Toxic Secrets (36 page)

He chuckled slightly and his breath on my neck brought goose bumps. “That’s what happens when you steal vodka from me and drink the entire bottle by yourself within a few hours.”

“It wasn’t stolen, and I didn’t drink the
entire
bottle,” I answered defensively. “Kendra paid you for it.”

He yawned. “Still, what the hell were you two thinking?”

“I obviously wasn’t. I was letting her make all the decisions for me.”

He mumbled, “I’ll say.”

His thumb formed circles on my bare shoulder. His thick, black eyelashes brushed against his cheek a couple of times before he looked up at me. “Court, do you remember last night?” I nodded. “I mean do you remember everything?” he asked. Oh gosh, this was the moment where he was going to tell me we had sex, and I was gonna have to admit to not being present. “I think so.”

He propped up on one elbow, looking down at me as he cleared his throat. “I had a hard time going to sleep last night. I couldn’t stop thinking about me and you and what our future holds for us. I’m a difficult person, Courtney. I’m dark inside. My heart is black, and my soul is empty. I’m telling you this because I’m falling for you. Hard. When I got upset last night, it wasn’t because of you, it was because of me.” His eyes made a bee-line to the pictures of his grandmother and mother sitting above his fireplace. “I’ve gotten myself into a lot of trouble in the past. I have a record.” He looked away from the women he loved, and his baby blues found their way back to me. “Last night when you got up on that stage in a drunken stupor, I was fearful of what could happen to us. All it would take was one person with a grudge to turn me in for serving alcohol to a minor, and they would’ve thrown my ass in jail. If I couldn’t see you or talk to you anymore…” he shook his head, as if he didn’t want to think about the consequences, “I don’t know what I would do. You’re good for me, Court, I feel so alive with you.”

I felt like a fool. I could’ve easily ruined his life and, instead of him worrying about that, he was worrying about what could happen to us.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“I know you didn’t know, and I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. But, like I’ve said before, I have a lot of baggage, Courtney, which you don’t need to be burdened with. The troubles of my past only bring me down, so, when I can, I prefer to leave it all where it is.” He tucked my hair behind my ear, his eyes still boring into mine. “If you can’t handle this, I’ll understand. It wasn’t fair of me to bring you in without warning you first, and I’m sorry for that.” His eyes were begging me not to leave.

“Jaxon, in my eyes, your good outweighs your bad. Plus we started off as friend’s right? Well, friends stick by each other no matter what, so I’m not going anywhere. You’re kind of stuck with me for a while. I don’t leave so easily, just ask Kendra,” I smiled.

He lowered his head kissing me softly, murmuring the words on my lips. “Thank you.”

Quickly changing the subject, he laid his hand over my bare stomach. “How’s the tummy this morning? You really blew some chunks last night.” So that was why my throat hurt so much. I didn’t even remember it. After Jaxon carried me to his Jeep, I must’ve passed out because I had no recollection of what happened after that, except… except I vaguely remembered him talking to a girl down on the beach. Actually I think they might have been arguing. It seemed like I remembered Jaxon’s arms flailing in the air. Hell, I don’t know, maybe I dreamt it.

“I don’t know. My head hurts too badly for me to focus on anything else.”

He planted a chaste kiss on my forehead and rolled out of bed. “Just chill here for a little bit, and I’ll get you something to remedy your hangover.” He walked into his entertainment room and came back out carrying two bottles of water.

“Water? That’s my cure?”

He unscrewed the cap and handed it to me. “Yes. You’re severely dehydrated, that’s why your head is pounding. I tried giving you water last night, but, every time you chugged some down, it came right back up.” He crawled back into bed and curled up against me. 
Mmm, he felt good. Soothing.

“Oh shit!” he exclaimed, jumping out of bed just as quickly as he crawled in. “It’s ten o’clock, and your flight leaves in two and a half hours.” I sprang out of the bed, instantly feeling queasy along with a hot knife stabbing me in my head. The pain was excruciating. I needed Excedrin, and I needed it quick.

The four of us made it to LAX in record timing, according to Jaxon. On the way to the airport, I drank a little ginger ale and nibbled on toast. My headache eased up, but the sick feeling still lingered around. This time, though, it wasn’t because of alcohol. My heart pounded erratically, and I couldn’t catch my breath—I was grieving. I was grieving because, after spending a week with this beautiful man who thought he had a black soul, I had grown attached. We were now linked together. I had wrapped around him like a weed on a vine, and now my roots were getting cut, setting me free. I didn’t want to be free. Not without Jaxon.

Jaxon pulled his Jeep up to the curb and helped us with our luggage. He made his rounds of hugs and goodbyes, saving me for last. Reed and Kendra both looked at me with sad eyes, then walked inside to give us privacy. My eyes brimmed with tears as his thick arms wrapped around my waist hugging me tight. He lifted his hands, carving them around my face. “Shh, it’s not goodbye, Princess,” he said, with his lips brushing up against mine. “I’ll be out to visit in a month. I’ll talk to you every day. We can Skype, so we can see each other. Whatever you want to do, I’ll do it.”

He brushed an escaping tear from my cheek. “I want you to come with me.”

“Baby, I wish I could, but I have things here I need to catch up on.”

Understanding, I nodded. I was asking for the moon and stars.

“I’m going to miss you like crazy.” I stretched up to my tiptoes and slung my arms around his neck squeezing him hard and inhaling his sweet mint one last time.

“Are you sniffing me?”
He asked me as if he never did it.

“Yes, I’m making a memory.”

Jaxon laughed at me before gently kissing my lips one more time.

Throughout this time I’d spent with Jaxon, I’d learned so much about who he was. I’d also learned there was so much more about him that he kept concealed. He could freely express himself physically, but he battled exposing his true identity. Aside from learning that his favorite food was sushi, his favorite animal was a dog, and his favorite thing to do to release tension, besides sex, or least that’s what he told me, was swimming laps in his pool, I wanted to know who the real Jaxon Vaughn was. I wanted to climb into his body and pull out the person I felt he was hiding from me.

Since I wasn’t in any mood to make small talk, I didn’t speak to Reed or Kendra. They left me alone and gave me my space. I wasn’t even nervous or excited about flying back home. All I could think about was Jaxon.

We boarded the plane, and I let Reed have my seat. I wanted to be alone. As I sat there pondering over the past week, it occurred to me how I never saw Troy again except from a distance at our going away party. Then, the girl I thought I saw Jaxon arguing with on the beach slipped back into my mind.
What else was he hiding from me?

Chapter 29 ~ Jaxon

My Jeep sat idling at the drop-off section in front of the airport. I had no consideration for other people’s loved ones saying their goodbyes. I was too wrapped up in myself. A girl was trying to invade my heart. I ignored the horns blowing as I walked into the airport. Standing at the entrance, I watched Courtney like a stalker until she passed through security and disappeared out of my sight. I wanted a cigarette so bad. Grabbing my little Altoid tin from my pocket, I tossed a handful of the little mints into my mouth.

What the hell had I gotten myself into?
I was in too deep now to end things with her. She’d grown too attached. Or was I the one that had grown attached? She was tearing up at the airport. I mean, fucking literally on the verge of crying because she didn’t want to leave me.
Damn.

How could this little girl, whom I met less than six months ago, dance on my emotions with so much force? I was so twisted inside. Was it my brain or my heart that was deranged? I couldn’t decipher whether or not the feelings I’d developed for her were new ones, sincere ones for her, or if they were the old one’s resurfacing.
God, I was so fucked up.

Walking out of the airport, I received several snide remarks and evil stares as I jumped back into my Jeep and drove off.

Before going to Zack and Joey’s, I made a detour to the cemetery. I had to speak to Heather. I had to let her know I wasn’t going to fail her this time. Stopping at the fresh market, I bought an arrangement of flowers for her headstone.

I despised cemeteries. The most important women to enter into my life resided in them.

It had been a year since I’d visited. Creeping up to the obscure slab of granite, I squatted down in front of her headstone to adjust the flowers so that they wouldn’t blow away in the breeze. I traced my fingers over her name—Heather Grace Morrison. Her name formed on my lips as I moved over each letter. “I miss you, Princess,” I whispered.

My thoughts flipped back and forth to Courtney and Heather. Heather was just like Courtney when we met—full of life, willing to tackle new adventures, pure, sweeter than icing on a cake, but more directly, she fell for me, fast and hard. She was everything I wanted. She was my future bride. She was my life… until I took it from her… until I stopped her heart from beating. She then nearly became my death.

“Why? Why did you have to leave me, Heather?” I yelled out to the heavens above.

I didn’t notice the tear escaping my eye until the wind blew it across my cheek.
God, it hurt.
The pain still felt as fresh as the day my soul turned black. My heart constricted as each memory flashed back to me—the phone call, her limp hand dangling off the gurney, her pale, cold, but still beautiful face in the casket. I choked back the lump of guilt forming in my throat. No matter how hard I tried to move on, to wipe her from my mind, she still came back to haunt me… to remind me of the pain I caused her. Now she had found a way to seek revenge. Life was so cruel.

Courtney was my punishment. I’d take my punishment with a firm punch. I’d take a hundred punches—I’d take them to the heart. After all, I deserved it.

I’d prove her wrong this time. I wouldn’t ruin her. I wouldn’t poison her body. I was a different person now. I was a better person now.
Everybody deserved a second chance, right?

I knew I needed to stay away, but I couldn’t. This was my last opportunity to right a wrong. I’d rectified all the rest of my fuck-ups, this was my one shot to correct my biggest one.

“Princess, I know you hear me. I know you hear my inner thoughts. Please forgive me. I beg for your mercy. Give me this last chance.” I brushed away the dead grass clippings then kissed the picture of her engraved into the smooth granite. “I love you, Princess. I’ll love you till the day I die.” I promised before walking down the path back to my Jeep.

Troy and I hadn’t spoken since that day he first met Courtney. I was too pissed off at him, plus I was afraid he would expose the most important thing I’d been hiding.

Walking into the bar, I headed right to my office. I still wasn’t ready to face Troy. I was afraid of punching him dead in the face.

“So, has the doppelganger gone home?” Troy asked, standing in the doorway to my office. I didn’t even hear him open the door.

 “Don’t fuck with me, Troy I’m still fucking pissed at you. Do you know how damn difficult you made this week for me?” Troy didn’t say a word he just stood there and watched me. “She knew! She fuckin’ knew you had an issue with her. She asked me about it, and I had to lie to her.” Red crept into my vision.

Troy laughed, but it wasn’t one filled with joy. “Now you just wait a fucking minute,” he growled, pointing a finger at me. “I didn’t make you lie about anything. You’ve done a fine job of that since the day you met her. All I did was try to talk some fucking sense into your stubborn-ass,” he shot back at me.