Twist of Fate (25 page)

He tilted my chin to look up at him. "Did you not hear me, Paige? I just told you that I loved you, and you're telling me it's not going to work? What can I say or do to change your mind, tell me?"

"Nothing, okay," I cried.

He dropped his hand from my face, screaming to the sky. "God, I hate this. This is exactly why I didn't want to fall for you again. This," he pounded his chest with his fist. "Do you have any idea how much you're killing me right now?"

His eyes were frantically searching mine. "I'm sorry."

He mockingly laughed at me, "You're sorry. That's it? That's all you can say to me?"

I couldn't even defend myself from the pain I was causing him, so I dropped my head, and didn't say speak. I thought the silence could do it for me.

"Fuck it, and fuck you, Paige." He started to turn away, but stopped as we both heard the sound of heels running up the stairs. His face jerked toward the hall. "Are you expecting someone?"

"Yeah. It's just Caroline. I told you she's staying with me tonight."

"You're really doing this, Paige." Ben grabbed a hold of
 
my shoulders. "Jesus,
 
please don't do this to me."

"I'm sorry, Ben. I can't be in a relationship right now."

 
Caroline was standing there with a huge bottle of Baileys. She gave me a sad smile. "I thought this might help." I opened the door wider for her to come in, and stood aside for Ben to leave.
 

He just stood there, one hand on his hip, the other covering his mouth, like he was about to explode. He stormed to stand in front of me. "I thought you were stronger than this." He started to slip past me, but turned again. "I can't believe you're letting him win." Then he was gone. As soon as Caroline closed the door, I crashed to the ground, devastated at what I had just done.

BEN

Chapter 30

For the third time in my life, I felt shattered to pieces. What I thought was going to be a very monumental night, turned out to be a colossal fuck up. I'd finally put myself out there, let it all out in the open, for nothing. This was why I didn't do love, or even want to get close to it. My heart could only take so much when it came to Paige, and right now she had made it feel as thin as paper, one more tear and I'd be done for. I'd silently prayed to myself every night since Texas that this wouldn't happen. So much for those twelve years of Catholic school, and believing in prayer.
 

I had nowhere to go, but the house. And, I knew once I got there it was going to be another night of partying, another night of bed spins, and if I was really lucky, I'd just pass the hell out.

Tommy almost had a cardiac arrest when he saw me walk down into the basement stairs. He almost tossed the girl on his lap to the floor. "What are you doing here? Where's Paige?" He looked over my shoulder to the stairs to see if she was following me.
 

"She's not here. She had Caroline come to the rescue, after she ripped me to shreds."
"Are you kidding? I thought you were going to tell her how you felt? Did you tell her?"

"Yeah, and she didn't care. She's doesn't want me." I walked over to the bar. "Yo, Jack, keep them coming. If you see my hand empty, you better fucking fill it. You understand?"

"Yeah, Ben," A pledge named Chris answered.

Tommy grabbed the glass away before I was able to down it. "You sure you want to do this?"

"Go back to your chick, and I'll do my thing." I grabbed it, chucking it back, then held it out for another refill.
 

I hadn't moved from the couch, but by the tenth shot, and a few beers, I was perfectly numb. I couldn't feel much of anything. Although, my teeth felt weird, and my balance was way off. A few girls had made attempts, but I didn't want them, so I pushed them all away. I just wanted to go to bed. I was stumbling up the stairs, grabbing onto the railing to help me the rest of the way. People were pushing and shoving me from both ends, knocking me down. A hand reached out, leading me the last two steps.
 

"C'mon, Ben. I'll help you the rest of the way." I could see black hair everywhere. It smelled like apples when she leaned in. I was trying to focus on who it was that was pulling me up the steps toward my room, but all I could see was cleavage, and a very tight U of A shirt. The voice was familiar though. She was holding me up, while she kicked open the door to my room. It was dark, quiet, exactly what I was looking for right now. I needed to sleep this off. I needed to close my eyes. I needed to forget about Paige.

Paige.

"Lay down," the voice instructed me.
 

I obliged by flopping down hard on the mattress. I could feel hands undoing my belt, slipping it out from underneath me. I rolled over slightly to let her pull it through all the way. "What are you doing?"

"I think you know what I'm doing, Ben." I did, but I wasn't sure if I was even going to be even able to get it up. Was it even possible when I could barely feel anything? She pulled my shorts down, straddling my legs once they were down to my ankles.

The warmth of her hands running up my leg, let me know where she was going next. I knew I was hard, when her hand started to stroke me. I groaned leaning back into it. "I knew you wanted me, Ben."

She stopped momentarily, to lift her shirt over her head, next her hands moved to her skirt, hiking it up to her waist. She wasn't wearing anything underneath.
 

I reached to my drawer for a condom, but she grabbed my hand placing it on her bare breast. "Not tonight. I don't want you to use one."

I shook my head, trying to rationalize if I was supposed to listen. I always used one. I'm hard, and I wanted to feel something, anything right now. I let her take my hand away from the drawer, while she positioned herself on top of me. I couldn't do this. Paige's perfect face flashed in my head. I couldn't do this. She dumped me, I reminded myself. She doesn't want me. She doesn't love me. You
can
do this. I flipped her over, pressing my mouth hard to hers, sinking lower taking her breast into my mouth, my hand sliding down between her legs.

"What the fuck, Ben?" Is all I heard.

I was so confused. The lights were bright when I opened my eyes. I looked over my shoulder to see Tommy pissed as hell.
 
I looked back down, noticing it was Michele on top me. And, then I realized I was about to have sex with someone I hated, without a condom. I pushed off of her, and placed my feet on the floor, leaning over because I felt like I was gonna puke any second.

Michele was scrambling for her shirt and bra. Her skirt was still high up on her waist. "Get the fuck out, now," Tommy yelled at her.

She left flipping him off as she went. "Ben, are you out of your crazy ass mind? I'm not trying to cock block you, but I'm glad I walked in when I did."

"Me too." I rubbed my hands through my hair, furious with myself. "Shit, I almost really screwed up."

"What happened with Paige?"
I pulled a pair of shorts off the top of my hamper. "I don't want to talk about her. I'm drunk, I'm pissed, and I want to go to bed." I laid back down. "Tommy?"

"Yeah."

"You have no idea how much you just saved my ass. That was almost a lifetime mistake."

"You didn't though, right?"

"No, thanks to you. But, I was about to. How did you know I was up here?"

He squatted down in front of me, shoving a bottle of water in my hand. "Ellie. She saw you go upstairs with her. She came down screaming at me like I had something to do with it. She all but forced me up here."

"Fantastic! Now, I suppose Paige will find out. Where's Ellie?"

"She was outside the door waiting to see what was going on." I sat up, rage in my eyes. He held up his hands. "Dude, she followed me up. I'm pretty sure she split, since I heard her calling Michele every name in the book."

He huffed, shaking his head at me. "Drink that. I'm sleeping somewhere else."
 

The lights went out a minute later.

PAIGE

Chapter 31

"Caroline, have you ever been in love?"

"Once, but then it turned out to be a bad case of lust. Not only did my heart hurt after he was through me, but a few body parts as well. If you know what I mean?" She teased, wiggling her eyebrows a few times.

This managed to draw a smile from me. "I'm in love with Ben."

Her hand covered mine."Well, honey, why the hell did you kick him out then?"

I sat up straight, sure of myself. "I'm keeping him safe," I said with confidence. I was sure of my decision. This was my way of not hurting, Ben. Sure, I could tell by his face when he shut the door that I crushed him tonight, but I'd rather see that sad face, than no face at all.

"Paige, I'm not trying to be mean, but you don't even know if Carson will ever come near you again."

"He's coming. It's just a matter of time. It might not be this year, but I guarantee it will happen. Ben kicked his ass, and he spent the night holed up in a cell. Trust me, he'll be back. And when he does, I'll be ready."

She laughed, but not in a sadistic way, more of a lacking confidence way. "What is a tiny little thing like you going to do?"

"Well, I have a least twenty bottles of mace scattered everywhere in this apartment, bats at every corner, and I keep a knife under my bed."

"Well, what if he turns one of those on you? He's really big."

I nodded my head, agreeing. "I know, but my folks had a few panic buttons installed, so I just need to hit one, and the police will get to me in time."

"Do you have any idea how fucked up you sound?" She poured some more Bailey's into our glasses. "I mean it, Paige, like crazy talk." She took a sip. "And, what about Tommy? Don't you care about his safety?"

My jaw dropped at her question. "Of course, I do. It's not the same. Tommy can take of himself. Besides, he can't babysit me forever."

"You know both those boys would do anything for you?"

I let the silkiness of the drink sit in the back of my throat for a second, then swallowed. "Don't you see?" I looked over to her, tears dripping down my face."That's what I'm afraid of."

"Does Ben know this?
 
I feel sorry for that guy. He's been moping around since Texas."

"He'll forget about me."

"I don't think so."

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Caroline froze when the knob jiggled a second later, while I reached under the couch, pulling out the Louisville slugger. "Paige open up, it's Ellie."

We both took a deep breath, then smiled with relief.
 
After punching in the code, I let her in. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

She was panting, out of breath. "Did you run here?"

"Yeah." She held her finger up, signaling for us to give her a second.
 
"Holy shit! Oh, hey, Car. So, I was at Pi Kapp tonight..."

I stopped her instantly. "I don't want to know."

"Yes, you do. Ben was trashed, I mean hammered. I have no idea why, but anyway, I think he polished a bottle of Jack off himself. I was standing in the corner, kind of behind the steps, talking to this really hot pledge, when Michele sank her teeth into him. And, I mean slam damn dunk sank her teeth."

I quickly poured another glass, then focused back on Ellie. "I can't stop him from being with her."

"You don't have to. I totally did it for you." She smiled like she did this huge favor for me.
 

"I wish you wouldn't have."

They both looked at me. "Yes, you do." They laughed.

I scrunched up my nose. "I'm a horrible person. I am glad. So, what happened."

"First off, that girl is a hoe. I like to have fun, but she's a whole other ballgame. I'm talking no panties, skirt in the air, I don't even think Ben knew who he was with. I saw it all."

"How?"

"Like I said, I saw her drag his barely comatose body upstairs. I know girls like Michele, she was totally up to no good, I guarantee it. Anyway, I yanked Tommy from his date, forced him upstairs and he opened the door. Thank God we got there when we did. I saw everything." She raised her eyebrows.
 
"I'm pretty sure nothing happened yet, but it was clear that boy was not practicing safe sex."

My hand slipped down to my stomach. "I feel sick."

Ellie slammed a drink back. "If it helps, he was really out of it. I mean, like barely there out of it."

"No, it doesn't help." I pushed off the couch to a stand. "I think I'm going to throw everything up, then go to bed. I put clean sheets on Tommy's bed."

"Nonsense," Caroline rose up next to me with an arm draping over my shoulder. "It's a sleepover. We'll crash in your room."

This had been the first night since I came back to school where I wanted to be left alone. But, how was I supposed to tell them that? Caroline came through every single time I asked her to, and Ellie, well, she was just Ellie. And, I loved them both. So, I kept my mouth shut before I turned off the lights. I fell asleep listening to Ellie ramble on about how the hot the pledge she was getting to know tonight, and Caroline telling her she wished she could have been there. Her words brought the harsh reality that it was time to get rid of the babysitters and toughen up. I couldn't keep burdening them.