Twin Ties 1: My Brother's Lover (38 page)

Unsure what to make of all of this, calmed only by Brennan’s presence, but also, conversely, on-edge
because
of Brennan’s presence, Evan tried not to guess what the ‘talk’ was going to be about. Not even knowing he was doing it, he started to scratch at the inside of his left arm, leaving red lines behind. His expression darkened and he slumped down. He didn’t want to talk; he wanted to get out of there. He wanted to jog down to the nearest convenience store and buy a fucking pack of cigarettes, not analyze his problems. There were way too many of those to even begin to want to think about them, let alone share them with three people who had completely infiltrated his life and his heart. Evan’s instinct had always been to push things down, to act without thinking about what he’d done. Afterward, he’d run or hide or keep himself busy with cars or helping other people as distraction. It felt unnatural to try to look within and face what was there. All that had ever brought him was pain.

Evan realized Brennan’s thumb was stroking gently back and forth over the inside of his knee. He tuned in to the way it felt to be touched so intimately by Brennan, to feel him there, next to him. It gave Evan strength and made it a little easier to bear when Luka and Alek sat down across from them and Luka said, “We need to talk. About a lot of stuff. There’s been too much discussed secretively, stuff that affects all four of us now, and I need to know we’re all on the same page.”

Alek leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He caught Evan’s gaze and held it. “So, where do we start?”

“Brennan starts,” Luka said simply.

Sighing, Brennan turned to face Evan, tucking his left leg up in front of him. Softly, he urged Evan, “Look at me. Please.”

A cold bolt of fear shot down the center of Evan’s body. It tightened his chest, turned his stomach, and knotted up his gut. Everyone’s eyes were on him. Evan could feel it, so he turned to Brennan in an attempt to narrow his focus. But he found he couldn’t meet his brother’s eyes. He stared at Brennan’s lap instead and kept scratching at his arm. The skin there was inflamed and raw when Brennan pried Evan’s fingers away from the spot. Cupping a hand under Evan’s jaw, brushing his fingertips over Evan’s cheekbone, Brennan frowned with concern as Evan battled to bottle up everything. Some of Evan’s shame and pain slipped out anyway in the shape of his lips, in the wetness of his eyes.

“This is why we have to talk,” Brennan hissed quietly. “
I
did this to you, didn’t I? Evan, I’m so sorry. I should have treated you with more respect. It was so careless of me to take you like I did without stopping to find protection and to make sure it’s what you really,
really
wanted.”

“You didn’t.” Evan exhaled roughly. “You didn’t make me this way. I’ve always been this way! I’ve always—”

“Shh.” Brennan touched their foreheads together, winding his left hand inside of Evan’s and still stroking his cheek, brushing away a tear that trickled down it.

“We all know what happened,” Luka said solemnly. “That’s why Bren and I went to get tested. They didn’t find anything. We’re clean. Are we all agreed we’re only going to be sexually active with the people in this room?”

“Yes,” Alek said, grasping Evan’s knee as another tear slipped from under Evan’s eyelashes.

“Yes,” Brennan agreed.

“...Yes,” Evan whispered, bowing his head as Brennan watched him like a hawk.

“Good. I do too.” Luka looked sidelong at Alek, then spoke directly to Evan. “Okay. Another thing that has to be said aloud is that we all know about your past, Evan. We know what you went through and that you tried to commit suicide. I want you to try to tell us why you would do something like that, because we all care about you and don’t want to ever lose you. Okay? Please?”

Alek’s face worked. He eyed his brother with astonishment, but said nothing, only nodded and refocused on Evan.

Evan sighed and cleared his throat. He pulled away from Brennan and tried to tug his hand free. Brennan didn’t let him. “Christ, I need a cigarette. I—I don’t want to do this.”

“You can’t hide this stuff anymore,” Alek said gently. “It’s tearing you up inside, baby. Please. It’s just us. We’re not going to judge you.”

Evan spat it out, wanting to get it over with fast. “It was
you
, okay?”

He looked up at Brennan at last.

“I needed you and you weren’t there. You were never there and I couldn’t do it on my own. There was this whole part of me that just...
wasn’t
. It was like I was trying to live with only half of my soul and where the rest should have been was this void I couldn’t ever fill. So yeah, I gave up. I didn’t tell anyone, I just decided it was time and tried to off myself. And I never told Jimmy or Dad why when they brought me back. And I didn’t tell you, either. But now I... I mean, you’re
here
. You’re right fucking here, Brennan, and I’m so scared I’m going to lose you again somehow. And I just... I want to just devour and cherish every part of you while I still have you. It’s fucked up but I don’t care. I really don’t.”

Taking a deep inhale, Brennan let it slowly back out, and it caught. His expression twisted, and he dropped his gaze.

Luka spoke up, determined, “So, when Brennan had sex with you it was completely consensual?”

“Yes,” Evan rasped. “Of course it was.”

“You didn’t do it because you felt obligated; to prove how much you love him?”

Evan’s head snapped around, looking sharply at Luka, catching sight of the pain in Alek’s face, too.

“No, it wasn’t like that. I mean, yeah, he can have whatever he wants from me, he can take it all if that’s what will make him happy. But I wanted it. Trust me. And I’m sorry it was different for you guys. If I could undo that, I would. In a heartbeat.”

“You can’t undo the past,” Luka said sadly. “You can only go forward.”

“You want me to say it?” Alek croaked. “I’ll say it. I forced myself on Luka. He wasn’t ready, and I was too fucking high to realize how upset he was. I can never take away the pain it caused him, and I will be paying for that every day for the rest of my damn life. That’s why we want better for you two.”

“You have a chance to be together
and
be as happy as Alek makes me, right from the start,” Luka said, wrapping an arm around his brother. “That’s why it’s important to be safe, to be open and honest about everything, but especially the hard stuff, and to lay off on the drinking.”

“Okay,” Evan nodded. “So are we done now? Is that everything? We cool? We can kiss and make up and go on with our fucking day so I can get a damn cigarette?”

“Addict,” Brennan
tsked
. His mouth curled up in a crooked smile right before he leaned in and kissed Evan softly on the lips. “Maybe you just need some distraction to keep your mind off the smoking.”

“Please, that’s not a kiss,” Luka scoffed, grabbing Alek with both hands and claiming his mouth passionately, kissing him thoroughly. Brennan and Evan stared, watching their jaws work as Luka tilted his head to get deeper, moaning as Alek twisted around to face his brother and gave it good right back to him.

When they parted, Luka gasped breathlessly, “
That’s
a kiss.”

“Fuck yeah,” Evan gaped. “Please don’t stop on our account.”

Alek’s focus shifted instantly from his brother to his boyfriend, his eyes narrowing darkly.

“Oh shit,” Evan gulped, scooting back a few inches on the bed right before Alek tackled him backward, flattening him. He’d expected Alek to maybe kiss him, but when Alek latched onto the side of his neck instead, nipping and sucking hard, Evan’s mouth fell open widely in an aching moan, his fingers chasing up to tangle in Alek’s hair.

“Nice,” Luka grinned. He turned to Brennan, who was up on his feet, circling where Luka sat on the bench. “You want some of that too, you little toppy bastard?”

“What do
you
think, smartass?” Brennan asked slyly, grabbing a handful of the hair at the nape of Luka’s neck. Yanking on the hair to get Luka’s head tilted far back, the long, thick column of his neck straining, Brennan gave Luka a hard, dirty kiss.

“I think you’re
way
overdue for another spanking,” Luka told him. “Put your fine ass in line.”

“Oh yeah? Is that what you think? I’d like to see you try.”

“I’d like to see you try, too,” Evan said roughly from the bed, raising a hand.

Alek raked a hand down Evan’s body. Evan twisted and writhed, choking off a surprised sound, and Alek growled, “I guess we know what we’re doing tonight then. Sounds like fun to me.”

“Did you see that? With Evan and his brother?”

Carter blinked, hesitated, and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Remind you of anyone? Certain overgrown people who get way too handsy with members of their own family?”

Carter chuckled. Then, growing pensive, asked, “You think we should say something? Warn the young‘uns in case our boys are the ones eggin’ ’em on?”

Presley sighed. “Nah. You know what, they might have questionable judgment when it comes to each other, but I don’t think they’d do anything to harm someone they cared about. And the new lovebirds seem pretty serious. Just the fact that they introduced ’em to us says a lot.”

After a pause he continued, “I’m happy for ’em, you know? Having something so special you just want everyone to know about it, because they’re that proud of the way they feel. That’s a good thing. I hope it works out for ’em.”

They were sitting beside each other on the couch. Carter shifted closer to Presley and propped his feet up on the low coffee table. His arm was slung behind Presley’s neck and after a little while, his fingers started to move, brushing in a gentle, repeating arc over the side of Presley’s neck. It was a casually intimate sort of touch and unusual for Carter to do such a thing without wanting it to lead to something more. They’d never been the types to go for cozy, cuddly gestures. But it felt nice enough that Presley didn’t move away. When the clear sound of voices and footsteps sounded in the hall upstairs and descended toward them, Presley waited for Carter to spring away; expecting him to slide to the far end of the couch and pretend like nothing was going on.

The voices got louder and the lower halves of Luka and Brennan’s bodies became visible in the stairwell, and Carter not only hadn’t moved away, but was still stroking the side of Presley’s neck. Presley became very, very confused.

Soon, all four of the other men, their roommates and their new boyfriends, were standing mere feet away. Presley froze, his heart pounding. Carter’s thumb dragged slowly down over a tendon in Presley’s neck.

Alek asked, “You guys in tonight? We’re gonna go play some touch football if you’re interested in joining. It’d be more of a game if we had bigger teams. We’re gonna go pick up some salmon steaks and prime rib to grill up later.”

Presley couldn’t answer, his brain was flooded with nothing but, ‘
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god
,’ so Carter answered for him.

“Sure! Sounds great.”

“Cool!” Luka smiled. “Hey, while we run out for supplies, you mind checking the garage for the football? If you don’t find it, text me and we’ll just buy another one.”

“Yeah, no problem. I think I saw it by the tool bench.”

“Awesome. Okay, we’ll be back. You two behave yourselves while we’re gone,” Luka winked.

Moments later, after Evan and Brennan waved goodbye on their way out, the pair on the couch were left alone once more. Presley clenched his jaw and took a deep breath.

“Okay, what the hell was that?” He sat bolt-upright and faced Carter, whose hand finally fell away.

“I’m not an idiot, you know. I am proud of you... and us. I just thought it’d be easier if we had privacy.”

“Easier for whom?”

“...Fair enough.”

“So that was your grand gesture? That was you making a statement?”

The door creaked open and Luka appeared in the hall again. “Hey, guys, forgot my keys.”

Carter, scowling with defiance, surged forward, kissing Presley squarely on the mouth.

“Okay. I’ma just... get my keys and... yeah. Get a room.”

“No problem,” Carter growled. “Don’t mind if I do.”

Once the door slapped shut again, Carter asked, “That grand enough for ya?”

“Mm-hmm,” Presley grunted, weakly.

“What are you thinking about?”

The question, asked by Evan in a lust-roughened, gravelly voice, was posed with a desperate sense of urgency, in an attempt to distract himself from what else was going on in the room. He was on the chaise in Brennan’s bedroom, beside Alek, who was reclined with Evan draped over him, boneless and happy.

“You mean besides the spanking?” Evan could hear the sly smirk in Alek’s tone. The tips of Alek’s fingertips skittered down the right side of Evan’s chest, flicking over his nipple, which was fully hard just like Evan’s cock. “Take off your shirt.”

Evan didn’t even think about it, he just did as Alek asked, letting the t-shirt fall to the floor. Alek guided him right back again, against his chest. Alek’s fingers immediately began to play at Evan’s nipple, tweaking it, and rolling it. It got Evan arching, his breath catching. From the bed, just a few feet away, came sharp grunts and slaps as Luka continued to spank Brennan’s bare ass, which was already a deep pink color. Brennan, who had been instructed to grip the bed’s headboard and bend sharply at the waist, took it well. At first the only reaction he’d given was to clench up after the first series of blows, but as the gentle but continuous flogging went on, small cries began to mix in with his jagged breaths.