Tragically Wounded (8 page)

"I said I don't freaking want it!" I screamed, knocking the tiny paper cup from the nurse's hand. She flinched before stooping to pick up the pills. Then she walked out of my room without another word. I turned my head and stared out the window. What was the point of taking medication when I had no intentions of leaving this bed until I had a chance to talk to Nicole? I can't believe she'd run out of here like that yesterday. She hadn't even given me a chance to explain. And it really wasn't what she thought. I had to talk to her. I had to make her understand because the thought of not being with her ever again was unbearable.

There was a light knock on my door. "Sean?" said Dr. Monroe as he walked into my room. "I hear you're having a hard time."

He pulled up a chair and sat beside my bed.

I didn't look at him. The last thing I needed or wanted was to listen to his psycho-babble nonsense. I wished he would just leave so I could try calling Nicole again. I'd called Toni last night when I couldn't get ahold of Nicole. Toni had tried calling numerous times, too, and promised me as soon as she spoke to Nicole, she'd let me know. I hadn't heard from Toni since. So, either Toni hadn't had any luck getting in touch with Nicole, or Toni decided not to help me.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Dr. Monroe asked.

"No."

"Remember we talked about this? That you needed to be prepared for the possibility things might not work out the way you wanted?"

"It's just a misunderstanding," I mumbled, still not looking at him, "As soon as she talks to me, I can explain and things will be fine." I had to believe that.

"What if she doesn't speak to you again?"

"She will!" I snapped, finally looking at him. He nodded and smiled in a

patronizing manner. God, I hated it when he did that.

"You haven't been taking your medication."

"Nope, don't see a need to," I shrugged.

"How do you plan to go to Nicole's concert tonight then? You've told me more than once that it's painful to wear your prosthesis without taking your medication."

"I'm not going."

"What if she calls and wants to see you? You won't be able to get out of that bed," Dr. Monroe said.

I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away from him again. I hated that he was right. But, if Nicole did call, I had to be ready to go to her. And I had a feeling her concert tonight might be my chance.

I sighed, "Fine, I'll take my meds."

Dr. Monroe patted the bed, "Good, that's good, Sean." He stood. "I'll send the nurse back in."

A few moments later, the nurse returned. I took my pills without a word and then she left. Then Toni walked in. I perked up a little. "Hey," I said.

"Hi, Sean, how are you?" She sat in the seat that Dr. Monroe had just vacated.

There was something about the tone of Toni's voice that made my stomach clench with dread.

"She's not going to talk to me again, is she?"

Toni shrugged and gave me a sad, apologetic smile. "I don't know. She's not even talking to me, which she's never done before. I went to her apartment, but she locked herself in her bedroom and refused to come out. The only thing she said was that she'd be at the concert."

I rested my head on my pillow and momentarily closed my eyes, "I really messed up."

"Sean," Toni said, putting her hand on mine. "This isn't your fault. Nicole has issues with trust. She jumped to the worst possible conclusion. That's all."

"How can I make her understand?" I lifted my head and looked at her. Tears stung my eyes and throat. I'd been through a lot. I didn't know if I'd survive losing Nicole. In the short amount of time I'd known her, I'd fallen head over heels in love with her.

"You need to go to the concert tonight. You go, and I'll do everything in my power to make sure you get a chance to speak to her."

"Thank you, Toni," I smiled weakly, "I have to make this right."

"I know you do," She smiled and stood, "I have to go now, but I'll see you tonight, right?"

"Yes, I'll be there."

I had to be. It was my only shot at getting her back.

"Bye," I said as she walked out of the room. Well, it wasn't exactly the news I'd hoped for, but it gave me a little bit of hope. It was better than nothing. I had just over an hour to get ready, stop and buy some flowers, and get to the concert hall.

I buzzed for the nurse to come help me out of bed and into my wheelchair. Things were getting better They were to the point that I could do it on my own if I wanted to. But having not taken my pain medication in almost a full day, I was in no shape to do anything on my own. Hopefully, the pills I just took would kick in before I got to the concert. I didn't want to be uncomfortable during the show. I wanted to be able to get lost in Nicole's voice and in her face. She had the most beautiful expressions when she sang. When I finally got a chance to talk to her, I was going to tell her exactly how I felt about her, about us, and what I wanted for our future.

The nurse arrived and I quickly told her what I was doing and what I needed help with. She gave me a faint smile but remained quiet as she helped me. My relationship with Nicole had been the talk of the center. I had no doubts my nurse had heard, too, which would explain the smile. It didn't bother me everyone knew. I had nothing to be ashamed of. At least that's what Dr. Monroe always told me. I still wasn't totally convinced, but I was working on it.

"Have you got it from here, Sean?" Nurse Rose asked.

"Yeah, I can manage. Thanks," I said, wheeling myself into the bathroom and closing the door. I began the arduous process of shifting my body from the wheelchair into the shower chair. I was so pumped up on adrenaline that it didn't take as long as usual. Last night, Steve (the program director) came to my room to talk to me. Steve was a good guy who was a real friend to us. He'd heard about Nicole and just wanted to check in on me. That was nice of him, but I hadn't reciprocated. I'd been downright miserable. But something he'd said to me was rattling around in my mind. He'd said, "You know, Sean, as bad as it seems, there is a silver lining here. Yes, Nicole overreacted and didn't give you a chance to explain. But, she wouldn't be so devastated by what she saw if she didn't really care about you."

I'd tossed that around in my mind all night. Was Steve right? Did Nicole care about me that much that seeing me with another woman hurt so much she couldn't bear to speak to me? I imagined what it would feel like if the roles had been reversed, if I'd seen her with another man. The thought alone was enough to make me see red. I scrubbed shampoo into my hair, my movements much more hurried. I had to get to Nicole and make her understand that she was the only woman I wanted to be with.

I'd forced myself out of bed. I really just wanted to stay hidden under the covers, but my quintet was counting on me and I wasn't going to let them down. I couldn't. Just because things ended so horribly with Sean, I couldn't take that out on my quintet. That wasn't fair to them. Plus, music had always been my savior. Any time anything went wrong in my life, music was there to pick me up. I needed to do this concert tonight, if for no other reason than to maintain my own sanity.

The day had dragged by, which probably had a lot to do with the fact I didn't leave my apartment and avoided all phone calls. Sean was persistent, though. He'd called every half an hour all day long. It was hard to ignore him. Part of me wanted to answer one of his calls and tell him that I was happy for him (even though I wasn't) and to tell him there were no hard feelings (even though there were). I just wanted to make peace with Sean and the situation so I could move on and forget about it. But the thought of hearing his voice and saying goodbye to him – it was too much to bear. I wasn't ready. I couldn't do that just yet. Sooner or later I knew I'd have to, though. As tempting as it was, I knew I couldn't avoid him forever.

And then of course there was Toni to contend with. I wanted to hate her for pushing me and Sean together like she had, but I was finding that very hard to do. No matter how badly things turned out, the brief amount of time I'd spent with Sean had been wonderful and those were some memories I never wanted to forget. How could Toni have known about Sean's ex or the pregnancy? It wasn't her fault Sean disappointed me and broke my heart. I guess I'd have to talk to her after the concert and apologize. It would be nice to have my best friend back, to be able to commiserate to her about Sean.

I took a deep, calming breath and pulled open the door to the concert hall. I'd intentionally waited as long as possible to arrive. The less time I had to spend with people, the better. I was still miserable and the slightest thing would make me cry. And I would not cry and mess up the music tonight. I was surprised by how many people were already there. I caught sight of my mom and sister in the front row. They waved to me, and I went over to talk to them.

 "Oh, Nikki, you look so good," my sister Jo said as she gave me a hug, practically squeezing the air from my lungs.

I laughed, "Hi, Jo." I hugged her back, and we held each other for a few moments before she released me. "Thanks for coming."

"Are you kidding? My baby is sister singing in the largest concert hall in the state, in front of hundreds of people. I wouldn't have missed his for the world."

"Jeez, sis, nothing like helping calm my nerves," I said with a nervous laugh. Tonight was the largest show my quintet had ever done. It was a big deal. I knew that already and didn't need to be reminded.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so excited for you," she squealed.

I could always count on Jo to make me smile. I really missed having her around. Maybe after tonight's show I'd go spend a few days with her, get away from everything, and everyone, around here. "Where's Ethan?" I asked, looking around for Jo's husband.

"He was stuck working tonight, but he did send his well wishes for a great show."

I smiled and turned toward my mom, who'd been waiting and listening to me and Jo. "Hi, Mom." I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for coming."

"I'm looking forward to hearing you sing. It's been too long," she said.

"Yes, it has," I responded in a clipped tone. Since I'd started singing with my quintet a few years ago, my mom had been to only two of my concerts and tonight was one of those two. I had a feeling the only reason she was here was because Jo forced her into coming. But, whatever. I didn't have the emotional energy to dwell on it. I was drained. It would be nice to have some familiar, comforting faces in the audience though. I could focus on my mom and my sister tonight to help me get through the show.

"The three of us should go grab a late bite to eat after the show. It'll be my treat," Jo said.

The idea of going somewhere other than back to my apartment was tempting. "I'd like that," I replied, "I really should be going. I have to warm up and all that."

"Break a leg, Nikki!" Jo called after me.

I laughed and turned around, "That's what you tell an actor, not a singer."

Jo laughed, "Okay, well, how about good luck then?"

"I'll take it." I smiled, turned back around and headed toward the door that would lead to the rear of the stage. I'm sure by now the rest of the quintet had arrived. Sarah was probably freaking out because I wasn't here yet. The thought made me smile. It was a little vindictive, I know, but it was also mildly satisfying knowing Sarah was on edge.

I rounded the corner near the stage and stopped cold. That woman was here. The woman I'd seen Sean kissing yesterday. My throat constricted, my heart raced, and my stomach did somersaults. What the hell was she doing here? And why was Toni talking to her? I watched with pure disgust as the woman reached over and placed her hand on Toni's arm; they both laughed. Ugh! So much for apologizing to Toni tonight, I thought. How dare she talk to that woman? It was the ultimate betrayal to me.

Squaring my shoulders, straightening my back, and lifting my head, I walked toward them. Unfortunately, I had to walk by them to get backstage. I didn't see Sean anywhere around. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Why would his girlfriend be here without him? I guess that was better than having to see them together. That would kill me.

"Nikki!" Toni said her eyes widening with delight when she saw me.

I gave a curt nod, but didn't say anything as I tried to walk briskly past them. She grabbed my wrist when she realized I wasn't going to stop and talk to her. "Let go of me," I said as sternly as I could.

"Will you please just listen for a minute?"

I looked back and forth between Toni and the woman. "No." I yanked my arm out of her hold and tried to walk away again.

"Nikki! Please! Will you please just stop?" Toni called after me.

Without turning around or stopping, I said, "There's nothing you have to say that I want to hear."

From behind, I faintly heard Toni say, "You're wrong."

I was glad that she didn't try to follow me. My hands were shaking as I approached the members of my quintet. "Are you guys ready for this?" I asked, trying to rid my mind of the image of Toni and that woman, and to calm my nerves.

"Where is Toni?" Sarah demanded.

"I'm right here," Toni said as approached.

"Well it's about time. All this time I was worried about Nicole leaving us high and dry and it's you that shows up at the last minute," Sarah said, crossing her arms over her chest and giving both of us a dirty look.

"Stuff it, Sarah!" Toni snapped, and then she turned to me. "We need to talk."

"No, we don't." I shook my head.

"You're acting like an immature child, you know that?"

"Oh, that's nice coming from you."

"Look, I don't know what your problem is, but you need to pull your head out of your… "

"All right, that's enough!" Sarah interrupted us. "We're about to begin. They just dimmed the lights, so I suggest you two put this little argument on hold so we can perform."

I was thankful for the interruption. The sooner I got on the stage and started singing, the sooner I could get lost in the music, and hopefully forget about the gaping hole in my heart. We all took our places and waited for the curtain to rise. When it did, I was taken aback by the amount of people in the concert hall, all those sets of eyes focused on us, eager and expectant. It was overwhelming. The soft tones of the beginning of the music fluttered around me, filling me with a sense of calm. I momentarily closed my eyes, opening them only once it was my time to sing. The words flowed from me, from my soul, making me feel whole again. I scanned the hall, starting in the back and working my way toward the front, toward where I knew my mom and sister were seated.

My gaze settled on them and stayed there for the remainder of this song and the next two. As the melody for the third song began, my heart started to race. This was the piece Sean had helped me with the night I'd made him dinner and we'd made love. I don't know why, but I let my gaze drift from my mom and sister and around to the other end of the hall. And that's when I saw him.

Sean was sitting in the sixth seat from the aisle. He was wearing his dress uniform, and his big, beautiful, brown eyes were focused solely on me. I allowed myself to meet his stare. Thankfully, I didn't mess up or lose my focus on the music, but I did find myself getting lost in those eyes of his. He smiled sadly and I felt the sting of tears in my eyes, which was fitting, really, because the piece we were performing was gut wrenching.

Tears trickled down my face but I kept singing. I kept looking at Sean. God, I missed him so much. He mouthed the word, "sorry" and at that point, I almost faltered. If I didn't look away, I was going to really lose it. Slowly, reluctantly, I tore my gaze from him and stared out toward the back of the hall, not really looking at anyone in particular. As the music came to an end, I shifted my gaze back to Sean and wiped the tears from my face. The hall erupted in applause. It was the first standing ovation we'd ever received.

Sean was standing, too, pride radiating from his eyes and his smile. It looked as though he was clapping the hardest and the loudest. Sarah made an announcement we were going to take a short intermission. I rushed off the stage and straight into the bathroom where I splashed cool water on my face. I didn't think seeing Sean in the audience would have affected me as much as it did.

I had noticed Sean wasn't sitting next to that woman, though. He's been next to Steve Boyd, and the woman had been on the other side of Steve. That was odd. At least I didn't see Sean holding her hand, or putting his arm around her, or kissing her. But, what did that mean? Was he keeping his distance from her for my sake? No, that didn't make much sense. I'd seen them kissing before and he didn't seem to care then.

I composed myself and returned to the stage to finish the concert. I did my best to avoid looking directly at Sean, but my gaze kept wandering in his direction. And every single time, I'd see him looking intently at me, as if waiting to catch my eye so he could say something. Thankfully, the concert finished without any problems. We were rewarded with another, longer, standing ovation and deafening applause. It was humbling to know so many people enjoyed the music as much as we did. After taking the appropriate number of bows, we exited the stage.

Toni made a beeline for me. "Nicole, don't you dare leave here until you talk to me."

I ignored her and headed toward the back door. My plan was to get away from Toni, sneak back in through the front door, and stay just long enough to find my mom and sister. If I was lucky, I could avoid Sean, too. Just as I pushed on the door, Toni grabbed my elbow and spun me around.

"Stop it, Nicole. You have to talk to me."

"I don't have to do anything," I jerked out of her hold and pointed at her, "But you, you need to stop butting into my life"

"Oh, now I get it. You blame me for what happened with Sean, don't you?"

"No, I blame you for pushing so hard for us to get together. If you hadn't, if you had just let me do things my way, none of this ever would've happened."

"You're right," she said, taking a step back, "It never would've happened because you would've pushed him away just like you do with any man that shows an interest in you."

"Yeah, well, at least I wouldn't have had my heart broken," I snapped.

"If you'd just take ten minutes to talk to Sean, he could clear this whole thing up. It's really not what you think, Nicole."

"I saw him kissing another woman. There's no clarification for that." I turned and pushed through the door, walking at a brisk pace around to the front of the building. I saw my mom and sister standing outside. Thank God. That meant I didn't have to go back inside and risk seeing Sean.

 "Oh my gosh, Nikki, that was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. You had me in tears," Jo said.

"Thanks." I smiled. "So, are we ready to go get that late snack? I'm starved." I was grateful they both willingly agreed and didn't ask any questions or insist on meeting the rest of the quintet. I didn't actually relax until we were in the car and driving away from the concert hall.