Twin Ties 1: My Brother's Lover (36 page)

Brennan’s entire being had been reduced to the pounding of his heart in his chest, pumping his blood hot and fast through his body. Everything from the top of his head to his fingers and toes tingled and pulsed. His breath was ripping from his lungs which were on fire. For most of the ten mile run, he managed to keep up with Luka, but it took its toll. They finally got back to the house and Brennan collapsed on the freshly cut lawn, sprawling on his back. Covered from head to toe in dripping sweat, making his hair stick to his forehead in slick tendrils, flushed from the exertion, he knew he probably made quite the picture.

Luka, however, was doing fine. Bracing his hands on his knees, easily catching his breath, he gazed sweetly down at his boyfriend.

“You’re giving up already? We’re only half-done! Get yer ass up, young’un!”

Brennan had just enough energy left to flip Luka off, double-fisted and wheezed out a groan of complaint.

Chuckling, Luka peeled off his tank and used it, balled up in one hand, to mop his face dry. It earned him a death-glare from Brennan, squinting up at Luka who was bare-chested, glistening and perfect.

Brennan rasped, “What is this, payback?”

“I prefer to think of it as a physical challenge,” Luka smirked.

“Did I pass?”

Pursing his lips thoughtfully, Luka deigned not to answer and grabbed Brennan by the hand instead.

“C’mon. Let’s hit the showers. We got things to do, places to be.”

Leading the way, Luka headed right for the bathroom, shedding the rest of his clothes on the way. With a mere backward glance, he stepped into the shower and turned the water on full-blast, not waiting for Brennan to join him. Brennan hovered by the sink, looking at himself in the mirror. There was a sense of calm rising in him, as his heartbeat settled to a more normal pace and the roar of his blood quieted. He felt different, and half-expected to look different, too. But there he was, same as ever.

Removing his glasses, he looked again. His reflection was foggier, unfocused.

I had sex with him
, he said to himself, like he couldn’t quite believe it. It felt like a dream, but it was real enough come morning. Now, he had to live with the consequences. He had to face Evan and himself, not to mention the man currently in the room with him and Evan’s significant other as well.

It was all tangled, but none of it mattered. All that counted was what Brennan felt in his heart. He blocked it all out and looked within, tuning in to nothing else but that. What he found there was this: not only did he not regret it, but he knew it was only a beginning, that being with Evan had sated some need he never knew he had, something practically impossible to give name to or label. Part of it was a satisfaction at striking back at their parents by claiming each other for themselves, on their own terms and no one else’s. Part of it was selfish, wanting all of Evan—body, soul, emotion, desire. Stripping Evan of his power, dominating him, claiming his body and getting him off pleased the part of Brennan that had grown so fearful he would lose Evan. If Evan belonged to him, then nothing could go wrong. But it wasn’t as simple as that. There was fear he went too far, and he may have pushed Evan away by crossing that line. He may have pushed Evan so far he’d go back to the darkness, and for that Brennan would never forgive himself, but it was a risk he had to take.

Having always been the good son, the dutiful son, the caregiver, but also the one left behind, the one expected to take on responsibilities far grander, far graver than someone his age should have been expected to, it energized Brennan on a profound level to do what he had done. It made him feel in charge of his life, and capable of choosing what he wanted, no matter what. The death of his mother left him feeling hollow and powerless. Now he felt full and invincible. Yes, the fear was there, too; fear for Evan more than for himself, but the fear was also strengthening.

All of this churned away in Brennan’s head as his imperfect eyes gazed blankly at the visage of his face, the one he shared with his new lover.

From feet away he heard, “You joining me or no?”

He roused himself and answered, “Yeah. I was just thinking.”

Luka shut the water off, pushed the shower curtain aside and grabbed for a towel to dry off. The seriousness of his expression informed Brennan of all he needed to know.

“It’s all yours. You want me to wait for you, or give you some privacy?”

Brennan deliberated, then said, “Wait. I’m guessing we need to talk about this anyway.” He pulled off his shirt and pushed his shorts down, stepping out of them. Moving past Luka, he got into the shower and sighed when the water sprayed cool against his overheated skin.

“I can’t tell if you’re mad at me or what, for taking that from Evan, like Alek took it from you.”

“I’m not mad. Sad maybe, but it’s different for you two. I realize that. And he was your first. I get that too, what a big deal it is, and how cool it is to have that with someone you love, who also loves you back. How was it?”

Brennan smiled. He couldn’t help it, the memory of the night before made him too happy not to smile.

“It was amazing. I don’t know, I was just watching him sleep. We started kissing and I just needed to be inside of him. It was totally different than anything I’ve experienced before, because it wasn’t even really about sex, if that makes any sense. I think I needed to make him see he could trust me that completely.”

Hurriedly, he finished soaping up his body and rinsed it all away. When he emerged from the shower not a minute later, finding Luka still standing there, impassive, patient, something about him—his size, his resoluteness—made Brennan’s stomach flip-flop and his nerves alight.

He reached for a towel but Luka caught his arm, pulled him away from the tub, spun him and pushed him back against the wall. In a smooth movement, he trapped both of Brennan’s wet wrists in one strong hand and pinned them to the wall above his head. Slipping a knee between Brennan’s dripping thighs, Luka held him there. Brennan wriggled a little, his heartbeat quickening, lips parted and soft, eyes watchful and wary.

With his free hand, Luka caressed down then back up Brennan’s damp body, leaving a trail of goosebumps in the wake of his fingers. Feathering his fingertips all the way up to the divot under Brennan’s lower lip, Luka watched him, his reactions, then asked, “If I told you I want you to stop, and never be with him again, would you do that for me?”

Brennan took a deep breath that caught a little on the inhale. He shivered as Luka’s hand moved down over his side, through the drips of water coursing over his skin.

“Yes,” Brennan sighed, not knowing if he meant it or not, arching into Luka’s touch, getting hard.

“Do you want to be with Evan again?”

Brennan remembered the particular feel of Evan, gripped around him, the way Evan had moaned, and stiffened even more. He nodded, not trusting his voice not to shatter apart on the admission.

“I would give up Alek for you. You know that,” Luka reminded him.

Flushing and becoming meeker, Brennan turned his head to the side as Luka caressed with the backs of his knuckles down the side of his throat, watching as Brennan swallowed thickly.

“Maybe you don’t need me at all. Maybe you just need him.”

Brennan winced and tugged against Luka’s hold on his wrists, wanting to touch, to embrace him, to prove himself. But, renewing his grip, stretching Brennan out even more, Luka observed Brennan’s fight and easily contained him. “Luka... Luka,
please
,” Brennan begged. “I’ll be so good for you. I’ll be whatever you want me to be. I’ll do anything. Let me prove it to you. Let me show you how much you mean to me.
Please.
”

Luka leaned in, almost close enough for Brennan to reach him in a kiss. Chasing forward, Brennan sought Luka’s mouth but it was still a breath away. Luka let him try, though, sighing against Brennan’s lips as he worked to reach him and failed. “
Please
?”

“You put him in real danger by fucking him without protection,” Luka replied softly. “Hell, we’ve all been way too sloppy. Now, you and I need to go and make sure we’re both clean. We should have done it earlier. It’s too late now, though. But I want your word, Brennan, that from this moment on, when it comes right down to it,
I
come first for you. Evan is family and he’s part of you, but
I
am your boyfriend. You need to respect me enough to give me that much, and honor my feelings, because I’ve already given that honor to you. Otherwise, I’m done. I’m gone. Because once we start going down this path, it’s gonna get messy, and I need to know we’re on the same page. Are we?”

“Luka,” Brennan pleaded, fighting not to cry. “Don’t leave me. I love you. I love you
so much
.”

“Will you stay safe? Will you be more careful?”

“Yes! I swear I will. And I won’t do anything you aren’t okay with. I’ll talk to you and be honest with you about all of it. It’ll be your call. I’m yours. Okay? I wanna be yours.”

Luka stared at Brennan’s quivering lower lip, trapped now between his teeth, unable to meet the wide, scared blue eyes trained on him.

“I’ve never cared about someone as much as I care about you. Ever.”

“Luka let me... let me go. Let me prove it to you. Let me....”

Luka let go of Brennan’s arms and braced his hands against the wall as Brennan fell to the floor. Sinking to his knees before Luka, Brennan proceeded to reverently worship Luka with his lips and tongue, letting Luka fill his mouth and slide deep, lodging in his throat, not holding back anything, and lavishing everything he had on him. Luka bit down on the back of his arm to muffle the anguished cry accompanying his release, quaking as Brennan wrung him out until he was pulsing dry. Even when it was done and Luka was coming back down, Brennan continued to pepper kisses over Luka’s thighs and pelvis, nuzzling against him and begging, just
begging
shamelessly for Luka to be happy with him.

It was a while before Luka found his voice. When he did, what he said was, “Just don’t break my heart, okay? I know how tempting this thing with Evan is for you, the comfort he gives you. But I need you too, Bren. I need you to love me back.
Please
.”

Luka listened to the professions of love by the boy at his feet, clinging to him so desperately, as Brennan swore with all his heart he would, and meant it. He just needed Luka to give him time to prove it.

While Brennan and Luka were on their way to the clinic, Alek and Evan rolled slowly up the driveway of the house Alek and Luka shared with their roommates. They’d come from a restaurant where they had breakfast. Before that, Evan had taken Alek by the homeless shelter where he volunteered.

One of Evan’s friends, someone he’d known for years through Jimmy, had been there—an elderly Puerto Rican man named Pedro who was busy chopping up a huge bag of donated potatoes for a large batch of stew. After introducing Alek to Pedro, Alek had been immediately recruited to help prepare the food. Bewildered but more than willing to assist, Alek washed his hands and had been pointed to a cutting station. Upbeat music from a local Spanish language radio station played loudly throughout the space, echoing off the cement block walls. Alek broke into amused laughter when Pedro began dancing while he worked, humming along with the melody.

Meanwhile, Evan slipped into the cafeteria-style room in which the food was served. Some cots lined the walls but most of the floor space was packed with long tables and benches. With a clear view through the pass-through window, Alek watched as Evan was called over by a man with a long silver beard and wearing a black bandana tied around his head. Clad in a well-worn army jacket decorated with many patches, he reached out and eagerly shook Evan’s hand, clapping him soundly on the shoulder, too, for good measure.

“Evan! Man, what’re the odds. Jimmy here too today?”

“Nah, just me, but I brought a friend. He’s working on getting lunch ready.”

“Fantastic! Damn, but I’m glad to see you. Listen, I don’t wanna be any trouble for ya. I know you’re busy, but Lucy’s been wheezing and coughing for weeks. I left her right out front. Do you think you could—?”

“Yeah. Of course. Come on. Let’s see what’s up with her. You haven’t been riding her too hard, have you?”

“You kiddin’? I’m always as gentle as could be. I take care of my baby girl.”

“Mm-hmm,” Evan smiled. “Is that why I heard an engine revvin’ like hell when we pulled up? Sounded suspiciously like—”

“Shit,” the man frowned.

Evan laughed brightly. Leading his companion with one hand braced on his back, they headed toward the parking lot.

A half hour later, Evan reappeared with engine grease smeared over his hands. Walking through the kitchen to the sinks, he grinned at Alek.

“Lucy?”

Evan chuckled, “Yeah. You heard that, huh?”

From the other room, a chorus of voices started calling Evan’s name. “Evan? Evan’s here. Oh man, I gotta talk to him.” “Evan! Hey Evan!” “Yeah, you got a minute?!”

“Gimme a chance to get cleaned up!” Evan shouted back. “I’ll be right out!”

Pedro chuckled and kept dancing. “Evan’s very popular here,” Pedro winked at Alek. “Everyone’s always really happy to see him, just like I am. He’s good to talk to, you know? He listens and he doesn’t judge people. He’s a good boy.”

Alek locked eyes with Evan from over his shoulder, busy scrubbing his hands under the tap with thick sudsy soap. Evan pretended he didn’t hear but warmed at the pride glowing in Alek’s eyes for him.

That had been two hours earlier. Now, with stomachs full of some of the best omelets, sausage and biscuits either of them had ever had, served up at a small place by the shelter—one of the restaurants Evan knew to regularly donate surplus to the needy—they were just looking to relax.

Walking from the truck to the front door, Evan steadily lost some of the confidence he felt at the shelter. Fidgeting, Evan stuffed his hands deeply into his pockets one moment, and the next was rubbing nervously over the back of his neck like he had an itch he couldn’t quite scratch. Evan stayed behind Alek, chewing a piece of gum from the pack Alek bought him at the diner’s register when Alek noticed what a hard time of it Evan was having with resisting his urge to smoke.