Torn (Torn Heart) (4 page)

But then I just. Stop
and back away. While I pace around the room like a fucking crazy person, Amber asks. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.
I just need to go home now. I have a ton of homework.” I lie to her, wishing I could just be honest with myself for once. I walk out of her room leaving her flustered.

Amber
begrudgingly drives me home and it’s quiet, but I know she’s upset. “Are you okay?” She finally asks. Fucking Hell, why can’t she leave it alone? So I don’t wanna fuck her tonight; well I did. But my head is starting to get foggy moreso than not these days. I nod in her direction and glance out my window.

She doesn’t let shit go easily. “Jackson, what’s going on? You’re starting to scare me.” 

I grind my teeth before I speak. “I’m fine. I just need sleep. I’m stressing about the season, it’s my last year, and I want it to be the best, sports-wise. And well, just…academically, obviously it’s not gonna happen. So I need to concentrate on football, so I can get out of here.” I hear her sigh but she keeps her eyes on the road. When I get out, I circle around to her side and give her a quick kiss through the open window and watch her leave.

I lie in my bed
that night, staring at the wall trying to replay events from the day and where my emotions are coming from. Surely Amber did nothing wrong. But it seems I can’t stop thinking about Skylar, no matter what I do. And now my brother likes her? Or maybe I’m reading into too much.

There’s a knock at the door and my father steps in. “Son, I need to have a word with you.” He sits down on my bed. What’s with everyone knocking, and then just walking in?

I keep my tone calm. “What’s up dad?”

“Well that’s what I was going to ask you. At dinner, you and your brother seemed a bit off, hostile toward each other.” Is he just now seeing that? We’ve been this way for years now.

“Why don’t you ask him?” I say. “He’s the one with a problem. Since when is it his business who I date? He’s never cared before.” I grab my phone off my end table and send a quick text to Amber.

Hey, I’m going to sleep. But I’m not mad at you, we’
ll talk more tomorrow.
She quickly texts me back.

Okay good, you had me worried there. Get some sleep.
Kisses.

I close my phone and set it next to my bed then turn off the lights and drift off.

The next morning
, I wake up and get dressed. I grab my book bag and scamper off down to the kitchen.

“Hey Jackson.”
Skylar says in her sweet voice.

I freeze and give her
a once-over. “What are you doing here?” I try to act unaffected. God, her hair…something about her hair does weird shit to my senses.

She looks away. “Jared is giving me a ride to school
today; my car is in the shop.”

“Hey bro, need a lift?” Jared asks.
Uh, I have a car, I almost say.

I shake my head
no and grab an apple as I make my way out the door to my car. But not before noticing a certain look in her eyes, uncertain of what’s conveyed. Now’s not the time.

I buckle up and
wonder if I should offer her a ride. It takes me three minutes to think about it, but then I just leave.

Chapter 5

Skylar

I watched Jackson’s retreating back and couldn’t help but feel disappointed. My heart aches and feels hollow, like I’ve been punched in the gut. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that I’d be dismissed so quickly when he’s never indicated any feelings toward me other than annoyance. What have I done to him to make him hate me so much? Maybe he’s not the guy I thought he was.

Jared’s comment shakes me from my thoughts.
“Well that went well.”

I still stare at the door that he passed through moments ago, processing his behavior. “Yeah, swell.” More like ran for his life through.

“Sky, he’s gone. The door is not going to magically open and present your Prince Charming. He’s probably already at school by now.” I nod slowly and swallow the bile threatening to rise from my throat and take a deep breath.

“Am I that obvious?” I ask prying my eyes away from the door to look at Jared. What a stupid question.

“Obvious as a dog in heat.” I let out a small chuckle then grab my book bag and head to the door. “Shall we?” He asks and I have a sudden urge to skip school today and sleep my stupid emotions away.

I grab my stomach and say, “I’m not feeling so well, maybe I should stay home and sleep.”

Jared shakes his head, “Skylar, you’re not staying home. He’s not worth you flunking your senior year. Besides I need to get to work soon so we need to get on with it.” I nod and numbly follow him to his car and get in. Ugh, when did life get so complicated?

The drive to school is quiet and I can tell Jared is lost in his own thoughts. I’m afraid to know what he’s thinking. Maybe my sulking and constant whining over his brother is not helping the awkward tension I feel going on between us. He glances at me for a moment and I can see in his eyes concern.

“Cheer up Sky, there are a million guys who would love to date you. That would actually see you, like really see you. Show my stupid brother what he’s missing.”

“I don’t want to date anyone else. I just—
” Suddenly the car comes to a screeching halt and a very irritated Jared turns to me, nostrils flaring. Yikes! I hesitate and look out the back to make sure no cars are coming and hit us. My breath catches in my throat, nervous.

“God dammit Skyl
ar, can’t you see he’s not worth your tears or sadness? Jackson’s being a selfish asshat and as long as he’s with Amber, it’s not going to change. God, what is it with women always going for the douche bags?” As soon as he sees the hurt on my face, he relaxes. “Sky, I just don’t want you getting hurt. I love you,” I raise a brow and he laughs. “Like a best friend, I love you like my best friend and hate seeing you so upset.”

Guilt shuts me up, and I’m thankful for Jared always sticking up for me and seeing the best in me, even when I don’t always see the good in myself. I guess I have good qualities, I just have to remember just because I’m not who Jackson sees me, I’m still the same girl he’s known our whole life.

He gets back onto the road, “I’m sorry for losing my cool. I just think you deserve the best and Jackson is not the best.” I look out my window. Maybe it’s better to forget about him. Focus on my studies so I can get into a good art school or something. Yeah, I guess that’s ideal. I should do that.

“Hey.”
Randa catches up with me as we step inside the school.

“Hey.” I acknowledge her with a slight nod but my thoughts are elsewhere.

“What’s up? Why did Jared give you a ride to school?”

I watch my feet shuffle along the tile. “Mine is in the shop right now. I should get it back tomorrow.” I really wished Jackson would’ve given me a ride, though. It would’ve made more sense.

“Ah, cool. What’s the plan for the weekend?”

I shrug and don’t respond.

              “Okay, let’s just play it by ear. Not to mention, we need to plan a birthday gathering or something.” I nod in agreement and walk to my class, leaving her behind. Oh yeah, my birthday. Whoopdi-do!

             
I try to concentrate in my English class, but it’s nearly impossible to read the words that are written in our books assigned to us, which doesn’t interest me. My eyes scan the words over and over, but it’s all a blur. I’d rather read my own novel I recently bought at the bookstore.

             
Then I hear a snicker behind me, Amber. Great!

             
I try to ignore her and pay attention to my work but I keep feeling the lead of a pencil in my back, followed by quiet cackling. I take a deep breath, controlling the urge to take her pencil and shove it up her nose.

             
I feel it again, a little deeper. I flinch and move forward, pressing my chest into my desk. It’s very uncomfortable.

             
She whispers. “Hey, art nerd.” My hands clench into fists, my nails biting my palms. “I know you can hear me.”

             
I don’t acknowledge her, but hide my shaking hands. I really hate this bitch. I don’t know what Jackson sees in her; besides the fact that she’s a hot cheerleader, but a real snob. I guess he likes that type. The type that has to make everyone else in the world feel less than her.

             
Whatever.

             
I go back to my business, because frankly, she’s not worth the space in my head.
Just ignore her.

             
But when she pokes me, hard, I spin around in my seat, clenching my jaw, and give her the most evil look I can muster. It surprises her. I guess she didn’t expect little old me to get angry. She leans back a little. “Stop poking me, before I take your pencil and stab you in the eye.” That was harsh, but I had no control of what came out of my mouth at that moment.

Or I just didn’t care.

              She narrows her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. “Is that a threat?”

             
My English teacher looks up from his desk, “Is there a problem Ms. McKenzie?”  I turn back around and mumble a “no” and pretend to read.

             
As soon as the bell rings, I quickly make my escape, not that I’m scared of her. I just don’t want to deal with her hatred and animosity. Or jealousy as Jackson puts it.

             
“Hey.” Randa sidles up beside me. “So are you okay? You left quickly earlier.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.
Just got a lot on my mind.” We stop at my locker and I put my books up so I can get ready for lunch. I’d rather eat in the restroom to avoid everyone. But I’m tugged by the arm of a very energetic Randa.

We get in line and grab a tray. “What
’s for lunch today, hmm?” I look at the choices we have-very limited by my standards-but I grab a piece of pizza, salad and a drink and hand the lunch lady my card. “Ugh, I can’t choose. I want everything.” Randa says. I wrinkle my nose in distaste. I never cared for cafeteria food and only eat it to avoid a lecture from my mother, every day. Otherwise I’d just be buying chips, candy bar and a soda all year long.

             
I mumble, “I’m going to find a table.” Taking my tray and scanning the cafeteria for a secluded place, away from everyone. Of course there is none. My eyes zone in on
him
, across the room, with
her
.

“What are you looking at?”
Randa follows my line of sight and sneers. “They’re such a perfect pair, hot outside, ugly inside. Come on, let’s go.”

Ian finds us when we sit in a corner. My gaze follows
Jackson as he laughs, pulling Amber with him. Jealousy sinks deep into the pit of my stomach. I look down at the floor, wishing they didn’t go to school here.
It’s my last year, and then I’ll be gone, hopefully far from here.

             
Amber says, “Oh hey, it’s the art nerd.” Her voice makes my blood boil, but I ignore her. “Can you draw me flipping you off?”

Chapter 6

Jackson

Amber tells Skylar something and I can tell she’s pissed. Her face is twisted into anger and I grab Amber’s hand to pull her away before shit hits the fan. “Come on, she’s not worth it.” But really, she’s worth a lot more.

“Next time you threaten me in class, you better hope I don’t beat the shit out of you.” I look at Skylar and hope my expression isn’t anything more than apologetic, but she keeps her gaze on Amber.

Randa stands up and gets in Amber’s face, defending her friend. I’m glad someone does.

             
“Well, the next time you decide to acknowledge my existence by poking me in the back with a pencil, I won’t hold back.” Skylar says with more venom than I’ve heard her use. She was never the fighting type, she always kept to herself and stayed out of trouble, but then again, we haven’t been around each other much in a few years. I guess she’s changed. “Just leave Amber, you can take your jealousy crap somewhere else.”

             
I tug on her arm, “Amber, let’s just go before you get into trouble. Or do something stupid.”

             
She whips her head to look at me. “Are you defending her? Really, Jackson?”

             
I drop her hand, instantly annoyed. “I just said not to fight, that’s not defending her Amber.” I say her name with frustration. Why the fuck does she have to start this shit? “Whatever, I’m out.” I turn to walk away, giving Skylar one last look before leaving the lunch room. I crack a small grin before I’m out of the doors, hoping she caught it.

I’m in practice, needing to throw all my anger into it. We tackle one another; I run down the field and hit a touchdown, throwing the ball to the ground, hard. “Whoo!” I shout in victory.

             
Nick bumps fists with me. “Hell yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.” We do a few more runs and I’m exhausted.

             
After practice, we walk to the locker room, Nick on my heels. “Hey, there’s a party this weekend. A bunch of us from the team are going.” I change my shirt before sitting down on the bench, in need of a cigarette.

             
I look up. “Sure, I’m down for getting drunk.”

             
“Cool.” We finish changing and walk out chatting about nonsense, the drama from today forgotten.

             
Amber catches up to me, “Hey babe.” She links her arm in mine. I ignore the voice telling me to shrug her off.

             
“Hey.” I keep my voice neutral.

             
“I’m still waiting for you to apologize for taking the nerd’s side at lunch.” The vein in my neck pops. An apology? Is she fucking serious?

             
I stop dead in my tracks, pulling away from her. “You want an apology from me? You’re kidding, right?”

             
She crinkles her brows, “Well, yeah. I mean-“

             
I narrow my eyes, “Get the fuck out of my face.” She just raises a brow in surprise.

             
“Um, I think I’ll leave this scene. See ya later, Jackson.” I nod to Nick, completely forgetting he was there, but keep my gaze on Amber.

             
She huffs, “Why are you being so rude?”

I start walking off…and then see
her
. I wait until Amber has stormed off, out of sight and then approach Skylar. “Hey.” I shove my hands into my pockets.

She looks around, probably for Amber. “What are you doing talking to me?”

I chuckle lightly, “Relax, Amber’s not around.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “Look, I’m sorry for her behavior. Just try to stay out of her way and I’ll keep her out of yours.”

Her eyes narrow, “You think I’m getting in her way on purpose? Umm, yeah, trust me, there’s nothing I want more than to stay off her radar. But she always seems to find me.”

I run my hand through my hair, knowing she’s right. “Okay, I’ll make sure she knows to stay away from you unless she wants a pissed off guy on her ass.” The right side of my mouth quirks up, and I’m hoping she believes me. I force my legs to walk away from her. “See ya later.” I throw that last bit in, surprising myself. Being this close to her brings back so many memories and good times of our friendship, how comfortable and easy it is to be around her.

I find Amber later and she apologizes
, though with attitude. “Sorry, I just thought you were on her side, and that really hurt.” She sticks out her bottom lip like she always does. I just roll my eyes and say nothing. We walk to my car. I look around and see my brother’s truck parked in the lot.

“Well listen, do me a favor. Stay away from Skylar. You’ll bring nothing but drama, especially with Jared being around her.”

She makes a face. “Does he not have friends his own age?”

“It doesn’t matter; he’s not going to just ditch her.” Not the way I
kind of did. “But whatever, stay away from her. You’re not gonna fuck up this year for me because you love drama so much.” She mumbles something like “whatever” as I throw my bag into the passenger seat. “Nick says there’s a party this weekend? Wanna go?” I’d go with or without her, but I thought I’d ask and be the sweet and thoughtful ‘boyfriend’ she expects me to be. Which I hate that term.

She looks around the lot for a second, “Um, I’ll let you know.” I put on a smile, barely and take off.

Later on,
“Hey son,” my dad enters my room and I look up from my homework. “I’m going out for a bit, be back before dinner.”

I sit up and set my book aside. “Who is she?” He leans against the doorway, crossing his arms.

“Now, how you gonna go assuming I’m seeing someone just because I’m going out?” Because he never goes out. He’s like a hermit, aside from work; he’s always at home.

I shake my head.
“Just curious, dad. If you want to date, I won’t stop you. But don’t hide it either.” Not that I care either way. Okay, that’s not true. He deserves to find someone that won’t run off and leave him just because she found someone better. I hope my mother’s happy with her new family.

No. I don’t.

He steps out into the hall outside my door, “Maybe we can go out for dinner tonight, if you want to join me?”

“No thanks, I’ll cook
something while you’re out.” I send him a genuine a smile. “Have fun.” He leaves the room and I check my phone when it lights up; a text message.

Amber: Hey,
wanna come over for a little bit?

I look at the message, conjuring up a reply or an excuse.

Me: Not tonight, too much homework. And I’m tired. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Amber: Fine, but you’re missing out
.

I toss my phone on my nightstand, not bothering to reply and head outside for a smoke. It’s weird, when I’m not with her, I’m
not
missing her. I don’t care what she’s doing, or if she’s thinking about me. I wish I could say the same thing about Skylar. She fills up my constant thoughts, but I’m too much of a coward to give in to my feelings.

I sit on the porch swing, taking a cigarette out of the pack and lighting it, laying my hands in my lap as I lean forward. I close my eyes as I take a long drag, before letting it out. I can’t shake the feeling, noticing my brother’s absence. He’s probably at Skylar’s house and it bothers me.

I think back to a time when we hung out every day, her long dark hair blowing in the wind when we went to Six Flags, the smile on her face as we went down the tallest rollercoaster. We loved rollercoasters. I still do. I love heights. I love the rush I get when the bottom drops out from underneath me and I feel like I’m flying. I take another drag.

I’m dating Amber, a hot cheerleader, as shallow as that sounds, and I’m going to play pro ball. I should be happy. It’s every guy’s dream, but maybe this isn’t supposed to mine anymore.

I stomp my foot, irritated with myself. The neighborhood is quiet; few cars pass by and even fewer people
loitering the streets.

I smoke another cigarette before returning to my room to study. But my mind is on other things, so I shove my school work aside, leaning back on my bed.

Jared storms into my room, “Hey, where’s dad?” Waking me from a supposed nap I was in. When did I pass out?

“Went out.”
I answer shortly, keeping my eyes closed.

He sniffs the air. “God, you smell like an ash tray.”

“Fuck off.” My words are clipped.

“Whatever, what’s for dinner?” He crosses his arms.

I sit up, glaring at him. “Why don’t you go to the kitchen and make something? You’re a big boy.” Jared and I always were at each other’s throats. It’s not that we hated each other, but I always felt inferior to him. He was smart and always made good grades-serious about his education, having a good future ahead of him. I had…well football. And girls, going for me. Not that I’m complaining, but…well yeah, I guess I am. It was fun the first couple years. But now’s the time to think about the future.

Jared sighs, frustrated. “You know, you’re such a douche. I asked a simple question, you don’t have to attack me.”

I blurt before thinking, “Why are you hanging out with Skylar?” I hope he doesn’t read too much into my curiosity. “I mean, why don’t you hang out with people your age?” He had a lot of friends growing up, where are they now?

He raises a brow, smirking. “Does it bother you that much?” I look away, my jaw clenching, trying desperately to keep my expression neutral. “Look, we’re friends. I like looking out for her. She needs a male figure in her life
, in case you forgot she doesn’t have one anymore. And yes, I do have other friends. But we’ve known her forever, so just because I’m a couple years older, doesn’t mean I’m just going to ditch her. Unlike you.” I look back at him, attempting to say something but I know he’s right and I can’t deny it.

“Well,
I’m trying to focus on my future, and that’s all that matters right now.”

“Look, I don’t
wanna fight with you. But you should really treat Skylar better. She’s worried for you. You’ve changed and it bothers her.” He just doesn’t get it.

I text Amber to let her know I’m coming over.
I need to get out of the house. She’s my escape from reality; God, that sounds so bad.

Amber opens the door and I walk in, “Hey, you look like shit. Are you okay?”

I avoid her question and sit on her couch, suddenly really tired. “Yeah, just sibling rivalry shit.”

She sits beside me, and coos in my ear. “I’
m sorry, baby.” Her hand slips under my shirt, rubbing up my chest. “I’ll make you forget about it.” I flinch, feeling my dick twitch. I catch a whiff of her strawberry scent and a moan slips out.

I lean forward. “Hey, let’s go to your room.” I don’t feel like having her parents catch us
, if they’re even here. She stands up reaching for my hand and pulls me up. I chase her to her room, she’s squealing and laughing. “I’m faster, I’ll catch you.”

She falls back onto her bed and when I quietly close her door, I sexily stroll up to her. My eyes show need and desire. I lean over her, an inch away from her face and smooth her hair over one shoulder. Still looking at her, I kiss her bare skin on arm. Her hands rake over my chest and stomach. My mouth trails kisses
up her arm to her neck. A moan escapes her throat as I trace my tongue along the goosebumps that appear on her skin.

“Jacks.”
She breathes, her eyes closed.

I push away the annoyance and let my male ego take over. “
Shh.” I tell her, lifting the shirt over my head and tossing it to the floor. Her eyes light up, taking in my naked chest. I bend down and kiss her. A part of me loving the smile on her face, loving that I make her feel good when I stick my hand up her tank top and drag my nails across her upper body. She’s got a nice one too. My breaths become ragged as I bend down to kiss her belly, up to her chest. Her hands grab a fistful of my hair, spurring me on. I quickly pull her pants down, followed by her panties.

Shit! I don’t have a condom with me.

“What’s wrong?” She asks, noticing the muscles in my jaw tighten.

I lean back and close my eyes, irritated with myself. “I don’t have a condom.” How did I forget that?

She smiles. “It’s okay, I have one.” I get off of her when she reaches across her bed and takes one from her night table drawer. I take it from her grip, peel the wrapper away and rip my jeans off. There’s nothing but hunger in my eyes now. I need this.
Do you love her?
A voice in the back of my head asks. No, no I don’t love her. I answer back.