Tracie Peterson (47 page)

Chapter 42

Harry pulled his pickup into the left-hand lane in order to pass a carload of old ladies who appeared to be out for an evening drive. They seemed in no hurry and certainly weren’t about to go the allowed seventy miles per hour on the interstate.

Harry glanced at his watch. Seven o’clock. What kind of madness had taken him? He was nearly to Topeka and he still couldn’t explain his driven need to talk to Connie.

Maybe it was because Mattie had commented three times on how she’d tried unsuccessfully to get ahold of Connie. Or maybe it was because everyone at Mattie’s had been making big preparations for the Fourth of July and wanted Connie to be a part of the plans. Whatever the reason, Harry had finished his chores, eaten an early dinner at his favorite restaurant in Council Grove, then instead of heading the pickup back to the farm, had turned onto Highway 177 to make his way up to Interstate 70 and then to Topeka.

To say he had thought a lot about Connie since Dave’s funeral would be the understatement of the year. His mind had been on little else. How could it be that he had managed to lose his heart to this wild card of a woman?

Connie was everything he had chosen to avoid in life. She did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, without regard to the rules. Anyone’s rules. She was a constant source of concern for Mattie with her mountain climbing, sky diving, bungee jumping, or whatever else she wanted to try. And the knowledge that she had taken several lovers by her own admission deeply tore at Harry’s heart.

She wasn’t anything like the type of woman he ideally would have chosen for himself. Yet somehow, some way, Connie had worked her way into his heart and now Harry was hard-pressed to know what to do about it.

I didn’t figure it this way, Lord
, he prayed.
I thought I knew exactly how things were going to be, and yet here I am with the wheelbarrow upset and my life dumped out around me
. He shook his head. It just didn’t make sense.

Heading off the Gage Street exit, Harry made his way through town, retracing the streets he’d taken when he’d come with Mattie to pick up Connie after Dave’s death. He didn’t have any trouble navigating his way. As Connie’s apartment complex came into sight, Harry thought for a split second about turning back around and heading toward the highway.
Am I doing the right thing?

As he headed into the apartment complex, Harry literally felt his heartbeat pick up the pace. It had to be the right thing. Finally he stood at her door, knocking, and the worries he felt no longer mattered.

To his relief, Connie opened the door immediately. Harry let his gaze travel over her to take in the entire picture before settling on her face. She had dyed her hair back to its natural color and Harry liked the way it had grown out just a bit to frame her face. Her eyes were wide with surprise and her mouth had fallen open in obvious shock, but to Harry, she was radiant and beautiful.

“Hi,” he said, feeling rather sheepish about the whole affair.

“Hello.” She glanced down at herself and shrugged. “I wasn’t expecting company.”

Harry presumed she was apologizing for the cutoffs and University of Kansas T-shirt. “No problem,” he said softly. “I wasn’t expecting to be company tonight. It just sort of happened.”

She nodded. “Come on in.” She led the way into the kitchen, then motioned for him to take a seat at the table. “Would you like some coffee? I just made a fresh pot.”

“Sure,” Harry said, pulling off his cap and tossing it atop the table. “Coffee sounds good. I’ll need it to keep me awake for the trip back.”

He watched her fuss around the tiny but orderly kitchen, taking down blue glass mugs and filling them to the brim with the steaming liquid. She placed a mug in front of Harry, then went back to retrieve her own, as well as a couple of napkins. She reminded him in many ways of Mattie.

“There’s sugar and creamer on the table if you want them.”

“Black’s fine.” Harry lifted the mug to his lips as if to prove his point. The coffee was strong. Almost too strong. But he liked the nutty flavor and presumed it must have been one of those fancy gourmet coffees that he always saw in the store but never bought. “It’s good.”

“Glad you like it. I made it kind of strong,” she admitted. “But I figured on being up late tonight. I have a lot to do.”

“And then I came along and interrupted. I’m sorry,” Harry said, uncertain as to what he should do next.

Connie shook her head. “That’s okay. I’ll get to everything.”

She seemed a bit uncomfortable, so Harry asked her how school was going. “Aren’t you teaching summer school?”

“No, I helped with some weight lifting classes earlier, and then I was supposed to help with the girls’ softball, but my principal relieved me of the responsibility.”

“How come?” He tried to keep the feel of the conversation light, but Connie remained tense.

“I guess I was just too depressed about Dave and it showed enough to make a difference in my work. But enough about me. How’s the farm? How’s Grammy and my sisters? I guess everyone is down there but me.”

“That’s true. Mattie is still hoping you’ll come down for the Fourth of July. We’re planning quite a celebration. I’m in charge of fireworks and everyone else is doing food and anything else we need. Are you coming?”

Connie lowered her gaze to her coffee. “I’d like to. I’m going to try. But . . . well . . .”

Harry put down his mug. “Connie, I know there’s something bothering you. Something more than Dave. At least that’s what I
suspect.”

She snapped up, fixing her gaze on him with determination. “I’m fine,” she said in a brusque manner.

“You don’t sound like it. You aren’t returning Mattie’s calls and you look like you’ve lost your best friend. By your own admission, you didn’t even know Dave all that well. After all, it wasn’t like you were spending much time with anyone in the family, much less Dave and Deirdre.” Harry hated the fact that he didn’t sound very compassionate, but the words seemed to have a will of their own.

Instead of getting offended as Harry had presumed she might do, Connie looked at him rather uneasily, then returned her gaze to her coffee. “I guess some of it has to do with life catching up with me. Dave’s death made me put things into perspective. I don’t like myself very much, Harry. I don’t like the choices I’ve made, and try as I might to seek God’s forgiveness, I know I don’t deserve it.”

“None of us do,” Harry reasoned. “That’s what makes it so special. We get a gift we certainly don’t deserve.”

“This is more than just simple mistakes, Harry. This is my entire life. All of my choices have been direct rebellions against what I knew was right to do. It’s almost like I looked at what was right and wrong and deliberately chose to do wrong every time. I left home feeling smothered in rules and regulations, and so I sought to find a way to dispel what I thought was a myth—that godly living equals happiness.

“In college I did what I pleased, partying and drinking and going out with anybody and everybody. I never gave any thought to what it would all mean later on, and now it’s caught up with me.”

A million thoughts raced through Harry’s mind, but one made its way to the surface and came out of his mouth before he could put it into check. “You aren’t pregnant, are you?”

“No, I’m not pregnant, Harry. It’s just that my actions have isolated me. I feel as though I’m on a deserted island with no one but myself for company. Not that I can blame anyone. Who would want to keep company with me?”

“I can think of a few folks. You have a family who loves you very
much. Mattie is beside herself worrying about you. She knows that things are wrong. She always does. She can read people like a book, my mother used to say. Your sisters love you, and I even overhead them saying how much they’re worried about you. They feel like you’ve pushed them away. I know you’ve already taken the first step in working things out. Erica mentioned to me at the funeral that you were all realizing the harm you’d done each other. Don’t you think it’s time to put the past to rest and come home?”

“But what if they don’t want me?” Connie said, tears streaming down her cheeks. “What if God doesn’t want me back either? I’ve done such horrible things.” Her cheeks flushed red as she met his gaze. “Horrible things, Harry.”

Harry felt that she was trying in her own way to tell him what he was up against. But for reasons beyond Harry’s understanding, he didn’t care. He smiled gently. “So you’ve slept with the pigs. You aren’t the first one. Remember, the Prodigal Son had the same problem and his father welcomed him back with open arms—even killed the fatted calf. I’ll bet Mattie would rustle up one if she thought the family could finally be put back together.”

Connie looked at the wall where Mattie’s quilted square hung. “I just don’t know if we can put it back together,” she whispered.

Harry followed her gaze. “I’m thinking some things are impossible without the Master’s touch. Why don’t you just give your life back over to God, and maybe Mattie can see to putting the quilt back to one piece.”

“You make it sound so easy,” Connie said, turning to Harry.

He had to fight the urge to reach out to her, for he wanted nothing more than to hold her, to assure her that it wasn’t nearly as hard as she wanted to make it. But something held him back. He knew Connie had to come to her own conclusion. She couldn’t seek forgiveness and start a new life based on his desire to set her straight.

He shrugged and gently touched her cheek. “All I know,” he said softly, “is that things generally go a whole lot easier when you give them over to someone who knows what they’re doing.”

Chapter 43

The clock chimed ten and Mattie rubbed her eyes and yawned. “I had no idea it was getting that late,” she murmured.

“Me either,” Ashley said, looking up from her book. “Once the boys go to bed, I tend to lose all track of time.” Erica nodded and turned another page in the magazine she was glancing through.

Deirdre looked up from her sewing. “I know what you mean. With Morgan sleeping, it just seems like time does its own thing. Sometimes it seems to linger and other times it whizzes right by.”

“It’s so different in Kansas, compared to a city like New York where things never close down,” Brook commented as she stretched. She’d been busy jotting a letter and seemed quite content in the silence of the evening.

Mattie nodded and closed her eyes. Leaning her head against the back of the chair, she thought of how blessed she was. God had shown her many things in life and given her much to be grateful for. In spite of the trials and sorrows of the last few months, she could see how God had creatively orchestrated every move to bring about a more positive result.

The sound of vehicles coming up the drive surprised everyone. Ashley and Erica made it to the window first, but Mattie was close behind.

“Looks like Harry’s truck,” she murmured. “But I don’t know who else is out there. I hope nothing’s wrong. Harry isn’t usually one to make late-night visits.”

Mattie went to the door and switched on the porch light. She unlocked the door just as she heard footsteps on the porch. Opening
it, she found Connie reaching out for the screen door. Harry was a few paces behind her.

“Connie!” Mattie smiled and opened her arms to hug her granddaughter. “Oh, I’m so glad you’re here.”

Connie broke into tears and nearly collapsed in Mattie’s arms. Her sobs caused everyone to exchange a questioning glance, but Mattie’s eyes sought Harry. His expression reassured her.

“I’m so sorry, Grammy,” Connie said, barely able to speak the words. “I’m . . . so . . . sorry.”

“What’s this all about, Connie?” Mattie questioned, all the while stroking Connie’s short tresses.

“I’ve been so stupid. I’ve lived so foolishly. Please just tell me you forgive me,” Connie said, pushing away. “Please.”

Upon hearing the desperate, pleading tone in Connie’s voice, Mattie felt her own eyes fill with tears and choked back a sob. “Connie, you know there’s never anything so bad that I wouldn’t forgive you. But this time I’m not at all sure what you’re even talking about. Why don’t you come in and explain.”