Twist of Fate (24 page)

I could feel all the color draining from my face as he spoke, but I didn't know what to say. "If it helps, I really think she's staying because of you. She really wasn't making sense most of the time, but your name came up every so often. Anyway, I promised to move out of the house, move in with her, and pretty much give up my life to keep an eye on her.
 
We dragged her to the court house to file for the petition of protection.
 
Her parents helped her get the paperwork started in Phoenix, so there are just a few other steps for us to follow through on."

"Holy shit!" I knew as I said it those weren't the words I was looking for, but it was how I felt. He's winning. That bastard was winning.

He eyed me up, "That's all you can say?" Then Tommy took a long swig without losing eye contact with me.

"I want to help, but she won't even see me, or take my calls. I don't think she's here for me, but I'm glad you convinced her to stay."

Tommy looked across the table at me like I'm a complete asshole. "That's it. That's all you got?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I thought you cared about her."

"I do care about her, you know that. She won't see me."

"Don't bullshit me. I know you better than anyone."

I felt myself getting worked up by his remarks, so I gritted my teeth and asked,"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I saw the look on your face the first time I brought her to our place.
 
It was like being transported to fifteen. That fucking smile that spread across your face said it all-you knew you were done from that moment. And, don't tell me I'm not right."

I shook my head, trying to figure out what to say. He was right, like always. I worked my fingers through my hair, massaging my temples breathing in and out. "Fine. Maybe you're right, but that doesn't change the fact that she won't see me."

A slow, cocky grin appeared, shooting me an I knew-I-was-right look. "It's just you and me, Ben. Put it out there. Let her know how you feel." He sat up, and got a serious look about him. "Now listen, before I agree to fix this up for you, I need to hear you say it. She is family to me."

I leaned back on the edges of the chair, then let it slam back down. I fiddled with the edge of my baseball cap, then stared him down so he knew I was being serious. "I'm in love with, Paige. There are you happy?"

"I could almost cry," he teased. "Alright, I know she'll see you, I promise. I know you're upset that you're not involved in helping Paige get through this, but come by tonight. We're ordering some pizza and a movie." He leaned over the table. "And, to be honest, I could use a night out. So, she'll need another babysitter."

"What if she says no?"

Tommy tipped his chair back, arms behind his head, smiling. "Trust me, she's ready to see you."

I stood up, placing my hands on the table, leaning into him. "If this backfires, I'm kicking your ass, brother or no brother, because not being around her has sucked. The last thing I need right now is for her to take the knife and drive it home."

Tommy shook his head, pushing his chair to the side as he stood. He walked around the table to me, resting his hand on my shoulder. "I know, bro." I could tell he understood just by looking at me, that he knew that Paige could break the final straw, and my iffy stance on love wouldn't be so iffy anymore. "Just be there by eight."

PAIGE

Chapter 29

I'd washed my hair twice, since the first attempt at making myself look good for Ben was a complete failure. For some reason I thought adding a few curls would cheer me up. Turns out even curls could't do the trick tonight.

When Tommy told me he asked Ben to come over for pizza, I stomped my feet like a four year old. I was terrified of what he thought about me. I was the worst kind of friend. I hadn't seen him in almost three weeks. Truth was not seeing him had been torturous. I hadn't stopped thinking about that kiss in Texas, and how in those few minutes to follow changed everything for us. I hated that Carson still had this hold on my life. But, I'd rather him hurt me, than Ben. If I even thought about letting Ben stay in my life, I knew the hard truth that I was putting him in danger. And, that's the last thing in the world that I wanted to do.

I heard the faint knock from inside my bedroom, and I heard the movement of Tommy getting up to answer the door. Next, the dead bolt slipping through it's chain, and then the sultry voice that I'd been dying to hear.

Tommy yelled out, "Paige, Ben's here."

I stood in front of my door, practicing the breathing techniques that yoga had taught me. My hand rested on the door knob, as I closed my eyes, telling myself that I could do this. I could spend one evening alone with Ben, even if I knew how much it was going to hurt both of us. I felt so selfish that I almost didn't think I could go along with my plan, but I needed to do it for Tommy. He'd been my rock these last few weeks, and I knew he missed the frat house, and all the benefits he reaped while there. I took one long, deep breath and yanked the door open wide, plastering on the most convincing smile that I could muster up.

They both turned at the same time. Ben's eye drank all of me in from head to toe with an adoring grin plastered on his face. He moved toward me, so I took a few steps closer to meet him in the middle. His mouth curled up slightly as I opened my arms to give him exactly what I knew he was expecting. A warm, Paige welcome. I pulled back slightly, but he tightened his grip around my waist, whispering in my ear, "Not yet." Then he buried his face into the crook of my neck. As I looked over to the door, Tommy was trying to pretend he wasn't watching, but I could tell he was happy about our reunion. I stayed there, letting Ben hold on to me, because I knew he needed this from me.
 

Ben took a few breathes in and out, the heat of his breath warming my neck as he did, then the graze of his mouth on my cheek let me know the hug was over.

He grabbed my hand, gently squeezing it a few times. I gave him sideways glance, before I unhinged his hand from mine. The pizza was sitting in the box on the small kitchen table with a six pack next to it. "So, Tommy, I was thinking that it's been a while since you stayed at the house, so if you don't want to come home tonight. It's fine." The whole time, Ben was staring at me. In fact, I didn't think he'd taken his eyes off me since he walked through the front door.

He waved me off, "Forget it, Paige." He turned to Ben. "Just give me a twenty minute heads up and I can get back."

I could tell what was on his mind, before he even said it. Because I knew once I gave Tommy permission, Ben would make the offer. He turned to Tommy, "I can stay the night. You can take my bed." The he spun back around to me. "If that's okay with you?"

"Actually Caroline is coming over later, but I'd like you to stay for a little while." Caroline was my backup plan if Ben hadn't come over, but I knew he would. I didn't plan to keep him here long, but long enough to break both our hearts for the very last time. I knew deep down that as much as I had wanted him, it wouldn't be possible until I fully felt free of Carson. And, I knew I had been absentmindedly stringing him along, and it was unfair of me. Caroline had become a surprisingly amazing friend, more so than Ellie. Ellie had come around a few times, but Caroline saw to it that I was not going into freak mode on a daily basis.

Tommy stuffed his hands in his front pockets. "You sure, Paige. I don't mind coming back."

I grabbed his keys off the table, then walked up to him. "Go have fun for once." I shoved the keys in his hand. He smiled, appreciatively at me, then bolted for the door. "Hey," I yelled out. "I just want to tell you that I love you for everything you've done."

"You too." He smiled. He gave Ben a quick look then started to close the door, but popped his head back inside. "Don't forget to turn the alarm on when I leave."

Ben made himself at home by cracking open a beer for each of us, while I punched in the four digit code to alarm the apartment. I kept my head down while I walked over to the tiny kitchen, if you could even call it that, but looked up precisely when Ben put a beer in front of me. "You look good, Paige."

"Thanks." I took the beer, then a quick uncomfortable sip, before grabbing a slice of pepperoni pizza. I carried it over to the couch, waiting for Ben to follow me. But, he lingered in the kitchen a few minutes longer. I heard another bottle crack open, then he was next to me on the couch.
 

"This isn't how it's supposed to be," he mumbled as he sat down.

"Excuse me?"

His hand gestured to his chest then to me, and back again. "This! What is this? I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me."

I took a sip, trying to rationalize what I wanted to say.
 
My mind was racing with words, but nothing seemed to fit the situation.

His hand swiped the beer from my hand, then he softly placed it down on the table. "Paige, look at me." My heart started to race, my eyes involuntarily closed when his fingers touched my chin to turn my head to face him. "Look at me, Paige. Please?"

Slowly, I raised my head, and for the first time I really looked at him tonight. His eyes seemed to say so many things, that I couldn't even put my finger on the right emotion as I studied them. He swallowed hard, began to open his mouth to say something, but must've change his mind, since he abruptly turned his face away from me.

I wanted to hear what he had to say to me, but I could feel the tears beginning to sting my eyes. "I'll be back in a minute," I quickly said, skirting around him to get to my room. I pulled the door shut, locking myself in, trying to catch my breath. How could I do this to him?

After a good fifteen minute cry, I quickly texted Caroline to come over soon, patted my eyes with a tissue, then headed out to finish what I started. He stood immediately from the couch, rubbing his palms up and down his legs, anxiously.
"Did you want some pizza?"

Ben reached for my hands, and when he did he looked so desperate and sad. "I didn't come for a piece of pizza, Paige. I came to tell you something." He swept a few loose strands of hair behind my ear, then grabbed a hold of my face. "Something really important."

I could tell by the way he was looking at me, and how his breathing seemed labored more than before that this was the moment I'd been waiting for since the first night I slept in his bed. But, I knew the moment it slipped off his tongue, and I rejected him, that it would never be the same.

"Wait!" I guided him down to the couch by his hand. "Me first."

He gave me a quick look of confusion, but adjusted his position to face me. "What do you want to tell me?"

"First, I just want you to know that this is not easy for me. I've grown to care about you during the time we spent together, but I don't think it's wise that we continue what it was we were doing before. I think we should just be friends. Great friends even. With everything that's happened I don't know if I can be that girl that I used to be. The one that you know. The one that you want."

He shut his eyes, but grabbed a hold of my hands a second later. "Paige, don't do this. I'm begging you not to let him win."

I dropped my hands from his. "He's not."

"Yes, he is. Don't you see what he's doing to you? You're living like a god damn hermit, Paige. You go to classes, back to here, back to class, and I know you quit your job. The one that you loved." He looked down at my feet, grabbing my leg in his hand. "You used to get your nails done on Sundays. You used to go every damn week to do that. When was the last time you went, huh?"

I removed my leg from his grip. "What are you stalking me now?"

"No. I just take an interest in people I care about. You've given everything up because you're scared he's coming for you. Don't give up on me too, please? I can do just as good of a job as Tommy at watching you. Better even."

The tears were back.
 
I dropped my face into my hands unable to look at him. I could hear the fear, and the sadness in his voice, in every word. "I'm sorry. I just don't want you to get hurt. And Carson..."

He jumped up like a lightbulb just flashed in front of his face. "Is that it? That's what this is about? You're afraid about me getting hurt? Paige, how do you think I feel? Every fucking night I'm lying in bed wondering if you're okay, if he's coming back, and if he does, where will I be? What if I can't get to you? And, you're worried about me?"

I could feel my head bobbing up and down in between sobs. He pulled me up to a stand, cupping my face with both hands. "I can take care of myself. I just want you to feel safe, to be safe."

I shut my eyes, letting the tears slide down my cheeks. The feel of his lips touched the corner of my eye, then he moved to the other, kissing the tears away, whispering in between, "Don't do this to us. I need you, Paige."

"You have to go." I started to shove him toward the door, opening it to get him out, but his hand kept it open.
 

He nodded. "Okay, if that's what you want I'll go, but I need to call Tommy to come back. I'm not leaving until he's here." He grabbed my chin. "God, I love you, Paige. That's all I came to say. I'm in love with you. I think I've been since you walked back into my life."

I was fighting back major water works now. This was the first time he'd ever said those words out loud, and I couldn't help wondering if he'd saying them because he meant them, or if he'd said them to get me to change my mind. I started to wipe them away, but he pushed my hand down, replacing it with his. "This isn't going to work," I told him, my voice cracking.