Tragically Wounded (7 page)

Sean slept with his arm around me all night. The side of my face was sweaty from being on his chest all night. I'd felt him shift during the night and each time he did, I'd move away for fear of hurting him again. He’d always pull me right back to him. Around six a.m. I managed to roll onto my side with my back to him. I was surprised to feel him roll over and put his arm around my waist. We'd slept naked, which was a first for me, and I could feel his erection poking me. I wiggled closer and he groaned. A smile curved my lips when I felt Sean kiss my shoulder then my neck. It sent tingles through my body. I couldn't believe it, but I wanted him again. I wanted to feel him inside of me, to feel his body on mine, to feel his hands caressing me, and his tongue dancing with mine.

"Good morning, beautiful," he whispered as he gently turned my face toward his, capturing my lips in a soft, erotic kiss.

Keeping my mouth locked with his, I rolled onto my side so we were facing each other. He put his hands on my lower back and yanked me flush against his body. I tried to resist, pulling away a little so he didn't get hurt, but he was much stronger than me. I put my hands on the back of his neck and the kiss deepened until we were both crazy with need. I wondered what would happen when we kissed and we weren't in a position to feed our growing passion. Did either of us have the ability to control ourselves?

"Mmm, good morning to you, too," I muttered against his lips when we stopped to catch our breath.

"Very good indeed." He smiled and nipped at my bottom lip.

"How're you feeling?"

"Much better. The medication always helps."

"Good." As soon as I captured another kiss, he rolled onto his back and tried to bring me with him, but I resisted.

"It's okay, Nicole. You won't hurt me."

 "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," He nudged me to get me to climb on top of him. "C'mon, baby, I need you."

The sound of him calling me baby melted my heart. It sounded so sweet and so perfect. Very carefully, I straddled his waist, keeping my full weight in my knees and not on him. His erection was hard and thick between my legs, ratcheting my desire for him to a whole new level. I ground against him, causing him to moan long and deep.

"I want you so much, Nicole." Sean reached down and adjusted himself so that he could enter me.

I put my hands on either side of his head and slowly eased down onto him. Inch by agonizing inch, his length filled me, stretched me. My fingers curled against the mattress as a sharp pain tore through me. "Ahh!" I cried and whimpered all at the same time. I went my entire life without having sex and in a matter of one night I'd done it twice. I was sore down there.

Sean gripped my hips. "Are you okay?" he asked with a voice full of concern.

I nodded, knowing if I told him it hurt, he'd stop. And I didn't want to stop. "Are you?"

"Yeah, just go easy, okay?"

"Okay," I whispered as I began to slowly and gently rock on him. The pain I'd felt was replaced with undiluted ecstasy. I kept my pace slow so neither of us would be hurt.

Sean arched his neck and lifted his hips in rhythm with each downward motion I made. "God, you feel so good," he groaned.

His enthusiasm was encouraging. He wasn't holding back, so I assumed he really was feeling better and not in any pain. Our movements became frenzied to the point we were both crying out from the intensity of our simultaneous orgasms. I collapsed on top of him, my face buried in the crook of his neck then I quickly lifted my weight from his body. "Sorry, you okay?"

"Yes. I promise if I wasn't, I'd tell you."

I lowered my head back to his shoulder and exhaled. "Wow." He answered with a soft chuckle. No wonder Toni was sex obsessed, I thought, this was fantastic. Would it always be like this or would the novelty, the passion, eventually fade? I really hope not.

Sean dragged his fingers up and down my back, eliciting a shudder from me. "I swear it's like I've waited my entire life for you," he whispered.

My breath caught in my throat at his sweet admission. "Sean…I…" Before I could finish my thought, he took my face into his hands and kissed me. My mouth and my body molded to his. In that moment I realized I was falling in love with this man. At least it felt like love, but I wasn't positive because I'd never felt anything like it before. I'd given myself to him in the most intimate way. That had to be love, didn't it?

"I want you to be mine, Nicole."

"I am yours."

In more ways than I was willing to admit to him right then. I climbed off him, feeling awkward and uncomfortable. He didn't attempt to stop me. I settled beside him and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"No." He shook his head. "What I mean is, I don't want us seeing other people."

I grinned, the memory of last night's dinner conversation coursed through my mind. "Oh, so you want that exclusivity you mentioned last night."

He laughed. "Yes, that's exactly what I want."

"I'd like that," I said.

"Well, that settles it then. You are officially my girlfriend." He kissed my forehead.

I smiled. I liked the sounds of that. I was Sean's girlfriend.

"What are you doing today?" he asked.

"I have to meet my quintet for practice later this morning. We've got a big show coming up in a few days. You should come."

"I'd love to."

I craned my neck to look at the clock on the nightstand and groaned at how quickly the time was passing. "I've got to get ready."

"I know," he sighed and hugged me to his side, "I have a physical therapy session I have to get to. Will you come to the center and see me afterward?"

"Yeah, of course." Okay, he still wants to see me. That’s a good sign. I was excited about the idea of seeing him again.

"Promise?"

I laughed. "Yes, I promise. Why wouldn't I come see you?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe last night didn't live up to your expectations? Maybe I didn't?"

I kissed him firmly on the mouth. "You exceeded all of my expectations, Sean. Please stop worrying about that."

Sean reached up and caressed my cheek. "How did I get so lucky?"

I simply smiled. I was the one who was lucky. Sean was a brave, tender man who could have any woman he wanted, and he'd chosen me.

As soon as Sean left, I grabbed my cell phone and called Toni. When she answered, I said, "Get your butt over here. I need to talk to you."

She hesitated for a moment. "Why? Are you going to yell at me about last night?"

"No. Yes. I don't know," I sighed with aggravation, "Maybe a little. It was wrong for you to invite Sean over here without asking me first, Toni." I tried to sound stern, but after the night I'd had with him, I just couldn't pull it off.

"I know, and I'm sorry. But, in my defense, if I didn't do it for you, it never would've happened and we both know it. You never would've invited him over."

"Yeah, okay, whatever. Seriously, Toni, you have to come over right now." I paced back and forth in the living room, my gaze settling on my clothes that I'd worn last night, the same clothes that were still in a heap on the floor. I scooped them up and put them in the hamper in my bedroom.

"Fine, I'm on my way. I'll be there in five." Toni hung up and I resumed pacing.

There were so many things I wanted to tell Toni, so many questions I wanted to ask her. I was afraid she'd overreact though. Or completely blow things out of proportion. Oh God! What kinds of schemes would she cook up once she found out I'd given my virginity to Sean? Knowing Toni, she'd plan a surprise wedding for us – or something ridiculous. Maybe I shouldn't tell her? No, I had to tell her. She was my best friend and this was big news. I was bursting to tell somebody.

A moment later, Toni breezed into my apartment as if she owned the place. She plopped down on the couch, put her feet on the coffee table, and said, "So, what's so urgent?"

"I had sex with Sean last night," I blurted out.

"What?" Toni jumped up from the couch, her eyes wide. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Oh my God, Nikki. That's fantastic. How do you feel? How was it? You have to give me details!" she exclaimed.

I laughed. The way she was acting you'd think it was her who'd lost her virginity last night. "I'll tell you everything, I promise. But let's do it over breakfast on our way to practice. I'm starving."

"Sex burns calories, you know."

I simply shook my head. Of course Toni would know something like that. I had no doubt it was true, either. She took sex very seriously.

Practice went smoothly and despite my mind wandering back to Sean and last night, I didn't mess up the music. Sarah was pleased and even offered a compliment. I felt confident that we were ready for our show the next night. Toni and I gathered our things and got ready to leave. I couldn't stop looking at the clock. Could time go any slower?

"So," Toni said as we made our way toward our cars. "Tell me; is he big?"

"Toni!" I shrieked, my eyes going wide and laughed incredulously, "You can't ask me that."

"Yes I can. I just did," she grinned, "C'mon, Nikki. You know you want to tell me."

I shook my head at her crassness. "Like I have any idea if he's big or not. Unlike you, I have no basis for comparison, remember?"

Toni laughed, "True; but even you should be able to tell if he was big or small."

There was no way I was talking to her about the size of Sean's penis. That just seemed – I don't know, inappropriate, or inconsiderate of Sean. I'd be horrified if he told his friends about my body like that. I wouldn't do it to him. Rolling my eyes, I gave her a sideways glance and a smirk.

"I knew it!" she said, poking me in the arm with her finger.

"Ouch,." I rubbed my arm as she laughed.

"Hey, wanna go grab some lunch?"

"Yeah, sure," I had a few hours to kill anyway before I could go see Sean. Just the thought of him put a smile on my face. Maybe I'd ask him if he wanted to go see a movie or something tonight. Heck, we could sit in my car and just talk for all I cared. I just wanted to see him again.

"I want to go check out that new deli on the corner of Fourth and Maxwell," Toni said. "I've heard they have fantastic sandwiches."

"Sounds good to me." I followed Toni to the deli in my own car. It was a short drive and in less than half an hour, we were seated with our food. She was right. The sandwiches were to die for. They were made with still warm, fresh baked bread and locally grown vegetables. I don't think I'd ever eaten a tomato with so much taste.

"I'm really happy for you, Nikki. Sean is wonderful for you."

"I think I'm falling in love with him, Toni," I admitted, keeping my gaze down, expecting Toni to shriek or freak out or give me a lecture. But she did none of those things. She reached across the table and patted my hand.

"That's a good thing."

"It is?" I looked up at her.

She nodded and smiled. "You have a real issue with trusting men, and for good reason. But you have to start somewhere. Letting Sean into your life and your heart is the best thing for you."

"What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if I'm just another girl to him?" Uncertain panic crept up my spine. I couldn't do this. I couldn't date and be in love. It was too hard.

"Okay, stop it right now," Toni pointed at me, "Don't do this. Don't sit there and second-guess everything. I've seen how Sean is around you. That man is crazy about you. Hell, even Derrick has noticed and he's clueless about everything."

I chuckled, "Thanks, Toni."

"You and Sean are in that new relationship phase where everything is exciting and you can't contain your passion. God, I'd kill for that, Nikki. You better enjoy it."

I cocked my head to the side. Was Toni jealous of my relationship with Sean? Toni had never been jealous of me before. She'd never had any reason to be. But still, it didn't make sense. She had Derrick, who doted on her. They were a great couple. I cleared my throat. "Is there something going on with Derrick? Are you two okay?"

Toni sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I mean, things are the same as they've always been. Maybe that's the problem. There's no passion between us anymore."

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

She shrugged again, "I'm not sure I love him anymore."

Wow! I didn't think I'd ever hear those words come out of her mouth. Toni and Derrick had been together for almost five years. I thought they were going to get married and have kids. Now it sounded like she was thinking about ending their relationship.

"Don't get me wrong, Derrick is a great guy and he's always been good to me. But, I see you and Sean together and I know that's what I want. I want the passion, the excitement. I want a man to look at me the way Sean looks at you."

My head was spinning, "You and Derrick had all of that, too."

"Yeah, for like the first six months of our relationship."

"Things change, Toni. Just because the two of you aren't tearing at each other's clothes every time you set eyes on each other doesn't mean he doesn't love you. The passion fades with time. Isn't that what you've always told me?"

I didn't know why, but I felt desperate to help save Toni's relationship with Derrick. I knew they were meant to be together.

"It's more than that," Toni pushed her plate away and folded her arms on the table, "It's been five years and there's been zero talk of marriage or kids or even living together. I brought it up last night. Know what he said to me?"

"No. What?"

"He said there was no reason to ruin a good thing by going and getting married," Toni shook her head, "He's never going to commit to me like I want him to. Why keep wasting my time?"

I saw the sadness in my friend's eyes and my heart broke for her. Despite what she said, I knew she loved Derrick and I knew she wanted to marry him. But, she was right. Why should she hang around in a relationship that was going nowhere? Five years was a long time to just throw away, though. And no matter how brave she acted, I knew it was going to crush her to break up with Derrick. My longest relationship had only lasted nine months, and I was heartbroken when it ended.

"I think I'm going to give him an ultimatum," Toni said.

I frowned, "That's not a good idea."

"What other choice do I have?"

"Just try talking to him again," I suggested, "Please don't do anything hasty, though."

"You're probably right," She sighed and finished what was left of her water, "So, are you ready for tomorrow night?"

I nodded, "Yes. I invited Sean to come. And my mom and sister will be there, too."

"Cool," Toni checked her watch, "Oh, crap, I gotta go. I have to meet Derrick." She stood and grabbed her purse. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," I said with a laugh. I threw our trash in the garbage and headed out. There was still an hour left before I had to meet Sean. That would leave me enough time to go to the store and buy the ingredients to make dinner for Sean again. I really hoped he'd want to come over again tonight.

I had butterflies in my stomach as I pulled into the VA Center parking lot. I had no idea what I was going to say to Sean, but I knew I couldn't wait to see him. I wanted to put my arms around him and kiss him. My excitement got the best of me, and I practically ran into the center and past the front desk toward the common room where Sean would be waiting for me. I approached the entrance to the room and scanned it, looking for him. I was about to take another step when I stopped cold in my tracks.

Standing next to Sean was a ravishingly beautiful woman. She was tall, with golden blonde hair that hung to the middle of her back; full, luscious curves, breathtaking baby blue eyes, and she was also clearly very pregnant. My gaze moved from her to Sean, who was holding her hand, smiling at her like she was the only woman on the face of the earth. My heart constricted so tight it was hard to breath. I placed my hand over my chest and continued to watch in horror as the woman embraces Sean and kisses him. I couldn't tell what kind of kiss it was – a peck on the lips or a full open mouthed, tongue kiss. It didn't matter what kind of kiss it was. My boyfriend, my brown-eyed soldier, the man I was in love with, was kissing another woman.

I cupped my other hand over my mouth and with a heart-wrenching sob; I turned and ran back down the hallway, my tears blinding me. From behind, I heard Sean call my name, pleading for me to stop. I continued to run until I was safely at my car. I dropped my forehead against the window and wept, pounding my fists on the roof. God, it hurt so much!

The drive home was a blur. I hadn't stopped crying and my head hurt. I went straight to bed and pulled the covers up over my head. How could I have been so stupid? Sean didn't care about me. I was just another girl he had sex with. That thought only made me cry harder. I sobbed so hard, the entire bed shook. I gave him my virginity and this is what he does? He kisses another woman? A beautiful woman – a beautiful pregnant woman!

"Oh my God," I mumbled. That woman must have been Sean's ex-girlfriend; the one who'd broken up with him before he was deployed. Then that meant. Oh God! That was Sean's baby. I buried my face in my pillow and screamed. Why would Sean want to be with me when he could be with the woman who was carrying his child? The affection between Sean and that woman was palpable. I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one who noticed it. Talk about being a first class fool.

That was exactly why I didn't date. Every man I'd ever trusted had betrayed me. I hated them all. I hated Sean. I hated Toni for pushing us together. But most of all, I hated myself for thinking he was different – for trusting him and loving him. Well, never again. As far as I was concerned, I could die an old, lonely hag.  That was fine with me.

I awoke some time later to the sound of my cell phone ringing. I flung the covers off my head and squinted at the clock. It was almost seven o'clock. Wow. I hadn't meant to fall asleep. Fumbling on the nightstand for my cell phone, I looked at the display. I had twenty-two missed calls from Sean, sixteen from Toni, one from my mom, and two from my sister. I'd never had this many phone calls in one day before. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, so I turned off my phone, pulled the blankets back over my head, and cried myself back to sleep.