Truth Undressed (Exposed Series, #3) (11 page)

It was the best feeling ever.

Not only was he hitting that spot deep inside me, but my clit was
rubbing against the base of his dick. And I knew I was doing something right
because an energy was building inside me that made me want to go faster and
faster. I was worried if I slowed down I’d lose that feeling, and I was too
excited to let up. I’d never fucked somebody before. Not like this. And I knew
I was fucking him good because my pussy was squeezing him and his brow was
furrowed.

And then I felt myself creep right to the edge of my own
pleasure, and it felt like the warmth inside me had formed a gigantic wave. And
with the very next thrust, it crashed through me and exploded like a fiery
star.

A second later I was out of breath and collapsed against Kevin’s
chest, feeling so smug I couldn’t help but smile. I mean, I thought the first
time it happened was a fluke, but this proved it. It had to have been an orgasm.

And if it wasn’t, fuck me. I’d found something even better.

The Ten
Commandments

Ever since I got sick and realized I’d never have time to fix all
my problems, I’ve been convinced that if I could just get my hands on a pulpit,
I could at least fix everyone else’s. Because now that I see the world through
the eyes of a dead woman, everything seems so obvious.

And even though I’m not a traditionally religious person, I
think it’s plain to see that The Ten Commandments have dated pretty badly.

So out of sheer vanity, I’ve decided to make my own
commandments. Because when you’re on the drugs I’m on right now, it feels like
everything you’re saying is gospel. Anyway, I hope you’ll find my Top Ten helpful.

And for the record, while you’d be right to expect that some of
the rules have a sexual tone, make no mistake. These principles are just as
helpful for achieving satisfaction in life as they are for achieving
satisfaction in relationships.

Anyway, without further introduction, here is the best advice I
would give to my eighteen year old self and therefore, the best I can offer
you.

10. Thou Shalt Be Patient

     Patience is a dying virtue, and much of that is a result of
our modern culture. People and businesses are on a never ending quest to get
more results, cheaper, faster, and with less human interaction than ever
before. Unfortunately, this ideology does a disservice to young people. Because
instant gratification doesn't accurately reflect how the world works. That’s
why the quarter life crisis is so common now.

Bright young men and women graduate from college with degrees
that qualify them to fulfill their dreams of becoming executives with corner
offices. And they can’t help but feel entitled because they’ve never had to be
patient before. Meanwhile, they’re heavy with debt, and no one told them how long
and hard they were going to have to work to pay it off. So when it turns out that
they can’t get promotions as regularly as new iPhones come out, it can be
extremely discouraging.

But in reality, it’s better this way. Because life is like
coffee; it’s better when it’s brewed, not instant. So take your time and
persevere.

Anything worth doing is worth doing well, and real success is a
matter of enjoying the journey.

9. Thou Shalt Not Gamble

     Gambling can be a pleasurable experience. However, there
are lots of activities that can be pleasurable that don’t also guarantee
inevitable pain. If you must gamble, play low stakes poker with friends. That
way, even if you lose, you will have had a good time, and maybe what you lost
will come back to you when the winner buys a round of beers.

Another thing you shouldn’t gamble with is your sexual health.
You know that awful situation when someone on the train sneezes on you and you hold
your breath because you don’t want to get a cold? What if other people’s
sneezes could kill you? Or give you genital warts? Or an incurable disease?

How much trouble would you go to in order to protect yourself
then? You’d probably start wearing one of those masks like everyone in China
wears because the air is so toxic. Fortunately, you don’t have to wear one of
those because you’re healthy, you wash your hands regularly, and you don’t live
in China.

The point is, if you wouldn’t sit by while someone willingly
sneezed in your face, you shouldn’t be having unprotected sex either. The
stakes are way too high. Your health is the greatest asset you have, and a
moment of awkwardness or hurting someone’s feelings is far less inconvenient
than Aids, warts, or a baby.

8. Thou Shalt Ask For What You Want

     You don’t have to be at Burger King to have things your
way. But you do have to ask nicely if you expect to get what you want. It won’t
always work, of course. But it’s always worth a try. And it gets easier.
Especially when you see how well it works.

7. Thou Shalt Not Overstay Your Welcome

     You know that old saying that it’s better to leave the
audience wanting more than for them to be sick of the sight of you by the time
the show is over? Well, your audience is anyone you spend time with whether
it’s your family, your best friend, or a complete stranger. No matter how close
you are with somebody, there is always a point where- if you cross it- you’ll
have spent too much time together. So nourish your relationships by giving them
space when they need it.

After all, nothing ruins the thrill of a casual hookup like the
reality of stale breath and makeup.

And the same rule applies to romantic relationships. Trust me, my
job taught me that there are worse things than being alone. By all means, work
on a relationship if it’s important to you before you quit on somebody. But
never stay just because you think you’re trapped or because you think you can’t
do better.

Remember your commitment to being a whole person, and don’t stay
if you’re unhappy. Life is too short to be miserable. And even though it can be
scary to leave some situations- especially when you’re in your comfort zone-
there is no loneliness like being alone in a relationship.  

6. Thou Shalt Not Bash It Till You’ve Tried It

I know a lot of people are fond of the “try anything once
”
philosophy
,
but I don’t really believe in that. It’s too overwhelming, and it could be too
easily misconstrued to include all manner of things like butt plugs and
heroine.

Instead, don’t bash it till you’ve tried it, and only try things
about which you’re curious and would like to have an opinion.

And if you don’t have an opinion about something that you can
substantiate, then keep your mouth shut. There are too many people giving
unsolicited opinions on things they know nothing about. Important things like
gay marriage and abortion rights and drones.

If you can’t improve on silence or add value to the
conversation, don’t say anything at all.

5. Thou Shalt Be Open Minded And Open Hearted

When you go through life with an open mind and an open heart,
you are privy to a wider variety of experiences. And not only will that make
you a more interesting and compassionate person, it will help you become the
kind of person that notices things. And when you notice things, you realize how
much there is to be grateful for.

So be the kind of person that notices a flower growing through a
crack in the pavement. Not the kind of person who never makes eye contact with
homeless people.

An open heart is a young heart and an open mind is a bright one.
And both will help you enjoy the journey.

4. Thou Shalt Follow The Golden Rule

To be honest, this might be the only commandment anyone needs. Treating
other people courteously is good karma, and it will keep your conscious clear,
which help you sleep better and age better.

I’ve heard it said that we all have the face we deserve by the
time we’re forty. I say, if you have to have wrinkles anyway, they might as
well be the smiley kind.

3. Thou Shalt Not Be Bored

If you feel bored, it’s your fault. Boredom is a choice, and no
conscientious person would ever choose to feel that way.

Personally, I suggest you cast the word out altogether. After
all, it is a selfish, unflattering word that implies that you are reliant on
external forces to be content. Life is difficult enough on account of the
negative emotions you can't avoid. So don't waste your energy entertaining
something as useless, pitiful, and ridiculous as boredom. Only boring people
get bored.

Eliminating boredom from your life is as simple as eliminating
the word from your vocabulary. Don’t settle for it in either place.

2. Thou Shalt End On A Positive

Make every effort to punctuate your life with happy moments by
choosing to end on a positive whenever you can. Sometimes this means achieving
orgasm, other times it means complimenting a colleague after a meeting.
Regardless, it doesn’t take a lot of effort to make it a habit, and it can have
great rewards.

After all, people remember how you make them feel more than
they’ll ever remember what you say. So leave people feeling good, and they’ll
always be happy to see you.

1. Thou Shalt Make Your Own Rules

The biggest mistake you can make is letting other people’s rules
dictate the way you live your life. Doing that is a one way ticket to waking up
in a cold sweat one morning panicked because you don’t like where you’ve ended
up, and you can’t see a way out.

And chances are you aren’t going to escape as gracefully as
Elizabeth Gilbert. So instead of setting yourself up for a meltdown, set your
own goals and standards. That way, if you suddenly find you’ve taken a wrong
turn, you’ll be able to find your way again because you’ll be using your own
map.

Whew!

I can’t even begin to describe what a relief it is to discover
that after so many years of listening, I actually have something to say.

Anyway, I can only hope you’ll appreciate my suggestions the
same way you would a hearty meal. Enjoy what you want and don't force the rest
down your throat.

And who knows? Maybe I’ll be a preacher in my next life? If I
am, I hope it’s in one of those churches in the South where women sing
beautiful, uplifting gospel music. Cause that’s the best kind of soul food
there is.

I think it was probably a good thing that I was completely baked
when I got home because I was in a pleasant, curious mood. Which is exactly the
kind of mood a person should be in when they come across a shoe box full of
photos capturing moments in their deceased Mom’s life. Especially when those
moments show her smiling while she did stuff she never could’ve done if she’d
kept you around.

Still, it was nice of Tina to drop them off along with Dawn’s
jewelry box. Because I hadn’t had a chance to go pick the stuff up myself.
Okay, that isn’t entirely accurate. I’d had plenty of chances. I just wasn’t
ready.  

I thought about it, of course. But it felt weird ransacking the
place so soon. Especially when Dawn was chilling on the mantle downstairs.

And I didn’t want her apartment disturbed. I liked how she had
everything. Like the clothes in her closet. I wanted them to stay just the way
they were. I liked how she had everything organized so her outfits hung
together. Cool outfits, too. Ones I never would’ve thought to put together. And
someday, if I ever had the balls to dress like a rock star in fringed leather
jackets and fur vests with metal accessories, I wanted to make sure I did it
right.

And I was glad Tina was checking in on the apartment because I
had enough to worry about without failing at my home owning obligations. Of
course, the fact that I had an apartment- an “asset
”
as my Dad called it-
was still sort of sinking in.

Obviously, I had no intention of selling it. Not only was that a
“poor investment decision,” but the apartment was the best clue I had to who
she really was. So there was no way I could rent it out anytime soon either.
Not with her smell still in there. And her toothbrush. Which I only remembered
because I’d recently considered trying to swab it for a DNA test.

But that wouldn’t be necessary. I got the sense people weren’t
lying to me anymore. And I could be wrong, but despite all the sadness from
losing her sister, I think Carol was actually relieved that I finally knew. Or
at least relieved that she didn’t have to hide it anymore.

I couldn’t help but wonder whether keeping that secret is one of
the reasons she was so tightly wound all these years. Like if she allowed
herself to relax even a little bit the truth would unravel. Because she definitely
seemed more easy going lately.