wanna know what I’m thinking?” I nod, unable to find my voice. He lightly brushes my bangs from my face. “I’m thinking how stupid I’ve been for not listening to my heart, for not leaving Amber sooner.” His breath is warm on my face and I inhale, letting it wrap around my heart. “I’ve been an idiot, Sky. And I need to quit dicking around.” He backs away and starts to pace, running his hands wildly through his hair. It’s a sexy look on him; it’s also disconcerting to see him so flustered. But then again, maybe it’s good for him to show this side. To show me he’s capable of showing emotions. I know he’s always had them, but keeping them hidden is stupid.

I climb off the swing and rush to his side. “What’s wrong?”

“Basically, I’ve been in this dead-end relationship to hide my true feelings. For you.” He sits down on the ground. I join him sitting on my knees. “I’m just afraid, Sky. I’m afraid of these strong feelings I have. I’m afraid of losing you. I’m afraid of being vulnerable. And I’m afraid of being left.”

I pat his leg, “I’m right here. You’re not
gonna lose me. Even if we’re just friends, I’d rather have you as that, than nothing.” I’ll sacrifice my happiness, for his friendship. I just need him, in any way I can get him.

Tingles shoot up my arm when he takes my hand and holds it, “I’ll give in. I know I will.” I can see pain in his eyes. “But right now, just be patient with me.” He phrases it like a request, but he doesn’t even have to ask. We sit together, losing track of time. I don’t think my mom would care once she knew what was going on.

             
When I get home sometime later, I watch TV in the living room until there’s nothing that interests me. My head is clouded, fuzzy, in a good way. I get the distinct feeling Jackson feels the same way I do, he’s just scared. And I get it, I am too. Is that any reason to run away from something amazing? Hell no.

             
My mom plops down on the couch beside me, “What’s on TV?”

             
“Nothing, I’m going to my room to paint.” I toss her the remote and scamper off in a happy mood.

              I wander the halls in a zombie-like state the next day, after having zero sleep. My mind wouldn’t shut down and I kept thinking about so many things at once. Mainly about how my life has changed in the last week. About how Jackson finally sees me, and Amber was just filler. Damn, I still should tell him about her and Daniel. Maybe she’s cheating, and then he’ll have a reason to leave her for good. But most of all, I thought about how it’ll feel with his lips on mine.

Tonight we’re having dinner at the Cruz house and I’m very excited to have both my boys together. Even if they don’t get along, I’m just happy they get along with me.

Randa meets me at my locker. “Okay, missy. Spill.” She gives me a suspicious look. She’s on to me.

“I don’t know what
you’re talking about.” I shut my locker and lean back in a dreamy state.

“Oh please, you can’t hide your weird happy vibe I feel. What’s going on with you?”

She can see right through me, but it’s not like I try hard to conceal my giddiness. “Okay,” I say, “You got me. I told Jackson how I feel last night.” She waves her hand, urging me to continue. “Well, we spent time at the park, and we were so close to kissing. But he said he’s scared of his feelings for me. So he asked me to wait and be patient. It’s why he’s dated Amber, to cover up his true feelings.”

She hugs me, stunned. “Oh my God, that’s awesome!”

I watch as people try to make their way around Randa and her
very
animated fist pump. I have to bite back a face-eating grin when she finally finishes, and as we make our way to grab some cafeteria lunch.’

Halfway through eating
, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I check it, and smile at the text.

“Jared?”
Randa asks, noticing my expression.

I nod.
“He’s been busy with work and looking at apartments.” With the exception of a text here and there, I haven’t heard or seen him much.

Her head tilts in wonderment, “He’s moving out?” I nod and text him back,
see you tonight
and send it, before putting my phone away. “Ooo, party at Jared’s,” She jokes. Except I think she’s serious. I doubt he would go for that. He was never really the partying kind that I remember. He was the serious one; while Jackson was the more daring one.

“Yeah, but he’s
gonna have a roommate, so I don’t know about all the partying.” Not that I’m the partying type or anything, either. “But we’ll see.”

I look at the students milling around the cafeteria, wondering what their stories are, what their plans are for after graduation, even though the school year just started last month. But this is the year to figure out where to go next. I’m tired of the heat; I want to be in a colder place, where I can experience the snow,
and maybe even a white Christmas.

             
In art class, we learn all the different art techniques. Mr. Shaw plays music; we paint whatever comes to mind during the melody. Some of it sounds dark, some calm and others; I can’t quite distinguish, so I just paint blotches and lines. I finish the day in calm silence and I’m anxious when the last bell rings.

When I enter the parking lot, I come to a halt, finding Jackson right in front of my car. He doesn’t see me right away, so I take a minute to study his physique, the way he’s posing, it’s like he just came out of a car magazine, him on top, all hot and sexy. Nice cars and sexy guys, what’s not to like?

“Hey,” I come up beside him.

He sits on the hood, “Hey yourself.” I throw my bag in the passenger seat after opening the door. “So, are you coming over tonight for dinner?” Hop
e unmistakably laces his words.

I sit close to him, our shoulders barely touching. “Yes, we’ll be there.” I say with a smile in my voice. “And I think you should be nice to Jared. No fighting tonight.” I bump into him and he bumps back, before getting up.

“I’ll think about it.” He winks. “I’ll see you later.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Amber across the parking lot, watching me. Even though she’s a distance away, I can tell she’s pissed, we did look awfully cozy. I give her one last glare before getting in my car and leaving.

I look in my closet at my selection of clothes, noting I’m in need of a new wardrobe. I wasn’t always the best dresser by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I suck in the fashion department. It sucks not having an older sister to do girly stuff with. Sighing in frustration, I settle on a pair of black dress pants and a cute blouse I bought at Charlotte Russe last year. Luckily I haven’t gained much weight over the years so I can still fit in some of my clothes from two years ago. I might have gotten a slightly bigger butt though, which seems to help when fitting into jeans. I despise trying on jeans.

My mom knocks softly on my door, “Skylar?” before entering.

“Hey mom, I’m just getting ready.” She walks over and sits on my bed, which is still a mess. I always make my bed when I wake up. But I was half-asleep and forgot. My mom, God bless her, starts fixing my sheet and blanket because she’s OCD and has to have everything in perfect standing order if it’s not being used.

I check my reflection in the mirror; fix my hair and by that, I just mean throw it in a bun on top of my head and perfect my minimal makeup. “Are you ready for a nice dinner?” I ask.

She smiles. “Yep, you?”

I nod, pouting my lips while I dab some lip gloss on to make them shiny.

My mom asks, “Is Jackson going to be there?”

“Yep.
It’ll be like old times.” I chuckle when I notice her fluffing my pillow. Geez, she’s a bit obsessed. I smack my lips a couple times, satisfied with my look, or as satisfied as I’m going to be. I turn to my mom, “You and dad should’ve had twins, mom.”

She asks. “Why?”

I sit next to her. “Because, I suck at fashion, it would’ve been nice to have someone to teach me how to dress.” She takes my hand in her warm delicate one.

“You do a fine job on your own.” I give her an “I don’t believe you” look and she laughs. “Okay, so go to the mall with
Randa and buy a couple new outfits.” Her finger brushes aside loose strands of hair from my face. My head drops to her shoulder for a few seconds before we get up and wait down stairs until it’s time to go.

On the way there
—two streets away, it’s not nearly enough time to stop my nerves from going crazy. “Stop fidgeting,” my mom tells me with an amused grin. “Is there something I should know?”

I can’t keep the wide smile from my face.
“Maybe, I’m not sure. I’ll let you know, though.”

Jared greets us when we pull up to the curb and opens my door. His wide smile chases the nerves away and I smile back. “Hello Rose, nice to see you.”

She smiles at him. “Hi Jared, you look handsome.”

He does. His blonde hair is shorter and he’s got a silver necklace sticking out of his shirt collar, lying against his golden skin. He’s dressed in black pants and a navy striped polo shirt. But then again, he always dresses nice. I try to picture him in shorts and a raggedy t-shirt. I’m sure he’d look gre
at all messy and imperfect. I love him regardless.

He tells her,
“Thank you, you look lovely as well.” He looks at me, “You look pretty as always.” We walk inside. “I’m sure my brother is eager to see you.” Does he know? I study him; see if I can get a sign that Jackson told him something. I doubt it, though.

My mother turns to Jared. “Does your father need any help with dinner?”

“Um, maybe. I’m sure he’d enjoy the company either way.” She walks away, leaving us in the living room. “You can go up to his room.”

I pause a minute, “You know, don’t you?”

He shrugs. “Not much. But I know he came home late the other night and he looked beat. I asked him what was up. He told me some stuff.” I hope he confides in his brother. He shouldn’t have to go through anything alone. If he can’t tell me something, at least Jared is always there. “Skylar, just be careful, okay?” I nod, running up the stairs, stopping short of his closed door. I clench my fists a couple times and knock.

The door opens and Jackson smiles when he sees me. “Hey.”

I stick my head in. “Are you busy?”

He moves to his bed and pic
ks up his Xbox controller, resuming the game. “Nah, come in.” I do, shutting the door quietly.

I watch him play, sitting on
the other side of his bed. “Thanks.”

“You look nice.” His attention is still on the game, but it makes me smile that he noticed. “Sorry, I’ll be done in a minute. We’ll go for a walk or something before dinn
er.” I find his hand sexy as I watch his fingers move swiftly over the buttons. Guys and their video games.

We step outside, down the porch steps. Kids are riding their bikes and playing in their yard.
Much like we did when we were kids. The walk is quiet, but I don’t push him. I’m content to just be with him. I lift my head to the sky, where the sun hits my face. It feels good.

Jackson asks. “Any plans for the weekend?”

I think of what I’m supposed to do. Oh yeah, “I’m going to the beach with Randa and Ian.” I answer, and then an idea pops into my head, “Wanna come with?”

He smirks, “Yeah, that’d be fun.
” And then, “Actually, I’d love to go. It’s been a while since I’ve been to the beach. Do you want to make it a date?”

I try to act casual, but my heart is racing.
“Are you asking me out on a date, Jackson?”

He laughs and it’s a nice sound. “Yeah,
I guess I am.”

I pretend to think
about it because I’m cruel, but also enjoy watching him wait for my answer. “Yeah, I’ll go. On a date. With you.” We round the corner of the street in front of his. “But you know you’ll have to break up with Amber by then. I won’t go with you while you’re still dating her.”