Truth Undressed (Exposed Series, #3) (13 page)

At the end of the day, we all just have to do the best with what
we’ve got on the inside and let go of what happened before we were old enough
to have a say. You’re not accountable for the choices that other people made
for you. But like it or not, you will be held responsible for the choices you
make for yourself going forward.

So choose wisely. All anyone can do is try to succeed despite
their parents. Don’t waste your time on self-pity and wishing you could change
the past. Just be grateful that the sun came up today, that the zombie
apocalypse hasn’t happened yet, and get on with it.

Love Always,

Dawn

Kevin and I were doing less and less talking when I would go
over to his house. It had almost become a joke to see how many other things we
could pretend to be interested in before we started pawing at each other.

I honestly don’t know who wanted to rip off the other person’s
clothes more. I’d never had that kind of mutually lustastic relationship with
someone. I mean, a lot of times we didn’t even get drunk or stoned before we
fooled around which was a big deal for me.

Maybe it wasn’t for him because he’d dated his ex for almost a
year. But for me, it was weird to hook up with someone without my senses being
dulled. It took some getting used to. For the first time, I understood how much
drugs really did lessen my inhibitions and make me more confident. And it was
kind of hard to relax and disappear into myself when I was so… alert.

Especially when I was lying on my back and all of a sudden he
moved down to unzip my pants. It made me nervous to have someone down there
when I was sober. It was like sensory overload before he even got the zipper
all the way down.

And I always worried about what guys were really thinking when
they went down on me. I mean, I’m sure they were partly preoccupied with making
me feel good, but that probably didn’t take all their brainpower. Especially if
you were a professional like Kevin. And even though I was freshly showered so
my snatch smelled sort of like a pungent flower bed, I didn’t have a clue how
it tasted.

I was curious, sure, but I couldn’t get past sniffing my fingers
after I touched myself. Which I only did once. And that felt weird enough. Then
again, I knew lots of mother’s tasted their own breast milk which was also a
bodily fluid, but that didn’t seem the same. Plus, a guy would never dream of
tasting his own brand, right? And yet they expect their girlfriends to drink it
like it’s the last Sunkist on Earth.

And then there was the whole issue of my grooming which I’d had
an unnatural preoccupation with ever since Ian. And I knew Kevin had seen at
least one other vag up close, but it drove me crazy wondering how it compared. Surely
most women my age weren’t getting waxed, but that made staying “bald” intolerable.
I mean, what was the point of shaving everything if it was just replaced with
angry looking, scratchy razor burn? Plus, it looked creepy to me. Like if I
didn’t look nine years old anywhere else, why should I behind my underwear?

I heard it was the porn industry's influence, but I couldn’t
help but wonder if there was any relation to pedophilia.  I mean, aren’t pedos
attracted to hairless, smooth, immature looking crotch? So if the rest of us allowed
that look to become the norm, weren’t we just encouraging a blurry line there
and doing society a gross disservice.

Okay, so maybe that’s blowing it out of proportion. Still, I
just didn’t have sufficient time, motivation, or Tend Skin to mimic Barbie. As
a result, I had settled on a sort of middle ground. My bikini line was shaved
and my tuft was closely trimmed. But it wasn’t so short that it affected my ability
to grind against the base of Kevin’s monster cock.

Honestly, it was so big that other big things started to remind
me of it. Like remote controls and water bottles and my forearm. Sometimes I
worried that he would stretch me out so I’d never be tight for anyone again.
But I decided that even if I had to do Kegels every day for the rest of my
life, having him was worth it.

But at that moment, his cock wasn’t anywhere near me. After slipping
my bottoms off and dropping them in a heap at the end of the bed, he grabbed my
ankles and pulled them apart.

I was only smiling because he was. Inside, I was terrified. He’d
never gone down on me when I was sober before, and I was worried I wouldn’t be
able to relax enough to enjoy it.

“Relax,” he said, climbing back up onto the bed between my legs.
He slid his palms underneath the back of my legs until his hands were wrapped
around my thighs. Then he stuck his tongue out and wagged it at me.

I laughed. But I stopped laughing as soon as he touched it to me
because it sent a jolt of heat through my body. He moved it softly against me,
warming me up one degree at a time. I couldn’t bear to watch so as soon as he
pulled my thighs around his face, I let my head press back into the pillow and
closed my eyes.

After all, there was nothing for me to do but lay back and enjoy
the feeling of him lapping waves through me. Once he got going I couldn’t worry
about what he was thinking anymore. All my energy was being spent trying to
hold still so I wouldn’t start writhing on the bed.

Soon I released a little groan, and Kevin responded by picking
up the pace at which his tongue flicked my hot clit. As the pressure inside me grew,
I couldn’t stop myself from tilting my hips towards him.

It took all my strength to open my eyes and peek. I could see
his dark curls moving eagerly between my legs as he dug his fingertips into my
thighs.

When I closed my eyes again, I felt one of his hands slide off
my leg. A second later two thick fingers plunged into me, causing me to cry
out. It felt like he was stirring my insides with his fingers and bringing me
to a boil with his tongue.

“I’m gonna come Kevin,” I said breathlessly. “You’re gonna make
me come.”

He curled his fingers inside me and pressed his thumb alongside his
tongue. A moment later my whole body jolted and I gasped for breath. He slid
his fingers out and I could hear him drinking me as I melted into his mouth.

When I opened my eyes, I was smiling like an idiot, and he was
smiling back.

“Come here,” I said, making a come hither gesture with my
finger. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him to me. Then I kissed
him, and I could taste my sweet, inoffensive pleasure on his lips.

“I want to come inside you,” he whispered.

I smiled. Ever since he’d found out that I was on the pill, coming
inside me had become his new favorite thing. And mine, too. I liked how he
would drip out of me for hours afterwards when I wasn’t expecting it. It was
like being reminded of a sexy secret.

“How do you want me?” I asked, dizzy with pleasure.

“Turn around,” he said.

He backed off me slowly so I could roll over. I rose on all
fours and shook my ass in front of him.

He grabbed my hips and pulled me close. I could feel his dick against
my butt cheek as he reached forward and fondled my breasts for a moment. Then
he slid a hand down the side of my rib cage and grabbed my hip. I felt his cock
stiffen even more as he smacked it against my ass.

I reached between my legs, grabbed him, and stroked him a few
times. Then I guided him towards my still pulsing pussy.

He plunged in so fast I yelped as my arm shot forward so I could
steady myself. He felt even bigger when he took me that way, and it was as
scary as it was exciting.

He pulled out slowly almost all the way and then pulled me back
onto him, and I wished I could see what he was seeing as he slipped in and out
of me. Then he sped up for a moment, and I dropped to my elbows and held my
breath. Finally he groaned and pushed himself as deep inside me as he could.  

I felt like I’d been shattered from the inside out, and I
collapsed against the bed, taking Kevin with me. I could still feel my pussy
throbbing around him as I lay there with the weight of his body on me, his
breath hot against my neck.

Fortunately, I didn’t have enough air in my lungs to speak,
because if I had, I might have told him what I was thinking. Which was that I
loved him.

“You’re a fucking goddess, Kate, you know that?”

I laughed. “That was epic.”

He rolled off me and propped himself up on his elbow. I stayed
on my belly, turning my head towards him on the pillow.

“I’m going to miss that,” I said.

A crease deepened between his eyebrows. “What are you talking
about?”

“When I go to school,” I said, “but you’ll come visit me won’t
you?”

“I thought you were staying here? Because of your Aunt’s
apartment?”

“I never said that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going away?”

“I tried.”

“You didn’t.”

“Yes I did, Kevin, and you always interrupt me or try to change
the subject.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“I don’t want to.”

“Well, you know I’m staying here for school.”

The air in the room went from warm to muggy.

“I’m not breaking up with you,” I said. I couldn’t tell him how
strongly I felt about him. Not then. Not when I felt so fragile and naked all
of a sudden. “You can come visit me in Maryland.”

“Why do you have to go to Maryland?”

“Cause I want to play lacrosse.”

“You don’t have to go that far away to play lacrosse!”

“I already accepted the offer. I got a scholarship.”

“Well you’ve made your choice then.”

“That’s not fair. I’m not not choosing you!”

“Kate,” he said, sitting up and reaching for his boxers at the
end of the bed. “I’m not going to be the pathetic guy you left at home while
you’re off at college parties with East Coast assholes throwing themselves at
you.”

“We can visit each other,” I said, sitting up. “And talk on the
phone.” I crawled to the edge of the bed and grabbed my clothes off the floor. “It
won’t be that bad.”  

“I’d be too jealous,” he said. “I’d go crazy.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

His face was cold. “It doesn’t matter if I trust you,” he said, pulling
his shirt over his head.

“Of course it does. That’s the only thing that matters!”

He just shook his head.

I wrapped my arms around him, pinning his arms down at his sides
and hugging him as tight as I could.

He lifted his hands so they covered my bare back and rested his
cheek on my shoulder. “You’ll find someone else, Kate, and it’ll kill me when
it happens.”

I shook my head. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. A single
tear rolled down my face and I squeezed him tighter so he wouldn’t see. “Don’t
do this, Kevin. It’s breaking my heart.”

“Mine, too,” he said, smoothing my hair against the back of my
head. “Mine, too.”

I know I was an absent mother. I wish I could say that was the
only mistake I made, but it wasn’t. In fact, I made lots of mistakes. Far too
many to revisit here, especially in my delicate state.

The only reason I’m going to mention these few is because
understanding where I went wrong might save you a lot of time, money, and
anguish.

So here they are, my three biggest mistakes. They're the ones I
made over and over during my life that I believe were most detrimental to my
happiness.

Number 1: I always waited too long to ask for help

This isn’t a particularly unusual mistake to make, but the
consequences can be severe. For me, it was usually pride, fear, or shame that
kept me from reaching out. Failing to ask for help is why I got two D’s in
college, why I broke my toe trying to help my friend move one summer, and why I
had to wash my dishes in the bathroom for three months.

But if I could do it all over again, I would jump at the chance
to ask for help any time I needed it. Asking for help isn’t just good for you,
it’s good for the entire economy. Seriously, if people didn’t need help, I never
even would’ve been able to hold down a job.

So no matter how vulnerable or stupid asking for help makes you
feel, get over it. Because putting it off only creates obstacles where none
need exist and isolates you. And isolation never solved anything.

Number 2: I spent too much energy on hating my body

When I was young, I matured quickly. Much faster than the other
girls in my class anyway. One day I was the only girl that could jump high
enough to play tetherball with the other boys. The next day I was too busy
folding my hands over my chest to play sports. I actually used to lie in bed at
night and think things like
if my chest is any bigger tomorrow, I’m going to
kill myself
.  When it came to becoming a woman, I wasn’t interested.