Toxic Secrets (26 page)

“Don’t be mean, Jax. You said I was welcomed to join you anytime I liked.” Her voice grew louder as she bent down closer to me. “Don’t you remember?” Her acrylic nails scraped along my scalp as she twirled my hair in between her fingers. 
One of these day’s I’m gonna buzz-cut the shit.

Right when I was about to tell her those days were long over, I made the mistake of lifting my head to look at her. Greeting me was red patent-leather stilettoes snuggled comfortably around freshly manicured toes. Her slim, light brown legs, that I’d had wrapped around me more times than I’d like to admit, were bent in a squatting position. She’d left her legs open just enough to let me know she was not wearing any panties. I looked away as soon as I saw her bald pussy. “Why bother wearing a skirt if you’re gonna show that shit?” I slipped underwater, not in the mood to hear her excuses and swam over to the opposite side of the pool, hoping she would take my rudeness as a cue to leave.

Before I emerged out of the water, I could see her blurry form hovering by the edge, waiting for me to come up for air. I needed a distraction. I wanted a distraction, but Valeria was not the distraction I was looking for.

I allowed for only my head to bob out of the water, not giving her the satisfaction of ogling over my body. “What? What the hell do you want, Val?” My tone was harsh.

She dropped my towel she’d been holding onto the ground. “Why are you always so fucking mean to me? I treat you like a fucking king, and all you ever do is treat me like shit.” Her chin quivered slightly, holding back a cry.

Guilt washed over me. She was right though, I’d used her and abused her. And, no matter how severe or small the circumstance was, she always stood by my side. She’d always been there for me when I needed that comfort. Besides Troy, she was the only other person I trusted. Well, almost. There were some things she didn’t know or need to know—Courtney. She wasn’t just my friend, though; she was also my fuck buddy, a fuck buddy that was in love with me. No matter how many times I told her that I didn’t carry the same feelings, she still remained loyal to me.

I hoisted myself up out of the pool from the deep end. My arms felt a little like wet noodles after swimming for over an hour. Picking up the towel that Valeria had dropped, I soaked up the water droplets that clung to my chilled skin. “Look, Val, I’m not trying to be mean, but you can’t come over here dressed like that, purposely enticing me with your tits and ass hanging out.” I couldn’t figure out if her top was a bra or a bikini top, whatever it was, it definitely was barely there.

“So, you still think I’m sweet and juicy like a peach?” she asked softly, giving me a child-like innocent look. So much for the guilt I’d just felt.

“For fuck sake stop it! Just fuckin’ stop it!” I yelled, throwing my towel down onto the chaise lounge. “It’s not happening, so just leave. Go home, go to work, go somewhere, just not here.” Walking toward the pool house, I ignored her presence, hoping she would give up and walk away.

“Who is she?” Valeria asked, stopping me dead in my tracks. I kept my back to her. “Since you’ve been back from North Carolina you’ve been giving me the cold shoulder.” Her heels clicked loudly against the concrete as she walked closer to me.

I turned to face her. “As usual, it’s always about you,” I said shaking my head. “I have a lot on my plate right now, Val. I don’t have time to babysit your ass. Just because I’m not paying special attention to you doesn’t mean I’ve met someone.” Val reached up to swipe her eyes underneath her sunglasses. I knew then she was crying.

“Fuck!” I screamed.
Manipulative bitch.

She played me like a fiddle, and I let her every damn time. It was the same vicious cycle. I couldn’t win for losing.

No longer was I able to watch her cry. Her pain hurt me as well. I knew her tears were real because I knew her true feelings for me. Reaching for her, I grabbed her shoulder to pull her to me in a tight embrace. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, “But you can’t keep torturing yourself. We will never be, Val. You’re a great friend, and you’ve always been there for me, but you’ve got to move past the idea of us having a happily ever after.” Pulling back from our embrace, my hands settled on her shoulders. I stared into her brown eyes with tears still puddled around the bottom edge. “I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” I said with much sympathy. “I know it hurts you to hear that, but I can’t pretend to feel something I don’t. It’s not fair to either of us.”

Valeria nodded, indicating she understood. This wasn’t the first time we had had this conversation, though.

Needing to prepare myself for a busy night, I made my way to the bar. It was St. Patrick’s Day, and we had a band performing that used to be locals around the area before moving away to Seattle, Washington. After giving Val some reassurance, I told her she could have the night off. I figured it was the least I could do after breaking her heart for the millionth time. The girl was glutton for punishment. No matter how cruel I was to her, she always came back for more. Our little escapades probably didn’t help matters either. Unbeknownst to her, those would never happen again.

Troy was probably going to chew my ass out for short-staffing him, but I knew I could convince him that I’d pick up her slack.
Looks like I better put on my show-stopping smile, I had some ladies to charm tonight.

As I pulled my old seventy-two pick-up truck into the parking lot of my bar, my phone chimed.
Reed, huh? Now that was someone I hadn’t talked to in a while.
Maybe I could finally get a few answers. Before I took the call, I parked my truck in my personal spot.

“What up, cuz? It’s about damn time you returned my calls. I was beginning to think you decided to decline my offer.”

“Never, man. I would be a fool to give up an opportunity like what you’re giving me.”

“Where the hell have you been? Actually, where the hell have all of you been?”

“Sorry, dude. I’ve been so busy with school. I’m trying to cram everything in so I can finish up before graduation. I’ve also been working my ass off so I can get ahead on my bills before I fly out in April.”

“I told you the job is yours whether you have that degree or not. I also told you I would give you advancement if you needed it, and your trip out here is on me, so what excuse you got for me now?”

“I know, I know, I just don’t like depending on people. I like taking care of my own shit myself, ya know?”

In order to find out what had been going on with Courtney, I needed to maneuver my way around the conversation

“I understand where you’re coming from. So, is Kendra still coming out with you?”

“I’m not sure. Things have been a little rocky between her and Courtney lately. She knew I would be busy with you and spending my time in training. Now that Courtney isn’t coming, she’s been indecisive about whether she wants to come or not.”

Damn.
Not exactly the news I was hoping to hear.

“So Court’s not coming? What’s happened?”

“Dude, ever since that damn accident she was in with Phillip, she’s been up his ass catering to his every need. I’m not sure what’s going on there. Kendra’s pissed about it. She threatened Courtney of ending their friendship if Courtney continues to pursue Phillip. All I know is what Kendra tells me. I’ve been trying to stay out of it as much as possible. You know that damn girl drama.”

“Fuck!”

My frustration was meant to stay in my head and never fall out of my mouth for Reed to hear.

“I’m sorry, cuz. I know you two sort of had a little thing going on, but, when it comes to that prick, he has a way of manipulating her every time. From what Kendra tells me, she’s so eaten up with guilt that she blames herself for the accident and his broken leg. The little fucktard’s basketball career is ruined. I personally think it’s pretty damn funny. Serves him right.”

All of a sudden I had a sick feeling in my gut that I had not felt in a long time. It was so disheartening to hear she had flown right back to him as soon as I left.
Was she really that type of girl?
I had never seen that side of her in the short time I spent with her. Or was it just because of the accident that she’d cut me out of her life? Things were so good between us when I was there, and, even after I left, she still seemed into me. I could clearly see Heather coming out of her though, and taking all the blame even if it wasn’t strictly her fault.

Reed interrupted my train of thought.

“Helllooo, Jaxon.  Are you still there?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m still here. Sorry, I was slightly distracted. Well, if Kendra or Courtney either one decides to make that trip with you, just let me know.”

“I will. I’ve been staying on Kendra’s back about coming with me, but, I’m telling you, she’s pretty adamant about not going unless Courtney goes. Besides, aside from Courtney being stuck up Phillip’s ass, I don’t know if she would come anyway because her mom recently lost her job and they’ve been struggling to pay their bills”

“What the hell?”

“Dude, there’s been so much crazy shit that’s gone on since you’ve left, I can’t wait to get out to Cali for some normalcy and hopefully a whole lot of relaxation.”

Reed continued to fill me in on all the details he was aware of. I was happy to hear from him, but not so happy with the news he left me.

After we hung up, I decided to make one last ditch effort to contact Courtney.

Chapter 24 ~ Falling In, Falling Out

It was exactly seven weeks to the day since the accident. We had just finished one of many physical therapy sessions and were now on our way back to Phillip’s house.

My phone rang, indicting a call from my mother.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, sweet daughter of mine,” my mother exclaimed. “You have no idea how perfect you have made my day. I can’t believe you were keeping this a secret from me. Why would you let me stress for so long without telling me? I haven’t slept a wink—”

She was acting like a crazy loon, so I cut her off from her hysterical rambling. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up a minute. What the heck are you talking about, mom? What are you thanking me for?” I asked, confused. Phillip leaned over the console, stretching his neck so he could eavesdrop.
Nosey fool.

Switching my phone over to my left ear, I scooted a little closer against the driver’s door so I could keep my phone conversation private.

“I drove over to the power company today to see if they would let me pay at least half of our bill before they decide to turn our power off. Well, to my surprise, they told me my bill was already paid in full, and I have a five hundred dollar credit.” Her voice hiked up to a level I was pretty sure only a dog could hear. “How did you do it? Wait, please don’t tell me you had someone to help you take out a loan or you borrowed from Kendra’s parents, or, worse, fell for one of those advance cash gimmicks?”

Glancing over at Phillip, I saw he was giving me a hard glare. I knew he wasn’t happy that I wasn’t allowing him to listen in on my phone call, but those days were over.

“Mom,” I deadpanned.

She began to ramble again, ignoring me and talking about how naïve I was, and that I would only throw us further into debt.

“Mom!” I yelled, cutting her off again. “Would you please stop for a moment and just listen to me? I haven’t done anything. I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” I didn’t want to prolong the conversation with her, knowing Phillip’s impatience was increasing by the second.

“So you really don’t know anything about this?”
 
Her happiness drifted from her voice.

“Sorry, mom, I don’t.”

“Shit!” She huffed into the phone, nearly rupturing my ear drum.

She almost made me giggle. Mom rarely cursed, but, when she did, I always found it funny. From the change in her manner, though, I didn’t think she would appreciate my wit at this moment. “What if… surely it couldn’t be…” she drifted off, not finishing her thoughts.

“What if what, mom? Who are you thinking it might be?”

“Have you contacted your father?” she queried, her tone sounding accusatory.

Where the hell did that come from?
I hadn’t spoken to that piece of shit known as my father since he called me for my thirteenth birthday, and all I told him then was to stay out of my life.

“Heck, no!” I shouted. “You know I would never contact that a— butthole.” Luckily, I caught my tongue before my mom’s rage flew off the scale.

“Watch your tone, missy. Have you told anyone else about our financial problems, Court? I’m not going to be known around town as a thief
and
a charity case.” Her tone was firm, outlined with anger.

Mom had always been too proud to depend on anyone for assistance. Even during the toughest of times, she refused to ever rely on government assistance or help from anyone else. I guess she had too much pride, and, for that, I envied her.

“I’ve only told Kendra.” I honestly replied. Gosh, I so didn’t want to talk about this any further in front of Phillip. Hearing a one-sided conversation was only going to raise questions later, especially after I just admitted that I’d told Kendra something that I hadn’t shared with him. There was no denying we had become very close since the accident, but I still had my limits on how much knowledge of my personal life he needed to know.