Touch Me There (40 page)

Ben wa balls are a different type of climax bead, meant more for vagi- nal play. These solid-metal balls can be used in much the same way as anal climax beads.

Skin Stimulants

Human skin craves touch and sensation, and many objects can be used to create different tactile sensations in order to satisfy that desire. A feather (for example, a foot-long ostrich feather) can tickle the skin, teasing areas from the armpits to the treasure trail. Body paints provide slippery sliding action, and partners can draw hearts, write sweet nothings, and sketch erotica onto each other’s bodies. These paints come in flavors like cherry, mint, chocolate, and blueberry, so lovers can lick their masterpieces off of each other at any time during the experience.

Tassels, floggers, and whips provide unique sensations. These toys can be slapped against a person’s buttocks, back, or foot—pretty much any- where the recipient can handle it. Be sure to check in with your partner about how hard or soft they want to be stimulated. Remember, the larger the surface area of skin, the less damage (skin breakage) that can poten- tially occur. Materials like cowhide or rubber are harsher than horsehair or silk. Toys that employ a solid knot to keep the tail together are safer to use than those that are not bound.

The Kegelcisor

A vaginal barbell, the surgical-steel Kegelcisor is designed as a resistive de- vice for practicing pelvic-floor exercises. It has three spheres of varying di- ameters; a user builds muscle tone by squeezing her PC muscle around in- creasingly smaller spheres. Depending on its weight and size, this device can provide G-spot pressure. A woman simply hooks it over her pubic bone and jiggles it against the G-spot area.

Genital Rings

Also known as a cock ring, a genital ring is a metal or latex object that fits over the base of the penis or around the entire penis and scrotum (note:

never use any homemade imitations, which can cause damage). Available in Velcro models or with leather snaps, the device supposedly stimulates the penis by partially “trapping” penile blood flow during arousal. For this reason, it is known to help maintain erection.

Artificial Vaginas/Mouths/Erection Sleeves

Artificial vaginas, also described as mouths or erection sleeves, are cylin- ders of soft rubber or plastic often designed to resemble vaginal or oral lips. A user can slide his penis between the lips into an internal pocket to simulate the feeling of intercourse, especially for the head of the penis. Vi- brating models provide even more sensation.

Dildos

Made of rubber, silicone, or latex, a dildo is an artificial erect penis that can be inserted into the vagina, mouth, or anus. Dildos come in a variety of sizes, colors, textures, and styles, allowing users to choose the length, thickness, hardness, and texture that’s best for them. Used for male or fe- male G-spot stimulation, the clear, S-shaped crystal wand allows for a firm grip with maximum leverage.

Most often used to simulate penile thrusting, dildos can be worn strapped into a harness by slipping them through a hole (note: They will be about one-half inch shorter once in the harness). Harnesses typically come in two models: those with an adjustable center strap running be- tween the legs and those with a leg strap encircling the thigh. They can be made of vinyl, leather, denim, nylon, or webbing. The two-strapped har- ness with a triangle front is worn like a male’s jockstrap, giving the user a great deal of control, while leaving the vulva and anus accessible for stimu- lation. A vibrating cock ring or pearl can be slipped between the top part- ner’s body and the harness for clitoral or penile stimulation. A strap-on dildo can be used for anal penetration (in both sexes) and vaginal penetra- tion; a man wearing a strap-on can penetrate a female’s vagina and anus at the same time. Double-shafted dildos and harnesses allow for simultane- ous stimulation.

The Aneros

The Aneros is a G-spot (prostate) stimulator for men that offers more fo- cused pressure than a dildo or vibrator. Made of nonporous material, it has small plastic wings and curved handles at the base that press against the prostate from both the inside and the outside, providing instant feed- back when a man contracts his anal sphincters. This means it applies pres- sure to the prostate during PC exercises.

Communicating with Your Partner about Sex Toys

In responding to my first book,
The Hot Guide to Safer Sex,
young adults al- most always mentioned how empowering the sex toy chapter was for them—both how much fun it had been to read with their lover and how it had inspired them to visit sex-toy shops together. They reported it made it seem okay to use sex toys, opening readers up to a whole new world of safer sex play and satisfaction.

Learning about and shopping for sex toys together can be a true bonding experience for a couple. After all, you’re doing something to en- hance your sex life, so the benefits are mutual! Introducing the experience as such will make your mission easier. You can say, “I love our sex life, but do you feel like going on a little adventure? I’ve heard the is out of this world.”

If you already own sex toys, try to give your lover a heads-up before whipping one out, and preferably wait till after you’ve learned about your lover’s likes and dislikes. I remember hearing about a woman in New York City who was having a great love affair with a man until she suddenly brought out an anal toy during sex. He obliged her, almost afraid not to, but he pretty much never got in touch with her again. One can’t say if it was her, the way she introduced the toy, his cultural background, the toy itself, or issues he might have had with anal play. The point is you’re going to have a much better reaction if you can discuss preferences and desires for experimentation ahead of time rather than springing a toy on your lover during the act itself.

Lastly, if you can, experiment with a new toy on your own ahead of time. That way, you can be ready to explain how to use it, demonstrate how to use it, and tell your lover what you like or dislike about it. Being empowered and educated about a toy will make you sexy and desirable, helping to debunk any concerns a lover might have and making them want to join you on this sexual exploration.

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Feel the Heat: Sexual Positions for Maximum Hot-Spot Action

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early all of the sexual positions described in this chapter can provide hours of heart-pumping fun for people of any sexual orientation.

I’ve tried to be as inclusive as possible, using terms like “bottom partner” and “top partner” or “thrusting partner” and “receiving partner,” so that everybody can see himself or herself engaging in these positions, whether performing vaginal-penile or anal intercourse (though anal intercourse will not be as easily performed in some positions). Also, know that when I use the word “penis,” it is meant to be synonymous with “dildo.” Finally, note that any time I refer to the breasts or nipples, it can apply to both genders.

Sexual Health Considerations

To prevent pregnancy and the spread of STIs during intercourse of any type, try out different condoms—various sizes, brands, and textures—to find out what works best for you and your partner. If you’re allergic to latex or want more heat sensation, polyurethane condoms, like Durex’s Avanti, are an option. Lambskin condoms are also available, though they’re not recommended for STI prevention since they are too porous to block viruses like HIV.

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When it comes to lubrication, even if a condom is lubricated, you will usually need to add more. Spermicidal condoms should be used only if you’re worried about preventing pregnancy. They are not recommended for STI prevention since spermicides like nonoxynol-9 can cause minute abrasions in the vaginal or anal lining, actually increasing the risk of in- fection.

Water-based lubes that cause a warming sensation, like Astroglide Warming Liquid and K-Y Warming UltraGel, can heat things up a tad, though some users find that these lubes do nothing for them. At the other end of the spectrum, some users find these lubes too intense. The active in- gredient, usually honey or menthol, may cause mild burning, which can lead to irritation, thus increasing the chances of infection transmission.

Missionary-Style Positions

There are many variations on the classic missionary position that can pro- vide different kinds of hot-spot stimulation, depending on what you’re after. Practically all of them allow for the thrusting partner to stimulate and caress other parts of the receiver’s body and to easily control thrust- ing. Both partners can also usually look at each other, gaze into each other’s eyes, kiss, and communicate their wanton desires. In addition, the bottom partner’s Crooked Bone and Transverse Bone points (see Figure

2.1 on page 29), as well as the Inner Thigh points on both partners (see Figure 7.1 on page 97), can be stimulated in this position, releasing even more sexual energy. The top partner can hold the bottom partner’s Rush- ing Door and Mansion Cottage points (see Figure 5.2 on page 73), in- creasing genital sensations. The bottom partner can press into the Womb and Vitals, Sea of Vitality, or sacral points (see Figures 2.1, 10.2, and 10.3 on pages 29, 142, and 143, respectively) on the top partner’s back and buttocks. This will bring the pelvises closer, providing stronger stimula- tion and greater pleasure during missionary-position sex.

Contrary to popular belief, many women can experience orgasm from the missionary position. For some, this occurs because the thrusting of the penis during intercourse indirectly stimulates the clitoris by moving the vagina’s inner lips, in turn causing the clitoral hood to rub back and forth across the clitoral glans. For other women, clitoral stimulation

before thrusting has left their knob throbbing with sensations that are heightened even further with missionary-style sex. Still other women need continued stimulation of their clitoris for orgasm during missionary, which some skillful lovers are able to provide by slipping a hand or vibra- tor between her legs while thrusting into the vagina and balancing on one arm.