Twice in a Lifetime (Love Found) (16 page)

One after another stepped up. She appreciated the condolences they offered, the anecdotes. They all had memories of the man they cared about. She made an effort to seem interested. These people were all feeling loss as well, but she didn’t have the strength to focus on their needs. Her heart was broken. Nothing else mattered.

Ben’s secretary—no, Jake’s now—perched on the arm of her chair with moisture clinging to her lashes. “It was a beautiful service.” Allie found her hand clasped along with Kim’s offer of sympathy and a wispy smile. “Ben was one of the best bosses ever, and a good man.”

She could only nod. “Thank you.” Her chest was embedded with a weight that wouldn’t ease as her eyes wandered the room, lighted on Jake. “This will be difficult on him, running the company alone.”

Kim’s eyes followed hers, found her new boss. “Don’t you worry about him; I’ll keep an eye out.” Kim’s smooth drawl was familiar and kind. “But you need to take care of yourself and Trey now.”

She thanked Kim again with a lifelessness that was familiar now and let her eyes float around the room. So many people gathered in her home –hovering nearby, waiting to speak to her. Hysterically, a scene came to her from one of the movies Ben loved.
The mafia don was dead and the son sat, as if on a throne, a line of people at his feet, waiting to kiss his ring
. The head of her family was gone and here she sat. Her tears flowed freely again, great wracking sobs that refused to be controlled, ever since that brutal morning.

Jake, standing nearby, watching over her, witnessed her collapse. He caught Reese’s eye and motioned her over.

“I’ll take her into her room now.” Her frailty was unsettling. But she would find her inner strength again. They all would.

Reese nodded and led the way down the hall. “I’ll turn down the bed, help her out of her clothes.”

He hovered as Reese got her tucked in and went to the bathroom for water and a sleeping pill. Allie had argued against the pills, but after two sleepless nights she relented and let him call her doctor. He and Reese stayed with her, talking softly, crooning nonsense until Allie fell asleep. In the kitchen he found Maddie packing leftover food away, stacking containers neatly in the refrigerator. It was an arduous day for everyone.

Reese sidled up beside him. “Jax invited Trey home with them, and Maddie agreed. I think they’re hoping to distract him with video games and late night refrigerator raids.” He offered Reese a smile of gratitude as his eyes located Trey, sitting quietly by himself. “I’ll spend the night tonight, in case Allie wakes and needs someone.”

The kitchen was clean, the refrigerator stocked; there was nothing left to do. Everyone gradually made their way out the door until the house was finally, mercifully, quiet. Only he and Reese remained.

Reese distributed floral arrangements around the living room and stacked sympathy cards on the kitchen table while he moved through the house with a trash bag, collecting discarded plates and cups. He stalled, hated the idea of leaving Allie, but Reese would be there. There was no reason to delay his departure. He peeked in on Allie then left, headed to his empty house. He deliberated stopping by Michelle’s on the way, remembered she was out of town.

Their trip home from Las Vegas was a pleasant one. He’d ditched the scorned Bach when they stopped for gas, they were happy and rested, chatting about the weekend. They saw a show—a popular comedian—and played a little blackjack, and again he was glad he suggested the getaway. It was a long drive, but he enjoyed having the time alone with Michelle, without the interruptions of their busy schedules.

“Hey, what do you have going on over there?” He was pulling into the outskirts of Phoenix, the lights of the skyline in the near distance. Michelle systematically jabbed buttons on her Blackberry.

“Getting a jump on tomorrow.” As usual her attention was on the backlit screen. “It looks like there’s a problem with a project in Tucson. I’ll need to head over there in a couple of days.”

Jake’s forehead furrowed and his lips thinned to a narrow line, but he said nothing. As he turned into her complex he commented again about the weekend. “I had a great time, Michelle. We’ll do this again, one day soon.”

Michelle frowned and looked up from the email she was composing. “Sure sugar, but next time we should fly. Who ever wants to be stuck in the car for such a long time?”

Hiding the clutch of disappointment, Jake pulled up to Michelle’s condo. He wheeled her suitcases to her door, kissed her goodbye and promised to call. He drove through intermittent weekend traffic to his own home with a vague sense of unease. As he pulled into his own garage, he parked the car and answered a phone call that changed his life forever.

Allie awoke groggy the next morning, a mind-numbing combination of grief, exhaustion and medication. She was curled up on Ben’s side of the bed and shoved her whole face into his pillow, straining to catch his scent, but there was nothing left of him there. With a sad sigh of resignation she stumbled from the bed and ambled through the house to the kitchen, the smell of coffee and cinnamon a powerful lure.

There was Reese, pulling muffins out of the oven. The enticing aroma was a blatant reminder that she’d deprived her body of food for days. It rumbled in protest.

Reese turned at the sound of Allie entering the room.

“Morning, sleepyhead. Ready for coffee?”

Allie offered a scrawny smile, her palm massaging the back of her neck. “Mmm, definitely.

Reese poured two mugs of the fragrant brew and Allie took a chair at the table. She idly thumbed through the stack of condolence cards, then set them aside. Allie doctored her coffee and took her first sip. Reese turned back to the counter and returned a moment later with her own mug and a basket of hot blueberry muffins.

Allie selected one, paused before taking a bite, her eyebrows furrowed. “Where’s Trey?”

“Maddie took him home last night.”

Her forehead smoothed; she nodded, then fixed a vague stare on her muffin. She pulled off small pieces, placed them one by one into her mouth and chewed sluggishly. When she was finished she took another sip, peering over her mug and gaining her friend’s attention. She had no tears this morning. Her eyes were dry but her heart was empty. “What am I going to do, Reese?” For something to do, she shredded a paper napkin. “How do I get through this? I need to pull myself together, but I don’t know how.”

Reese’s expression softened. She reached across the table and took Allie’s hand in sympathy. “Oh, honey. For now you get up each morning and you get through that day. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time. And don’t make it any harder than that.”

Pretty much what her mom had said for days now. Allie nodded and lowered her eyes, her palms both clutching her mug like a lifeline. “I’m worried about Jake, too.”

“I know you are, sweetie. He called while you were asleep.”

Allie nodded again, squeezed her hand around Reese’s then pulled it away, lifted the coffee to her lips without tasting it. Tears snuck steadily through an invisible barrier, trickled down her cheeks. “I keep waiting for Ben to walk into the room, kicking off his boots.” Her flooded eyes bounced off the entry and landed at the door to the laundry room, visible from her seat. “I hear his voice, but when I look of course he’s not there. This all seems so unreal.” She lowered her mug to the table, framed her face with her hands, whispered brokenly. “This happens to other people.”

But this time it happened to her.

Allie thumbed her cheeks dry. “Trey’s having such a hard time. They were so close.”

Reese still spoke softly, her warm familiar voice comforting her friend. “He’s been staying pretty close to home—to you. He’s already figured out he’s the man of the house now.”

For the first time anger swept over her, through her, lightning fast and hot. She bolted upright in her chair. “Trey should not need to be the man of the house.” Her rant was delivered full steam; reason had no bearing on her emphatic outrage. “That was his father’s job. Ben had a teenage son who needed him. To go to his ball games, to teach him to drive. Now it’s all up to me.” Her voice abruptly lowered, turned sad. “Now I’ll sit alone at his high school graduation, and at his wedding. Ben will miss holding our grandchildren.”

“You’ll get through this, Allie. You’re strong. You and Trey will be fine.”

Allie shook her head slowly. “I don’t feel strong, Reese. Ben was always there to lean on, to back me up.” She leaned back in her chair and lowered her gaze to her lap. “I don’t want to do this by myself.” But she couldn’t change what was done.

“You have family and friends who will help you, you know.”

Allie lifted her eyes to Reese, brackets cut between her eyebrows. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Thank you so much for all you’ve done.”

“Don’t thank me. I love you.”

The midday sun shone brightly through the windows. Allie straightened the kitchen, wiping counters and popping dirty mugs into the dishwasher as Reese collected her things to leave. Pulling Reese to her in a quick, tight hug, Allie murmured into her ear. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll call every day.”

Reese dug her keys from her handbag, stood in the open doorway waving a fierce finger. “Every day.”

Allie closed the door behind her friend. Dragged herself back into the kitchen, alone for the first time, and picked up the telephone to call the Andrews’ house. She wasn’t ready to be alone in the house.

The telephone was answered by a deep male voice. “’lo.”

She felt better simply at the sound of Jax’s voice, and put a smile in her voice as she said hello.

High pitched whines and muted crashes clashed in the background. Her guess was a video game. “Oh, hey, Mrs. T. You want my mom?”

In her mind’s eye he feinted left and then right with a controller in his hand. “No, mostly I wanted to thank you for inviting Trey to stay over.”

“Mmm. Sure.” Whatever had his attention, it wasn’t her.

“Is Trey with you?”

“Nah, shower.”

The whooping of a female voice added to the odd symphony. “Oh, will you please tell him I’ll pick him up in about an hour?”

“No problem. Wait! Crap!”

She didn’t want to know. She cradled the phone, jumped when it rang immediately. Couldn’t possibly be Jax again so soon. Maddie perhaps? She picked it back up and answered.

“Hello?”

“Good afternoon, this is the office of Stephens and Sloan calling. Is Mrs. Tate available please?”

“This is Allie Tate.” Allie’s breakfast sat heavy in her stomach as the stilted, businesslike voice on the other end of the line set up an appointment for Monday. She needed to talk to somebody about Ben’s will, and his life insurance. But was she up to this yet?

One baby step at a time. Take a shower. Pick up Trey. She could do those two things. And when she was done she would move on to the next step. Eventually she would come to Monday.

Allie collected Trey at the Andrews’ door and walked back down the driveway to the car. She toted his backpack for him; he had his stinky practice uniform slung over a shoulder. She would wash that over the weekend. “How was practice?”

“Coach Murphy wants you to call.” He dropped his gear by the car and dug through his pack. “This was my first day at practice all week so he needs to talk to you.”

“What does he want, a written excuse?” The sarcasm was unusual for her, but so was the chaos in their lives.

Dear Coach, my son was absent because his father is dead. I promise it will never happen again.

“I don’t know.” The misery in his words was matched with the thin line of his lips. “Maybe. I suppose. Here’s a paper you have to fill out.”

“I’m sorry, honey. I’ll take care of it.” With a squeeze of his shoulder she dismissed the bulging refrigerator at home. “Are you hungry? We can stop somewhere for lunch.”

Trey brightened instantly. “Can we get burgers and take them home?”

She smiled at her son. “That sounds perfect.” They drove through the golden arches and ordered burgers, along with fries and chocolate shakes. Within minutes they were seated at the kitchen table, their meal spread out around them.

Conversation was halting. So much to say, but she wasn’t in the mood for idle chatter. Evidently Trey wasn’t either. The furrows in his forehead grew prominent as he picked up his burger, took a bite. As his jaw worked the glob in his mouth, his eyes strayed through the uncovered patio door, toward the back yard, eyeing a hummingbird as it buzzed the shrubbery.

Allie lowered her burger onto the paper wrapper, raised an eyebrow. “What’s up, Trey?”

He paused, a ketchup covered French fry halfway to his mouth. He studied it a moment, then set it down. “Mom, are we poor now? Will we have to move?”

The belligerence in his voice surprised her. But it was natural for him to be frightened by the imagined ways his life may alter.

They were both grieving, but she sensed he needed to be assured they were in this together. “No sweetheart, we aren’t poor.” She kept her tone even. “I still have my job, remember? And there’s insurance.” She took his hand, reassuring him with great effort. “We’re going to stay right here in our own house and everything will be fine. I don’t want you to worry about it, okay?”