Torn (Torn Heart) (7 page)

I walk back and stop close enough to get a gasp out of her
and it’s thrilling to see her affected, “I’m being serious here. I know I’m the last person you’d believe. But,” I search her eyes, needing her to believe me but we’re also gonna be late. “We’ll talk later, the bell’s about to ring.” I step back slowly, creating distance between us. “I promise no motive.” And her smile is the last thing I see when I turn the corner. Just as the bell rings.

Chapter 9

Skylar

Again, I’m late to class. And again, it’s thanks to Jackson. Though this one is
my art class so it’s not too big of a deal, it’s my favorite class of the day. But still, the fact that Jackson wants to be friends again blows my mind. What brought this on? Maybe he and Amber are having problems. Maybe he sees something more in me, finally. My heart was pumping so quickly at his proximity, I was sure it’d jump out my chest and knock him out. Either way, I’m pretty uncertain what to do with it.

I had such a great birthday weekend. My mother took me out on Saturday for my actual birthday; we had
manis/pedis. It was nice and relaxing and I felt wonderful. But it was still bothering me that I saw Amber and Daniel together. It shouldn’t bother me, but I feel like she’s not being honest or something. I almost let it slip when we were talking. But, it’s not my place.

I fix my hair in a messy bun before draping my smock over my clothes.

My teacher smiles at me. “Hello, Skylar.”

“Hi, Mr. Shaw.”
I sit at my table and pull out my supplies.

He addresses the class. “Today is free art. You can paint whatever comes to mind, whatever makes you happy.” He tells the class. We all get to work and even
though part of me knows what I want to paint, I’m still undecided. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I discreetly check it. A text from Randa.

Randa
: I’m so bored. My History class sucks. How’s Art?

I smile and type out a quick reply.

Me: It’s good. I’ve got something to tell you later. It’s a humdinger.

Randa
: Oh, I love humdingers. Now you’re gonna keep me in suspense. Damn you, Sky.

I laugh and tell her I’ll see her at lunch.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Mr. Shaw standing close to where I’m sitting. “So what are you working on, Ms. McKenzie?” I’m just starting but I already know how it’ll look. I found a picture of Jackson and me when we were five and six, in a box in my closet. We were sitting on a rock, looking out at the ocean. My mother took the picture. She always had an idea that we’d end up together.

“I’m painting a boy and a girl, best friends, in their innocence.”
             

He smiles, approvingly. “It’s
gonna look great, I’m sure.”

My mind drifts off to Jackson, remembering his smirk and when he touched me. At least he wants to be friends again.

I smile and put my paintbrush to work, hoping I can recapture the kids in the picture. Maybe one day we’ll be that close again.

Randa’s voice behind me says, “So, he seriously said that?”

“Yeah, crazy right?
It’s like something’s changed.” I grab my tray of food and pay the lunch lady. I scan the cafeteria for Jackson, hoping I can catch a glimpse of him. I won’t become obsessed or anything. I do wanna see him, though.

“See, I think Amber is two-timing him. Or maybe she’s just not satisfying his needs.”

Disappointment fills my chest when I see neither of them. No, relief with Amber, but disappointment with Jackson. “Well, either way, I’ll be happy to have my friend back.”

Ian waves us over. “Hey I got us a table.”

Finally, I see Amber walk in alone. She looks upset.  She finds and joins her crew. Jackson doesn’t show up. I don’t know if I should feel relieved or disappointed.

“So, I’m guessing he saw the picture?” She asks me.

Ian looks at me, “Who?”

“Jackson.” I answer him. I look at
Randa, “Yes, he told me I looked nice.”

“Ha! See? I knew he’d like the picture. Aren’t I a genius?” She tends to her food, proud. “I guess silly games pay off.”
She sticks her tongue out at me.

“He also asked if I was dating Jared.
Again.” She laughs, knowing that’d happen, based on the picture. We did look friendly, and I guess those who don’t know us would assume we were an item. But why would he really think I’m dating his brother? Just because we’re close…it’s a crazy thought.

“So are you going to ask Jackson out or something?”
Randa shovels some potatoes in her mouth.

I gape at her.
“Seriously? There’s no way that’s happening. We haven’t even hung out, outside of school yet.”

“So, invite him somewhere. It’s not hard.” Yeah right. I’m not that confident it would go well.

Ian nods as if to agree with her. “I think she has a good point. You don’t have to go out on a date with him. At least not while he’s with her,” he nods to his girlfriend who’s laughing at her friends. “Just invite him over for to your house for a movie. Friends do that.” Okay, I could do that. We used to watch movies together all the time.

I watch Ian kiss
Randa on the cheek sweetly. I’d love to experience dating, but there’s no one that I’m interested in. No one available anyway. It looks nice, easy.

I just hope to fall in love; real love. I mean. The way my parents did. Their love was the kind everyone wanted. My father respected my mother and treated her with kindness and love. And she did the same. Maybe that’s why she hasn’t moved on; it’s rare to find that kind of love. And once you find it, nothing else can live up to it. It only comes once. I feel a stab of pain for her, knowing she’s facing life alone.
Send her a sign, dad.

Randa
waves her hand in my face. “Hey, are you okay?” 

I blink and look up at her concerned eyes.
“Yeah, sorry. I guess I dozed off.” I stand up with my tray, “I’m done, I’m gonna throw my trash away.” I look down at my barely eaten lunch, take my apple off the tray and throw the rest of it away. As I bite into the fruit, I start walking back to the table when a foot kicks out in front of me; sending me crashing to the ground. I saw it too late.

My apple flies out of my hand and I shriek. “You bitch!” I notice
Randa making her way to help me, but already a pair of arms help pull me up. “Thank you.” I tell a very angry Jackson.

He looks at me once I’m upright, “Are you okay?” I nod. He turns toward Amber, “I told you to leave her the fuck alone, Amber. I’m sick of this shit!” I watch him yell at her, it’s better than me bei
ng on the receiving end, but I can’t help find it hot.

Her face contorts into a cold glare. “It was an accident. Why are you getting pissed at me?”

I throw my hand up in exasperation. “An accident? You stuck your foot out as soon as I was close enough to you.” I should’ve seen it coming.

She whips her head toward me, giving me a threatening look. “I wasn’t talking to you, Skylar.”

I pick up the apple and throw it away before stalking back to the table, sending her a glare.

Randa
joins me, “Dude, did you see that?” We both watch them, still arguing. “He came to your aide…in front of her.”

“Yes he did.” I shake my head, “Why does he put up with her crap?” It doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship.

She scoffs. “He won’t be for long if she keeps this shit up.” I don’t disagree. “Next time she pulls that crap, get up and punch her in the face.” I gawk at her. I’ve never been in a fight and I don’t intend to start. I don’t reply. I get up and get ready to head to our lockers. And I don’t bother looking in Jackson’s direction to see if they’re still fighting either.

                                                                      ***

I’m frustrated, on the verge of pulling my hair
out. “Ugh, seriously, why do I need Calculus? I hate numbers! I suck at this crap.”

“Relax, I’ll help you. I’m a master at numbers, you know.” Jared nudges my shoulder, playfully. Of course he is, working at a bank and all.

I push my book and assignment to the far side of the kitchen table. “It won’t help. I’ll never get it.” I pull open the fridge door. “Do you want something to drink?” I offer.

“I’ll take…” he squints, looking at the ceiling, “Do you have Gatorade?”

“No, we have orange juice, apple juice, cranberry juice, tea, water and ginger ale.” I try not to drink soda, it rots your teeth.

“I’ll take Orange Juice.” I grab a glass and the juice.

Speaking of teeth, “Hey, I need to get an appointment with your dad. I need a cleaning.” It’s been a year since I was at the dentist. Maybe more, if I’m being honest.

I hand him a glass of orange juice and fix myself a glass of tea.
”Thank you. Call him; I’m sure he’ll get you in right away.” His hair falls in his face and I find myself wanting to move it. I quickly place my hands in my lap.

I take a sip of my drink, and sit back. “I don’t want him doing any favors just because he knows me.”

He stands up and stretches, “Seriously, Sky he’ll get you in.” He finishes his drink, taking it to the sink. “I gotta get home. Talk later?”

My mother walks into the kitchen and sets a bag of groceries on the counter. “Hey kids, how was your day?”

He takes a bag from her grip as it starts falling from her hands. “Hey Rose, it was fine, it’s work. How are you?” 

She smiles appreciatively at him. “I’m good. Are you staying for dinner?”

“No ma’am, afraid not. Maybe later this week, though.” She pats his cheek, affectionately. She’s always been fond of Jared, as he got older and respectful. He’s always had that going for him, respect. His father raised him right.

I stand up and walk him to the door. When we step outside, he turns mid-walk and says, “Let me know when you need me, I’ll help with your homework.” He turns back around.

“This weekend.” I blurt out, stopping him. “Let’s do something this weekend.”

He walks back toward me on the porch, “Sounds good to me. I’m off on Saturday.”

“Awesome.” I give him a quick hug before he climbs into his truck.

I walk back inside and put my homework away, not wanting to look at my stupid Calculus book for the rest of the night.

“I spoke to Jackson.” My mother says when I re-enter the kitchen. I fill my glass up with more tea and sit down.

“When?
About what?”

“Friday night he came over.”

Why am I just now hearing about this? I whip my head up to look at her, “And?” I prod.

“Is he being nicer to you?”

I run my finger down my glass, feeling the coldness it produces, wondering if that’s why he’s being nice. Did my mom put him up to it? Now I’m annoyed.

Chapter 10

Jackson

I drive to the gas station for gas and a pack of cigarettes. Being eighteen is good for something, I guess.

“Ugh, seriously.”
Amber sneers as I get back in the car.

I put my pack in the center console. “What?” I don’t cover up my annoyance. I’m still pissed at her display the other day. We got into it; knowing damn well she tripped Skylar on purpose.

She points to my smokes. “When are you going to quit? Kissing you is like kissing my Uncle James, which I try not to do.” She turns away.

“Then
don’t fucking kiss me. Geez, I’m sick of your bitching.” I put the car into drive and the tires screech. No one will tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. She pouts in the passenger seat and I have the sudden urge to find a secluded dirt road, dump her ass and take off, as my car blows dust in her face. Why didn’t I realize how shallow and fake cheerleaders were? At least, this one sitting next to me.

She lightly touches my arm, “I’m sorry,
Jackson. I’m just in a foul mood.” She’s always in a foul mood. I keep my eyes on the road, wondering if I should just take her home so I can do my own thing.

My phone beeps, and before I can grab it
, Amber’s already checking the text. Fuck, I should’ve kept it in my lap or on my side of the door where she can’t reach it so easily.

She starts texting. “Oh, it’s Jake. He wants us to come over and have some beers with some of the guys and their girlfriends.”

“What are you doing?” I ask, appalled.

She looks up briefly, “I’m telling him we’re on our way.”

I almost stop short, but remain calm as I glance at her in disbelief. “You’re fucking kidding me right?” I grip the steering wheel tightly, “You didn’t even ask if I wanted to go, you just decided we’re going since you wanna go.”

She keeps her eyes on the phone.
“What’s the problem?”

“For one thing, you answer MY fucking phone, and for another, you check MY message, and then you just assume that I’m going to do whatever the hell you want me to do without so much as asking me. Why don’t you tell me the problem here, Amber? I’m sure you can figure it out, you’re not that dense.” I know she’d go ape shit if I ever tried checking her messages, and I’d be accused of snooping because I didn’t trust her. She makes sure I can’t get her phone; it’s a total double standard.

“Do you wanna go?” Her voice sounds almost as if it was a simple mistake that she didn’t ask me before, like she just forgot. Oh, sure it makes it all better now. At this point, I need a drink so what the hell? God, I’m turning into an alcoholic.

Twenty minutes later, we pull up to Jake’s driveway where five other cars are parked. I grab my cigarettes. Amber gets out and follows me inside, trying to hold my hand but I pull away and scurry into the game room where the party is going on.

They’re playing pool, “Hey
, you guys made it.” I pull my pack out and get to lighting.

Amber enters the hall and calls out, “Okay, well I’m going to be hanging out with the girls. You guys do your disgusting smoking habit; you’ll all die anyway but whatever.” Everyone ignores her.

I sit down at one of their small round tables, blowing smoke rings. “Dude, she’s a bitch.” Jake sits next to me with a mixture of shock and disgust. “Well, she’s always been one.”

“You think?” I say, taking the beer he got for me from the cooler. “Thanks.” I open it and take a swig. Beer mixed with cigarettes is my idea of a good time. Okay, throw some Xbox 360 in there, and I’m good for about three hours.

“She’s a hot bitch, though.” Daniel remarks, making suggestive gestures with his hand and dick. “I’m sure she’s a great lay.”

“Dude, shut up.”
Jake tells him. I just ignore them all, looking at my phone for something to do.

We do our guy thing, talk about football, comment on
who’s hot and who’s not. I can hear the girls giggling in the next room. Jake asks if he can bum a cigarette, I happily oblige.

Jake’s a cool guy, probably one of the better ones, along with Nick and Drew. The rest enjoy sex too much, which I’m all for sex, but I don’t sleep around like they do. Also, they condone cheating, I don’t. I draw the line right there. Or just above it. So, that was a load of shit; I used to be like that. But Amber and I have been on and of
f since mid-freshman year. Has it been that long?

Amber barges in, “Okay, so we’re playing truth or dare. You guys have to be involved.” She adds, “We’ll play it in the other room so the rest of us don’t have to inhale that stuff.”

“No, we’re not playing that. We’re having guy time.” Jake waves her off but she just stands there with her arms over her chest. Her shirt rises up slightly, revealing her belly button. It annoys me the way she has to show off her body all the time. So she’s got a great figure, and she should show it off. But the way she does it is more slutty than classy. It’s like she wants all the guys to ogle her. Especially Daniel.

She whines. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Isn’t that game played in middle school?” I ask, not hiding my annoyance.

“I’m up for some truth or dare.” Daniel says, grabbing another beer and standing by Amber’s side. I look to Jake, who’s looking back at me, mirroring my
expression. We reluctantly get up and join them in the living room. I’d rather play drunk, cause then I wouldn’t remember this stupid night.

I take a seat on the floor, leaning against the fireplace mantle. We form somewhat of a circle, each of us getting a turn. I think the game is stupid and childish, but at least it’s better than spin the fucking bottle
or Nine Minutes in Heaven or some shit.

When it gets to me, I hesitate. Do I want to tell a truth in front of everyone? Or do something black
mail-ish?

I finally decide at the last minute. “I’ll do a dare.” I say, hoping like hell I don’t regret it.
But I’d probably regret the truth more, especially if it involves someone not here.

“Okay, you have to make out with one of these girls here.” I stare at Amber, flabbergasted. Is she serious?

“Uh, no.
I don’t cheat.” Why am I arguing when she’s giving me free reign? Is it still cheating in that case?

“Oh come on
, you pussy, just fucking make out with Leslie or Cheryl.” Daniel, who has no morals, suggests. I lean back and cross my arms, not moving. This game is bullshit, I don’t cheat.

“Come on,
Jackson. Just do it, this one time.” Jake urges me. “Your own girlfriend is
daring
you to. She thinks you
can’t
do it.” I consider what he’s saying for a minute, “Just prove her wrong so she’ll shut the hell up.”

I relent. “Alright fine, I’ll do it.” I glance at Amber, “But you better not hold this over my head.
You
told me to do it. It was your idea, remember that.”

She rolls her eyes.
“Fine, just do it already.”

I c
an’t believe I’m going through with this. I slowly walk over to Misty, a nicer version of Amber and her eyes go wide when she notices me approaching her. “Let’s get this over with.” I try not to sound like an ass.

She nods and smiles and I grab her face, bringing her lips to mine. I close my eyes, picturing another face, fuller lips,
and softer skin. Our mouths move together for a few seconds before we break apart.

“Longer.” Amber says.

I shake my head, “You didn’t say how long, I’m done.”

“Just kiss her for like
, thirty seconds.” Daniel pipes in. God damn, this game is getting jacked up.

We kiss for thirty seconds and pull away. Misty smiles, satisfied. But I’m pretty flustered and annoyed. I wipe my mouth; it was a pretty sloppy kiss.

Daniel says. “You have to use tongue.”

“Fuck you, you kiss her then
.” I sit down in my spot, my blood boiling. I need a cigarette.

The game lasts for another hour. There’s some crazy dares, and a few of the girls pick truths and they have to say who they’d sleep with or where they want to have sex. I opt out of the game and just watch them make idiots of themselves.
Daniel gets to go streaking down the street and yell inappropriate shit. Good for him. It does remind me of Old School, a tiny bit.

That’s when I decide to have my cigarette in the garage-game room.

Jake bums another cigarette. “Sorry you had to do that shit.”

“I shouldn’t have picked dare.
But whatever.”

“This is why I don’t bring Monica around this. She’s too much of a nice girl, not crazy like the other guys’ girlfriends.”

“That’s because she’s not a cheerleader. She’s really sweet though, a good match for you. Don’t trade her in for one of those.” I indicate to the living room. I should take my own advice.

We join the rest in the living room again; I get another beer and sit back down.

“Okay, we’re done with Truth or Dare. Now we’ll play, Who’s Hot or Not.” Daniel tells us, as if he’s in charge of what we do.

Amber says to the girls. “James Carson.”

“Hot.” They mostly say, the guys disagree. Me personally, I don’t address whether or not guys are hot. But for some reason when a girl comments on whether another girl is hot, it doesn’t seem wrong. I don’t get it. Of course, some guys like the girl on girl concept. Me, I’m indifferent.

James says. “Kendall
McGrady.”

“Hot.” Both Jake and Daniel say, I agree.

“Dana Adams.”

“Not.” I say. Her nose is too big for her face.

“Skylar McKenzie.” I tense at the mention of her name and my nerves run amuck.

Amber snorts in disgust.
“Ugh, so not hot. She’s like the biggest nerd in school, seriously.” I shoot her an annoyed glare. “I tripped her the other day at lunch. It was great.” Everyone laughs, but me. And Jake.

“I think she’s hot, actually.”
Daniel says. He looks at me. “What about you Jackson?”

I raise my brow in question. “What about me?”

“What do you think? Hot or not?”

“I don’t know, I never thought about her that way before.”
Shut the fuck up, asshole!

Amber laughs. “Oh please,
Jackson doesn’t like being within two feet of her if he can help it.”

Daniel interrupts her mid-laugh. “It didn’t look that way to me,” he tosses me a smirk, “The other day.”

I tilt my head sideways. “What the fuck are you talking about?” Now I’m starting to get pissed at this macho-asshole. I’m ready to throw gloves on and show him he’s stepping on the wrong toes.

“I’m just saying I saw you run into her, and I was laughing when all her shit went to the floor. I thought you were going to yell at her or something. But
then I saw you talking to her, all friendly, or so it seemed. It looked
really
friendly.”

Amber speaks up, “Actually, he did help her after I tripped her and then he yelled at me.”

I stand up, done with this night. “Amber? Fuck you. You’re a total bitch and I’m seriously done with you.” I ignore her pout and after a look of disgust, I throw my beer away. “I’m leaving, this party sucks. Sorry, Jake.”

He follows me to the door. “Oh I agree, I’d leave too if this wasn’t my house. Drive safe, man.” He pats my back.

I tell Amber, “Find your own ride home.” I slam the door, happy to be done with that.

At home, I blow some shit up
on Xbox to calm down. I hadn’t taken my phone out to check any messages, but I doubt I’d hear from her anyway.

I stalk outside for a smoke break and sit on the porch swing. Just as I’m
feeling calmer, the door opens.

             
I stay quiet as Skylar comes outside. She doesn’t see me right away. “Hey.” I say softly.

             
She moves a little closer, the light showing the outline of her face, she finally sees me. “Hey. When did you start smoking?” She asks in surprise.

             
I shrug. “When I turned sixteen.” I pat the space next to me. “Come sit with me.” She does. “What are you doing here?”

             
The swing shifts beneath our weight. “Your brother was helping me with calculus.” Yeah, that makes sense. He’s good with math, which is why he went into banking.

             
I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and when I check it, I’m not surprised it’s Amber. I shove it back inside, ignoring the text and continue to swing. Sitting out here with Skylar feels really nice, reminding me of all the times we talked on this swing; talked about my mom, her dad, everything under the sun, except my feelings. Or we’d just sit here quietly and get lost in our own thoughts. But it was a comfortable silence, and her company meant more to me than she’d ever understand.

             
She notices the tension coming off of me and asks, “Are you okay?”

             
I lay my head on the back of the swing, blowing smoke away from her. “I don’t know. I wanna talk about it, more than anything. I’m just not ready to yet.”