Torn (Torn Heart) (6 page)

Randa
and Ian decide on their drinks and food, closing their menus almost simultaneously. God, they’re so perfect together. He’s cute; dark blonde hair and blue eyes and a sweet smile.

Jared opens and then closes his menu. “Have you decided what you want to eat yet?”

“Uh, no.” I answer, leaning forward with the menu in my face. And then I choose my entrée. “Yeah, I know what I want.” I say. “I want it all.”

Randa
glances between us, “So who’s paying for Skylar?” I point to Jared. She smiles at him, “Good. I knew you would.” I laugh. “See? Told you he’d take care of you.” She winks.

He sets his menu at the corner of the table. “Well, you can’t have it all, what are you settling on
, birthday girl?”

I check my phone.
“Tour of Italy.” I set my menu on top of his. “Is that okay? I can order something else.”

He picks
up our menus and stacks them, lining them all up. “Yeah, it’s fine. It’s on me.”

“Hey, I’ll take a-
“ Ian says to Jared, but it’s quickly shot down with the wave of Jared’s hand. We all laugh. “I’ll make sure to hit you up on my birthday.” He adds.

“In your dreams.”
Is Jared’s response.

When the waitress comes back, we give her our order and she brings our drinks. “I’ll be right back with your breadsticks and salad.”

Oh boy, I can get full from that alone. I bump Randa’s arm, “You better take my plate away after I eat one breadstick and one serving of salad. I won’t be able to finish my big meal.”

She laughs, agreeing. We’ve come here enough and she knows how I pig out on that stuff. It
’s the reason I rarely come here. “You can always bring leftover home to your mom. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.” I nod in agreement. She’s taking me out tomorrow for my actual birthday. “So, I posted a “Happy Birthday” on your facebook wall, let’s see how long it’ll take for Jackson to notice.” I sigh, right before I kick her under the table. “Ouch! What the hell!”

I give her a stern look,
“I told you not to bother with it. It’s all silly games.”

Jared brings his elbow up on the table and rests his hand under his chin. I can see he agrees with
Randa. “I can just call him and invite him up here.” I shake my head, feeling my cheeks heat up. God, I hate these two, right now. Randa tells him to do it. “Nah, better be nice to the birthday girl. She’ll give me the silent treatment. Though it may be worth it.” He smirks.

I ignore him and make small talk
. “So, in other news.” I don’t actually have other news, but that got the rest of them to talk about nonsense. I don’t even get on my facebook page, but I quickly check mine and respond to Randa’s post. I have just over a hundred friends, but then again, I haven’t updated it in a year. And I don’t even  engage in conversations with anyone either. I just don’t get on anymore. It’s all about drama for some people and I got tired of my newsfeed filled with nothing but complaints.

“Hey,”
Randa beams at me, holding up her phone after the notification came through. “You got on.” She goes on and posts other stuff.

We
soon dig into our delicious salad and bread sticks and chat to each other, over future plans. My mother’s getting more excited about our Europe trip, and to be honest, so am I. We’ve been planning this since my freshman year and it’s actually gonna happen. Bring it on!

Jared tells our waitress something and I contemplate asking him but then Amber walks in the door. She doesn’t see me, but I shoot daggers through my eyes. Is she here with Jackson? But I don’t see him.
Maybe he’s just running behind.

I tap my friends
’ arm and subtly point to where Amber is standing in the lobby. “Oh, hey. You might get to make him jealous right here.”

Jared turns and sees her too.
“I don’t think Jackson is with her. I don’t see him.” In walks Daniel, a jerk on Jackson’s football team. He and Amber follow the hostess to their table. “And that’s obviously why.” We watch as they’re seated at the other end from us. I’m just glad they can’t see us, mainly me.

After we’ve finished and our plates are cleared, the waitress and a few others stop at our table. I look at Jared and wonder if he put them up to this, but of course he did. He enjoys embarrassing me.

They all look at me, setting my favorite dessert down in front of me with a candle. Tirimisu. Oh boy. My mouth starts to water. They sing the happy birthday song loudly, along with my friends. I smile, thankful that they are here with me on my eighteenth birthday. I make a wish and blow out the candle. Randa takes a picture, which I know she’ll probably post on her page. Maybe I’ll deactivate mine. It’s not like we’re friends with Jackson, but he can still see her stuff because it’s not private. I discreetly glance where Amber and Daniel are still seated. I can’t help but wonder what they’re doing here…together. And if he even knows about it. I get it; it’s not my place or business for that matter. But I don’t think it’s just a friendly dinner for them.

Jared looks down at my dessert and says, “Eat up girl.”

I push it toward him, “You can have some.” I offer. “Thank you for ordering this for me.” He smiles and takes a bite.

“So, what’s next?”
Randa asks. “I mean, where to next?”

I shrug
rubbing my belly, feeling like a stuffed pig. “I might need to take a nap before we do anything else. I’m so full.”

After the bill is paid, we get up and leave, but not before I ask for a handful of those chocolate
Andies. I dump them in my purse to save for later. We walk to the parking lot and settle on a movie.

“Wait, let’s go back inside and ask the hostess to take a picture of us.” I make a face; she just settles her hands on her hips. “We’re
gonna take a group picture, missy. Now quit being so damn difficult.” She can be demanding I still love her though.

“You just
wanna stir the pot. You making a big deal for nothing.”

She grabs me by the arm and steers us all inside. “Your birthday should always be a big deal.” I decide to just go along with her.

Chapter 8

Jackson

             
When I arrive, the party is happenin’. I see players from the team throwin’ the ball around outside. The pool is filled with couples making out…or more. I make my way through the big two-story house. Bodies are swaying to the loud-thumping music, which is loud enough to vibrate through my body, bouncing off the walls. It’s a bit warm and even with my khaki shorts and cut off t-shirt, I still feel like I’m being roasted over a campfire. I’m surprised when I don’t see Daniel.

             
I look around for Nick or Jake. Amber sent me a text at the last minute, saying she couldn’t make it. I didn’t ask for a reason, I just took off in my mustang and headed straight over here to get my drink on.

             
Rich, a fullback, approaches me with beer in his hand. “Hey man, the alcohol is in the fridge and there’s a keg too. Help yourself.”

             
I walk to the fridge and grab a beer, popping the top. “Thanks.” I watch the house fill up with more guys and girls from Davison High School. And probably other schools in the area too.

             
I glance around, looking for someone worth talking to. “Hey, Jackson.” Madison, a junior says from behind me.

             
I turn and nod. “Hey.” I turn back around to the commotion in front of me.

             
“Where’s Amber?” She asks, leaning over the counter.

             
I shrug. “She couldn’t make it. Where’s Steven?”

             
I see her frown. “We broke up.” Madison is cute, no actually hot. She’s tall with nice lean legs, and her top half is not bad either. Her blonde hair with red streaks is long, down to her ass. She never cuts it. She’s a runner, but is dating a player on the team. Or now, was.

             
I smile and take a long gulp of my beer, suddenly needing some air. “Sorry to hear that.” I say to sound like I care.

             
She does a snort-laugh. “Whatever, all football players are douchebags.” She says, and walks off. Alrighty then.

             
She may have a point. While I know I’m one of them, I think that’s stereotypical. Not all of them are that bad. Now for me, I wasn’t always an ass. However, after all the girls flocked to my brother growing up and coming in second place, because let’s face it; he was smart; older, good-looking, got really good grades and took life seriously. I liked playing football, chicks and getting drunk with my friends. But I guess you can only live like that for so long. When high school is the time to focus on a future, and not dick around, more girls liked having Jared as their go-to guy for help or advice or just dating purposes. I was sick of being second. So I just didn’t really care anymore. I got involved with cheerleaders and football, and wanted to play pro ball—more for my father than anything else. I mean, I liked the sport just fine, but part of me wanted to go into Psychology or something.

             
My friendship with Skylar isn’t what it used to be. We used to sneak alcohol in my garage and drink or go to the beach, thirty minutes away from us and spend every day at the park by our house. Or just play in my room. Honestly though, I still miss her. It’s hard to show it. But I can’t help but wish things were the same. She understood me like no one else. Sometimes I wish I could just sweep her up in a hug and tell her I love her. But the fact that my mom walked out on us when we were kids, makes me scared to even consider
love.

             
Believe it or not, she was my first kiss…though it didn’t mean anything. We were five. We saw everyone else doing it, so we tried it. I always hoped we would stay close. But life just sort of makes its own plans. People just grow apart.

             
I shake my head, annoyed with myself. I should be getting drunk.

             
I watch Nick and Jake walk in. “Hey Jackson, you came.” Nick says.

             
I nod to them, raising my beer. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I? Free beer? I’m there.” And I need a lot.

             
“Cool, let’s go toss the ball around for a bit.” I follow them through the crowd of people, grinding one another to one of Usher’s songs.

             
We throw the ball to each other for a while, tackle and do what guys do best. I grab the ball from Jake and run with it, dodging him and pass to Nick. We run and tackle and throw, over and over. Thirty minutes pass and I quit, “I’m gonna another beer.” Or two.

             
Nick asks, still in the game. “Could you get me one too, Jackson?” I nod and walk away. I pull my phone out to see if Amber has bothered to text me.

             
Nothing.

             
It doesn’t bother me that she couldn’t come here, but I can’t help the thought that she’s hiding something. Maybe she just wanted to stay home and watch movies or something. Who knows? I send her a text, asking if she’s okay. I’m suddenly wondering why I care.

             
I check Facebook to see if possibly she put an update as to what she’s doing, not that I get on it that often. But I know she always posts updates for the world to know what she’s doing, as if people really give a shit. Nothing on there either.

             
I stop dead in my tracks when I see a picture of Skylar and my brother, at a restaurant. Though the caption just states that she’s with her “friend”, it looks anything but.

             
And she’s dressed up. Well jeans and a nice shirt. But it’s her hair and she’s wearing makeup. And she just looks…fucking gorgeous. She doesn’t need makeup, though. I’m just glad she doesn’t paste it on, the way other girls do. And I see she’s with Randa and Ian as well.

And that’s when it hits me; it’s her birthday. Well tomorrow, not tonight. But still, it’s her birthday weekend. And I feel like the biggest asshole. I glance at the picture again, studying her posture and how amazing her hair lo
oks curled.

A text makes me almost jump out of my skin.

             
Amber: I hope you’re having fun. See you soon.

             
I don’t reply. I pull out a cigarette and light it, walking away from the craziness going on. Oh yeah, I was supposed to get Nick a beer. Oh well. I smoke under a tree, phone still in hand.

It looks like they’re having fun, all four of them. Feeling a ping of jealousy, I lean back against the tree, rubbing my hands over my face. I’ll admit there were times I thought about calling her, just to talk. She was always a good listener, and I knew she wouldn’t laugh at me for any reason. We shared a lot, not to mention, she knows what it’s like to lose a parent.
In a different way, of course. Her dad was really nice. He always tried to turn bad things into something good. It was shocking when we heard of the accident. You would think something like that would bring us closer, but soon enough, we stopped talking. No, I did. Christ, I’m the worst best friend. I knew she was hurting. In a way, I’m glad she had Jared. Our mom’s abandonment didn’t affect him the way it did me.

             
I take a long drag and look up the starless sky. I have no idea what I want in life; I thought I did. I mean, I do want football and that won’t change. But lately, I wonder if there’s more to life than girls and sports. Okay, I know exactly what I want.
You deserve happiness, you should go after it.

             
I look at the picture again, see their smiling faces and wonder if they’re actually dating. Does she see him like that? Why wouldn’t she, he’s attentive and remembers her birthday. Blah blah blah.

             
I shove my phone into my side pocket and finish my cigarette, putting it out with my heel. I need more beer.

              It’s been a while since I stood on this porch. I’ve gone in and out of it for most of my life though, I’m sure Rose wouldn’t care if I walked in. Instead, I knock and hope she answers. Rose was very motherly toward me growing up. She’d give me advice and wasn’t judgmental; just like her daughter.

             
All of a sudden, the door opens and Rose smiles when she sees me. “Jackson.” I smile at her. “Come in.” She ushers me inside.

             
I sit on the sofa. “Sorry, I hope I’m not bothering you.” I’m not drunk, but I’ve had a few and I’m sure she could smell it on me.

             
She shakes her head and smiles, “Not at all. How are you doing? Have you been drinking?” She’s onto me.

             
“Yeah, I was at a party. Listen, I just remembered it’s Skylar’s birthday tomorrow. I feel like an ass for not thinking of it sooner.” Slouching into the cushions, I glance up at the ceiling. “I’ve been a really bad friend the last few years.” I turn my head to look at Rose. She’s watching me with curiosity. “I don’t know what to do. My girlfriend likes to make Skylar’s life hell and I’m on the verge of tossing her.”

She sits quietly, a pleased expression lights up her eyes. “It sounds to me, like you do care for Skylar. But being that you’ve been through some stuff, it makes it difficult for you to allow yourself to feel emotions.” My head is starting to hurt, but I do my best to take in her theory, even though she’s not telling me something I don’t already know.
I hope I’ll remember this conversation tomorrow. “You should really think about it, Jackson. You two have always been a pair. If you like her, you should act on it. If you don’t, at least be cordial with her. She deserves it.”

             
My leg bounces up and down like a basketball, while I rub my temples. “I agree, and I’m sorry. I’ll consider your idea. I’m just…scared.” She sits with me a while, giving me her best “I know what you’re going through” speech. But I don’t stay too long, in case Skylar comes back. Rose gives me a hug goodbye, it’s comforting. It’s definitely something I’m not used to.

              Amber leaps next to me at my locker Monday morning. “Hey, babe.” I hadn’t heard much from her since that text she sent me at the party.

             
I’m also not in the mood to hear what she has to say. “What’s up?”

“Sorry, I was busy. How was your weekend?” Right, she was busy.

              I shut my locker. “It was fine. What were you doing?”

             
She runs her hand through her hair, nervously. “I just had to help my parents with some stuff. So, can you come over tonight?” She looks hopeful.

             
I hate to squash that hope but I can tell she’s not being honest with me. “I don’t know yet, I might be busy.” I lie. “I’ll let you know.” I leave her and walk off to my class.

             
I work on my assignment for Economics in silence. When the bell rings, I walk down the hall in a daze and almost run into Skylar.

             
I walk past her, but then turn around and grab her by the arm down an empty hall. “Hey,” I let go of her arm. “Happy late birthday.”

             
Her brows go up into her hair and then she leans against the wall. “Thanks. I think.”

             
“I saw the picture Randa posted on facebook. You looked…nice.” I roll my eyes at my own stupidity. Why the fuck am I so nervous? I don’t get nervous. She watches me, amused. “So, are you dating Jared or something?” I stick my hands into my pockets.

             
Now she laughs, like it’s a ridiculous thought. “No, we’re not dating. I think it’s funny you assume that, though. Why are you so interested in what I’m doing now, anyway?” Her posture; arms crossed over her chest, one leg to the side, hip jutted outward, and lips pulled into a pout. I can’t help but find it fucking adorable.

             
I wish I could be honest, and lay my heart out there, right here, right now. But I’d be lying if I said it’s not intimidating. Rose’s words come back to, if I like her, I should tell her. Or I should at least be civil with her. After all, she’s been the only person I could ever count on.

             
I look away, hoping she didn’t notice me staring at her mouth too long. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for how I’ve acted. I’ve been an ass and you haven’t deserved a bit of it. We’ve known each other our whole lives, and there’s no reason we can’t be friends.” It’s not what I really want, but it’s a start.

             
She thinks about it, glancing around us at the students passing by. “What about Amber?”

             
I press my shoulder against the wall, mirroring her stance. “Let me worry about her. But on my end, I won’t treat you like shit anymore.” I look down at my watch, noticing we only have a few minutes left. “It’s time to go to class.”

             
She catches the time on the wall clock and makes a face. “If I’m late again, I’m gonna kill you.”

             
I smirk, “I’ll take the blame.”

We go in opposite directions, but I turn when she calls my name. “You better not have
some ulterior motive to why you’re being nice.”