Try Not to Breathe (33 page)

M
att’s impending paternity leave brought another deadline into sharp focus. Jacob’s wife could have his baby at any time, and as soon as she did, he would be a dead end. No matter what he might say in the run-up, he wouldn’t have the time or the inclination to help from the moment the first contraction kicked in.

Alex knew she was juggling with flaming tar but instead of staying home with her teatime jug and her medicinal measure, she drove to the office where Jacob had said he worked.

She sat in the car park listening to the car radio and willing him to get a move on. The program was some kind of afternoon drive-time show where people phoned in with their requests. It poked a little hole in her ego to hear “Waterfalls” by TLC being placed in the “golden oldies” category.

Eventually the smoky brown doors were shoved open and Jacob, flanked by a younger man with dark hair and drop-waisted jeans, pottered out. They walked slowly to a black Audi A3, Jacob reaching for the passenger door.
Shit, of course he’d get a lift home.

She popped her door open, key still in the ignition. As she leaned out, Alex waved and called his name.

Jacob and his colleague both spun around and Jacob gave her a look that couldn’t possibly have meant anything other than “What the fuck?” His friend leaned on his car door, watching curiously as Jacob made his slow progress across to Alex.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, aghast.

“I wanted to hear how it went with Jenny. I thought I could give you a lift home while you told me.”

“You should have called me. I could have met you around the corner.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think.”

“Now I’ll have to explain to Marc who you are.”

“Just say I’m a friend.”

“Like that doesn’t sound dodgy.”

“Say I’m your cousin, then, there’s nothing dodgy about a cousin.”

“Hmn.”

“Did he buy it?” Alex asked as Jacob clambered awkwardly into the passenger seat.

“I think he had to.”

She crawled out of the car park and into the rush-hour traffic. Alex wanted to cut straight to the point and ask what Jenny had said but slowed herself down to ask about his first day back.

“It was okay, very busy.”

“So how did it go with Jenny?”

Jacob paused and flexed his hands. “Well, Amy was cheating on me, Alex, so you were right there.”

Alex braked with more force than she intended and looked at Jacob, raising her eyebrows.

“Apparently Amy had got drunk a few weeks before she was attacked and she told Jenny that she’d fallen for someone else.” The sides of Jacob’s mouth twitched downward.

“Hmn,” said Alex.

“What does
that
mean? I thought you’d be pleased you were right.”

“I’m not pleased about any of it and I’m sorry you thought I would be. I don’t know quite what to say. Are you okay?”

“I guess. I mean, it’s not like Jenny told me my wife was cheating…” Jacob trailed off.

“Did she actually say Amy had done anything with this person?” Alex was trying to stay patient.

“No. She said that Amy liked someone else and he liked her. And she said that Amy was confused about what to do. Jenny didn’t know for sure that anything had happened but she didn’t know it hadn’t either. She just hadn’t asked.”

“When did Amy tell her this?”

“A few weeks before she went missing.”

God, I wish Jenny would let me interview her,
thought Alex. Her memories could clearly unpick some of the knots in the story and it was increasingly obvious just how clueless and dopey Jacob had been back then.

“Did Jenny have any idea who this other person was?”

Jacob took a deep breath. “That’s what’s driving me mad. She said it was someone close to me. It must have been one of my school friends but surely they’d have come forward?”

“Not if they thought they’d get in trouble. Did you ever have any suspicions about Amy and your mates?”

“No, never. She didn’t seem to like any of them.” Jacob swiveled to face her. “Jenny said Amy had been in some sort of competition to lose her virginity, and you knew about it.”

“Did she?” Alex kept her eyes on the road but could feel Jacob looking at her.

“Yes, she did.”

“Okay, Becky told me about it but I didn’t want to mention it unless I really had to. I knew how much it would upset you. And to be completely honest, I put even less stock in it while I thought there was any chance Paul could be the culprit.”

“I just can’t believe she’d be so flippant. I knew she was keen to, y’know, but not like that. I thought she wanted to take that step with me, not just with anyone that would have her. Do you think she did something stupid because of it?”

“Hand on heart, I don’t think this silly competition meant anything. I think most teenagers are in the same race, officially or not. I don’t think Amy would have done anything rash just to beat her friends at something they were all going to exaggerate anyway.”

“I hope not, but she did sleep with someone, that’s not pie in the sky, however much I hate to consider it. You told me that was a cold medical fact.”

“Yeah, it is. And we don’t have enough facts for my liking. I really think Jenny is the key to this, she’s the only one that we know Amy confided in. Do you think she might talk to me if you were there?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I can ask.”

“There’s one other thing that still confuses me. Do you have
any
idea why Tom might have gone to see Amy a few years ago?”

“No,” Jacob said wearily, “I still have no idea. I mean, he’s a caring guy and I can imagine him wanting to see if she was okay. Maybe. But even that’s a bit…” He trailed off. “Look, he really didn’t know her that well. It just happened around him.”

“But it must have affected him,” Alex said, gently. “Your parents would have been distracted, you were interviewed by police, he even had to change schools. All that stuff must have taken its toll.”

“Yeah, but he wouldn’t be the first kid to move to a new school or have disruptions in his life. I can’t see it bothering him after all this time.”

“Did he like his new school?”

“No, but anyone would have hated it. St. Cuthbert’s was a super-religious private school. Small and very strict. And it was all boys too, very different from the grammar.”

“So, basically, the only effect all this had on Tom was a bad one. He had to leave a school he liked to go to a gloomy boys’ school.”

“Alex…”

“But he didn’t complain? He didn’t rage at you about this?
Your
girlfriend gets attacked but
he’s
the one that has to move schools, and he didn’t moan?”

“He’s always been a good guy, Alex, he’s just not a complainer.”

“Or he felt responsible. He felt like he deserved to be punished.” She gripped the steering wheel and stared dead ahead, afraid to see the anger creeping up Jacob’s neck, afraid that she’d stop and apologize.

“You’re way off, Alex, you’re crossing a line.”

“And then, on top of all this easygoing, understanding acceptance of something shitty happening to him, he then—as an
adult
—goes to see Amy. The girl that caused all of this upheaval. You don’t see how that’s suspicious?” She could feel him staring at her, glowing hot and red in the passenger seat, but she stared resolutely at the black road.

“Hold it right there, Alex. I can see what you’re doing and I don’t like it. This is my family we’re talking about, not some dodgy bloke like Paul Wheeler.”

Alex had been chewing her lip, waiting for him to finish. “Jacob,” she said, tersely, “right now there are still some strange coincidences involving your brother. That doesn’t mean he did anything wrong…but you must be able to see why I have to ask.”

“You’re heading in the wrong direction.” Jacob paused and took a deep breath. “Come and speak to my mum. Come and ask her why she and Tom visited Amy, because I’m blown if I know.”

“Really?”

“Believe me, it’s the last thing I want to do but this needs to be nipped in the bud and I don’t have any answers. There’ll be a perfectly reasonable explanation, and once you’ve heard it, you can get on with working out what really happened.”

Sue apologized for the nonexistent mess, “If I’d known we’d have company…” and buzzed around the kitchen in a way that made Alex incredibly nervous.

“Mum, don’t worry, I’ll make the tea,” Jacob said to the back of her head.

“I’m sorry to come here unannounced,” Alex called after her, still blushing from the way Sue had eyed her up and down when they first walked in. Like she knew Alex from somewhere. And not in a warm way, more like she’d seen her throwing up in the river or rowing in the street. Both of which were possible once upon a time.

“It’s fine,” Sue said curtly. Perhaps thinking better of it, she turned around and smiled. “It’s kind of you to drop him home.”

“Mum, I know you’ve not met Alex before, but she’s a friend from Tunbridge Wells. You dropped me at her house recently.”

“I thought so.”

Jacob blushed.

“You do know, I hope, that Jacob is married?” Sue said to Alex as she poured thin amber tea into the teacups.

“It’s nothing like that,” Alex started to say, looking at Jacob.

“Alex is just a friend, Mum.” Jacob looked at his feet.

“Married men don’t spend this much time with women who aren’t their wives, Jacob. No wonder Fiona’s so cross.”

“I shouldn’t have come here,” Alex said, picking her car keys off the sideboard. “I’m sorry.”

“No, wait,” Jacob said, holding his palm up and then folding it back to his side. “Mum, there’s more I’ve not told you.”

Sue crossed her arms over her chest and stared hard at Alex.

“Alex is a journalist, Mum, and she’s writing about Amy.”

“Amy?”

“Amy Stevenson, my old girlfriend from school.”

“I know who Amy is,” Sue said.

“Mrs. Arlington, I’m writing an article for
The Times
about the work they do on Bramble Ward at the Tunbridge Wells Royal Infirmary.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve been focusing on Amy’s story.”

“I see.”

“And I’ve been talking to people like Jacob who knew Amy before she was attacked and he thought you might be able to help.”

“Did he?”

Sue held Jacob’s eye until he looked back down at his feet.

“Well, that was all a very long time ago so I can’t imagine I’d have anything useful to tell you.”

“You’ll have a different perspective on it from her friends or from Jacob. You worked at Amy’s school, for example?”

“I didn’t have anything to do with the pupils. I really don’t like the idea of being interviewed.”

“Would you mind trying, Mum? Alex’s article might help me and her other friends come to terms with what happened.”

“Oh for goodness sake, I’m sure you all came to terms with it years ago.”

Jacob said nothing.

“Yes,” agreed Sue, “Amy was a lovely girl. I didn’t know her well but she certainly seemed to have a spark about her.”

Alex pushed the iPhone closer along the pine kitchen table. Sue fiddled with a coaster, and flicked her eyes at Jacob, scrunched next to her in a matching pine chair. Alex wondered if these were the chairs he’d grown taller in, in which he’d learned to use a knife and fork.

“All the school staff were affected, of course. People don’t realize it but teachers feel these things very keenly. They spend years with these youngsters, getting to know them.”

“And how about you, how did you feel?”

“Awful, of course. I felt dreadful for Jacob. I was powerless to help him, which is a horrible feeling as a mother. And we were devastated for her family. Your child being hurt is every parent’s worst nightmare. You’ll do anything to prevent that.”

“So you and Amy got along?” asked Alex.

“Amy was a lovely girl,” Sue repeated, stirring another cup of tea.

“Did she spend much time at your house?”

“A little, she and Jacob were going steady for a while so she came round from time to time.”

“Did Amy get on with your son Tom as well?”

Sue frowned. “She wasn’t friends with Tom.”

“But she must have met him?”