Total Control (31 page)

“There you are,” she said
as she ran her fingers through my hair. “Welcome back.”

“I’m sorry. It all caught up with me at once.”

“I knew it would be brutal for you, but I had to show you the ugly. I wasn’t afraid, because I knew you’d still love me.” She had come a long, long way. I was so proud of her. I’d never realized how hard her life must’ve been. She tried so desperately to live normally while the demons were destroying her from the inside.

“
I’m in awe of you.” It was so true, in every way.

She smiled and kissed me. It was slow and passionate. She held my face and
locked her eyes with mine. Her eyes were still the most beautiful I’d ever seen. We ate some lunch before Sean showed up to get me. I didn’t want to leave her, but she was happy to be going back to her room and said she may be able to go to the beach later.

“I’ll see you tomorrow for family visit,” she told us. She hugged me tight and put her face against my chest. “This is the one I want. Will you bring it to me tomorrow?”
she said quietly. “Your shirt.”

“I brought a clean one for you
,” I told her.

“I don’t want a clean one. I want this one, please?”
Of course I couldn’t deny her, so I nodded and it made her very happy.

***

Sean took me on the same ride as he’d taken Gia. It was dark when they’d gone, but it was still the same route. We talked about Gia’s therapy and what she’d gone through. He knew a lot about it, and I appreciated him for letting me ask a thousand questions.

“It’s al
l right, man. It’s all for her, and I know that you make her happy, so I want to help you, help her, if I can.”

“You love her, don’t you?” I knew the answer.

“Yes. I do. Like I told you, we have a connection, but it’s different than the love you and her share. You two have a magnetic thing, you’re drawn to each other in every way.”

“Why didn’t she have
nightmares when you were beside her?” It had been bothering me, and even if he didn’t have the answer, I needed to know what he thought.

“She wasn’t hiding anything from me. She wasn’t trying to make me love her
, and she wasn’t afraid of losing me.” He was so matter of fact.

“I’m gonna stop with the questions, I promise, but I have to talk about something personal that’s really got me.” I felt like I was in therapy.

“I’ll do my best.”

I told him about that first night. The one where Gia and I tried to have sex, but couldn’t. She wanted me to hurt her, and she talked to me the way Lex made her talk to him.

“That had to be tough to hear today,” he said. “It was the first time she was going to have sex since Lex, right?”

“Yes.” I took a deep breath. I couldn’t help but feel like she was thinking of him that night, instead of me.

“Ethan, think about it. She was programmed, robotic, when Lex came after her in bed. He told her to say those things to him. At some point during whatever you two were doing, she very likely went back to what she’d become accustomed to for, who the hell knows how long. If I had to guess, which, of course, is all we can do, I’d say she was having an inner conflict. She wanted to have sex with you, she wanted to prove to herself that she was desired, but she didn’t believe it herself. She was unsure, maybe even had decided she didn’t want to, whatever, something made her pull up her programmed response, and it protected her.” My heart felt uneasy, knowing Gia wasn’t ready that night, even though she was begging me.
Thank God I stopped! Thank God.

“I know you’ve had a bit of experience with women, Ethan, so I hate to have to give you a lesson on female sexual health
.” He chuckled a bit.
Oh, here we go.
I rolled my eyes, but was interested in what he had to say. “When a woman is sufficiently aroused, her vagina actually lengthens and becomes wider, more receptive, and I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you right now.” His face was red and we both chuckled. “The bottom line, Ethan, is that she wasn’t okay with what she was doing, even though she tried to be. The subconscious is very powerful.”
Shit, this kid knows everything.
It was a relief to have someone to talk to, and the fact that he was a therapist, almost, was priceless.

“I’m gonna owe you a fortune. Do you charge by the hour, or the questions?” We laughed.

“Oh, didn’t Gia tell you? I’m a ‘spoiled, rich kid,’ so don’t worry about it.” He shook his head. It must’ve got to him a little when she’d called him that. I chuckled.

Chapter 21

Gia

I took extra time getting ready. I was excited for my Sunday family visit time with Ethan. I showered, shaved, put on a little mascara, dried my hair, and put on my favorite shorts and I
♥ To Rock at the Lock tank. When I walked into the family room, he was waiting right by the door and grabbed me. I laughed as he picked me up and held me so we were face to face.

“You’re absolutely gorgeous, Gia.” He kissed me.

“So are you. Sexy as ever.” I kissed him.

“I brought you some stuff.” He set me down and picked up a bag. I was giddy as I took his hand and pulled him outside. We found as private a spot as we could and sat on the grass. I opened the bag and pulled out his shirt from yesterday. I held it to my nose and closed my eyes.
It was perfect. Ethan just shook his head, smiling. It made me giggle.

He
laid on his side and rested his head on his hand. I reached into the bag and pulled out a manila envelope. I looked at Ethan. He was just smiling, not giving anything away. I opened the envelope and there were all kinds of cards and letters from my family and friends! I was surprised and felt so lucky to have a man who thought of such a gesture. I reached in the bag again and pulled out two pieces of artwork from Carly and Joey. They were covered with their little drawings and words. My heart was full to bursting as tears rolled down my cheeks. I slowly put everything back in the bag and laid beside Ethan.

“Aren’t you going to read them?”
he asked.

“Later. Right now I’m going to enjoy you, and only you.” I ran my fingers through his hair and got lost in his eyes. I saw something in them and asked him to talk to me about it.

He took a deep breath and told me about what had happened last weekend at The Lock with Bridget. I was in shock. I could see the guilt in Ethan, he felt totally responsible. He wasn’t, though, he could no more control what others did to us than I could. Something came over me, calmness, and contentment. I was going back to no money, no home, and no job, but I was okay with it, because I had people who loved me, unconditionally. I looked up at Ethan’s guilty face and smiled. His eyes grew wide and he looked confused. I laughed.

“I’m a strong, independent woman,” I said. “
Some may look at it as going home to nothing, but I’m getting a fresh, new life, and that’s everything.” It was exciting!

Ethan looked shocked. He hugged me so tight I could feel every beat of his heart. I loved that. “There you go again,” he whispered in my ear, “Never ceasing to amaze.” I had goose bumps.

We laid there, in the grass, talking, laughing, flirting, like we were the only two people on earth. As long as I had him, I’d have everything. When it was time for him to go, I had a fleeting moment of panic, but I knew I’d be with him soon, it wasn’t a question anymore.

The week went by quickly. I was working on forgiveness in therapy with Laura, and studying women’s health and relationships in
my classes. I called Ethan every day after I worked out and he helped me with my ‘release’ when I was overly frustrated. He said maybe I was right about being a nympho, since it happened every day, but he could live with it. Sean and I were texting a lot and I talked to my family and Dana and Jo. I never told anyone about my repressed memories and I knew neither Sean nor Ethan would ever repeat what they’d witnessed.

Ethan was there for family visit on Sunday. I told him he shouldn’t waste his money, but he said it wasn’t even an option, if he had a chance to see me, he’d swim to China if he had to. He was so smitten.
Sean came for about an hour, too. We had a good time playing cards, the three of us. I was glad they got along so well with each other, although I felt that Ethan was a tad bit jealous every once in a while, but I understood that. I wouldn’t like to watch him have a close friendship with a beautiful younger woman, it would make me crazy jealous. He did a good job with it, and I appreciated that. Before Ethan left, he picked me up and twirled me around. “The next time I see you, you’ll be a free woman!” He was so excited to get me home. I laughed and the butterflies were wild as I thought of what my life was going to be like.

The last week flew by. A lot of the women who were there when I
came were gone then, but there were other women in their places. Laura surprised me on Wednesday with the news that I could leave on Friday at noon.

“The weekend is primarily private and family time anyway,” she said. “You’ve exceeded all our expectations, Gia, and it’s time for you to fly.” I was ecstatic! I was actually expecting to be there a full thirty days, but she said no, it’s a full four weeks, twenty-eight days to be exact. I tried to change my airline ticket to leave on Friday night, but the best I could do was Saturday noon. I couldn’t wait to tell Ethan. I thought of surprising him, showing up at The Lock Saturday night, all rocked out, and rock his world, but I couldn’t contain myself.
I sucked at keeping secrets all of a sudden. I texted him.

Who’s playing Sat nite?

Warrant & Firehouse. Why???

Do u have a date?
I loved teasing him.

Why???

I luv Cherry Pie.
It was my favorite Warrant song.

My phone rang. I knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it. “Guess who’s getting out early for good behavior?” I answered.

“Gia, don’t tease me…” He tried to sound threatening, but I laughed.

“I thought you liked it when I teased you.”

“
Please tell me you’re being serious.” He didn’t know for sure.

“Baby, I know what I can tease you about, and what I can’t. I wouldn’t do that to you. Can you pick me up at the airport at seven on Saturday night?”

“Holy shit, you’re coming home! Hell, yes, I can pick you up. Then you’re coming back to The Lock, with me?” He was happy and hopeful. I had butterflies.

“Of course. We have some catching up to do. A few days should cover it, and then I’ll need to start packing up my apartment, I suppose.”

“Don’t worry about any of that, just get home safe.” Then it hit him. “A few days of catching up?” I could tell he was smiling. “I better be rested, huh?”

“Uh-huh
,” I warned him.

I texted Sean.
He was excited to spend some time with me before I left. He said he’d pick me up at noon sharp. He asked if I wanted him to get me a room at the hotel, or if I felt okay to stay at his place. I thought about how it might make Ethan feel if I stayed at Sean’s. Sean was reading my mind.

“
Do you think you’ll lose control and take advantage of me or something?”

I laughed. “I was just thinking the same about you.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I’ve got mad self-control skills. I’ve slept in the same bed with you, all night, twice, and was a perfect gentleman, remember?” He was such a shit.

“Yeah, I remember. I’ll stay at your place. You’d probably insist on staying with me if I stayed at the hotel
, anyway.”

“Yeah, probably.”

***

Sean was right on
time. He put my things in the car and told me to take a minute before I got in. I didn’t know what he meant, but as I looked over at the women taking their smoke break on the grass, I got it. I thought about that first morning when Dana and Jo dropped me off, and each morning after that. Some were good, and some were not so good, but they were all necessary to get me where I was then. Those women were fighting their own battles, and I prayed that they would soon be standing where I was, feeling the way I was. I smiled and hopped in the ‘Vette.

Sean looked at me and I nodded. He put it in gear and I never looked back. We went to the hotel and had our burger, fries
, and milkshake lunch. I ate about half as much as I had the last time, remembering how full I was afterwards. Plus, I’d been eating healthy and working out hard for the last four weeks and I was in the best shape I’d ever been in.

“Your body’s like a brick shithouse,” Sean said. “You must’ve been serious about all the working
out you were doing.”