Trust Me

Dedication

To you…Sister

Because you came out of the dark to shine in the light.

I wrote Carrie and Chad in the vision of your happy ending and hope I make you smile and fill with pride.

I wish you a lifetime of never feeling alone, lost or afraid ever again and always cherished by your one true love:

The man with the tats and a love for all things YOU!

May you never see that place again…

And always know you can ‘Trust Me’

Acknowledgements 

In every acknowledgement I give my thanks. This book is no different. To my editor Shawna Lisowski and the hard work and dedication on Trust Me as well as my other books. You rock and I love your face!

To my beta readers: Stacy Masciarelli and Cheryl Faumuina.

For lyrics and songs I give credit to the artists who sing them because this book is all music baby!

The lyrics for ‘Hate Me’ were written by:

Melanie Walker and Cheryl Faumuina…
facebook
style!

My babies, Treydn’ and Presleigh: may you love one another like Noah and Carrie.

And to anyone who has ever come out of the dark and desperate to shine…Trust Me is for you!

Note to the Reader

Please note that this book is intended for Adults 18 plus due to violence, rape, sex, language and all things that are the band TAT. Also note this book has NOT been professionally edited and that I am an independent author and not an editor. Yes I am smarter than a fifth grader (lol) and I did use beta readers, but even so my errors are MINE to own and I own them outright. If errors drive you crazy, unfortunately, this book won’t be for you. I will have an edited version one day, but until then please note that ALL errors are mine and mine alone and I apologize now if the book is difficult to read. I have taken all the steps to edit to the best of my knowledge but I am far from perfect and expect there to be more than a few. If you find errors to be a part of life and something that happens to us all, then please enjoy and review if you have the time. If errors hinder your reading pleasure then I understand you stopping now and requesting a refund. It is most commonly errors I confused like: hear/here, to/too, your/you’re and so on, but it happens and it happens often as well as a few missed comma’s and such. Most authors will tell you they miss the majority of their mistakes because they have read their book about a million times and the eyes tend to skip. I have tried my hardest to fix them all but again, I know I am an imperfect creature, therefore I warn you now. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you enjoy it!

~Melanie

Stop abuse where it starts and help break the silence.

I would like to take a moment and talk about Child Abuse in our country and the lasting effects that silence can bring. It was hard to write this book because, as I child I was touched by the hand of an abuser. I had a mother and father who fought for me and did all they could to pull me from the dark. I was one of the lucky ones, unlike Carrie and Noah. I have chosen to make my voice heard through my characters, Carrie and Noah, and any other platform I am given for those who are still silent and scared in the dark. I have attached the website below for any of you who have been abused or know of an abused child in need of help. You can also find these links on my facebook page at
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Melanie-Walker/149336025099602
. Secrecy is a cancer to the psyche and no child has the resources or the mental capacity to protect themselves from any kind of abuse. It is our job as mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins and friends to stand up for a child who has no voice of their own.

If you or anyone you know is in need of a safe haven please follow the links below for more information and ways to help. Pass these websites along and commit them to memory if God forbid you or someone you know may need them one day. The only way we can stop abuse is to stop it where it starts and that can be ANYWHERE and knowledge is key if we want to see change. Talk open and honest with a friend, a family member or even the police and know that even in the darkest hour you are not alone…Trust Me!

~Melanie

Child abuse reporting numbers per state:
http://www.nccafv.org/child_abuse_reporting_numbers_co.htm

CASA: Donate Volunteer Join

http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/b.5301309/k.9D58/Volunteering.htm?gclid=CLftxY-b6LgCFdFDMgodAQUAcw

National Children’s Alliance

http://www.nationalchildrensalliance.org/index.php?s=75

The National Coalition against Domestic Violence

http://www.ncadv.org/

Lights will guide you home,

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you…

Coldplay

Prologue

“Carrie, wake up.” I could hear Noah’s voice, just a whisper, but urgent enough to pull me from Candy Land dreams.

“Noah?” I asked, confused.
Daddy was gonna be mad if Noah sneaked me out of the house again. I liked our late night ‘trust me’ walks. The nights we played ‘trust me’ I didn’t wake up scared from my daddy and his visits in the night. Daddy always got mad at Noah for taking me on ‘trust me’ walks. He always took Noah’s toys when we went on the walks, but Noah said he didn’t care ‘cuz he liked listening to music or TV more anyway. Daddy hurt Noah too, but Noah never talked about it.

“Come on, Sissy,
we’re sneakin’ out for a walk tonight.” He had a toothy, mischievous grin on his face, but even in my little six-year-old mind I could see the fear in his eyes. I hated that look so I never questioned when he took me on the ‘trust me’ walks. The walks took that look away.

“Can I be
trust this time, Bubba?” I asked while putting on my bunny slippers and grabbing Abby, my favorite doll.

“Sure,
Sissy. What are we trusting tonight?” He asked as we snuck, quiet as mice, out his bedroom window.

Noah
taught me this game sometime before I formed memories because I don’t remember learning it. I just always knew the game. “Let’s see…..” I yawned as we scurried through the backyard and over the fence that separated us from Mr. Johnson's house.

“The trust tonight is a world with flying cars. Every car we see,
we pretend they are flying…” I paused to put together my trust world in my head. “The cars that are blue are the secrets we hid from each other this week, so tell them secrets for the blue ones, Bubba.” I giggled knowing he didn’t take the bus home from school this week, but walked home so he could peek in the guitar store downtown. He didn’t know I knew, so I was excited.

“Ok,
but the red cars are your secret cars.” He responded, finally slowing down after we entered the neighborhood a block over from ours. I nodded my agreement to his choice of color.

“Flying secret cars can only be stopped by yellow flying cars.” I chose yellow knowing there were no yellow cars in this neighborhood.

“Deal.”
He said with a smile taking my hand and pointing at a blue car across the street. “Looks like I’m first, Sissy, what’ll the secret be tonight….” He tapped a finger on his lips like he was thinking and I giggled.

“I know! I know!” I said a little louder than I should
have. A dog started barking and Noah shushed me quickly.

“Quiet, Carrie!
Jeez!” We stopped walking and waited for any sign that we were busted, but none came. Noah turned with a relieved smile. “Ok, what secret did I keep this week?”

I admitted to knowing about his skipping the bus and
laughed. He was so busted. “I won’t tell though, Bubba, I swear.” I assured him in my most serious six-year-old voice.

“That’s because we never tell our secrets in ‘trust me’. That’s the point.” He points to a
red car parked in the driveway of Carl Stanton’s house. He is a friend of my dad’s and I’m always nervous that one night he will catch us and tell Dad. We get real quiet as we pass the Stanton house and jog quickly around the corner, both of us breathing in relief that we made it safely past his house without getting caught.

“That was a red car,
Carrie, your turn. Tell me your secrets from this week.”

I hated getting to my turn. Bubba always made me tell him my secrets even if he knew them already. He said that was why we played
‘trust me’, so that we always knew, no matter what, that we could tell each other everything and then bad things wouldn’t happen.

I didn’t bother telling him that the bad things still happened. He knew they did,
but he swore that by trusting each other and only each other that we would never feel alone when dad got a hold of us. He knew our touches were different. Daddy made Noah bleed when he would touch him. He was always using a belt or a shoe, pretty much anything he could to keep Noah scared of him and quiet. I knew it was my fault that Noah got beat up by Dad. If I hadn’t told him my secret all those times ago when I was really small, then Noah wouldn’t have to get hit so much. That was when we started playing ‘trust me’ so much more. He said that we could tell our secrets to each other and we would be safe.

But I was only safe when Noah wanted to play
‘trust me’. When we would play, my dad wouldn’t sleep in my bed that night and make me show him my loves. But when we did play ‘trust me’, Daddy always beat on Noah the next day. Maybe I could help Noah if I stopped playing ‘trust me’.

“You know my secrets, Bubba.” I
whispered. I couldn’t look at him when I said it.

He stopped and pulled me towards the
school playground. I didn’t know we had walked so far. I was terrified we were gonna be found this far from home.

“Carrie,
‘trust me’ is our safe place remember? You tell me those secrets when we play, okay? Don’t be scared, Carrie, look at me. You’re safe, Carrie, you’re always safe with me. Trust me, okay? We get our secrets out and then we lock them up in the world with flying cars so they don’t come home with us.”

His voice reminded me of how
my friends’ daddies talk to them. Noah was sweet and loving and he made me feel safe. My daddy made my belly hurt when he talked soft to me. He was nothing like Noah. Noah loves me the right way.

“Daddy wanted lots of loves this week.
More than normal. He said it’s because he misses Mommy and he can’t look at me without seeing her.”

Noah said
a bunch of bad words. If I said those words, I would be eating a bar of soap for dinner. I looked at him stunned he dared say those words.

“I’m sorry, Bubba.” I cried.
I was scared that Noah was definitely going to be hurt by Daddy tomorrow. When Noah gets mad like this from my secrets, he always gets in big trouble with dad. Maybe it’s because he swears so much. I can’t help but think it’s my fault though. For some reason Daddy hates me and Noah being close and he punishes Noah for that.

“It’s not your fault,
Carrie!” He almost yells and I can see the fury and sadness in his eyes. Noah says I shouldn’t have to know what words like fury and sad and scared mean at my age, but like our game of ‘trust me’, I think I’ve always known those words. “Listen to me, Carrie. No matter what he says or what he does to either of us, it’s not your fault or mine.”

“I know,
Bubba. I’m just sorry for my secrets always making you mad. Every time you get mad, Daddy hits you a lot.”

“It’s because I do bad things,
Carrie. It’s not because of ‘trust me’. You need to trust me now, Carrie. Never tell Dad that we play ‘trust me’. Never. Okay?”

“I know,
Bubba. I trust you.” I say as tears roll down my cheeks. Noah is the only person I trust. I know that if it wasn’t for Noah, I would have to give Daddy a lot more loves. I make the decision that right here and now I am gonna stop telling Noah about the loves. I’m scared of what he will do to Daddy, but even more scared of what Daddy will do to him. “I’ll never tell him!” I vow, and grab Noah around the waist. I can give loves to Daddy more if he promises to stop beating on Noah. I’ll do anything to keep Bubba safe. Just like he always kept me safe.