Truth Undressed (Exposed Series, #3) (15 page)

But for a few hours, it felt like everything was going to be
okay. Because with people like them in my life, no one could convince me that I
didn’t have luck and love on my side.

Dear Kate,

I want to tell you about my hopes for you because your future is
something I’ve thought a lot about. Everything about it interests me. I wonder
what kinds of hairstyles you’ll have in your life and which ones you’ll regret
the most. And I'm curious about what kinds of courses you’ll take in school and
whether they’ll be challenging enough for you.

Of course, I hope you’ll take classes you enjoy on subjects that
you’re genuinely interested in. If you do that, not only will it be easy to
study, but you’ll develop a love of learning which will help you become a
well-rounded person.

Whatever you do, don’t pick your major based only on where you
think the money is. Because if that contradicts where your passion lies, it
will be a difficult and miserable course. Plus, the sooner you start letting
the hunger for money drive your decision making, the sooner you’ll get lost and
unhappy. Pursuing money just for the sake of money is a slippery slope, and the
more you do it, the harder it will become to make decisions any other way.

And as you find your way, I hope you won’t allow yourself to
fester in jealousy of any kind. By all means, allow yourself to be just jealous
enough that it gives you a kick in the right direction, but don’t let yourself
wallow in it. Seriously, since the birth of philosophy, no one has ever said
that comparing yourself to others is the road to happiness.

So focus on your own dreams and achieve them at your own pace. Don’t
waste your only shot at this life wishing that you were someone else. It’s a
waste of your time and your life. Follow your heart instead. That way even when
you make mistakes, you won’t regret them.

And if your heart encourages you to love and be loved, don’t
apologize for it. Enjoying sex doesn’t make you weird and it doesn’t make you
damaged goods. Enjoying sex makes you human and woman and normal. Never feel
bad about anything you do that gives you pleasure and doesn’t hurt anyone else.

And on your journey, I hope you’ll find at least one of your
soul mates. It would make me so happy for you to enjoy the kind of support and
companionship that type of relationship offers.

I’ve no doubt that you’ll find plenty of men who’ll be eager to
admire you and spoil you rotten. But be as choosy as you are amorous because a
girl can only spread herself so thin.

Also, I hope that you’ve inherited my adventurous spirit because
there are so many wonderful places to go and things to do in this world. As you
know, your generation has more opportunity than any before. But sometimes I
worry that young people’s ambition inhibits their willingness to take the road
less traveled.

Go on real adventures to places where you couldn’t possibly
update your Facebook status. Allow yourself to have clever ideas that are
longer than 140 characters. And do your best to stay in the moment at rock
concerts instead of taking out your camera phone. Because it's the energy of
the crowd in that moment- not the video footage- that you'll want to remember.

After all, someday when people ask you about your life, you’re
not going to tell them about all the great TV series you watched, your method for
taking a flattering selfie, or how many retweets you got on your most original
thought. You’re going to tell them about the stuff you DID. And trust me, it’s
not going to matter a damn how many people ‘Liked’ it at the time.

So by all means keep in touch with the people that matter to
you, but don’t let yourself forget that there’s a lot more to life than keeping
your status updated.

Have you ever heard the story about the goldfish in the tub?

Basically, the owner of the fish decides to clean its bowl, so
it puts Goldie in the bathtub. But even though Goldie has the whole tub to
explore, she just keeps swimming in a tiny circle no bigger than her bowl
because it’s her comfort zone.

I don’t think it’s supposed to be a horror story. But it scared
the shit out of me the first time I heard it. And when I did, I promised myself
that if anything was ever going to hold me back in life, it wasn't going to be
me.

And that’s my hope for you. Don’t hold yourself back. Be bold.
Be curious. Never tread water when you could be moving forward.

Finally, Kate, I want to thank you. For showing up at my door,
for sticking by me in the end when I couldn’t bear to be around anyone but you,
and for being my greatest source of pride.

I can literally see the grim reaper from where I’m sitting. And
let me tell you, it feels good to be unafraid, to know I don’t need to come back
and haunt anyone.

I don’t have any unfinished business. You are my greatest life’s
work.

I will rest peacefully knowing I brought you into this world,
and I will rest gratefully knowing that you were there to help me out of it.

But above all, I hope you’ll be happy. Because I’ve no doubt
you’ll be loved.

Love Always & Courage, too,

Dawn

Packing for school wasn’t as emotional as I thought it would be,
but I think that’s just because I was running on adrenaline. And because I
avoided Carol as much as possible. She was weepy and cranky for the entire week
before I went to school. It was confusing. Like she kept appearing at my door
with little things she got to make my dorm room more homey. But when she gave
them to me, she’d act kind of pissed off.

I think it was just separation anxiety so I decided to be strong
for both of us. Plus, I was worried if I stopped acting tough for even two
seconds I would turn into a pile of shaking leaves and be unable to go through
with it.

Danielle and I said goodbye to Annie two days earlier. Annie
acted like she was sick of us and couldn’t wait to get away. Then she sent a
bunch of “I love you whores” apology texts to us the moment she was out of
sight. But by that point Danielle and I were already both bleary eyed with
tears. Then we got lunch and said our last goodbyes to each other, too, because
neither of us could face going through the whole exhausting ordeal again.

When I went over to Kevin’s to say good bye, he squeezed me so
hard I wished he’d never let go. I felt so safe in his arms. I didn’t know how
I would be able to replicate the nice feelings I had when I was with him,
feelings that felt so precious and right.

He promised he would miss me and that he was going to put a
curse on all the guys in Maryland that would cause them to suffer from chronic
acne and jock itch. I said I hoped we could keep in touch, and I actually held
it together until he gave me his favorite t-shirt. It smelled like him, and I
held it to my face and used it to dry my eyes the whole way home.

My brother, Chris, had been pretty cool since the whole
“surprise you’re adopted” debacle. Or at least he hadn’t changed his behavior
towards me in the slightest. Then again, I think he was going to say something
to me about it once because he made this weird face. But I grabbed his cheeks
before he could speak and said
it’s okay. We’re cool.

I knew I was going to miss his totally inoffensive presence and
I told him so. He’s planning to come visit me as soon as I get settled. If his
girlfriend will let him. He is truly my father’s son.

As far as my Dad- the one who wanted me- I’ll be forever
grateful to him for how he handled everything. Like I was a little distant for
a few weeks. But he just kept shopping for the perfect shelves for my dorm and
printing out extensive Google maps so I could find my way to class the first
few days.

Then one night we ordered pizza, and he was changing a light
bulb when the delivery guy showed up. He told me his wallet was on the counter
and asked me to pay for it. Of course, the moment I opened his wallet, I saw a school
picture of me from when I was in first grade. I had a bow in my hair and I was
missing my two front teeth. After that, my anxiety melted away and it was a
non-issue. He was my Dad. Always had been, always would be.

As far as my other Dad, for a while I was determined to do great
things. Like that would really show him. But then I started thinking that if I
wasn’t enough back then when I was a dependent little baby, he was never going
to find me interesting. In the end, I decided fuck him. I never needed him
before, and I didn't need him now.

Carol and I were doing fine. She never once let me forget that I
had been truly wanted and always loved. And her commitment to sending that message-
as much as it was annoying when I wanted to sulk- made it impossible for me to
pity myself. I guess it was just a big confidence boost seeing that she didn’t
give a shit whether I thought she was my Mom or not. She was going to carry on
as she always had, looking out for me, believing in me, and encouraging me.

So after being difficult and standoffish for a while, I realized
that wild horses couldn’t drag her away from me. Even though I had never been
in her womb, she was a crazed animal when it came to being my Mom for better or
for worse. It kind of reminded me of those stories about when a mother cat
raises a duckling or a dog raises a deer. Family is family is family, and if a
duck can accept a cat as its Mom, I was crazy not to accept Carol.

Finally, as far as Dawn- Aunt extraordinaire, lousy Mom, and
first class therapist- well, she’ll always be part of me. And something about
coming to terms with the fact that I was part freedom loving rock star made me
feel surprisingly grounded.

But in the end I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her
behind. I wanted to keep her close. So I mixed her ashes in with the dirt at
the bottom of a hardy house plant, and decided to take her to school with me.

Tina said she’d be thrilled to go back to college, that she’d
never been to Maryland.

I hoped I could show her a good time.

Dear Awesome Reader,

Thank you for taking the time to read this story. I hope you
enjoyed it.

If you have a spare moment, PLEASE give me some honest feedback
by leaving a review on Amazon OR send me a note directly at
[email protected]
so I can
thank you personally for giving my work a chance. It really means a lot to me,
and I would love to hear from you.

Until next time, happy reading,

Xo Hazel

Ps- If you liked The Exposed Series, check out The Devoured
Series. The first book,
Licked
, is FREE!
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