Trust Me (29 page)

“Are you in bed?” I ask silently as if everyone in the bus could hear me.

“Mmmmhmmm. Alone in bed, in the bus and thinking of you baby.” He groaned and I could imagine him stroking himself.

“Really?” I ask totally shameless when he started running his mouth. “I’m in bed alone too, empty house, empty bed…empty Carrie.”

His following groan was one of torment. “I can’t wait to fill empty Carrie plum full.”

I laugh because he defines sexy and makes me laugh at the same time. “Me neither. I hate this big old bed.”

“Well your big old bed can stay empty- better stay empty, until I come to fill all things involving Carrie Beckett.”

I laugh a throaty sultry sound, “I like jealous Chad Blake.”

“Not jealous baby, possessive.”

I laugh again and find myself rubbing my legs together in longing of possessive Chad. “I hear you breathing baby, heavily. What ya thinking?”

I smile knowing full well what I am doing. “Thinking of you…filling me…up.”

“Let’s do this tat fucker.” I hear Noah’s voice from the distance. I hear Chad shuffle around cursing. “Your brother is a cock blocker baby.”

I laugh. “He needs payback and soon.” I roll from the bed and make my way to the bathroom knowing my time with Chad is ending for the morning. “What tattoo are you getting?”

He laughs and I can tell that he is about to play with me some more. “Remember the last night when we stayed on the bay all night and you let me fuck you for hours?”

I felt chills race along my spine thinking about our last night together and how long he held out on me before letting me come. I came so hard I dug his skin beneath my nails roaring his name. He had spent so much time building me to a grand finale of screaming, crying, panting, begging mush. “Yes, I doubt I could ever forget that night baby.”

“Well that night you dug them teeny tiny nails into my skin so deep baby I have claw marks down my back. I couldn’t help but ask your brother nicely to please tattoo those claw marks in my back.”

Holy fuck
!

“What?” I squeak embarrassed beyond reason. Noah knew Chad was giving it to me as often as he could, he doesn’t need to see the evidence of a really phenomenal night of passion. “Please tell me you’re kidding Chad.” I know I am whining but it’s hard enough dealing with Noah outside the sexual realm of my relationship. Rubbing it in his face only makes him harder for me to deal with.

“Oh I did baby and I am fucking loving it. Your brother has been giving me so much shit, even before we got together. Trust me baby he respects this.”

‘Let me talk.” I hear Noah demand from the distance and I cringe inside because ew, what girl wants this talk with her big brother? “Carrie?” He says across the line and I am tempted to pretend the call was dropped because of cell reception.

“What?” I say sweetly not sure how bad it’ll be.

“Seriously, Blake’s right sis. I respect him for loving those marks and marking himself with you. It shows me he is serious about you and that eases my soul. Feel me?”

“Yeah Noah I feel you.” I say but I can’t help the mortification that comes with his knowing. “Does Chad get to tattoo some crazy sex thing between you and Candy?” I ask with a snicker.

“Fuck no.” He says and hands the phone back to a laughing Chad.

“Hey we are about to do this babe so I’ll call when he is done yeah?”

“Yeah okay I need to get up anyway and get dinner going for Gramps.”

“I like that Carrie. I like you calling him Gramps. Makes me feel like you want him to be your Gramps.”

I laugh and try not to giggle all girly at the thought of legally being his granddaughter in law. “Who wouldn’t want Harvey Chad?”

He agrees and before he hangs up I lowered my voice. “Send me a picture when it’s done babe?”

He groans and gives me a gruff yes before the sound of the machine starts buzzing and I hear Chad hiss. “Fuck warn me man.” He says to Noah who laughs and calls him a pussy. “Love you Carrie girl.”

“Love you Rockstar.”

*

The days all blended together as more than a hundred texts were sent between us daily. I had found a peace in his being gone, a sense of relief knowing the fears I was having were fears because deep down I did trust him and I know you are always hurt by those you trusted at one time or another. After all what child wouldn’t originally love and trust a parent to keep them safe. I learned the value of trust early on as did Noah, my brother the genius found a loophole in our situation though and found a way to make trust a thing of beauty and not betrayal.

The Seattle show was tomorrow night and Candy had been ‘coordinating’ our big night with clothes, shoes, hair, makeup, waxing. She even went as far as telling me I needed extra nutrients for all the sex we would be having as well as being well hydrated. I had to wonder just what the fuck she and Noah got down too if she needed a sexual diet prior to the sex. I would never ask or even hint with wonder because I had no desire to know what my brother got down to with my bff.

I was curious though on what their status was. “What’s the deal with you and Noah. You keep dancing around the issue making it clear your with him but also very evasive about him and you together?” I really thought she would tell me everything even if some could have been left out, but she was mum about it all.

“What’s there to tell Carrie? Noah is Noah and that will never change. I am giving him till we head back to school to decide what he wants. It’s making me crazy because when I see him it’s like he’s distant and off putting, but alone…” She gets this dreamy look in her perfect almond eyes and I know by that look alone she loves him.

“But alone?” I prompt hoping her answer has nothing to do with his … ‘moves’ or anything in that genre.

“When he has me alone and we are in bed, or on the couch watching TV, cooking in the kitchen…anything, he is so attentive and sweet. He’s not the serious guy with me, I see all of him and in those moments I tell him I love him.”

“You do?” I ask, my voice ready to crack because I want and need Noah to see how much she loves him, to see he is not broken, not bad and that he is perfect because Candy says so.

She nods and tears fall from her thick black lashes without leaving a streak of muddy black. “He tells me he loves me too. God Carrie, he…” She stops and shakes her head ‘no’. “Never mind.”

“Oh hell no Candy True! You need to spit it out right now.”

“He just says things that melt me and because they are from Noah I believe him. I know he would never spare my feelings with half truths. Noah is crazy honest and at times he gets so deep that I don’t remember to breathe and wind up looking stupid saying some lame ass thing like thanks.”

My own lack for follow up this morning and my awesome choice being, ‘me too’. “I know what you mean there. Chad does that and you know it’s not fair. Boys aren’t allowed to out romance us women. They are freaking songwriters and that gives them an unfair advantage.” I am rolling my eyes and letting my annoyingly perfect romantic boyfriend piss me off.

Candy laughs in agreement. “What was yours?”

“Are we talking just today because I have so many to chose from. He makes me look emotionless at least once a day.”

“That’s it. Emotionless is the word. It’s like they take all the fun out of normal average Joes and the one liners. I had a guy actually tell me that he hit his head looking at me and that I needed to give him my phone number because of insurance purposes.” She looks at me with laughter echoing her words. “Seriously Carrie, he said that and I gave him my number because I thought it was funny and well thought out. That was all it took. That is a normal average Joe and after the likes of Noah Beckett and Chad Blake wooing us, we could never go back.”

I am laughing now too. “We need to make a conscience effort to come up with some swagger when they start getting deep.”

She is nodding and still laughing softly. “So what was the perfect thing he said today that made you feel lame?” She asked handing me a black cowl neck sleeveless top that I immediately knew I would love.

“You’re my it, my all, my everything.” I cringe remembering my reply. “I stealthily responded with the tried and true ‘ you too’.”

She started laughing again and so did I but I wanted to hear her smooth responses. “What about you? What did Noah say that made your reply less than stellar?”

“That my kiss is his treble to his bass, my touch is his fingers on the strings and my voice is the tune he finds in every song.”

Shocked out of my skin. I am shocked my brother had it in him. “Holy fuck Cans that is good. What did you say?”

“Aw thanks.”

I busted up laughing knowing where she was coming from and so ready to romanticize Chad into stupidity. “We need to seriously spend the rest of the night watching every cheesy chick flick out there and come up with something that leaves them stupid.”

“I’m ready for that, more than ready to make Noah eat my words and not just my pussy”

“Jesus Cans really? I never needed the visual.”

She just laughs and walks away like she didn’t just traumatize me for life with that filthy tidbit. “You just wait till I tell Noah I heard about more than his vocal skills but his oral as well.”

Her face dropped at my joke and she began pleading with me. “Please don’t Carrie. I…”

My heart broke for her. “Your still scared he’s gonna run.” It wasn’t a question but an honest truth. She was scared to lose him, my Cans the craziest most awesome girl I knew with confidence coming out in waves, was terrified of my brother breaking her heart.

“Aren’t you scared of Chad breaking you? Think about it Carrie, there is only two ways this eight day gig ends, with a label coming for them or an epic fail and we both know what one it will be. They are too talented, too pretty and too perfect when it comes to music to NOT be signed soon. We both compete with fangirls and tatterflies, but the big leagues like stadiums, tours platinum records and Grammy’s… I am terrified I won’t compare.”

Once again, Candy and her truthful truth has awoken another sleeping monster in my brain.

*

We called it quits after the last store where Candy reminded me that we were small town and they were destined for the world over. We left the store bound and determined to watch chick flick with a pen and pad of paper to prepare to knock their socks off. Only now I wanted to plead my case, tell him why he should pick me, why I was it for him and that no other woman could ever love him more than me.

We stared with the classics like ‘Say Anything’, then next ‘Jerry McGuire’ and Candy even said she would use the ‘Ambassador of Kwan’ line used my Cuba Gooding Jr. at the end. I was in hysterics by the time we made it to the ‘Nicholas Sparks’ portion of the late night. It was five in the morning when we finally fell asleep, but my dreams were twisted with images of random beautiful women like Trisha Chad’s ex, or the girls from the first show I went too. Girls like that all over Chad all while he was on the phone telling me ‘You’re my it, my all, my everything.’ while the fangirls had a heyday with him.

My phone alerted me to a text at nine in the morning and I grumbled that anything before ten was cruel and unusual punishment. Of course I was hoping the text was from Chad telling me some totally over the top sweet thing. It was amazing to me that he could be so cheesy and not once come off as a sap. He was all swagger and confidence and cocky, dressed in bad boys skin and rock n roll clothes, spewing words of love and forever that make me swoon and not want to laugh. He was an anomaly my boyfriend and a sexy one at that.

Looking at the message alerting me it was from an unknown sender made me extremely uncomfortable. Just like curiosity killed the cat, well I am said cat.

Princess I will be at the trust meeting with you and your brother. I would like a moment alone with you before or after the papers are signed over. Can you
call me as soon as you get this? I know a late night of movies with Candy kept you up late, but really, what’s a phone call to dear old dad gonna cost ya? I miss you Princess, more than anything.

I threw the phone across the room and watched it shatter on the ground all while screaming.

Just like that I was stuck between sanity and reality, and no they are two very separate things.
“Kiss me princess, tell me you love me…”
bile rose in my throat as I fought to keep my memories clear. I could see Candy freaking out trying to talk to me but I was stuck in that place, its captor, and there was no getting free.
“Please princess, suck me deeper like I taught you. Do that and I’ll go easy on your brother. Fight me and I’ll make it last all night for both of you.”

This time the bile came up and out and nothing I could have done would have stopped it. His voice was in my head, the stench of whiskey strong and overwhelming me. I could feel his hips pressing against me, ripping me apart with every thrust and I wanted to scream that I was free, it was over.

I felt a burning pain on my face, then again and again. My throat was raw from screaming and then I was back and Candy was screaming and slapping me. She was screaming into her phone and I knew, just knew who she called. When her hand was making its way back to my face I caught her wrist and spoke, “Stop hitting me please?”

It wasn’t intended as a question but my mind wasn’t clear yet. “She’s back but I have no clue what just happened. She got a text and then threw her phone across the room and started screaming nonstop for like five minutes.”

I knew she was talking to Noah because her phone was on speaker and I did all I could do and held my hand out for the phone. She looked at me, tears streaming down her beautiful face and I felt the worst shame for her seeing me at my lowest point. She didn’t know what I was seeing in my mind but she knew enough to know I was hurting and terrified and that had her crying. She placed her arms around me and pulled me close as I spoke in the phone.

“Bubba?” I barely got the word out before I started crying in loud painful wails.